Heya there~

I know I promised to try and finish Christmas Three! and I'll Be Back Soon, but recently I've gone ridiculously crazy over Noragami!

So now, I bring you to a feels trip, Hana-no-Hikari style!

This is another one-shot in two parts, but I'm sorry if it won't be up to par with Beyond the Bounds of Till Death Do Us Part and Impasse (I haven't written fanfics properly in such a long time), but I swear I tried! *cries*

This is based on chapters 48-51, the scanlated versions online, of course (bookstores in my country don't have this series *rocks self in a corner*). You might notice that the main title, and the title for Yato's POV are actually chapter titles, selected for their appropriateness in the situation.

For those of you that have only followed the anime: I don't think Noragami Aragoto will cover this part. But you people who have read the manga: you know what's coming for you! *evil laugh*

UPDATE (3/17/16): Fixed minor errors

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So here, enjoy~

Cord of the Soul

This is all my fault.

All my fault.

If I hadn't been talkative, if I hadn't challenged Yato's father, if I hadn't so arrogantly told him to 'Bring it on!'—

I said the right thing, didn't I?

He is using Yato against his will. Yato wanted to change—wanted so badly to change. He's doing everything he can to leave his past as a god of calamity and be a god of fortune instead!

I was right; he was wrong.

I was right… right?

I don't know.

I don't know anymore.

Because of me… because of me, my parents got hurt.

My stupidity had my mother injured, still unconscious in this bed; she almost got stabbed—only to be struck on the head with a potted plant by a man possessed by an ayakashi.

But what can I do for her?

All I did was cry over her bloodied body. I can't even stop the bleeding.

And yet she said that I was a good girl.

My stupidity had my father tormented, his back against the wall; he's getting screamed at and apologizing for things that happened through no fault of his own.

But what can I do for him?

All I'm doing is cry, tremble, mutter my 'I'm sorry's that nobody would hear. I can't even turn around and look at the barrage my father is enduring.

And yet he wanted me to do what I like.

What kind of daughter am I?

I don't deserve all of it.

"I'm sorry…"

Mother.

"I'm sorry…"

Father.

"I—I—I did something I can't take back…"

Ah… this, I knew to be true.

"This is my fault."

I gripped the edge of my skirt.

The terrible sounds outside, in the corridors of the hospital—of glass vases breaking, of IV drip stands toppling, of people's anguished screaming—had long since started fading, and yet there was such a violent silence ringing in my ears—

I flinched as I felt a hand hovering above my shoulder, as a scent I knew too well registered to me, as a voice I've been wanting to hear spoke my name.

Yato—can he grant my wish?

"H—Hiyori, this isn't your—"

No! Don't say it!

I spun around and angrily slapped his hand away.

Wait—

Why... why did I do that?

Why am I this furious?

Where—at whom is it directed?

Is it at his father?

Is it at him—no.

No.

I have stood up, and advanced a step toward him, curling my fingers at my sides.

I met his turquoise eyes, saw the way he looked at me—as though I were a monster—and I realized I can't look at him.

I can't bear to look at him.

I am furious... with myself.

I am ashamed of myself.

I don't deserve my parents; I don't deserve his kindness.

And to think I wanted to be a doctor?

I wanted to be a doctor for my parents and my grandparents, to be able to inherit the hospital so that Brother won't have to do it—to make all of them happy.

Hah.

Doctors cannot make mistakes, because so many lives depend on them.

A mistake can make the difference between life and death.

And here I am.

I just committed the biggest mistake of my life.

I don't deserve to be a doctor.

I hid my face with my hands, and I could still smell the metallic tang of blood—the blood of my mother mixed with his blood—on them, as I backed away from him, from his welcome—

I am a failure.

A letdown for my parents.

What would Brother say?

What—

Oh.

Brother said it's okay to run away.

Once upon a time when we were both in bed, and I was just a clueless, little girl and he was reading a guidebook about studying abroad.

Back then, I didn't understand what he was talking about.

But now...

It's okay to run away, right?

I need to get away.

Even though this is my fault.

Ah…

Nothing makes sense anymore.

"Hiyori… hey…"

Still, he tried to talk to me, tried to approach me, tried to reach me, tried to console me.

But nobody, not even a god, should be that forgiving!

"It's my fault!"

So, I ran away.

I jumped off the window.

"Hiyori!"

If I hadn't been in this form, I would have been dead for good as soon as I hit the concrete below.

And maybe that would have been an ending that will be punishment enough for my wrongdoings.

"That's right, you did this…" the ayakashi continued pursuing me, blaming me, "This is your fault!"

I kept fleeing anyway.

Escaping everything: the parents I disappointed, the hospital I ruined, the people who demanded compensation.

Running where?

I don't know.

Where would I go?

I doesn't matter.

After all, I just lost everything.

And I deserved to have everything taken away from me because of what I did.

I declared war on someone above my level, and I didn't think about the consequences.

What's beyond this line?

Where does it go?

Is it safe over there?

I wonder...

It's become cold.

And dark.

Even in the streets, even though the sun is bright and shining... it's so cold and dark.

Where is this, even?

I don't know.

But it's ice-cold, and it's pitch-dark.

It has become harder to breathe, or is it because I been weeping so hard?

The trembling wouldn't stop even though I've curled up; I had to grit my teeth together to stop them from chattering.

And the voices won't relent, either.

I know it already!

It's my fault, and my parents are better off without daughter like me!

I covered my ears minutes ag—was it minutes ago?

It feels like I've been here for days.

I've covered my ears, and still the voices are torturous, like a large, angry mob.

A pair of boots crunched at the entrance to—oh, I remember where this is now—the short alley, the sound a jolting shot through my already-harassed ears.

It was followed by a tentative "Hiyori..."

I didn't dare face him.

"Are you okay?"

The sound of a pair of sharp swords cutting through the pavement.

"I—I'm not sure what to say."

Ah.

That's right.

"This was all because of me. It wasn't your fault!"

Though I am sinful—

"If I'd just pulled myself together and stopped my father—"

—maybe there's still somewhere I can go to, someone who will still accept me.

As I took in a breath, that familiar smell—it was my favorite smell—hit me again.

Oh—what a nice scent.

Wrapped in a warm light, willing to forgive anything—

That's where I want to be.

I heard my teeth crack as I clenched my jaw hard to stop them from knocking together, and I could taste the tears that haven't stopped flowing even now.

Will I be saved?

I willed strength into my legs and stood up—

Will I be happy?

—and finally looked upon the god who might be able to give me salvation.

"Smells good!"

My voice scratched in my throat as I pounced, and as I sprang forward, I bared my fangs and bit his left arm.

An exclamation of pain issued from him, while I lithely landed on top of a van directly behind him.

The blood—the god's blood—in my mouth felt so wrong, yet so right.

What are those lights, in the distance?

How about I go forward, farther...

"This is bad..."

It was the god's turn to grit his teeth, as he assessed the bite I gave him.

I remained crouching, waiting.

Has he decided already?

Instead, he chose to climb a nearby rooftop, a string of ayakashi in the form of moths following his trail.

"You can't cross over, Hiyori! At this rate, you'll never be able to go back!"

Go back?

I returned to ground level, and began to run—run toward my hope for absolution.

I have to convince him.

"No—I can't go back..."

There's nowhere for me to go back.

"Help me!"

So, please...

"Don't leave me!"

I don't want to be alone...

"Take me with you!"

But he didn't answer me, and instead called for his Shinki's name—which took the form of double blades that were forged as though from silver and light—to return to its human form.

"R—Revert, Yukine!"

'Yukine'?

Ah…

'Yukine'... he was a pale boy, with blond hair and eyes the color of hawthorn fruit.

'Yukine', the boy who I've been teaching everything I know, until I lost everything.

But he—the god—has to hear me out!

I went for the god while he was giving orders to 'Yukine'.

Why is it that no matter how far I walk, those beckoning lights remain out of reach?

He took my right wrist, and the air was knocked out of me as the god slammed me to the ground with his bare hands, and my right shoulder hit the concrete—hard.

If it were done to my physical body, it would have fractured or broken more than just a few bones.

A feral growl ripped from my mouth; he gave a flustered "S—Sorry!" and let me go.

I raked my fingers on his left cheek in revenge.

Why was a god asking for forgiveness from someone like me?

I should be the one begging for remission.

He merely clenched his jaw and bore it.

I tried to stand up—why isn't he listening to me?—but a blade of light slashed across my legs and I had to shriek, the sting on my soul-flesh bringing me down of my knees again.

The god echoed my suffering with a scream of his own, while his Shinki apologized profusely.

But the Shinki was apologizing to his god and to me.

Ah, Mother! Father! The patients! They're... alright?

Wait—

No, don't look at me like that...

Mother—

Father—

Everyone—please... don't do this...

I have to run... I have to hide, but where?

Why am I so tired?

I've been walking toward that place for so long, and yet it feels I haven't progressed at all.

Maybe it's because of this Cord that ties me to that border.

Better had it severed.

I'll be content if I disappeared here, if that meant I could get away—away from their judgement.

Even if it's in this unfamiliar place—

Eh?

What's that light?

Someone has come to save me?

It's… a god?

A... a god has come to save me!

I looked up, and saw him falling, falling, falling.

How did he get there?

Does it matter?

As gravity took him, I threw myself on him again.

Hugged him and held him close.

And I thought: Ah, he really does smell nice, and felt warm.

I dug my teeth in his neck.

He screamed and dropped one of his swords; it's strange, but his agony was music to my ears.

However, why did he react like so?

Doesn't he want to take me with him?

His back hit the pavement, and I pinned him against the ground and a wall of post boxes.

In defense, he raised the tip of his shorter blade to my neck.

His face was a face promising death.

I went stationary—panting, still waiting.

If he wasn't going to take me with him, then it will certainly be a sweet mercy if he just ended my useless, miserable existen—

"I'm sorry."

What?

The god let go of his last blade, and held me in his arms.

Doesn't he know that I'm close enough to rip of his throat if I wanted to?

But—

What is he doing?

Isn't he to pass the final judgement on me?

"Hiyori."

'Hiyori'?

Is that my name?

"Hiyori, I'm sorry..."

Stop—

"I want to do what you want, but... this is one wish I just can't grant."

No—please—

"If... if you die, there are a lot of people you'll never see again..."

But there's no one left—

"Th—That's why... you can't cross over yet."

I want to—

"Not—not until... you're old and gray, Hiyori."

Why... why is he doing this?

I heavily injured him, and yet he's telling me this?

On the other hand, I can't bring myself to attack him again.

He began gently patting my back, softly stroking my hair.

"It's okay... You're okay!"

I'm not...

"Because, now, you have time to make things right."

Make things right?

Impossible—that's—

That's right.

Why haven't I thought of that?

But... but how?

"You've got plenty of people who care about you."

Why have I run away?

My family will never abandon me, nor will my friends.

Why did I run away?

What was I even so afraid of?

"So go home..."

I have a home to return to, and the realization of that fact brought tears again to my eyes.

Now, they were of a different sort; they were the good kind of tears.

He was right; I had a home to return to.

He was right; I can make things right.

The how, just like he told me before summer break ended, can be taken slowly.

Yato—he tried so hard for me.

Suddenly, he shuddered underneath, trying to stifle a groan of pain.

I got off of him, clenched both of my hands over his shoulder—near his bleeding and blighted neck that I wished I could heal—

I saw that I put him through a world of pain by blighting him.

I have to apologize... later.

—and nodded.

Yes, you're right.

Yes, I will return home.

Yes, I will set things right.

And, thank you—

Thank you for turning me away.

Thank you for saving me.

Thank you for being here.