Tony was relieved when they all nodded. They changed the topic to Avengers' business in a clumsy attempt to pretend everything was fine but they all knew it would take some time for them all to sort this out.

When Tony went back to his rooms Loki followed him. Half out of habit, half out of concern. The man turned around suddenly and looked at him. "I told you, if you do that, you owe me."

"I didn't agree."

"You accepted the offer by teleporting me into the living room. Now you owe me."

"What are you? A toddler?" Loki wasn't sure what to do with that. He was tired and exhausted. Not in the mood for this. "What do you want, child?"

"The rest of your story. What happened while you were the Other's prisoner?"

"Still want to find the freak that is more damaged than you?" He managed a smile.

"No. But perhaps I also owe you something. These memories you carry with you, perhaps you feel less like a freak when you share them."

Loki was so much faster than Tony. He stood in front of him before he even saw him move, then he closed his right hand around Tony's throat, lifting him up with effortless strength. He hissed: "That's enough!"

Answering was hard with a god angrily holding him up by his neck. "You'll need both hands if you want to kill me. I have my experiences with this, believe me."

The pale man let go like he had burned himself and Tony dropped unceremoniously to the ground. "I got told, what I'm saying is hurtful from time to time, but usually not literally to me." He coughed out.

Loki shook his head over and over again. "I don't understand you."

"Get in line."

"You're a strange human." He looked startled for a moment and then composed himself. "I might nearly miss your annoying presence a little bit." Then he added: "Almost."

"So you're done with babysitting?"

"I promised to stay until you come out again and talk to them. You did. So we are both free to do as we please."

"Now that you're out of duty, do you want a drink?"

"Why not."

It was more than one drink. Even more than just one bottle and finally they found themselves comfortably sitting in opposite corners of one of Tony's big couches.

"I'm still convinced, that there's more to that. I saw recognition in your face. Whatever you say to deny it."

"Why is that important? I can as well die with every secret I own and it will change nothing and nobody."

"But then, why not?"

"You're really eager to find something you can use against me." Loki put his glass onto the table.

"Because it's impossible that I don't want to stab you in the back?"

"Not impossible. But unlikely."

"That's not my intention, thank you very much."

"It might become your intention if you think I'm in your way."

"Were you always that mistrusting?"

"I learned soon enough that it is better for me." He raised an eyebrow and made a surprised little noise but regained his composition nearly instantly. "The things you told me. You want something to reassure you that you could hurt me as much as I could wound you. You want me to give you a weapon you could use against me."

"For fuck's sake, no. I just found out the last few days that you're not just an arrogant, annoying, unapproachable pain in the ass but actually a person." Perhaps I even started to see you as a friend.

"You want a weapon and you want me to give it to you." He laughed. "I even understand that."

"It's more having a bad feeling. If I guess even slightly right, this will come back to haunt you sooner or later, no matter how much you try to suppress it. Your secret may become as destructive as whatever happened to you. You already tried to end your life once, I highly doubt you would not succeed a second time. Perhaps I just don't want that to happen." He sighed. "What happened to you?"

"Stop it. I have a word of advice for you. Don't do that. I'm not willing to let you insult and humiliate me. Your fragile human body is breakable. And I won't hesitate.

You imply I'm degraded and dishonored, spoiled. Stop it. I'm a god, not an abject failure."

"When the hell did I call you that?"

"Why do you insist on accusing me?"

"I'm not accusing you. That's you."

"That couldn't have happened to me, I'm a man. You were a child. You can be hardly blamed."

"But you think you are to blame."

It wasn't a question and he didn't receive an answer.

"If you could have stopped whatever happened to you, you would have. You couldn't. So you did whatever you had to, in order to survive. That's how everybody is wired. In the worst case, this one life you have is the only one you'll ever have, so we do whatever it takes to survive."

"You sound very convinced of that idea. As long as it isn't about you. If what you imply would be true, it would mean you're asking me to talk about something I'd do anything to keep anyone from knowing."

"I know. There are some things I told you, I'd like to take back. I would give a lot to go back to that point in time when you didn't know, when the others didn't know. I can't. There are still a lot of details I'll take to my grave. I will never utter a word about. He was a sadistic psychopath and I don't want that to be linked with me. I understand you. But my therapist, it was surprisingly nice to hear someone else say that he was a scumbag and I didn't deserve what happened to me. That somebody knows and I didn't have to carry it all alone. That somebody just accepted that without judging me. I can't offer you medical confidentiality, just my own personal pledge of secrecy." He took a sip. "Oh, and you still owe me."

"If I'll tell you, will you promise to do me a favor?"

Tony hesitated. A favor could be everything. "I will if I can."

Loki thought about that and stared into his glass, watching the ice cubes slowly melt. He decided that this promise would have to be enough. "The Other, he forced me under his will. Constrained me to obey without questioning. Punished me until I forgot that this was so wrong, until his words were the only ones shaping my reality. Figuratively and more than once literally, he forced me into a position where I injured myself when I struggled, so finally, I held still.

Some things that happened, that they did to me, weren't so new. Being disrespected, despised and degraded wasn't new. Blunt physical violence wasn't new. The extent was new. And other things were, too."

His voice was devoid of every emotion. He talked slowly and soft. A steady flow of words, timed with his breathing while his eyes became distant.

"There weren't just Chitauri. I saw other prisoners and other subordinates that worked for the Other. One day three men entered the cell I was confined to at that time. Large and muscular like Thor, with bald heads and flowing robes. There are more realms with more creatures than Asgard knows about. I don't know who they were. I ignored them. I knew that it would likely make them angry but I didn't care. Until two of them pulled me up from the ground where I was sitting. Nearly dislocated my arms. Shoved me face first against a wall so hard that my nose bled. I was terrified when I felt hands on my body. It's not like they had time to waste with getting me out of clothes, as I wasn't wearing any. An instant rush of fear and disgust, hard to describe. I screamed. I fought back. Or at least tried. They twisted my arms on my back so hard the bones nearly broke. One of them kicked me and I couldn't breathe. They beat me. I found myself on the floor until one pulled me up by my hair, then pushed me against the wall again. Two of them holding me in place. I stopped resisting so they would at least end trying to break my body even more. Perhaps that was wrong. I shouldn't have. Asgard taught me my whole life that it's better to win and if not, that it's better to die than to surrender. I couldn't get away and it was all that I wanted. The Other once said that they won't kill me. Not even when I wish for it. That I'm condemned until I would convince him that I accept him as my god and will do as ordered without question.

I was strong. I was powerful. It didn't matter. They were stronger and I was not. I still don't know how I should have done better. Dying wasn't an option they gave me. What should I have done?" His hands were trembling just a little bit.

"There was nothing you should or could have done. Nothing that would have made it less horrid. Sometimes all you can do is to keep breathing, to stay alive."

He sighed before he continued. "They wore nothing under that robes. One of them laughed. I just froze. It hurt. Surprisingly much. Never thought about that. Because something like that don't happen. Not to warriors and kings. Not to men."

Tony smiled a sad smile. "You have no idea, Loki. It happens a lot. Always did. Just nobody talks about."

"Pain outweighs pride. So, after a while, I begged, I pleaded that he stops. They didn't care. I screamed. One grabbed my throat and just said: `If you keep on screeching, you'll regret it. If you want to cry, do it in silence.´"

There was a long stretched silence, only disturbed by the noise of booze getting poured into a glass. Finally, the Norse god continued. "After a seemingly endless time of this, the Other came and sent them away. I fell down as soon as they let go of me. He told me I could either get up now and wash myself or stay where I am until he would call them back. It was so hard to get up from the ground. Two guards escorted me through the corridors. When they closed that door behind me, I stood there, alone in a room, confined in a body that I didn't have any control over anymore. In no way. Incarcerated in this body with no way out. Damaged. A powerless body that once was mine.

I was lethargic and numb but in pain. I could hardly move and every step made it worse. I cleaned myself. Washed away the blood and else. Nothing could wash away the feeling of disgust. I felt humiliated and worthless. Helpless and pathetic. That was everything that was left. I once was a king and now I was powerless. I was desperate. To an extent, I can't even describe. I wasn't able to force myself to stop trembling. Fell asleep on the floor. Not long after, I gave up completely. Or was it long' I'm not sure. I've lost count of time. It was a never ending chain of pain and the Other's voice and them. I dreamt of killing them. Of killing him. Of killing myself. And I asked myself if I deserved it. Deserved it for what I am." A monster.

With his most serious look Tony said, "Nobody deserves that. Nobody deserves something like that. Nobody. I'm sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve it."

The sadness he saw in green eyes wasn't so sure.

"I couldn't muster fury anymore as it repeated over and over again. There was that deep, unending pit of desperation that drowned out everything else.

However, one day they forced me into a cage that was so small, that it wasn't possible to stand up or lay down completely. I don't know how long I stayed there. I lay down as much as it was possible in the backmost corner, half slumped against the rear wall. Closed my eyes and tried to breathe, to just survive. At the same time I wasn't sure why I even would want to survive. My hair was plastered with dried blood, I was naked and my body covered in bruises and wounds. It was hot. I can't withstand heat very well but that's a whole other story you won't understand.

I didn't look up when I heard the door open. I was so, so long past the point where I was sarcastic and grinned at them. There was no more fight left, no more strength I could rely on. Nothing but pain and despair. When the cage was opened and two strong hands pulled me out I didn't move, didn't fight back or even opened my eyes. It didn't matter who it was that had entered this room, it would just mean more pain and I was too broken to react in any way.

He pushed me against the cage, pressing my upper body down and I groaned with pain. My voice was hoarse and gasping and I didn't recognize it as mine but I said: "Not again.". However, I was answered with a laugh. I tried to keep my balance. My right leg hurt too much to support my weight. Bend over the cage it was just my left leg keeping me from falling to the ground, and the figure behind me, that pressed himself against my back. He just had to get rid of a part of his clothing, so he hold me down with his other hand and I was too weak to use that against him. This creature still laughed when he forced himself inside of my body. I cried out when a new wave of pain hit me. I whimpered, pleaded, I begged him to stop without success. The beast behind me groaned in lust. It wouldn't take long and wasn't it pathetic to think of that as a good thing?

This thing came with a shout that drowned out my whimpers for a moment. When he pulled out and took a step back I suddenly collapsed to the floor, too exhausted and wounded to hold myself up. I landed in something wet and wondered for a moment if it's blood or cum or both. Not that it mattered. I didn't look up.

I flinched when I heard the man crouch down. Then I heard his voice hissing into my ear. "You can stay there on the ground, little prince. He'd send a few more visitors to you. They should be here soon. And they might like to have you where you are." He laughed and pressed his hand down on a cut on my shoulder. Made me squirm with pain. Then he got up again while I curled up on myself on the ground. I raised my head just enough to look up at the tall figure towering over me. Whispered between painful breaths. 'Tell him, tell the Other, that I'll do what he wants. Whatever he wants. I'll give him whatever he seeks. Whatever he wants me to do, I'll do it. I'll do it.' I meant it. I was willing to do whatever would be necessary. I said it before but this time they believed it. I don't know why. That's it." Loki tried to sound casual but failed. Even he couldn't hide the pain from his face. "That was it. That was the point when the Other was convinced of his success and everything stopped. The point when I turned into an ally for him. When I arrived at the S.H.I.E.L.D.-base nobody knew that beneath my armor, I had wounds that were hurting and healing, that I was sore and aching. That I was as much determined to get the Tesseract no matter the costs as I was devastated and damaged. But I would fulfill this role, I would succeed. I nearly collapsed there but in the end, I made it out, with the Tesseract, with Barton, alive. I was alive and I was in charge. More than I was in a long, long time. I would do this and either succeed to hopefully be free after or would die in the process. I didn't care much which version it would be."

He looked at Tony. "The promise I ask of you? While I tried to fulfill what I was sent to do, the Other threatened that if I fail and he and his master don't get the Tesseract there will be nowhere where they will not find me. I will never forget his words: 'You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain.' So promise me one thing. If they ever manage to get me and if I won't be able to do it myself, find me and kill me."

"You mean, find me and save me."
"Both. Save me by killing me. I can't go through something like that again. I can't." Loki raised his voice. "Promise me."