So it turns out I would be returning home after all.

"Missy! Put your back into it!"

I grind my teeth together in sheer determination. My biceps and triceps feel like they're tearing apart, my lower back is drumming with pain, even my knees are stiff from motionlessness. My already calloused hands burn from the swelling pressure they're gripping against. "If I put anymore 'back into it' I'll throw it out!"

"C'mon Lumie, can't you even lift it off the ground?"

Beads of sweat drip down my temples. More sweat flickers off with the furrowing of my brows. "Like you're one to talk peewee."

"Peewee?! You're not the biggest human yourself, you know."

"Then you should be able to appreciate how difficult this is!" I grunt through my teeth.

"Missy, I can lift it vith one hand."

"It's a freaking BROADSWORD okay?! It feels like this thing weighs a hundred pounds."

"…You can't lift fünfundvierzig Kilo?" Papa asks as if it were as simple as lifting a spoon to my mouth.

"Verwildert, I do not think most human beings can lift one hundred pounds on their own." Russet chimes in.

"I'm one hundred pounds!" I shout the last of my breath at them.

"Vell, it certainly isn't zat heavy. My sword knows you're not an enemy now. Don't expect it to obey you, but it schouldn't be hurtink you. Zee protective spells... Hey! Missy, at least stop draggink it across zee floor!"

With the last heave of my strength, and a great rush of blood to my brain, I strain myself to lift the enormous sword off the ground. For a split second, I feel air between the sword and the ground and I gasp in surprise. "Oh!"

"Ahh."

Then with a heavy metal clattering I drop the sword on the floor. I follow shortly after, collapsing onto my bottom, panting. "I-I think I did it. Did I do it?"

"*Clap.*Clap.*Clap.*"

Papa clasps his large hands together in a mocking manner. "Glückwünsche. You managed to lift zee sword off zee ground by maybe a kilometer."

"Once again Verwildert, that is something she wouldn't know. In all my years of life this country has yet to adopt the metric system." Russet adds.

I throw my incredibly sore arms up. "At least I lifted it off the ground." Sheesh, give me some credit.

"Aye. You did."

I struggle to get myself off the floor. "And I did it more than once. Remember?" I point a shaky finger at him.

"Yes. But you could barely sving it. You can't even lift it over your head. Need I remind you of zee vase you shattered earlier?"

"Or the painting you defaced." The nosy browny reminds.

"The sword is bigger than me." I protest.

"Ya, ya. No matter."

A burst of thunder and lightning.

"Hmm. No more." He strides towards me and retrieves his sword. It transfigures back into his walking cane at his very touch. I eye the anomaly...

He didn't cast a spell. Not truly. It just bent to his will. All this time I thought he was casting… So that's the nature of a bond.

"Shame about the weather." Russet pipes up.

"Gewitter." Papa states with a smile.

Another blast of sound and light.

"Frightful too." Russet scurries to the safety of Papa's shoulders.

"I think it's exciting." I add with a wipe of my brow, still tired. I've been lugging that sword around until I grew too sore to move.

"Am I the only one in this family that doesn't like thunderstorms?" A booming of thunder again, and Russet is already in Papa's shirt pocket.

"It's gettink closer. Perhaps too close. Vee von't be fightink in zis one Missy."

"But that was the most epic battle ever!" I plead to him. Too bad I still haven't won yet.

"How about dinner?" He announces hungrily- mind you it is not time for dinner.

"What? You still expect me to cook with these arms?" I throw them up and let them fall limp for emphasis.

"Vell, vee can't order delivery in zis veather. And if I cook, everyone is eatink salad again."

"NO!" Russet and I blurt at the same time.

"I am hungry." E lifts a tiny finger from the confines of Papa's shirt pocket.

"But my arms are limp noodles." I whine.

"Zen make noodles." Papa suggests teasingly. They laugh at the obvious joke.

"Ugh. Fine, I'll make noodles."

"What kind of noodles?" E asks eagerly, excited to try new human cuisine.

Hmmm. What do I want to eat? "Soba noodles."

"Those noodles made from buckwheat correct?"

'Mhm. I'll make cold soba noodles. It should only take twenty minutes."

"But vat about zee meat?" Papa urges.

"No meat."

"No meat?!" E and Papa are flabbergasted.

"You two can go another day without meat. You had steak tips yesterday."

"And zey vere delicious!" Papa insists, trying to butter me up.

"If I'm going to cook like this, then we are going to eat soba noodles. Vegetarian."

"Awww."

"Aww, come now Lumie."

"It'll taste good, trust me. And it'll fill you up too, you won't even miss the meat."

"I'm sure it'll be scrumptious, but everything tastes better with meat and potatoes!" Russet says hoping to urge Papa into ordering me to make something else.

I limp towards the kitchen. "I just don't have the energy to cook a separate dish for myself as well. And besides, it's late, it's stormy, I'm sore and tired. You should be grateful I'm even cooking at all."

"Verwildert, heal her! Then she can make us fish and rice."

He shakes his head. "Ahh. I vant it just as much as you do pal, but vee both agreed zat sche needs to get used to zee soreness. It'll teach her how to threschold pain."

"But you heal her whenever she has a flesh wound." Russet complains.

Suddenly, Papa's overall demeanor becomes very aggressive.

"It vould be foolisch to leave her like zat. Sche's not like you and me, sche's human, sche's vildseed, sche's petite."

That over-protective side of him is coming out. The one that treats me like I'm some delicate artifact. He's giving excuses, Papa won't admit that he doesn't want to hurt me like in a real battle.

"I'm aware of her conditions, but she's not as fragile as you may believe."

A grateful smile creeps upon my face.

"I know my granddaughter isn't frail! But I'm not goink to slasch her arms off!"

And now he's covering his tracks to spare my feelings. Oh, Papa, make up your mind.

"What about building resistance? Surely not everyone will fight her with fisticuffs. Even, then. What about broken bones? Surely in the martial arts regular fracturing-"

"I vill NOT break my girl's bones!" Papa raises his voice threateningly.

"I've had a few accidents where I've broken things, Russet." I pipe up trying to spare them of a messy argument.

"Er. What would those be?" E stammers, ears pulled back in submission as e faces an angry glare from my grandfather.

"I've sprained both of my wrists and ankles, and when I first met Papa I had three broken ribs."

"And a concussion. You've also tvisted your knee, popped an elbow, broken four of your fingers and lost a few teeth."

"Eh?!" Russet turns to see me.

I open my mouth wide. "All baby teeth. I'm not going to let anything happen to these beauties." They won't grow back!

"You could always grow them back anyhow." E states plainly.

My jaw drops.

"Injury schould not be taken so lightly just because vee possess healink magick. You are beink a fool, Russet."

Feeling braver, e stands es ground. "When bones are broken, they recover stronger than they were before."

"That may be true, but enough injuries could leave you crippled or disfigured." I argue back, aware this is my body they're talking about.

"Again, all things that could be fixed in the blink of an eye." E insists.

"Isn't that equivalent to a cruel form of torture?" I say with a frown.

Russet's victorious grin fades away. "I didn't think of it like that."

"Just because you can heal it away doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Even if the pain didn't last long. The trauma does."

"Exactly." Papa adds in. "I train her, sche gets used to beink tired and sore and occasionally bruised or cut."

Occasionally?

"Zat teaches her how to react, it teaches her how to adjust. I am teachink her how to avoid pain, not endure it."

"I wasn't suggesting you put her through such an ordeal. I'm just putting out that you claim keeping her in this condition is what's best for her. Even she agreed."

"Vat zee devil did you have in mind?" Papa seethes.

"I thought over many months we would graduate her to harsher conditions. I was going to recommend introducing her to hemlock and nightshade teas so she could build immunity. It would continue on from there, starting with poisonous plants, then to various venomous animals."

Uhh, what kind of killing machine did they intend to make out of me?

"Oi! My mama didn't feed me poison and my papa didn't tvist my feet backvards to make me stronger. And I became Zee Tempest!"

"I know. I know. It was just a suggestion." Russet shrinks.

"Vat is practiced in zee Highlands is not necessarily legal here." Papa says darkly.

Russet looks like e's been slapped right across the face.

"They train their warriors like that in The Highlands?" I gawk.

Looking insulted, Russet quickly begins a lecture. "It's not uncommon, but that doesn't mean all Highlanders are brutes. I know my people are quite cruel to their enemies. Perhaps I was a bit insensitive, as I'm accustomed to seeing people get their tongues chopped off for little offense after all."

"Or perhaps you expected such from me because I am an orc?"

Russet looks like e has just tasted something very sour.

"Hey, easy you two." I warn. Remember me? The girl whose bones you were debating on breaking?

He sighs. "My people do engage in such sinks. But only extremely hardened individuals are even allowed to undergo zee process. And before zat, zey are given a choice. It is how vee train our elite."

"The people in charge of protecting the entire tribe?" I inquire.

"Aye. Sough, time has passed and such sinks are hardly necessary anymore. Zee trainink still exists however, for sose who dare to face zee rigors."

"Did your father ever take the training?" I ask carefully.

"No. He vasn't a suicidal lunatic."

So he was offered?

"I'd raser her know how to expect and avoid pain zan grow acclimated to it." Papa directs towards Russet.

"Oh fiddlesticks. We're still not having any meat tonight." Russet crosses es arms.

In the kitchen I'm setting the noodles in the saltwater when e accompanies me atop the counter.

"What a strange pallet you have."

I roll my eyes. Oh no, here we go again.

"I've told you before, I'm a vegetarian. I can't afford to be picky, so I try foods from as many different places as possible."

"We don't cook too much of Asian cuisine at Iris. Very little, in fact."

"I know, your food tastes better than mine, but you don't have the same range as I do."

"I still say you're just picky. Verwildert doesn't complain about variety."

I wave em off. "That's not a fair comparison. Papa will eat anything. His favorite foods just so happen to be what his mother used to cook for him. German food! Duh. So guess what, I'm done making meat and potatoes every night!"

"Hmm. Fine. I will try these 'soba' noodles."

I stir fry the sliced bell peppers, zucchini and carrots with garlic, scallions, and chili flakes in sesame oil. The noodles are done quickly, strained and topped with the vegetables. I serve them with a side of a rice wine vinegar, soy sauce, ginger and sugar all mixed together to make a sauce. I top the bowls with black sesame seeds just for kicks. As I expected, they love it.

"~Mmmf.~ This is so foreign, yet I'm inspired! You must give me the recipe." E insists.

Papa heartily devours his and goes back for more, he's had this before and is very adept with the chopsticks.

"Good thing I felt in the mood for eastern food when we last went grocery shopping."

"~Mmm.~ Sche'll mix it up Russet. Venever vee restock zee pantry sche vants sometink different. Last time it vas Indian."

"Yeah, but I didn't get to enjoy it because I was called back to Iris."

"Bah!" Papa grumbles and continues to gobble his noodles.

Papa's still sour so it seems. He was very cross to find out my return trip to Iris Academy took a huge chunk out of the summer break. Now summer is drawing to an end and I head back to school tomorrow. Russet experimented with all of my carefully selected ingredients, and being that it wasn't too much of what e is familiar with, it didn't end well. Papa and em ate lousy meals while I was away. If there's one thing you don't screw up for my Papa, it's his food. I slurp up a few of my noodles.

But he was even more upset when he received my letter. There was no way he was going to tolerate me spending a month over there and not learning a thing. He immediately sent a reply requesting I be brought back home to spend the last two and a half weeks of summer break with him. Better yet, the weather has been frequently rainy for a week straight, so even in these last days Papa couldn't take Russet and I to enjoy more outdoor activities. Still, we've made use of the time by playing games indoors and keeping up with the training in the backyard.

I look to Russet, who is too small to make use of the chopsticks. I rest my cheek in my hand. It's not as if Russet is a lousy cook, either. I've eaten es food every day at school. But e only knows how to make typical recipes that teenagers would like. Pizza, French fries, hamburgers, tacos, spaghetti and meatballs, etc. I just don't understand how the two of them could burn up all of my rice pilaf and falafel.

"I can't believe I'm goink to be cookink for myself again. Zat's zee real hard part of you beink avay at school. I have to live off of sandviches!" Papa points his chopsticks at me.

"Papa you can cook. You'll have soup and salad and plenty of cereal to eat. And anything else you can pour into a bowl. There's bacon and eggs. You don't strictly have to make sandwiches." This is exactly why he spends so much money eating out while I'm away. What would he do without me?

I shake my head. Pfft. Nothing big, the most complicated thing he's ever cooked has been pancakes, and that's with the instant mix. But he knows how to grill meat. I mean c'mon, use your imagination. He sprinkles it with seasoning and puts it on the stove then turns it into a sandwich and drinks a beer. Tch. Typical man.

"I von't even have Russet to keep me company, I'll have to entertain myself somehow." Papa laments rather dramatically.

"Papa, you're rich. You'll have plenty of fun while I'm gone. The whole world is literally at your fingertips. And with all due respect, you met Russet last winter."

"Aye, but ve've gotten so close. Haven't vee little buddy?"

"Indeed! I feel a certain kinship with you, Verwildert. We're like two peas in a pod."

"Birds of a feaser!"

"Peanut butter and jelly!"

"Vhy, ve're as close as zee testicles in a ballsack!"

"FFFFHT-*Cough*Cough*Ack!" I choke.

E and Papa roar in laughter and wheezing.

"You two are disgusting!" I scold angrily. It was funny, and I might've laughed if I almost didn't die! ...AGAIN!

Papa, still chuckling, rises from the table to retrieve his third serving of food. I on the other hand, need some water.

Now it's time for bed, Russet and I have got an early start tomorrow. Of course, e will be with Papa all night since e doesn't need to sleep so much. Until then, we're double-checking to make sure I've properly packed my bag.

"Toothbrush."

"Check."

"Hairbrush."

"Check."

"Undergarments."

"Check and check."

"Your wands?"

I roll my eyes. "Check…"

"You'll never bond with either of them that way. Not with those disdainful feelings you're harboring."

"Yeah, yeah." I ignore em.

"Aren't you supposed to be asleep?" I squint at the ancient browny.

"Hm? I thought we already established this."

"And you keep reminding us that you're old."

"Well I am old, almost half a millennium."

So e won't live as long as the elves… I shake the thought from my head.

"If you're this elderly person who's supposed to be deeply asleep during the afternoon and midnight hours, why are you always up?" I accuse.

"Why, my sleep cycle is a little vexed. I'm so used to being busy. Helping the others out and all."

"I bet they'll be happy to see you."

"And I will be happy to see them." E nods.

"Are their hours mixed up too?"

"Only if they let it be so. They are younger than I, just like you are younger than Verwildert and can manage to stay awake on only two hours of sleep."

"It's still not good for you. And I could afford to that because I was still on vacation." I remind em.

"Which is why you should take advantage of your youth and appreciate the energy you have while you can."

I nod my head. E continues.

"But you still need to go to sleep. Soon. You're young now, but bad habits start young, and before you know it you'll have wrinkles."

"Leave me alone with that, Russet!" I throw a pillow at em for es insolence.