Notes: Siam Shade is a Japanese rock band that formed in 1991 (and released their first album in 1994). From what I've heard of their music, Jounouchi would absolutely be a fan.

Whispers in the Dark

Part XIV: And All the Roads We Have to Walk are Winding

The first thought that crossed Yuugi's mind when he laid eyes on Jounouchi was that Honda's sister and Anzu were right: Jounouchi didn't look well, and that was putting it gently.

That was the first thought after the startled realization that it was Jounouchi he was looking at, anyway—and it took a second for Yuugi to realize this, a second for his brain to process the fact that the haggard person who stood before him was in fact the same person that used to greet him with a smile brighter than the sun each morning before the school day started. Yuugi hadn't had a chance to get a good look at Jounouchi at the warehouse the day before, both because of how quickly everything had happened, and because the gang member that had held him hostage used a chokehold so tight that Yuugi spent half his time trying to loosen the arm around his neck in a vain attempt to breathe. But now there were no gang members to hold them hostage or threaten their lives, Yuugi wasn't shaking off the lingering disorientation that always came from his blackouts, and with Jounouchi just standing there instead of trying to make a quick escape, Yuugi could see just how much of a toll the last month had taken on his best friend.

His hair was a little longer than it had been in the park a month ago, and Yuugi supposed that was a plus, even though it still had a ways to go before it reached its previous length and volume. But even as it graced the tops of his ears and his bangs brushed his eyebrows, his hair looked limp and lacked any luster, a far cry from the fluffy mane he used to sport. His eyes weren't much better, either; even though they had widened in surprise upon first seeing Yuugi, there was no spark in them, none of the light or life that Yuugi remembered seeing, and as a result the brown color that had always looked so bright before looked dull by comparison. This wasn't helped by the dark circles under his eyes, made stark by his waxen complexion. If anything, the bags under his eyes—when combined with his pallor, his unkempt hair, and disheveled Rintama high uniform—just made him look all the more exhausted.

But gawking at Jounouchi wouldn't do either of them any good, and that wasn't the reason why Yuugi had waited in front of his apartment building all day, besides. He opened his mouth to say something—a greeting, he figured, would be a good place to start—but he barely had time for his lips to form the first word before Jounouchi cut him off.

"What are you doing here?"

Yuugi didn't know what he had expected Jounouchi to say to him, but as he felt himself caught off guard for the second time in under a minute, he knew that whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't that. But as quickly as his surprise came, it faded, and was replaced by a twinge of exasperation at himself. Why hadn't he expected that? After all, as far as Jounouchi knew, Yuugi had no idea where he lived—and on top of that, even if Yuugi did know where he lived, what reason would he have to sit outside of the apartment building? It wasn't something he had ever done before, nor was it something he had told Jounouchi he had any intention of doing. It was no wonder that Jounouchi still looked a little bewildered as he stared at Yuugi, even though the outright shock had faded from his expression in favor of subdued disbelief. Yuugi smiled faintly, hoping that he could put Jounouchi at ease at least a little, and set the Rubik's Mirror Blocks Cube he had been keeping occupied with aside.

"Waiting for you," he said. "If you don't mind, I was hoping we could talk."

Jounouchi stared at him for a long moment, the only sound between them coming from cars a few streets away. All of the disbelief and shock had faded from his expression now, completely overtaken by the fatigue that had worn down the rest of his features, and this, Yuugi was sure, was the reason behind the blank stare and silence he was receiving in response to his invitation to talk. It wasn't because Jounouchi was going—or even wanted—to say no. It wasn't because he was upset to see Yuugi. No, he was just tired. That was all.

". . . Talk," Jounouchi said finally, and he said it slowly, like he was still unsure that he had heard Yuugi correctly. Yuugi nodded, and that seemed to be enough to kick through the cobwebs of exhaustion still clouding Jounouchi's expression and mind. He cleared his throat and ran a hand up through his hair, but the gesture was stilting and awkward; his hair still wasn't quite long enough for him to thread it through his fingers like he used to, and his arm jerked partway through, as if he was going to stop himself yet thought better of it at the last second and followed through anyway. Yuugi thought he remembered something similar happening at the warehouse the day before, except Jounouchi had stopped himself that time. Yuugi could only guess at why. "About, uh—what do—how long have you been waiting here? How'd you know I was out?"

"I didn't," Yuugi said, and when Jounouchi didn't respond, clarified, "I figured that whether you were home or out, you'd probably have to leave—or come home, I guess—eventually. Either way you'd pass by here, and I figured I'd catch you when you did."

"So how long have you been waiting?" Jounouchi asked, and Yuugi felt embarrassed heat creep along the back of his neck. Once again, it was a reasonable enough question—one that he should have expected, one that he should have thought about while he was whiling away the hours trying to solve the Mirror Blocks Cube—but he still found himself wishing for a sudden, loud, interrupting distraction to save him the trouble of having to answer it.

"All day, mostly, except for when I took a break to go get food or something." Jounouchi continued to stare at Yuugi as though he had suddenly pulled a living, breathing alien out of his chest, and in an attempt to try and lessen the awkward tension between them, Yuugi forced a laugh. "But you know, it's not like I really had anything going on today anyway, and I really do want to talk to you, especially since you never came by Honda-kun's sister's place last night—"

"Right. Right." Jounouchi pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes before he scrubbed both hands down his face. This only succeeded in making him look even wearier than before. "I said I'd do that, didn't I. Honda pissed, then?"

"Yup," Yuugi said. Jounouchi took a deep breath and released it, his face contorting into a little wince as he did, and turned his eyes to the sky. After few seconds of silence Yuugi tentatively asked, "Where . . . were you, anyway? If you don't mind me asking."

"Police custody."

Jounouchi's answer was immediate, and yet somehow still nonchalant, as if he was telling Yuugi what his favorite ice cream flavor was instead of saying that he had been in police detention the previous night. The speed and casual grace of his answer was enough to tell Yuugi that he hadn't made it up, and the sudden jolt of fear that struck his heart was enough to make Yuugi's voice spike up in pitch when he responded.

"What? For what?"

"Murder. Questioning about a murder, anyway. They thought I killed Hirutani."

Jounouchi sounded completely unperturbed, and looked it, too, as he looked over at the stairs of his apartment building, his hands in the pockets of his Rintama jacket. But even if he wasn't bothered by the fact that the police had taken him into custody on suspicion of murder, Yuugi was. Even if Yuugi couldn't remember precisely what had gone down at the warehouse—even if he just had Anzu's and Honda's words to take for a good chunk of it, with the rest lost to a blackout that he was scared to talk to any of them about—he knew enough to know that Jounouchi hadn't killed anyone. He scrambled to his feet before he had a chance to think better of it, and curled his trembling fingers into fists as Jounouchi looked over and blinked curiously at him.

"They can't—they can't do that," he said. "You didn't do anything wrong! I was there, I'll go tell them—"

"You won't tell them anything. As far as they know, you had nothing to do with it, and we're gonna keep it that way," Jounouchi said sharply. He suddenly looked more alert than he had since he had arrived, but unless Yuugi was imagining it, he also looked a little afraid. "Everything's fine now, okay? They wouldn't have let me go if they still thought I did it. I'm fine, so you just stick to your alibi and pretend that whole thing never happened, all right?" Jounouchi paused, and then—in a voice that suggested he was a little reluctant to learn the answer—asked, "You . . . did get an alibi, right? Just in case? You and Honda and Anzu?"

"Yeah. We went to Honda-kun's sister's place, like I said." As the tension melted from Jounouchi's shoulders, Yuugi added, "She, ah, wasn't too happy about the idea of lying to the police if they asked her where we were, especially when Honda-kun wouldn't tell her why, but—"

"But she'll cover for you anyway, because that's just how she is," Jounouchi finished, and Yuugi nodded. "Good ol' sista." He yawned then, though he covered it with the back of one hand, and blinked blearily a few times as if to clear his vision as he looked back toward the stairs of his apartment building.

He really did look exhausted—beyond exhausted, even, completely worn down, and it made sense if he had spent the night in police questioning. Part of Yuugi wanted to just pick up the conversation after school the next day, and that part of Yuugi insisted that he should, because Jounouchi was clearly in need of a good few hours of sleep at the bare minimum. But another part of Yuugi, a more insistent part, knew that he had waited there for a reason. He still remembered with far more clarity than he wanted to how it had looked when Hirutani had shoved that gun into Jounouchi's mouth—and how willing, even eager Jounouchi had sounded when he had baited Hirutani into it. Yuugi wasn't sure if he had ever felt that scared before in his life, even taking into account all of the bullies he had faced over the years and combining them into one. Sleep was important, and Jounouchi did need his rest—but this was important, too.

"But anyway, I was hoping we could talk today since you didn't—couldn't—come by last night," Yuugi said, and Jounouchi looked back at him, blinking again as if to pull him into focus. "Maybe we could go somewhere more private—?"

"Oh. Uh, yeah. Sure." Jounouchi's response was less than enthusiastic, and he looked away as he said it, raking a hand through (or over, Yuugi supposed) his hair again. But even though the prospect clearly didn't excite him, he had still agreed to it anyway. Yuugi felt as though a weight had been lifted off his chest, like it was suddenly that much easier to breathe, and he realized then just how much worry he really had carried that Jounouchi would push him away again, even as he had tried to tell himself he had no reason to be afraid. "But can you, uh—"

"What?"

"Can you wait for maybe twenty minutes?" Jounouchi made a face that looked caught somewhere between embarrassed and uncomfortable as he turned back to Yuugi. "I'm kinda grody from being in questioning all night, so I just wanna shower real quick. If you've got the time, anyway."

"Yeah, that's fine," Yuugi said, and he smiled to show he meant it. The corners of Jounouchi's lips twitched a little, but it was so faint Yuugi wasn't sure that was what he really saw, and in any case, Jounouchi didn't smile back. "I'll just wait here. After all this time I'm pretty good at it, right?"

"Yeah. Sure," Jounouchi said absently. "I'll be right back."

Jounouchi turned and started toward the stairs that led up to his apartment, and—as he said he would, and because it wasn't like he had much else to do—Yuugi sat back down at the base of the wall and picked up the Mirror Blocks Cube again.

The easy part, or what Yuugi assumed would be the easy part, anyway, was out of the way. Jounouchi had agreed to talk. And even if he, for whatever reason, decided not to come back—if twenty minutes passed and there was no sign of him—Yuugi at least knew that he was home now, and therefore knew that he could risk knocking on the door without Jounouchi's father being the only one to answer it. Not that he would, because Yuugi was pretty sure that Jounouchi would keep to his word, but he could, if it came to it. If Jounouchi, say, fell asleep in the shower, Yuugi could go get him.

But that still left their actual talk. Yuugi twisted one of the pieces of the Mirror Blocks Cube around with a bit more force than needed to, and straightened it when he accidentally shifted it out of place. There was a lot they needed to talk about, so much that—now that the opportunity had presented itself—Yuugi didn't really know where to begin. There was all that had happened in the warehouse, with Hirutani and Jounouchi's attempted sacrifice and the fact that Yuugi, Anzu, and Honda were brought there in the first place, but there was everything that happened before that, too. There was Jounouchi's transfer to Rintama, and whether or not he would transfer back; there was whatever had happened that had led to his broken ribs and his trip to Honda's sister's; there was the fact that he had been off the grid for at least two months before the night in the park, but how he had seemed so closed off that night even as he saved Yuugi from that mugger . . .

There was a lot, basically, but in the end Yuugi supposed it all boiled down to the same thing. He just wanted to make sure Jounouchi would be okay. So long as Jounouchi was okay, everything else could wait.

True to his word, Jounouchi was only gone for about twenty minutes. Yuugi heard him descending the stairs before he saw him, and so by the time Jounouchi rounded the corner to come out to the street again, Yuugi had already stood up and stowed the Mirror Blocks Cube in his jacket pocket. But although he had known that Jounouchi was coming, when Yuugi turned and laid eyes on him, he still felt his heart jump in his chest.

Before, Jounouchi had looked terrible. He still didn't look well, but now that he had cleaned up, he did look a little better—and, given the state he was in, looking a little better made a big difference. His hair looked lighter and fluffier after being washed, and his eyes looked a little brighter, a little more alert. Instead of wearing the ruffled school uniform he had been wearing before, he was now dressed in jeans with large holes in both knees, a denim jacket, and a grey t-shirt that had the Siam Shade logo splashed in black across the front. Yuugi felt a little thrill as he realized that it was the first time he had seen Jounouchi wearing something other than his Rintama uniform since June.

"Ready?" Jounouchi asked. Yuugi nodded, even as his eyes fell to the dark grey travel mug Jounouchi held in one hand. Noticing his gaze, Jounouchi gestured a little with the cup and said, "Coffee," by way of explanation. That, Yuugi figured, was probably the reason why Jounouchi looked a little more awake, even if he did still look more exhausted than not.

"I figured we could go someplace more private," Yuugi said, and he put his hands in the pockets of his own jacket to avoid fidgeting too much. For Jounouchi's sake more than anything, Yuugi didn't want to look nervous. "It doesn't have to be completely private, but I figured it might be better to go somewhere off the street. Maybe—"

"I know a place," Jounouchi said, and he started past Yuugi to head down the street. Yuugi hastened to fall into pace beside him. "Come on. It's not far."

"Okay, sounds good," Yuugi said. Jounouchi showed no reaction that he had heard him; he simply took a drink of his coffee and kept walking.

They walked together in silence, and in many ways, it reminded Yuugi of that night in the park a month ago. Jounouchi had been quiet then as well, aside from the times Yuugi had tried to prod him into conversation. Then, as now, he hadn't offered up anything of his own, and Yuugi kept noticing little details the longer he observed him. Back then he had noticed Jounouchi's short hair, and now he noticed that Jounouchi seemed to keep his eyes on the ground as he walked, rather than looking straight ahead. But the main difference, Yuugi thought, was that a month ago Jounouchi's silence had seemed purposeful; back then it had been as though a wall had been constructed between them, or perhaps a door, one that Jounouchi had thrown his weight against and was refusing to open even if he would sometimes speak through the wood. But the quiet between them now felt more tired than stolid, like Jounouchi had been drained of whatever he had used to keep that door between them shut tight, and just didn't have the strength to make his voice heard through it anymore. Yuugi wasn't entirely sure which brand of silence was worse.

Whatever the case, Jounouchi was being truthful yet again when he said their destination wasn't far. He led Yuugi around the block and down a side street to a little playground that was surrounded on three sides by a low brick wall topped with cinderblocks. The playground itself didn't seem to be much; it consisted of a swingset that had two rubber swings suspended by rusted metal chains, a plastic jungle gym with a dirty slide and a fireman's pole, and a roundabout constructed entirely of unpainted metal that, once again, had red spots of rust littering the hand grips. A deep bed of gravel surrounded the playground equipment on all sides, no doubt to provide at least some cushion to the kids who would go flying off the swings, miss the fireman's pole as they tried to slide down it, or get flung off the roundabout. But whether it was because any children in the neighborhood had already gotten bored of the little playground equipment they had, or because their parents had determined that the playground was too dangerous for their kids to play on, or because of the evening (and therefore supper-time) hour, the playground was completely abandoned save for the two of them. Jounouchi walked over to one of the low walls and hopped up to sit on it, and Yuugi—figuring the wall was as good a place to talk as any—walked over and jumped up to join him.

For a moment they sat in silence, with the only sound coming from the faint squeak of the swingset chains as the wind lightly jostled them. Yuugi searched for a place to start—for something to say to prompt Jounouchi into conversation, even though he had so much he wanted to talk about he could hardly figure out what a good leading point was—but before he had a chance to say anything, Jounouchi spoke up first: "I'm sorry."

"Huh?" Yuugi looked over at Jounouchi, but Jounouchi wasn't looking at him. Instead, his eyes were focused on the lid of his travel mug as he gently ran his thumb along the rim. "For what?"

"For what?" Jounouchi repeated, and he huffed a small, incredulous laugh. "For everything. Where to start? I've been a complete asshole to you since June. Especially in June. Everything I said back then, I—"

"It's okay," Yuugi said, and this time Jounouchi did look at him, but only for a second before he shook his head and looked away again. "You had—"

"No it isn't. Nothing I've said or done has been 'okay,'" Jounouchi said, and he squeezed the travel mug a little more tightly. "I was a complete bastard to you, Yuugi. I shoved you, and I said—well, you were there. You know. And I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Yuugi said again, but as Jounouchi opened his mouth to retort he added quickly, "I know you didn't mean it. You just—you had to, right? Because of Hirutani."

"I didn't have to," Jounouchi said quietly. "I could've pretended I didn't know who you were. Could've said I'd never seen you before in my life. Could've left before anything else happened—anything worse. Could've let . . . hell, I don't know." Jounouchi ran his hand through his hair again and tried to grip it, but it didn't seem to be long enough for that yet. He let his hand fall back down on his lap. "I thought I was making the right choice, but all it did was hurt you, and for what? He ended up getting a hold of you anyway because I fucked up again two months later. Go me."

"You mean when you saved me in the park that night? That's what Hirutani was upset about, right?" Yuugi asked, and Jounouchi nodded, but then made a face as if in disagreement.

"Yeah, kind of. He was pissed because I 'met' with you in the park, but also pissed because I was late, but also pissed that the reason I was late was because I was with you in the park, and finally even more pissed because I lied about it and couldn't cover my tracks right." Jounouchi snorted. "Only I would be dumb enough to show up with blood on my hands and not expect him to ask questions. I'm such a fucking idiot."

"You're not," Yuugi said, but Jounouchi gave no reply. "Besides, it's my fault he found out about that anyway. He didn't know that we talked in the park until I accidentally told him. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. You didn't know it was supposed to be a secret. And I'm the one that decided to get involved in the first place. I knew how dangerous it was for you, and yet I—"

"But if you hadn't, that mugger was going to hurt me, right?" Yuugi interrupted, and Jounouchi fell quiet again, his only response a small nod. "So I'm glad you did. Everything's worked out now, and I didn't get mugged or hurt back then. You were just protecting me. You didn't deserve to get hurt for that."

"Yeah, well. Doesn't change what followed, and anyway, that's not the point. The point is, I'm sorry for what I said and did to you, especially back in June. I didn't mean it, but that doesn't make it any better. I'm sorry."

"It's really okay. I'm really not upset about it anymore," Yuugi said, and even allowing for that brief moment of uncomfortable fear he had felt when Jounouchi had said that he didn't have to say the things he did, Yuugi found that it was true. Ever since that night in the park, he had hardly thought of that day back in June—and when he did, when he ran over the day again and again as he tried to pick up on anything he might have missed, it was more to realize just how much Jounouchi had avoided meeting his eyes that day, just how desperate Jounouchi had seemed to remove himself from the situation. However it might have felt in June, when it seemed as though Jounouchi had started to hate him for reasons Yuugi couldn't puzzle out, Yuugi knew now that none of that had been real. Jounouchi hadn't changed; none of what he had said was really him. That, more than anything, made it more than easy for Yuugi to move on.

But even if he had, it didn't seem that Jounouchi had. Jounouchi fell silent again, staring at the travel mug in his hands, but his eyes looked unfocused and Yuugi couldn't tell if it was because of preoccupation or fatigue. Either way, sitting in silence wouldn't get them anywhere, and the faster they talked through this, the sooner Jounouchi could go get some sleep.

"Are you going to come back to school?" Yuugi asked. Of all the things they needed to talk about, he figured that was the easiest place to start. The easiest question, with the least complicated answer.

Or so he had figured, anyway. Jounouchi was quiet for a long moment. Yuugi looked at him askance, watching him, and when Jounouchi finally answered, it was in a carefully measured tone of voice. "I'm not sure that's the best idea."

"What? Why not?" Yuugi asked, and he couldn't help the fact that his tone came out as more than a little startled—that it sounded more like a demand rather than a question. Jounouchi's lips curled into something of a sardonic smirk, a far cry from the bright and warm grins Yuugi remembered—the ones that always inspired him to smile back himself, before he could help it. It was much closer, he thought, to the little rueful smile he remembered from the park.

"Do you really think the good boys and girls of Domino High would benefit from having someone like me around?"

"Yes," Yuugi said immediately, and Jounouchi scoffed before he took another drink of his coffee. "Why wouldn't they—we?"

"Because I'm a pretty fucked up guy, Yuugi. Always have been, even if I didn't really . . . see it before." Jounouchi glanced over, but rather than looking directly at Yuugi, his eyes had trailed down to rest on the Millennium Puzzle. "Even if I thought that maybe I could . . ." He shook his head and looked away again, drowning the rest of whatever he had been about to say with another swig from his travel mug before he muttered, "Whatever. Doesn't matter."

"Yes it does, and no you're not," Yuugi said. Jounouchi looked at him askance, his expression skeptical. "How can you say something like—?"

"Because I am. Normal people—good people don't do the things I've done, and it sure as hell isn't easy for them. Not the way it is for me. I'm a natural." He spat the word like it was something toxic he had dropped in his mouth by mistake, his face twisted in a grimace around the taste of it. "I'm not good. Never have been. There's a reason my own parents don't even want anything to do with me, you know? My mom—"

"Who cares what they want?" Yuugi demanded, for while he had never met Jounouchi's mother, the mention of Jounouchi's parents brought to mind the thrown beer bottle that had nearly hit Honda in the face last June—the one that Jounouchi's father had meant to strike his son. Whatever Jounouchi's mother was like, Yuugi couldn't help but think that his father's opinion couldn't be worth very much. "I want you around."

Jounouchi went rigid the second the words left Yuugi's mouth, his fingers constricting around his coffee cup, and Yuugi wondered if that was the wrong thing to say. Maybe he shouldn't have said something that was borderline insulting toward Jounouchi's parents, or maybe Jounouchi misunderstood him. Thinking about it now, Yuugi supposed his word choice wasn't the best—that maybe it sounded a little strong. Heat started to creep up into his cheeks at the thought of it, and (particularly given the way Jounouchi had swallowed and was now glaring at the travel mug in his hands) he decided to steer the conversation onto a safer, but no less true, track.

"You're not a bad person," he said, less forcefully this time. "You said good people don't do the things you done, but the opposite's true. Bad people don't do the things you've done."

Jounouchi relaxed as Yuugi changed the subject, but for all that the sudden tension left his shoulders, a rueful chuckle left his lips right along with it. "No, bad guys do exactly the things I've done. Trust me on this one. I've met a lot of 'em, and there's not a whole lot of difference between me and them when you get right down to it."

"That's not true," Yuugi said. "I've met a lot of bad guys too, and—"

"Really? What bad people have you met? School bullies?" Jounouchi asked, and Yuugi frowned and said nothing. "School bullies and Hirutani. Well, the school bullies are nowhere near as bad as the guys I know, and as for Hirutani . . ." Jounouchi scratched his thumbnail along the rim of the travel mug, drawing it back and forth as if trying to wear a groove into the plastic. "Well, it's like I said. When it comes to the things he did, and the things I've done, there's not a lot of difference when you get right down to it. It was a lot of the same jobs, really."

"There was a ton of difference! How can you even—"

"There really wasn't. I did a lot of the same shit he did, just on different days. I even did some shit he didn't, but that's just because he knew it was easier to make me do it than to get out there and do it himself. Figured he'd make himself look like a bigger man by calling the shots behind the scenes, as if that changed anything." Jounouchi scowled at the travel mug. "Not that it makes a difference whether he called it or not. I'm still the one that did it."

"You're not like him," Yuugi said fiercely, but Jounouchi still wouldn't look up at him. "I know I didn't know him very well, but I know what Honda-kun said and I know what I saw at the café and at the warehouse—"

"Honda doesn't know about all the shit I've done," Jounouchi said. "And neither do you, so—"

"—and I can tell just from that little bit that you're nothing at all like him, Jounouchi-kun. You say you did a lot of the same things, but he would never—"

"You know what I was doing that night we met in the park?" Jounouchi said suddenly, and Yuugi shut his mouth, feeling an anxious sort of tension unfurl in his gut at the way Jounouchi had raised his voice to interrupt. "You know what I had already done, what I was on my way to do?"

"What?"

"I was on my way to deliver some kind of external hard drive thing to someone—" Jounouchi stopped himself abruptly and swallowed before he continued a bit more calmly, "—someone dangerous. Someone bad. And you wanna know where I got it?"

"Where?"

"From a businessman's briefcase after I mugged him." Yuugi waited, and when Jounouchi saw that Yuugi wasn't going to interrupt him, he continued. "I popped the lock on his car when it was still in the parking garage, I waited until he was on a dark street away from any businesses, I made him stop his car, made him get out, confirmed he had the thing, hit him hard enough to knock him out, and then I robbed him. Took his cash, too, even though I didn't have to, even though that wasn't 'my job,' because apparently I'm just that kind of guy." Jounouchi looked over at Yuugi again, his eyes hard, his expression and tone suggesting at once that he was being both deadly serious and sincere. "Would a good guy do that?"

Yuugi swallowed. "Not necessarily," he said quietly.

Jounouchi scoffed. "'Not necessarily.'" He hopped off the wall and patted his pockets down, as if looking for something, but whatever it was he didn't find it. "Let's see if you keep believing that, because believe me, that's not even the half of it."

What followed, without any prompting from Yuugi, was an impassioned and scornful recounting of all the crimes Jounouchi had carried out over the past several months. Yuugi listened quietly as Jounouchi told him about homes and offices he had broken into, cars he had hotwired or sabotaged ("See, it only takes brains to fix a car," he said, "but you can be as dumb as me and still break the damn thing by popping the hood and screwing around with the engine for long enough"), drugs he had sold and the teenagers—kids their age, or maybe only a little older—who had gotten addicted to them, people he had mugged, and (though he kept the details extremely vague) dealings he had and jobs he had done for people Yuugi suspected might be yakuza, though Jounouchi wouldn't say for sure.

By the end of it, the rap sheet was nothing if not extensive, and Yuugi stared at the Puzzle as he traced the cracks between the pieces with one finger. When Jounouchi was finished, Yuugi took a minute to collect himself, and then voiced the only question on his mind—the one he had to ask, because he couldn't rest until he did, even though voice shook under the weight of his reluctance.

"Did you . . . ever kill anyone?"

"No."

Jounouchi's answer was quiet, but immediate enough that—just as he had known it earlier when Jounouchi had said he had been in police questioning—Yuugi knew it was true. The stress he had felt over the possibility left him in a sigh as Jounouchi walked back over to hop up on the wall again, his shoulders hunched and his head down as he kicked his heels back against the bricks.

"Not for lack of trying, though," he said after a moment. Yuugi gave him a questioning look, and though Jounouchi only glanced at him briefly (and from the corner of his eye, no less), it served as enough prompting for him to go on. "After we met that night in the park, I got in a fight with Hirutani. Things got kinda outta hand, and I took his knife." He laughed disparagingly and ran a hand over his hair. "Lot of good that did me. I couldn't follow through. Not only did I fail, but all I had to show for it was . . ." He trailed off, and vaguely gestured at himself with one hand before he let his hand fall back against his thigh. "Just another fuck up to add to the list, I guess."

Jounouchi wasn't looking at him, having chosen instead to stare at either his hands or the ground as he talked. By this point in the conversation, his lack of eye contact wasn't surprising in the least. But even as Jounouchi looked at the ground, Yuugi looked at what he could see of Jounouchi's face, seated beside him as he was. With this new piece of Jounouchi's story, something Yuugi thought he had already knew now burned with a little more clarity, and his fingers constricted around the edge of the cinderblocks he was seated upon, his fingernails scraping against the stone.

"He really hurt you, didn't he?" Yuugi asked quietly.

Jounouchi shrugged. "I started it. Wouldn't have happened if I didn't take the knife, anyway."

"That's not what I meant, but that wasn't your fault, either," Yuugi said.

Jounouchi looked over at him, his brow scrunched in confusion, but now Yuugi did look away, staring down at the gravel pushed up against the base of the wall instead.

Jounouchi looked and sounded completely worn down, despite any signs of frustration or impatience that flared up now and again. Hirutani had broken Jounouchi's ribs, yes, and if what Honda's sister had said was true, he had also tried to strangle him. But the damage ran deeper than that—much deeper, even if Yuugi was only just starting to realize how much—and so while he couldn't quite bring himself to say he was happy that anyone was dead, he could truthfully say that when it came to Hirutani, he wasn't sorry.

Upon seeing that Yuugi wasn't going to elaborate, Jounouchi looked back out at the playground, and grabbed his travel mug from where he had set it on the wall beside him. "Yeah, well. Now you know. You know about all the shit I've done, and then some. And now you see it, right? Why you're better off without me? Why I'm not this great guy you think I am?"

"No. I don't see that at all," Yuugi said, and Jounouchi rolled his eyes.

"Yuugi, come on—"

"No, I really don't," Yuugi said, and this time he was the one to raise his voice—an effort to get Jounouchi to listen to him and not interrupt, or at least to make his point sound more firm. "You keep saying you're a bad guy, but I don't see that. Yeah, you did bad things, but that doesn't mean that you're a bad person."

"A good guy wouldn't do the things I did."

"He would if he didn't have any other choice," Yuugi said. "You only did those things because Hirutani told you to, didn't you? Because if you didn't, he'd hurt you, or he'd hurt one of us, right?" Jounouchi didn't answer. "That doesn't make you a bad person, Jounouchi-kun. It just makes you someone who did bad things because you were in a bad situation."

"That doesn't excuse it," Jounouchi said. "I hurt people, Yuugi. I hurt a lot of people, and the things I did—"

"I didn't say it excused it," Yuugi said. "I just said it explained it, and that it proves you're not a bad guy. The fact that you're so upset about it proves you aren't a bad person. Bad people don't feel guilty about the things they do. Hirutani never did, did he?"

"No. But big deal, I feel guilty. I still—"

"So, see? And Hirutani would probably never sacrifice himself for someone else, would he?" Yuugi pressed. "If, say, you—if someone was going to kill you, he wouldn't have taken your place, would he?"

Jounouchi snorted. "Are you kidding? He always looked out for number one. Number two was just a bonus."

"You see? He wouldn't, but you did. When he was going to kill one of us, you tried to take our place. You—he—" Yuugi swallowed past the sudden catch in his throat. "He was really going to kill you."

Jounouchi shrugged again. "Better me than you."

"That's not true," Yuugi said sharply. Jounouchi kicked his foot back against the brick of the wall once more, the movement slow and rhythmic.

"Yeah it is. But it doesn't matter anyway, because you . . ." He frowned, and for reasons that had nothing to do with anything Jounouchi had yet said, or anything Yuugi himself had said, Yuugi felt his mouth go dry. "You decided to play Russian roulette with him. Not that I'm not, you know, grateful for what you did, but you know that's the dumbest thing you've ever done in your life, right? You could've died, too. Easily could've, if that game had gone wrong."

Yuugi forced a laugh, and rubbed a hand along the back of his neck, and tried to breathe against a sudden bout of heart palpitations. "Yeah, I guess it . . . I guess it was. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Jounouchi said, but before Yuugi could say anything more he added, "But what . . . happened back there, anyway? I couldn't see with the way he had me pinned against the wall, but even after that, you . . ." Jounouchi looked over at him, and against his will Yuugi turned to meet his scrutinizing gaze. "You weren't acting like yourself."

Yuugi licked his lips and swallowed to try and coat his dry throat, and looked back down at the Millennium Puzzle. The low, red-violet light of the sunset, combined with the streetlamps that had flickered on due to the late hour, cast an odd shine on the gold. Somehow it looked brighter than it should have, Yuugi thought—almost ethereal, otherworldly, and while he had always known that it had some kind of powers (the power to grant wishes, he had always thought), more and more he had come to feel unnerved and almost a little afraid of the power it seemed to hold over him.

"Yuugi?" Jounouchi prompted.

"I don't really know," Yuugi said, and he ran his fingernails along the grooves in the Puzzle. "I don't . . . remember."

"You don't remember?"

"No."

It was the same thing he had told Honda and Anzu on their way to Honda's sister's place, when Honda had asked for more details about what had happened after he dragged Jounouchi out of the warehouse. Yuugi didn't remember, not in the least bit, no matter how much they probed him or how hopeful (and then confused, disappointed, and pensive all at once) Anzu looked. He remembered being held in the gang member's grasp, remembered Jounouchi taunting Hirutani and baiting him into murder—remembered how terrified he had felt, and remembered feeling that familiar sensation of lightheadedness that made his vision abnormally bright and vivid for just a moment before everything distorted and then went dark. He remembered how he had fought against that feeling because he didn't want to pass out, not right then, not when Jounouchi could die—but also how he had finally succumbed to it as Hirutani shoved the barrel of the revolver into Jounouchi's mouth, as Honda had screamed and thrashed against his captors and Anzu turned her head away so she wouldn't have to watch. After that he remembered nothing until he was standing outside of the warehouse and everyone except Hirutani was safe and alive.

"But you . . . how can you not remember?" Jounouchi asked. Yuugi pressed his lips together and didn't answer, and after a moment Jounouchi said more quietly, "Yuugi, I don't . . . it doesn't really matter what the answer is, as long as it's true. I mean, whatever it is, you saved my life, so . . . it's fine. But I just—I just have to know the truth, for my own peace of mind, you know? I just have to know that you're being honest with me, and that you're really . . . you." He laughed a little, humorlessly. "Not that I can really ask that, I know, and not that it really matters, considering, but . . ."

"No, it's okay," Yuugi said. Jounouchi said nothing, waiting for him to go on, and after a few extra beats of silence Yuugi took a deep breath and said, "It's . . . it's because of the Millennium Puzzle, I think."

"The Millennium Puzzle?"

"Yeah. Ever since I solved it, I . . . there have been times when I . . . when I passed out, I guess, and I . . . I never remember what happens during those times. But I don't think I—or my body, at least—was really unconscious. I think that, during those times I can't remember, there was a . . . another me that walked around and did stuff." Jounouchi was silent, and Yuugi squeezed the Puzzle a little more tightly to stop his hands from trembling. "I didn't want to say anything to anyone because I didn't know if it was true, and if it was true then I—I didn't want anyone to think I was crazy, or creepy, or to—to stop being my friend, especially since, well, we had just started being friends, but now that this happened, I . . ." Yuugi took a deep, shaky breath. "I guess I . . . I can't hide it anymore, so . . ." Yuugi cleared his throat. "That's . . . that's what happened, I think. That's why I don't remember."

"Oh." Jounouchi fell quiet again after that one word, and after a few seconds (and while his hands were clenched around the Millennium Puzzle so tightly the edges dug into his palms and his fingers started to ache), Yuugi forced himself to look at Jounouchi out of the corner of his eye.

His heart seized in his throat when he saw that Jounouchi was smiling.

"What are you—?"

"I should've known it would just be something like that," Jounouchi said under his breath, and he ran a hand over his hair again. "I mean, I don't know how I could've guessed, but . . ."

"Jounouchi-kun?"

"It's just another Yuugi, right? Like . . . I don't know, another you, a different you," Jounouchi said, and Yuugi nodded as Jounouchi looked over. "So what? That might be another you inside of you, but you're still you. You're still the Yuugi I know. Always have been, always will be, right?"

"Yeah," Yuugi said, and the sudden wave of relief he felt was enough to almost make him laugh at the fact that, just a few minutes ago, he had been terrified of telling Jounouchi the truth.

"So that's that, then," Jounouchi said, and he looked back out at the playground. "So long as you're still you, that's all that matters to me."

Yuugi bit his bottom lip in an attempt to contain both the smile that was struggling to break free, and the light sting of tears in his eyes. "Thanks," he managed after a moment, though his throat felt a little strangled even as he said it. "I feel the same way—about you, I mean. So far as I'm concerned, as long as you are who you are, too, we'll always be friends. Right?" His words were met with silence, and Yuugi frowned as he looked over at Jounouchi, who had drawn his legs up so that the heels of his feet were braced along the edge of the wall. He had wrapped his arms around his legs, his chin on his knees, and the travel mug was held loosely in one hand. "Jounouchi-kun?"

No response. Jounouchi was still staring out at the playground, his soft smile completely gone, replaced by a deep-set frown, his brow furrowed. After a few seconds of staring at the jungle gym like it presented a riddle he couldn't figure out the answer to, he shook his head and put his forehead against his knees.

"How can you want to?" he asked. "I—Yuugi, you hate violence. You hate it, and I'm one of the most violent guys you know. The things I've done, the people I've hurt—I've hurt a lot of people, and you know that now. You know it, I told you. So how can you sit there and say you still want to be friends with me? How—why do you want anything to do with me at all?"

"You didn't do those things because you wanted to," Yuugi said, and Jounouchi snorted as he shook his head again.

"It doesn't matter," he said, and when he lifted his head it was to glare at the playground equipment with an expression that bordered on hatred. The hand not holding his travel mug curled into a fist so tight his arm shook a little. "Doesn't change the fact that I did—"

"It does matter," Yuugi said, and as Jounouchi shook his head again, Yuugi raised his voice a little. "Your reasons, your motivations matter—"

"No it doesn't. I hurt people, a lot of people, and it doesn't—"

"You did, but not because you wan—"

"That doesn't stop them from being—"

"You were being blackmailed!" Yuugi cried, and not only did the volume of his cry border on a shout and make his voice crack, but Jounouchi actually jumped a little as he turned to look at Yuugi. Yuugi swallowed, both to give himself time to choose his next words, and to give himself a moment to calm down a little. He hadn't realized until that moment that Jounouchi wasn't the only one shaking. "It matters because you were being blackmailed with our safety. You wouldn't have done any of that—you didn't do any of that because you wanted to, and that matters when it comes to deciding what kind of person you are. If you were a bad guy, you would have hurt people because you wanted to. Because—because you wanted money from them, or because you were just—I don't know, just because. But that's not what happened. You hurt people, and you did bad things . . . but only because you were trying to protect us. Maybe you're right, and that doesn't excuse it. But it explains it, and it shows you're not a bad person. You won't do any of that again, will you? You don't want to, right?"

"No."

"Then see? I know you aren't a bad guy, Jounouchi-kun, because given the choice and the option—given a situation where you're not being blackmailed—you don't want to hurt others. You don't want to mug people, or sell them drugs, or—or any of that. You only did it before because you wanted to protect us. You were ready to—to die for us, just yesterday, because of that." Yuugi squeezed the edges of the cinderblock wall top again, his fingernails digging into the stone, fighting back against the tears that stung at his eyes. "You had to make a lot of tough choices, and no matter what you chose to do, someone was going to get hurt. I don't know all the details, but from what I do know, I think a lot of those times the person that got hurt was you. But you chose it anyway, just to protect us." Yuugi looked down at the Puzzle, and after a couple seconds said, "So I don't think you're a bad person at all. I think you're a good person who did bad things because blackmail doesn't really leave a lot of room for actual choice. But I don't think you're bad, and I don't hate you. I feel the exact opposite, actually."

Jounouchi was silent for a long moment. By this point, the sun had all but set; the sky was painted a deep indigo, and the first pockets of visible stars were already peeking out from behind the clouds. The evening air was cool, and a small but strong breeze caressed Yuugi's cheek on their side of the playground as it teased the swings on the other side.

"I don't deserve you," Jounouchi said finally. His voice was soft, and when Yuugi looked over, he saw that Jounouchi was staring down at the gravel, his expression weary and somehow forlorn.

"That's for me to decide," Yuugi said, but he faltered, then, as he studied Jounouchi's downcast expression—as it occurred to him that they had been more or less arguing since they sat down. He was pushing Jounouchi—pressuring him—and that wasn't why he had chosen to wait outside of the apartment building all day. It wasn't what he had wanted to do. Whatever he wanted, what mattered most was Jounouchi's wellbeing, and so Yuugi took a deep breath to steel himself before he said, "But if—it's your choice. I meant what I said before—at least, I think I said it, that night in the park. If you don't—we don't—you don't have to come back to school, or be my friend if you don't want to. If you really do want to end things, then . . . I won't stop you. I just want to make sure you're okay. So if you really don't want to be friends anymore, then—"

"Are you crazy?" Jounouchi turned halfway on the wall so that he was facing Yuugi, and his expression—the sheer disbelief, bordering on indignation in his eyes and the part of his lips—was enough to make Yuugi's heart lift. "Of course I do, that was never the—"

Yuugi couldn't say precisely what made him do it. He didn't plan it, or spare so much as a single thought to the action before he did it. But as Jounouchi spoke—as his facial expression gave away what he was going to say before he even said it—Yuugi brought his feet up onto the wall so that he was crouching instead of sitting, and then threw his arms around Jounouchi's neck in the securest hug he could manage. The force of his hug rocked Jounouchi back a bit, but he stayed steady on the wall, and Yuugi—realizing in that moment that he was not only touching Jounouchi, but hugging him for the first time in months without being pushed away or rebuffed—held him just a little bit tighter.

"I'm sorry for everything that's happened," he said. "I know it hasn't been easy for you, and nothing I can say or do will make what happened go away. But you don't have to punish yourself, Jounouchi-kun. Hirutani hurt you enough already. If you want to come back, then please, come back. I've . . . I've really missed you. We all have."

Jounouchi was completely still in Yuugi's arms, and when he finally spoke it was only to say, his voice gruff, ". . . Little tight there, buddy."

"O-Oh. Sor—" Yuugi loosened his grip and started to draw back, but before he could Jounouchi looped a hesitant arm around his shoulders, and drew him close again in a gentle one-armed embrace.

"I've really missed you, too," he said quietly.

Yuugi smiled against the denim of Jounouchi's jacket. He held Jounouchi for another moment more, and when he pulled back at last he was unable to wipe the smile from his face. He took one of Jounouchi's hands in his own, and gave it a light, reassuring squeeze.

"Then, Jounouchi-kun . . ." he said. "Let's go home."

It took a second, and Jounouchi looking down at their hands (slowly flexing his fingers as Yuugi laced them together with his), but when Jounouchi looked back up and met Yuugi's eyes and smile, he finally nodded and softly smiled back.