Aoba rubbed his eyes, yawning, still trying to get rid of the remains of sleep that refused to let him go. He stepped in the bathroom and washed his face with only the dim light that arrived from the bedroom.

"What are you doing here in the dark? You don't need to save on the electricity bill or anything, you know…"

And just like that, there was suddenly light, bright and bluish, hurting Aoba's eyes, still used to the gloom of the bedroom illuminated only by the early morning sun coming from the window. Noiz turned the fluorescent of the bathroom on, walked past him, shoulders brushing when he leaned on the sink to spit toothpaste, gargle, spit again and then reach for the towel. Then he leaned in to press his lips against Aoba's cheek and, as fast as he had entered the bathroom, he was gone again. Aoba sighed at hearing the characteristic sounds of slides of fabric against skin, and wiped his face, avoiding his own reflection on the mirror. Noiz was done in the bedroom before Aoba could finish brushing his teeth.

"I have to dash, babe, or I'll be late!" the blond boy told him, waving while he walked towards the main door.

Disappointment made his way up Aoba's throat, but he tried to put in his voice all the easiness he didn't feel.

"You are not having breakfast, then?" he asked.

Noiz was already putting his jacket on in the hall, and then his shoes: he had picked the habit of leaving his shoes at the entrance of their apartment in Japan, and now that they were in Germany he had followed with it. Not only for Aoba's sake, but also because he found it neat. The boy hummed before answering.

"No time left. I'll have a coffee at the school if in the end I have two spare minutes before the lessons start… Do you have German lesson today?"

Why does he ask?, Aoba wondered. He knows my schedule better than me. But he thought Noiz was asking for the sake of conversation, as if he felt a little guilty for leaving Aoba on his own the whole day.

"No, not today", he answered anyway, shaking his head. "Remember, I go on Mondays and Wednesdays. But I have a composition to write, and I also should revise the verbs for the next exam…"

Noiz nodded, his hand already on the handle of the door, and Aoba reached for his schoolbag and handed it to him, smiling. Noiz didn't exactly smile back, but Aoba was trained by now to be able to read the tiny nuances of his boyfriend's face, and what he could read/guess from the slight twitch of his brows and the tense little pull of a corner of his mouth was a 'thank you', and also a 'I'm sorry for having to go now, I hope you don't feel too bored or lonely while I'm not here', so Aoba rushed to kiss him goodbye with his best smile on place.

"You better go now!" he said. "Have a nice day, study hard and don't forget to eat!"

"I'll be back as soon as possible", Noiz mumbled, walking out the door and starting to run down the stairs.

Aoba sighed and closed the door. He turned and faced the apartment. The empty, small but comfortable apartment.

"Well, well…", he said aloud.

They had been in Germany for three months then. They lived in middle-sized town, but bigger than Midorijima. Aoba quite liked Karlsruhe: he was surprised at first by how clean and green was the town. Downtown the buildings were only four or five stories at much, and the streets were wide, and there were airy squares, so comparing it with the high and chaotic layout of Midorijima, with its abundant dark and narrow back alleys, Karlsruhe was a paradise. And, besides, it had plenty of parks and even a zoo. The first month there was packed with pleasant surprises, and Aoba couldn't get enough of the town and its lovely coffee shops and small parks. Noiz and he had strolled for hours every day, until Aoba felt confident enough to walk on his own without being afraid of getting lost. More often than not, he still had to use Ren to help him navigate the streets, of course, and he also needed him to translate the strange German street signs for him…

Because German had been another thing altogether. Aoba had never been good at English at school… Well, in fact the few times he had attended middle school he wasn't too fond of studying, no matter the subject. If he had a better English base, now German wouldn't be as tough as it was being… So two months of lessons so far, eight hours a week and tons of extra exercises to do at home, and he still wasn't able to speak German at all, except for introducing himself. It was maddening.

He came back to their bedroom and started Ren up. The dog immediately offered a light and bubbly bark and wiggled his tail.

"Guten morgen, Aoba!"

"Aaaaargh, Ren… Please don't."

"I apologize. But in order to get you used to the German language as soon as possible, you should be exposed to it the more the better."

Aoba sighed and took a fresh exchange of clothes from the closet.

"I know, I know… But I get enough exposition to it every time I try to watch tv or listen to the radio, or go outside, don't you think?"

"If you say so."

Aoba chuckled at the acquiescing formality of his words. Although Ren was a robot, Aoba knew perfectly well what he was thinking, Ren's disapproval easy to spot behind his words. He took his clothes to the bathroom and started the shower. The spray of water on his back made wonders to his mood, finding himself humming to some song he had half stuck in his brain during the last couple of days.

"Aoba."

Ren's voice arrived from the doorway, hesitant, and Aoba just hummed as an answer.

"Why are you showering without turning the light on?"

Aoba froze on the spot, and hurried to finish.

"I can see quite clearly with the light that comes from the bedroom, Ren. Don't worry, I'm not going to slip on the bath or anything like that. See? There's even a safety grip."

Ren watched him as he wiped himself with a towel, swaying his tail, and Aoba could feel his uneasiness, not at all convinced by his words. He kept silent, though, until Aoba was finishing putting his clothes on.

"But there's a reason for it, isn't it?"

Ren turned and walked away all of a sudden, without pressing further, to Aoba's surprise. He was tempted to call him out (Is this a normal behaviour for an allmate?, he wondered for a moment. Ren has always had a strong personality for being an allmate, but this… isn't it a bit odd?), but in the end he let it pass. He had enough with the prospect of the day: sitting with his German grammar book and go over the verbs they had studied again, and then coerce Ren into helping him with his composition. Aoba groaned, and wished, not for the last time that day, he betted, that Noiz was there with him a little more.

That first month with Noiz in Germany had been so good… Even if his parents hadn't been very nice to them, even if he couldn't understand a thing of what people was saying, being with Noiz, finding out so many new things with him had been amazing. But September was there before they could notice, and the summer was gone. Noiz started school again, and after school he was working at his father company. It was just a couple of hours a day, and the whole Saturday morning, but Noiz and Aoba still resented it. Aoba wasn't ready to find a job yet, although he was trying, but with no knowledge at all of the language it was almost impossible. And Noiz' father had been less than happy to know the conditions under which his eldest son was returning to Germany. So Noiz had to accept at least to assist his father in the afternoons and 'learn the job', as his father had put it. He had also accepted to attend the Engineering Faculty when he finished the secondary school, in two years (although he had reassured Aoba that, if he didn't adapt to Germany, they would come back to Japan as soon as his current school year ended, as he had promised back in Midorijima).

So Noiz had his future already laid in front of him… and Aoba was somewhat jealous of that. After all, he was already nineteen, and what kind of future had he carved for himself? He didn't have studies, or a job, and he was starting over in a foreign country with a foreign language, with only his beloved boyfriend as a strong point. He missed his granny, he missed Mizuki and his friends, and sometimes he missed his old life so much that he had to say it aloud to himself that, in fact, everything was more or less the same than before. He could talk through Skype with granny and Mizuki, or send coil messages. He was as useless in Midorijima as he was in Karlsruhe, and it had taken him ages to find a steady job in the island. So everything was the same, or so he told himself.

The only thing that was in fact different… Aoba bit his lower lip in annoyance and tried to focus on his daily routines. Breakfast. Checking emails and messages. Taking out his German books and notebook.

And then a rush of pain, intense, unbearable pain ran down his entire being, starting in his brain and creeping down his spine, paralysing him.

"Aoba! Are you alright?" Ren's voice seemed to come from far away. "Have you taken your pill today?"

"My pill…" he mumbled, standing up his chair.

He tottered through the sitting room towards the bathroom, and then he stood there for a moment, in the almost darkness.

"Turn the light on, Aoba", Ren reminded him, with a strange edge in his voice.

Aoba reached for the switch. The light above him turned on, and Aoba found himself staring at his reflection on the mirror in front of him.

And then, exactly as he knew it would happen, the voice and the eyes that had haunted his dreams last night, and the nights before that, looked back at him from the mirror, and Aoba couldn't tell for the life of him if said eyes and voice were inside his mind or he was having some sort of hallucination.

Let me go. You thief! Give me back what's mine.

The eyes on the mirror were hard and cold. They had a golden glint, and they looked eerie on his face, because the features he was seeing in the reflection were definitely his. His tight line of a mouth, his still wet long hair, his pale skin tinged bluish thanks to the fluorescent light of the bathroom.

You can hear me, I know you can… I'm going to destroy you, I will destroy you until there's nothing left of you.

Aoba shuddered and covered his face with his hands. He felt Ren's small forepaws on his knee.

"Aoba! Are you feeling alright?"

He couldn't answer, his throat dry and clenched all of a sudden.

"Aoba… Please take your pill and lie down on bed for a while."

That's a good advise, he thought, and he reached blindly for the cabinet where his pills were. He took the pill bottle and managed to open it and put one inside his mouth without looking again at the mirror. He put the bottle away again and walked out the toilet as fast as he could. Following Ren, he lied down on top of the bed covers. The room was too lighted to take a nap, and his headphones were somewhere in the sitting room, but he closed his eyes all the same and breathed deeply to calm himself.

"I'm much better now, Ren, thank you", he whispered, sensing Ren's presence close to him.

"But you still haven't swallowed the pill, Aoba. Do it now." Ren placed one paw on his forearm, as if to reassure him with his presence, and the young man noticed the allmate was right and the pill was still in his mouth.

Last night he had dreamed that he was shut in his bedroom back home. He had everything he could want within his reach: his music, his magazines and books, his computer and his videogames. But he couldn't go out. He wasn't hungry, nor thirsty, but he became more and more annoyed until he started to feel desperation drowning him. He banged on the door, and called out for his granny, but it was as if the only thing that existed in that reality was that bedroom. The view from his veranda looked suddenly fake, like a set design, and although he didn't try he was a hundred per cent sure that, if he tried to jump down the street, he would just bounce and get back to his bedroom.

And he had memories. He remembered being with Noiz, a longing painful memory. He remembered going out at night, playing Rhyme, fighting with his fists and throwing kicks to someone, no mattered who. He remembered the feeling of freedom, but also uncertainty and fear, and feeling reckless, needing to run away until he clashed with something or someone. Those memories were… somewhat painful to Aoba when he thought about them the next morning. And that feeling of being locked up was dreadful. In his dream he was really, really furious in the end, and although he couldn't take a look at himself (there wasn't any mirror in his bedroom), he was sure the eyes he had just seen in the bathroom were the ones of the Aoba in his dreams.

His tongue found the bitter taste of the pill, which was starting to melt inside his mouth. It was rather disgusting and he should swallow it before the awful taste could set in his palate, but he was hesitant. Somehow, during the last two months, he had developed a strange distaste for the pills. He knew his granny made them for him, especially for him, and they helped him to feel more stable and kept his headaches away. But wasn't he turning into an addict? The headaches had started to be more frequent all the same, and he didn't want to raise the dose of medicine until he depended on them completely, no matter how much he trusted his granny.

The bitterness started to spill across his tongue, the pill almost fully dissolved into his saliva, and he finally sat up and reached for a bottle of water, wiping out the disgusting taste in two long sips. He sighed and rubbed his face, annoyed.

Alright, I suppose I can keep taking these pills for a bit longer, he said to himself.

And he did so. Until he didn't any more.

He decided to quit taking them one morning without any further thought, and the pill bottle remained on his cabinet, completely abandoned, from then on.