Sakura Haruno was elbow-deep in Naruto Uzumaki's guts when he asked her to marry him.

To be fair, Sakura had her fair share of proposals in her life. There was that time Kankuro drunkenly threw his arm around her, waxing poetic about the time she saved his life and offered her a cushy life in Suna with an onion ring. There was also that time Shikamaru sent her flowers with an offer after that time she had accidentally collapsed Ino's throat in a sparring session that left her mute for a week. The time Kakashi proposed doesn't count because 1) he was high on morphine and 2) he thought she was Tsunade or at the least, Tsunade's boobs. All in all though, the proposals had been silly, meaningless and ill-timed.

So when Sakura found herself in the middle of the battle field, trying to stuff all his intestines and other important organs back where they belonged, she didn't really have the heart to argue.

"If you shut up and let me finish," she panted, resisting the urge to wipe her brow, "I will marry you."

Naruto coughed and blood splattered on her cheek—yet he still grinned. "Really?"

"Yes!"

"Promise?"

Her mind did not register that this was a Naruto Promise, which was somehow stronger than a regular promise, if only because he stubbornly clung on to them with every single orange fiber of his being. "I promise!" She snarled, her attention rightfully focused on stopping the internal bleeding. Naruto's eyes started to droop. "But only if you stay awake, dumbass! Don't you die on me."

"We're getting married," he whispered before he promptly lost consciousness, goofy grin and everything.

"Naruto!"

.

.

But because he was Naruto, and she was Sakura, she managed to carry his near-dead ass the 50 miles all the way back to Konoha where with Tsunade's help, they got all his blood and organs back to where they were supposed to be. After Sakura sat by his bedside for 48 hours and was satisfied with his heart rate and vitals, she stuck the dry cleaning bill for the shirt he had ruined when she carried him home on his forehead and went back to her own bed to try and sleep off what was one hell of a mission.

When Tsunade called her the next day saying her fiancé was awake, Sakura regretted not taking those earlier proposals more seriously.

.

.

"So, Sakura-chan, what kind of a wedding do you want?"

The first time he had asked this, she almost swallowed her chopsticks whole and Sasuke got the unflattering view of her eyes nearly bulging out of her head when Naruto decided to test her gag reflexes by asking such buffoonery. But this wasn't the first time, nor the second, or even the third. Since this was probably the thirtieth time he had asked her in the last month, Sakura's reaction was much more finesse. Or, at the least, she didn't choke on anything.

"Naruto…." She sighed, not even having the energy to properly berate him right now. Every day. Every day for the past month he had asked her about some detail to the wedding she had agreed to in some haste to get him to shut the fuck up so she could, you know, save his goddamn life. Honestly. Hadn't she suffered enough?

"Spring?" Sasuke smirked this horrible, horrible smirk as he picked idly at his bowl of ramen. Jackass.

"Nah, too predictable," Naruto decided, waving a loose hand. "I'm thinking summer. That okay, with you, Sakura-chan?"

She was going to string him up by the intestines she had slaved to stuff back into his abdomen in the first place.

"Naruto," she tried again, but she was cut off when Naruto swung over and planted a wet kiss to her cheek, even smacking a straggling noodle that had been stuck to his lip in the process.

"I've got Hokage training, but you can let me know later, okay?"

"I—you!" She squawked like a bird and Naruto took the opportunity to kiss her yet again, right over the seal on her forehead.

"Bye!"

When Sasuke had the audacity to laugh out loud, Sakura flung the noodle on her face onto his forehead.

.

.

"Sasuke you have got to help me."

Her teammate hummed absently at the stove as she jumped on to the counter, swinging her legs to kick not-so-lightly at his ass. "Stop it," he said, monotone, before he reached up and turned the stove down.

"Then help me!" Sakura whined, kicking her feet more.

Sasuke took a hearty spoonful of the stir fry and held it up to Sakura's mouth who glared for maybe 5 seconds before she opened her mouth for a taste. "Try it."

She did, and it was Not Good. "God," she cringed, chewing with her mouth open. "Did you put tomatoes in this?"

"Yeah. Why, no good?"

She shrugged looking regretful. "It makes the rice too soggy," and Sasuke didn't haste to just throw the whole dinner away; she had to tell him to fish the wok out of the trash. She eyed the fruit bowl on the counter. "We should make smoothies instead."

Sasuke followed her gaze. "I would, but I've only got strawberries and mangoes—"

"I like mangoes!"

"You're allergic to mangoes," he groaned, as if telling her for the millionth time. To be fair, he told her a lot. "You waste all your chakra just to keep yourself from going into anaphylactic shock."

Sakura gave a dreamy sigh, eyes fluttering shut in bliss. "Worth it."

He smacked her upside the head and her eyes popped open with a snarl before she kicked him hard enough to make him stumble. "Naruto's no better, you know," Sakura pointed out. "He walks around with the rash on his face, and doesn't even let me heal it."

"Trust me, I know." Yet, Sasuke still started cutting up the fruit for her smoothies. "You two are quite the pair."

Then, a thought struck her. "Hey…" she drawled accusingly. "If Naruto's allergic to strawberries and I'm allergic to mangos….why do you have so many?"

The knife hit the cutting board with a loud thud. "I thought it'd keep you morons from eating my food."

Sakura rolled her eyes and hopped off the counter to stand behind him, poking teasingly at his sides. "You sure you aren't secretly trying to kill us?" she said playfully.

"Since when were any of my murder attempts on you two a secret?"

Oh, my god.

"Make a third smoothie for Naruto," Sakura finally decided when Sasuke dumped the strawberries in the blender. "Maybe his mouth will swell up so much he won't be able to ask me any more wedding questions."

Sasuke scoffed, "It can't be that bad."

She shot him a look that did her best to convey that, oh yes, it was that bad. "He asked me if he can wear a pinstripe orange and blue tuxedo."

"That is..." he blinked several times before he grimaced, "…severe."

"Right? He even said he'd make one himself."

He rolled his eyes so hard Sakura wondered if the Rinnegan would fall out.

"If it's not the tuxedo, it's the location, or the caterer or the flowers," she continued. "Do you know he actually talked my ear off for twenty minutes explaining why lilies were such a better choice over roses?"

Sasuke made a short click with his tongue. "I told him to go with freesias."

Oh, no. "Sasuke, you didn't."

He looked off put, with his brow ticked in annoyance. "Well he asked, and that's the most fragrant one, as I've come to learn," Sasuke scowled, stuffing the blender with fruit with a little more purpose. He went a little heavy on the mangos, she noticed.

It seemed Sasuke's civilian job at Ino's flower job for the past year was finally starting to pay off in all the wrong ways: namely, not in her favor. "You're his best friend, tell him to cut it out!"

"No, you're his best friend," he corrected, "and why should I? You promised to marry him, remember? And it's not like you wouldn't get married eventually, so I say go ahead and do it."

Her eyes went wide. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She spent a few agonizing minutes waiting for an answer while Sasuke blended the smoothies. "It means," he finally said, pouring the glasses, "You two are stupid for each other, even if you don't realize it."

Despite herself, she felt her cheeks growing red. Stupid for him sounded extreme, especially when she could only chalk up her feelings to going from constantly wanting to punch Naruto through 10 trees to wanting to punch Sasuke through 10 trees. Kind of right now. All she needed were 10 trees. "You're ridiculous," she grumbled, grabbing her smoothie and taking a big gulp.

Maybe 15 seconds of silence passed before she heard her name. "Sakura."

"What?"

"You forgot the jutsu," he said, pointing to her already swelling face and throat.

"Shit."

.

.

Sakura vaguely remembered Sasuke dropping her off at the hospital for Shizune to deal with before she was administered an ungodly amount of Benadryl and promptly passed out. She woke up everything mostly un-swollen paired with the glittering and unyielding smile of Naruto Uzumaki at her bedside.

"Hey girly," he teased, running a hand through her hair. His smile softened as he tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. "You okay?"

She sat up and reached for the glass of water on her side table. "I'm fine," though her voice didn't sound it.

Naruto hummed. "It's not like you to mess up a medical jutsu."

"Yeah, well," She blushed, feeling embarrassed, "Sasuke was being extra annoying and I got distracted. It won't happen again."

He quirked a brow, expression worried. "What'd he say that would put you in anaphylactic shock?"

It all came back to her and she scowled; but she'd be damned if she'd segue way into an opportunity for him to ask about their wedding. So, she settled for a vague statement of, "We should get Ino to fire him and have Tsunade assign him the dumbest D rank missions he can imagine. Fuck his probation protocols."

Naruto grinned, slow and wide—it was like watching the goddamn sun rise over the horizon. "That'll never happen. Ino loves the eye-candy. She says profits have sky-rocketed in the last year just because he stands there in a frilly lavender apron."

"I hate him."

He patted her arm. "There, there. We'll put hair remover in his shampoo or something and even the score."

She pictured Sasuke with patchy, balding hair and relaxed significantly. The thought of getting back at him had her giddy and wishful to get the hell out of there; she made grabby gestures at her chart at the end of the bed. "How long do I have to stay here?"

"Actually, you can leave," he told her, handing her the chart regardless. "I've come to take you home."

She rolled her eyes and flipped the page of recorded vitals before setting them down with a nod and wink Naruto's way. "I'm a big girl, I can get home by myself."

"Can you?" he teased. "You did eat a whole mango smoothie knowing it would kill you."

"I didn't—ugh," she stopped short when Naruto laughed. "Whatever. Move." She shoved him out of the way as she hopped off the hospital bed to get her shoes by the door. Naruto let her rest an arm on his shoulder while she zipped up the left boot, then the right, before she yanked open the door to greet a grotesquely large and cartoonish mural of fish in the sea up on the wall.

Sakura blinked. "Are we in the pediatric ward?"

Naruto slung an arm around her shoulder and led her down the hall. "Yeah. Shizune said, 'a childish room for a childish act.'"

"I…..yeah. Yeah, okay."

The two of them continued walking down the hall and Sakura heart began to ache. Pediatrics wasn't her favorite place to be; she never enjoyed seeing children seriously ill or injured. Some of the rooms were in the process of getting a paint job, as well as the walls in the hallway in order to brighten up the place. In fact, the under the sea mural was new and strangely familiar. "Did Sai paint this?"

"Hmm?" Naruto hummed absently, and the noticed his arm was still around her, his fingers brushing up and down against the sleeve of her shirt. "I think so. The sunflower one in the lobby, too. And speak of the devil…."

They stopped in front of an open hospital room with two beds; both the children, however, were clambered up on one bed while Sai sat at the edge, his notebook and ink brush in hand. With a swift flick of his wrist, an inky drawing of a small robin that flapped its wings a few times came to life before it sat on the youngest child's shoulders.

Naruto did his best to discreetly whistle a small tune and in turn, the children's faces lit up. "It can sing!" the girl exclaimed right before the bird flew off and disappeared into the air.

Sai looked up and saw his teammates in the doorway, offering them one of his closed-eyed smiles. "Ah, I'm afraid the songbird is at the door," he told the children.

Immediately, the children went wild at the sight of Naruto—as the village hero, citizens tended to fawn over him, particularly the children.

"Hey!" Naruto greeted, dropping his normal shout to a reasonable indoor voice as he quickly ran into the room. "Sit, sit, calm down," he laughed, joining them on the bed. He tapped the tubing on one of their IV's. "We wouldn't that to come out, would we?" He spared Sakura a glance. "Sakura-nee-chan would get upset."

"Hi, Sakura-nee-chan!" they greeted, giving her a little wave.

Sakura maintained her place in the doorway, leaning against the jamb and giving the two children a pretty wave. "Hello."

"Ne, ne, Naruto," the little boy tugged on Naruto's sleeve. "Can you tell us a story?"

"I think I can manage that," Naurto grinned while he bumped shoulders with Sai. "As long as this guy draws some pictures to help me."

And so Sakura watched as Naruto told his favorite tale: the Princess and the Frog. Sai's drawings, in Sakura's opinion, were as good as ever, but Naruto often complained that he was drawing their heads too small or their guts too fat—he must have had some summons in mind when he told the story. He kept the story short, especially when one of the nurses came by and gave a warning tap to the door to let them all know visiting hours were almost over; the children of course, weren't fond of his short visit.

"Sorry, guys, I have to go anyway." He patted their heads. "I need to walk Sakura-chan back home. We'll finish this another time."

The little girl looked past Naruto's shoulder and gave Sakura a look over. "Is she your girlfriend?" she asked.

Naruto chuckled and scratched at the side of his cheek nervously. "No, she's not."

A small smile bloomed on her face. Although Naruto was irritating, loud, and bird-brained, he always did come through in the end, when it really mattered. Maybe she had been too hard on him with all his marriage talk. After all, he was probably just keeping it up because he knew it bothered her. When it came down to it, Naruto was her friend and she-"

"She's my fiancé."

-was 100% putting an end to this.

.

.

The next morning, Naruto and Sakura were summoned for a dual mission.

"Shouldn't be so hard," Tsunade finished as she handed their mission outlines. "Not for you two, at least. Any questions?" she mumbled, looking longingly at her mug of coffee that had most likely been filled with expensive sake before Shizune switched it out that morning.

Naruto shrugged, stuffing the scroll in his backpack before he thumbed through the pamphlet of the tourist town they'd be completing their mission in. "Ne, baa-chan, Do you think this would be a good place for me and Sakura to go on our honeymoon?"

Sakura closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath.

It didn't fucking work.

"That's it," she growled lowly. "You want to get married so badly? FINE." She stuck an un-manicured finger directly at the Hokage. "Draw up a marriage license."

It seemed she had finally stumped Konoha's Number One Unpredictable Ninja. "….huh?"

She ignored him, still challenging Tsunade with her stare. "I mean it. I told this idiot I'd marry him and if that's what it takes for him to shut the fuck up," her voice got increasingly desperate as she clawed uselessly at the air, throwing her head back in a wail. "Then I'll do it!" she whipped her head back up, eyes alit with fire. "I don't care anymore! Fuck it! I'll marry him. Just give me the stupid piece of paper!"

"Wait…Sakura-chan?"

Tsunade blinked a few times, stone faced and baffled, before her smile nearly broke her face in two and she laughed like the mad woman she truly was. "Oh, man," she finally said, reaching into her drawer where she pulled out 1) a blank marriage license and 2) another bottle of sake. As Sakura watched her sign her name she wondered 1) why she had suggested this but mostly 2) how Tsunade had even agreed to do this until 3) she mumbled something about how the Kazekage now owed her 1000 bucks.

The only bet Tsunade had pretty much won, and it was something as stupid as this. Of course. No wonder she agreed.

"Just sign here." She tapped the first blank line and she scribbled Sakura Haruno before Tsunade tapped another line and said, "And here, but with your new name."

She blinked. It hadn't occurred to her that this whole thing would make her give her name up, but she shrugged it off quickly enough. She'd just annul the damn thing in two weeks anyway, so what was the real harm?

Naruto's eyes went wide as she scribbled Sakura Uzumaki with unnecessary flair at the bottom.

"Here," and she nearly stabbed the pen clear through Naruto's palm as she handed it off. "Sign it so we can go and complete our mission slash honeymoon before I lose my goddamned mind."

For a moment, Sakura really wondered if he was having a stroke since she'd never seen him stand so still in his whole life. But then when reality caught up with him, his eyes went watery and his smile bloomed like the prettiest flower tucked away in Ino's shop before he signed his name alongside hers.

"I now pronounce you man and wife," Tsunade snorted, taking a large swig of sake. "You may kiss the bride."

Sakura raised her fist, ready to sucker-punch the moron all the way to Suna but then his fingers were dancing on the bottom of her jaw, tilting her head up to meet his eyes, and she suddenly couldn't quite remember how to throw a right hook. Her mouth went slack in shock as he smiled at her, looking so damn happy.

He kissed her like he had loved her his whole life, and that's when she realized that he had.

.

.

She…never got around to getting that annulment.

God, she hated when Sasuke was right.

.

.

a/n: this is really stupid and doesn't make a lot of sense but I don't care I just wanted to write it just tAKE it TAKE IT!

ps: the proposals at the beginning were nods to my favorite fics of all time