"Ok, so, we asked our viewers to write questions for the Crown Prince and his retinue - we were swarmed by letters," Bob joked, laughing.

The prince's friends all laughed. Noctis scratched the tip of his nose with a small smile.

Bob continued, "We couldn't read them all in our show, but we gathered an interesting selection. You ready?"

"Shoot," said Gladio.

"Alright, here we go! First letter:

'Prince Noctis, when I first saw you, I thought you were the silent, brooding type. Now that I know you're very nice and you like a good joke, I was wondering if I could switch you with my boyfriend. Talking to him is like talking to a wall sometimes.' ...Angela Griffin."

Noctis' friends cat-called, while Gladio slapped him rather roughly on the back and said, "You're first fan letter, kid! What are you gonna do?"

Prompto egged him on, fist in the air. "Go for it, go for it!"

"I've never seen Highness with a girlfriend," said Ignis.

Gladio answered somberly, "He has a betrothed."

"At this age, that's tragedy," added Prompto.

"So what's your answer," asked Ignis.

Noctis folded his arms and said, "Whatever."

"Aw," teased Prompto. "I think we embarrassed him!"

"Shut up," said Noctis.

"Well," Ignis said, "If you're having communication problems with your boyfriend, I think it's best to talk this out with him."

"That's gonna be tricky." Gladio chuckled.

"I think she's on the right track," Prompto said. "Make him jealous. If Noct is too shy, I'm always available!"

With an eyeroll, Noctis scoffed, "That should give her a hint."

"Hey!"

Ignis said, "Anyway, I don't think Angela is serious."

"Maybe she's half serious," Gladio speculated.

"I have to marry Lady Lunafreya, anyway."

"Well Luna sounds nice enough," said Prompto. "But an arranged marriage? Even before you dated? Must suck."

Noctis shrugged.

"As long as she's not the type to wake him up from his naps, I think it's all good with him," Gladio joked.

"Hear that, Angela," said Ignis. "At least your boyfriend stays awake until the end of the day."

"Can we get on with the next letter, please," Noctis snapped. "My friends suck right now."

Bob cleared his throat. "Okay, next letter:

'Hey! You guys look cool. Type of people I'd hang out with. At least, I'm sure you guys wouldn't drag me around half the globe in search of vengeance, like some other royals! You know, my country used to have a crystal kinda like yours...but then we were invaded by a greedy empire. Take care!'...Sky Pirate."

The guys stared, unable to come up with a reply. Bob laughed nervously. "A strange one fell into the mix, it seems!"

Ignis muttered, "That's horrifically ominous."

"Don't say that," cried Prompto. "You'll jinx it!"

Noctis frowned. "Gotta watch out for Niflheim."

Gladio nodded to Bob, "Keep em' coming!"

Flustered, Bob pulled out the next letter. "Uh...th-this one says:

'Don't trust those white cloaked ass-holes. Especially if they're blond! And hooded.'...Avalanche."

Bob wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Who arranged these," he whispered harshly into his earpiece, before turning back with his stage smile.

"Okaay," said Prompto.

"I agree," said Noctis. "I don't like hooded people."

Ignis asked, "Have you any letters with less dark content?"

"I'm sure there are! Hehe!" Bob went through the letters quickly. "This one seems safe!

'Dear, Prince of Lucis. Hope you are well. Running a kingdom is hard work, especially when you inherit it at a young age. At least you didn't have to escape persecution from a crazy ruler trying to kill you. I do hope it's easier sailing for you. Good luck!' ...Queen of Alexandria'"

Noctis fidgeted nervously.

"I don't like these letters," shouted Prompto.

"Relax," said Ignis calmly. "I'm sure all is well. We'll be signing a treaty with our most hostile neighbour soon. That's a good sign, isn't it?"

No one answered.

Bob searched frantically for another letter. "Ah! Look, here!

'What sports do you guys like to play?'...Wakka." Bob sighed with relief.

Gladio piped up, "Boxing!"

"I like basketball," jumped in Prompto.

"Chocobo racing," said Noctis.

Ignis stayed quiet a moment. Then answered,"Figure skating."

Noctis didn't look surprised but the other two looked at him funny.

Prompto scratched his head. "Deep beneath that cool, meticulous exterior, you're really weird, aren't you?"

"I don't know what you mean." Ignis pushed his glasses up, looking away.

"Figure skating is perfectly normal," said Noctis.

Ignis gave him a little bow. "Thank you, Highness."

"Not when it's a knife wielding wannabe bounty hunter," cried Prompto.

"Bounty hunters can have artistic streaks. Everyone has a soft side, Prompt," said Noctis.

Prompto goggled at him. "You're waay too understanding, Noct!"

"Hmph!" Ignis started, "His Highness is -"

"A vessel of compassion and understanding," ended Gladio.

"I was going to say perfectly open-minded. And will you stop interrupting!"

Noctis turned to Bob. "Let's get this going before they get too deep into it."

"Yes, of course! Next letter:

'Gladio, you are just my type! Go out with me. I sent you a picture so you'll know what you're missing if you dare to reject me.' ...Kuja" Bob handed Gladio the picture.

Gladio looked at it and tilted his head with a frown. Noctis leaned over to see, while the other two went around the back of the couch to peer over the big guy's shoulders.

Prompto scratched his head. "Is that a chick or a dude?"

"That's a chick," answered Gladio, full of certainty.

"I don't know," speculated Noctis. "That could be a very pretty guy."

Prompto shot him a grimace. "Yeah...right!"

"That's a man," stated Ignis. "With atrocious fashion sense."

"I don't know," said Gladio. "I think he's kinda hot. Looks like a chick to me."

"Look how he's dressed," Ignis pointed out.

"I like 'em slutty."

"Me too," said Prompto.

"So what's your answer," asked Ignis.

"Um, Kuja, you're very pretty, and, uh, you sound...like a nice...guy. But I already have someone I like."

"Who?" Prompto demanded.

"None of your business! Go back to your seat!" Gladio placed a huge hand on Prompto's face and pushed him away.

Prompto walked back and sat down in his place while rubbing his nose. "Didn't have to shove that beastly paw on my face!"

Bob read the next letter.

"'Hello! I'm looking for a girl with special powers being held captive by a militarily advanced nation. Have you seen her?'...rebel in Esthar."

Everyone blinked. Bob was beginning to sweat profusely.

Noctis cocked his head. "Is he talking about..."

"Can't be," Gladio replied uncertaintly.

"How do we answer that," asked Prompto.

"The more pressing concern is wether we should answer," said Ignis. "Just in case they mean a certain acquaintance of ours, I say we leave this one be."

Bob took out another letter, immediately after that one. He frowned as he read it.

"'Never mind. I found her."...President of Esthar."

Everyone was mute for a moment.

Prompto cried, "What the hell was that!?"

"Weirdo..." muttered Gladio.

Bob was drenched with sweat as he sorted through the letters, trying to find a normal looking one. When he thought he found one, he gave a huge grin and cleared his throat.

"Next letter!

'Greetings. I have an inquiry for Prince Noctis, but first let me address a few issues I see in this, so-called, "royal retinue" which lacks efficiency and organization. Prince Noctis, you are too nice on those beneath you.

To that big baffoon, Gladiolus, you call yourself a bodyguard? I should send Rude to teach you how it's done. He is precise, skillful, potent, and most importantly, quiet. How a bodyguard should be: like a shadow.

As for this loony imp, Prompto, you remind me of my most annoying employee. I like to hit him. But at least he is a competent driver and pilot. Never in a million years would I let such a cartoon, as yourself, drive me anywhere. I have important places to go.

Mr. Scientia, I see you're the reason that "retinue" survives as such. You are pretty efficient. I should like to hire your services. See, my most efficient employee doesn't cook. Teach him, please. Elena's cooking makes me want to cry. And I don't cry. Or bleed. Most of the time.

Prince Noctis, where did you buy your car? I want one.' ...R.S."

Everyone goggled, including Bob.

Prompto finally came out of his stupor and shouted, "That was mean!"

"Well...," muttered Gladio, looking completely affronted. "And here I thought I brought life to this 'so-called retinue.'"

Noctis slapped him on the shoulder. "Sure you do."

"Careful," said Prompto sourly, "you're being too nice to those 'beneath' You."

Noctis smirked. "Well, this guy is a jerk but he's right. I am too nice on you guys. Maybe I should get myself a riding crop."

"Try it," warned Ignis calmly.

Gladio crossed his arms and glowered. "I swear, if you ever turn out like that, I'll knock you on your ass until to straighten up."

"Stop feeling salty," said Noctis, not hiding his amusement.

"I ain't salty!"

Ignis touched his chin in contemplation. "I suppose I could spare a few hours a day..."

"And, the Regalia belongs to my dad. I don't know where he bought it, I'm afraid. I just use it."

"Rich kids..." muttered Prompto.

"Man, next letter," pushed Gladio. "Throw that one in the incinerator!"

Bob continued, shaking and pale now.

"''Sup Yo! If you guys received a bitchy letter from someone that sounds like he owns the world, sorry, that's my mistake. I think it's that time of the month for my boss. He's been really cranky lately, so I dropped an ecstasy pill in his coffee. Or a couple. Anyway, shoulda known things don't work on Rufus Shinra like they do on everyone else. He turned from cranky to the Ironclad Bitch. Now he's writing every bitchy letter known to man. He tried to ship one out into space. Don't wanna ask who he wrote to there. And I think he pissed off that big black guy with the gun arm and he's coming to pay us a visit. Shieet!

P.S. You guys should have a chick in your group like we do. Girls are nice. They smell good and bring you coffee and shit'...Reno the [censored] Demon."

Everyone blinked.

Ignis scoffed, "What kind of signature is that?"

Prompto said,"that guy works for the other jerk?"

"Feel sorry for him," said Gladio.

"Well," said Noctis to the camera, "you should really stop drugging your boss."

Ignis added, "Also, that comment about women is a bit sexist. Who is to decide that a female has to carry around the coffee and such?"

"Take it easy, Iggy," Noctis comforted him. "No sweet, curvy thing is gonna steal your shine."

Both Gladio and Prompto snorted with amusement.

Ignis pushed his glasses up. "Anyway. Let us move on."

"Of course," Bob nearly sobbed (we're all getting fired!). "Next letter:

'Hi. Do you guys like to sing on balconies? My classmates think I'm weird. Not that I care what they think.'...Ace." Bob heaved a great sigh of relief.

"A normal letter!" Prompto pumped a fist in the air.

"As normal as can be with this selection, at any rate," Noctis pointed out.

"Do we like singing on balconies, eh," put in Gladio, as he leaned back comfortably, extending an arm over the back of the couch. "I think Ace deserves a serious answer. Well, I never tried it, so couldn't say. But it sounds like fun. I'll try it out right after this show."

"If your bellows don't disturb the peace."

"You mean your beauty sleep, Princess?"

Bob nodded to the prince. "What about you, Noct-" at Ignis' glare, "-is?"

Noctis didn't answer immediately.

Prompto responded instead, "Noct can be really shy, but I caught him singing once when he thought no one was looking."

"Highness must have the voice of morning birds," assumed Ignis.

"Yeah, seagalls at breakfast," replied Prompto.

"It wasn't that bad," Noctis defended himself.

Gladio looked intrigued. "What song were you singing?"

Prompto grinned. "He was singing and rapping. Some shit called Wu Tang Clan."

Ignis dropped his head in disappointment. "After all those years trying to condition an appreciation for classical in him."

Gladio laughed. "Eminem and Vanilla Ice. You two'll make one hell of a rap duo. And I mean hell."

"You're one to talk," snapped Noctis. "You'd probably sound like a hungry behemoth. ...and that song just got stuck in my head, that's all."

"Well, I sing a little every morning on my balcony," stated Ignis, pushing up his glasses. "It's a positive way to start the day."

"Sure it is," said Noctis.

"Hey, Prompt, what about you," asked Gladio.

Scratching the back of his head, Prompto tittered nervously. "Eh..."

"Yeah, come on," Noctis egged him on. "You must have quite the voice to be claiming that I sound like a seagall."

"Aw, don't be like that, Noct! I was messin' with you!"

"Don't back out now, Prompt," pushed Gladio. "Show us that sweet trill!"

"Wait," said Ignis. "Let me take off my glasses and secure them. I don't want them to shatter."

"Aw, you guys suck!"

"Alright," said Bob, looking relieved. "Last letter!"

"Shoot."

"Bring it."

"Is it from a cute girl?"

"Finally."

"Ahem:

'If a giant meteor was about to crash on your planet today, how would you spend it?'...Jenova."

Everyone was silent for a long time.

"Interesting selection indeed, Bob," said Noctis.

Bob bowed his head.

Gladio looked up in contemplation. "I hate to sound like Prompt, but my answer isn't appropriate for this program."

Prompto laughed. "Mine neither!"

"Yeah," replied Gladio,"But I would succeed."

"You two can spend it together then," Noctis said.

Gladio snickered and threw his arm around Noctis. "You really wanna go on national television? The things I could say..."

Noctis blushed.

"Now I'm intrigued," piped up Prompto.

"Leave him alone," ordered Ignis. "Highness, what's your answer?"

"I'd eat the best meal I ever tasted, then go to sleep."

Ignis grimaced wryly. "Really?"

"Hey, you want to watch a giant rock fall on you from the sky, be my guest. I'm going out with a peaceful nap!"

"What about you, Iggy," asked Prompto.

"I'd hunt."

Everyone stared at him uncomfortably, before Gladio ventured to ask, "Hunt what?"

Ignis pushed up his glasses with a secretive smile. Prompto shivered and Noctis stared at his Royal Advisor as if he were a stranger.

"Sometimes, he scares me," muttered Prompto.

Bob dried his forehead with his third handkerchief. "Well, that's all for today's special edition of The Interview! ...thank the gods."