My shameless over-done high school AU wouldn't stay out of my head. It had to be written. Please enjoy my most recent bout of Ulquihime goodness.

Warnings: mentions of sexual activity and derogatory terms.

(o0o)

High school in general was the worst part of living, he figured. Anyone who said that youth was a golden age was a filthy liar who only wanted their kid to do well on upcoming tests and try out for sports. He did well on the tests, and he'd been pretty good at soccer while he'd been on the team. All until Grimmjow had tried to fight him in the middle of a game and had gotten them both kicked out. Ulquiorra didn't hate his adopted brother. Although he could honestly say he didn't feel much for the blue-haired teen in regards of affection. He'd sooner pour a bucket of ice water on Grimmjow's head to wake the kid up before gently shaking his shoulder. In other words, he wouldn't kill him, no, but he wasn't going to be nice, either. That about summed up their relationship.

The two of them roomed together with a couple of other kids housed by Aizen. He kept them warm, clothed, and fed, and in return they did him favors. He was a wealthy man, and he was well loved by the government and people alike, so it wasn't a bad arrangement. It had only been bad when he was younger- back when Tousen had been his hired guardian. Regardless of that, high school still sucked a lot- undeniably so.

"Hey, Ulquiorra!"

Ulquiorra turned to find that his new tag-along, the huge meathead Yammy, was trying to catch up to him. He waited. The giant only seemed to call out for him when he needed something, other wise he tended to tag along without making too much noise. Ulquiorra let him follow where he went for two reasons. The first reason was that the girls of the school hated Yammy, and so the Neanderthal worked as an active repellant to those who would other wise come on to him. The second reason was that Yammy often brought gifts for Ulquiorra. Yammy brought them as a token of their 'friendship.' Without the daily free chocolate bar, Ulquiorra wasn't sure he could make it through his classes without snapping someone's neck.

Yammy panted as he caught up, hands braced over his knees, and then said, "Grimmjow picked a fight- fight with that orange-haired kid again. They sent me to get you."

Ulquiorra briefly contemplated just leaving Grimmjow on his own, stuck in the school's detention without a ride home or hope of salvation. His phone went off a moment too soon, though, reading off orders from Aizen to pick his adopted brother up.

A shame, truly.

He nodded his thanks to Yammy and then set off down the familiar path to the detention hall, where Grimmjow, a teacher, Kurosaki, and Kurosaki's father where waiting.

He wanted to say he really wasn't fit to be filling in for Grimmjow's father in this discussion, but instead just sat next to Grimmjow, silently contemplating what he would do to show the moron how badly he'd inconvenienced Ulquiorra later on. He wasn't a straight-A student for lack of studying, after all.

"Ah, Ulquiorra, thanks heavens." Mrs. Ochi began. "Now that you're here, we can get this whole mess put behind us."

"Why do I have to be here?" Kurosaki grumbled. "Not my fault Jaggerjauqez has such a violent boner for me."

Grimmjow heard and snapped around to glare at the bright orange hair of the teen next to him. "There are two things in this world I get hard for, Kurosaki." He loudly proclaimed. "Fighting, and food. If you saw a boner, it was because I'm fucking in love with the idea of hitting you until you can't see straight, got it?"

Kurosaki stared on, unimpressed.

Ulquiorra just pinched the bridge of his nose.

When will this be over?

Seeing how Grimmjow shot off a, "What!? You don't believe me?!" Ulquiorra figured it was going to be a long time.

(o0o)

The car ride back to the apartment was quiet. Grimmjow sat seething in the front seat, legs pulled up to his chest while he glared out the window, and Ulquiorra drove.

The silence stretched between them for a long, long time, broken only when Grimmjow reached out to turn on the stereo. Ulquiorra turned it off just as quickly as Grimmjow turned it on, effectively shutting down Grimmjow's crappy attempt to act as though things were fine.

He sighed- or rather, growled, but in a tired way. "Look, Ulquiorra, it's not like I fucking asked you to be there. Don't get pissed off at me- Aizen's the one who told you that you had to come down and get me, okay?"

He pressed his mouth into a thin line.

"Whatever. Kurosaki had it coming."

Ulquiorra raised a brow.

"What? You don't believe me? He was giving me those eyes again. Fuck you- fuck you, don't fucking look at me like that you bastard, just listen. Fuckin' Kurosaki with those fucking eyes. You know, when he hits the light and they turn gold? And he just turned and fucking looked at me for a long time and I don't know. I can't take it, okay? So I punched him in the jaw."

Ulquiorra sighed. Grimmjow's bisexuality wouldn't have been a problem if his attraction to human beings didn't make him freak out so often. He'd gotten into countless fights with Kurosaki since they'd met. Ulquiorra figured it was either Grimmjow's idea of subtle flirting or the blue-haired teen was really angry about his feelings. It was likely a combination of the two, since Kurosaki had a girlfriend. It hadn't stopped Grimmjow in the past, though.

"Shit." Grimmjow grumbled. He sunk down further into his seat. "Why the fucking hell do straight people exist? Fuck Kurosaki. Fuck Kuchiki. I want to put a fucking hole through her stomach, and then I want to rip Ichigo's hair out and just fuck him over a coffee table or something. Fuck."

Ulquiorra really didn't know why Grimmjow told him, of all people, about his feelings, when Ulquiorra was about as warm and feeling as the artic in the winter. He figured it was because Grimmjow knew there was no way he'd tell anyone, and he had to take an outlet where he could. It was better when the idiot talked, anyway. His fighting wasn't nearly as bad when he spoke about it.

Ulquiorra pulled up in front of their apartment, sending a long disgruntled look at Nnoritora's car as he did so. He'd parked in two places again, displaying what a complete and utter asshole he was. He wished someone would just key the spoon-head's car and get it over with.

"Same old, same old, huh?" Grimmjow glared up at their apartment door, still unmoving in his seat. "I'm getting real fucking tired of it being the same thing, day after day."

Ulquiorra did nothing to reply, thinking perhaps Grimmjow meant he was tired of the little things. If Ulquiorra had to say something, he probably would have agreed- but on a much bigger level. Every day was the same thing, but not just with Nnoitra and the apartment- it was everything.

"Whatever." Grimmjow threw the car door open. "I'm gonna go fight 69 face."

He was gone before Ulquiorra could do something to persuade him not to fight their neighbor Shuuhie. So he simply got out of the car and headed up to his apartment, ready to get to work on his math.

Same old thing, day after day. He thought to himself. For once in his life, he's right.

(o0o)

"I'm not being weird," Tia quietly interjected as they walked down the hall. "I'm just curious. Do you think it's illegal if it's in my own pool?"

Tia's kinky lesbian sex sounded weird no matter where it happened, but he had to admit, it would be better if his neighbor and adopted sister stopped trying to cram herself and her lover(s) into the bathtub. It dripped down into their kitchen often enough due to misadventures, so a pool would really be a step up. Still, sex out in the open was illegal, no mater which way you twisted it.

He nodded.

She let out a soft, dejected sigh. "I just like the water." She admitted quietly. "That's all I want- a place with lots of water where I can eat someone out in peace."

He sighed. Why does every member of this family have to be a sexual deviant? He wondered, and why do they feel the need to speak to me about it? I am not an approachable-

His train of thought stopped.

Before anyone gets any ideas about what was happening, they need to know three things about Ulquiorra.

One- that in his life, there was no human being who he could honestly say he cared about. His adopted family was the soul group of people he managed to even tolerate, though caring for them was still sort of a strong word.

Two- Ulquiorra had never, in his life, actually been so struck by anyone's appearance that he stopped walking. He'd never given a thought to appearance, or voice, or the way someone moved before- never in a casual way; it was always strict analysis, and he hardly ever approved of what he saw.

And finally, three.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" The woman stopped before him, blushing a bright red since she'd nearly collided with him. Her hair got in her mouth, and she frantically wiped at it, trying to free the strand from the sticky entrapment of her lip-gloss. "I didn't notice you'd stopped walking, um…" She awkwardly trailed off. "I'm new here." She surmised.

Of course you are. He wanted to say. I would know if you'd been here before now. He wanted to say, You need not apologize, just watch where you are walking. He almost wanted to say, Tell me your name, woman.

But none of that came out.

"Inoue Orihime." She said, grinning. "Nice to meet you!"

He could only stare.

Fact three about Ulquiorra Cifer, fourth adopted of Aizen Sosouke.

He was mute.

(o0o)

After the initial incident with Orihime, he'd seen her around often enough. She became fast friend with Kurosaki's group after Tatsuki Arasawa- her childhood friend- introduced the group. She melded into the small brigade of weirdoes as easily as anyone could have, and yet, she never lost her initial appeal, no matter how many times she drooled while nodding off in class.

He didn't stalk or follow her anywhere, but she was in many of her classes, and so he watched her. He wasn't embarrassed about their initial encounter, but he did know she was. It was likely she thought he'd given her the could shoulder- no one really talked about him enough for her to find out it hadn't been her fault. Despite the fact, he refused to do as his older brother Stark advised- he would die before he carried around a sign that said, "Hi, I can't talk."

There had been a time when he was able to speak, after all, and the doctors all said that there was the possibility that he would speak again. It had just been a long, long time, back before it had been discovered that he was living alone. Those had been the good days- despite his age he'd always been capable of taking care of himself. He almost missed that.

Inoue Orihime fascinated him. It wasn't that she was beautiful, though if the chatter of the school was anything to go by, she was gorgeous. It was just everything. He'd never seen hair exactly like hers, nor had he seen anyone walk in the way she did, but what really caught him off-guard was her eyes. A woman with strong eyes like that was dangerous, doubly so when they were filled with some emotion he didn't understand.

"Holy tits." Grimmjow commented. "She's hot."

He glared.

"Oh damn." Nnoitra purred. "I'd do nasty things to her ass."

He seethed for a while, and then he took it upon himself to finally key the bastard's car.

"If I could get her alone-" The creepy kid from below them didn't get a chance to finish. Ulquiorra grabbed him by his collar and hauled him up on to the wall, pining him there. He stared until the pink-haired boy got the message.

"Right." He held his gloved hands up. "Hands off."

She was just captivating, somehow.

He convinced himself he couldn't care less about her.

(Four months later)

A folded piece of paper landed on Ulquiorra's desk. A note, if he was correct. He turned to the side to glare, accustomed to it being Grimmjow who sat to his right, only to come face to face with Orihime. She looked very seriously ahead; pointedly ignoring the note she'd just tossed at him. He resisted the urge to sigh.

Bored, Ulquiorra unfolded her note, almost glad that Grimmjow had finally been moved up to the front of the class while simultaneously being displeased by having his space invaded by someone unfamiliar.

I fell asleep. The note read. Can you tell me what the last 30 minutes was about?

Despite his better judgment, he wrote back. Juliet faked her death. Romeo became unstable and committed suicide. Juliet followed him in a fit of madness and crazed teen lust.

He tossed it back to her and watched as she read. She lifted an eyebrow at him when she was done before scribbling a reply on the paper, tossing it quickly back to him.

I'm almost 3% sure that's not how it happened.

Now he raised an eyebrow. Three percent? That wasn't very sure.

Another piece of paper landed on his desk.

He unfolded it. You're the guy from my first day. It read. I'm Orihime, if you can't remember. A small-sketched smiley face broke her letters before her message continued. What's your name? I think we may be stuck like this for a bit, so we should try to be friends.

He wanted to write out that he had no friends, but instead wrote, Ulquiorra Cifer. I am pleased to meet you. Just to be polite.

Ulquiorra? She wrote. That's an odd name. How pretty.

It is just a name.

Sorry, yeah, you're right. I didn't mean to be weird. Let's start over.

I do not understand.

A new piece of paper. Hi. I'm Orihime Inoue! I heard that you're Ulquiorra, right? What's your favorite class?

He stared at the paper for a while, wondering if she was weird or if he was just unaccustomed to people. Figuring it was probably the latter, he wrote back, Literature.

That's funny! More smiles. Mine is art. Those go hand in hand, right?

Not really. If that is what you think.

What's your favorite color?

Black.

Mine is green. What's your favorite food?

He ignored her question. You are distracting me from the lesson. He wrote out quickly. If you wish to waste my time with pointless questions, please do it on your own time.

He hadn't thought she'd follow through on that one, but shortly after, he didn't just see her in his literature class. She made a habit of sitting her group at the table next to his, where she would pass him notes the whole time.

What an odd woman.

He decided, despite it all, that she wasn't truly unpleasant, though.

Just odd.

(o0o)

Things do not progress very quickly until senior year. He is not one for parties, but Aizen's odd creepy intern from the journalist club tells him he should come, and because Grimmjow jumps on the chance, he knows he will have to. Chances are that there will be booze at the party, chances are the party will be big, chances are that because the party will be big Kurosaki will come, chances are that if there is booze Grimmjow will get into it, chances are that if Grimmjow gets drunk he'll try to make out with Kuroskai, and chances are that it will end badly.

He has to go, not just because of the journalist-kid, Gin, but because even if he wants to rip Grimmjow's throat out sometimes he's not the kind of dick to let him get publicly humiliated by a rejection in front of the entire school.

"Yer gon' like it." Gin says as he drives, smile twisted high.

Ulquiorra stares.

"Sure, whatever. Is Renji coming? I want to fight someone."

Ulquiorra turns to Grimmjow, and despite the teen's lack of knowledge when it came to sign language; he quickly signed a pattern that Grimmjow was sure to know. "You always want to fight someone."

"So what? You always act like you've had a pole shove up your ass, but I don't comment on that shit. So fuck off, Ulquiorra."

He regrets coming. He should have let Grimmjow make an ass of himself.

"Now, now, boys," Gin leers at them in the rear-view mirror, clearly enjoying sticking the two in the back by strapping in a box full of food in the passenger seat, "Doncha' get all mad beh-for the party. I won' be turnin' 'round, ya' here?"

"Oh shut up you stupid albino."

Gin raised an eyebrow. "Stupid?" He scoffs. "Now tha's just rude. If anyone 'ere is stupid, then I'd 'ave to say it's you, Grimmjow. Who was it that got suspended fer cheatin' offa my test again?"

"Whatever." Grimmjow rolls his eyes. "Why are you even going to this party? You fucking hate everyone."

Gin grins. "Not ehry one. My dear Ran-chan's commin."

Ulquiorra then doubly regretted being persuaded to come. If Gin would be hounding after Matsumoto Rangiku the entire party then he wouldn't have anyone to trail after. He'd just have to hope Gin put off stalking his girlfriend until later in the night- or better yet, that Rangiku wouldn't show.

Oh, what was he thinking? Matsumoto wouldn't miss a party- even if it killed her. He didn't even know her and he knew better than to think she wouldn't show at a party like the one they were heading towards.

They pulled up to the house- it was the infamous rich boy Shinji Hirako's place, so there was plenty of space- and barely parked before Grimmjow leaped out of the car. He'd spotted a familiar shaved head in the crowd, it seemed, and was thus heading off to fight Madarame Ikkaku.

"Cue-ball!" Grimmjow screamed, running. A minute later the two were exchanging blows.

"Well," Gin drawled, parking. "He didn't waste no time."

Did he ever? Ulquiorra slid out of the car and follow Gin as he grabbed his box of food, heading towards the house. They had to step over Muguruma Kensei on their way to the door, as the tattooed college boy was already passed out on the lawn. Kuna Mashiro passed them on their way inside to go to him- probably to draw penises on his face if the sharpie in her hand was anything to go bye- so Ulquiorra wasn't really all the concerned about his well-being. The green-haired girl wouldn't let him die. Probably.

Ulquiorra's hopes of tagging along behind Gin for the entire party where shattered almost as soon as they entered the loud music-pulsing house. Matsumoto's form was easily spotted where she lounged against a window near the food and drink, face flushed and a glass of something orange in her hand.

Ulquiorra wondered how long it would take him to walk home.

Gin dumped his box at a table with food on it and then did a quick U-turn to slip over to Rangiku's side. He slipped a hand around her waist before she even spotted him, but she seemed rather accustomed to his touch- she did not start and simply leaned back into his chest, the hand not holding her drink snaking up over his shoulder to play with his hair. He grinned at the boy she was talking to.

It was then Ulquiorra noticed that Rangiku had her own tag-along. Orihime Inoue stood at the busty woman's side, awkwardly glancing at Gin while she slowly began to creep backwards. Rangiku turned sudden and grabbed Gin's face, dropping her glass on the windowsill next to her, and then practically shoved her tongue into his mouth. He seemed pleased, holding her waist with both hands while he stooped to reach her better.

Orihime eased away from Rangiku, blushing as she looked around, seemingly lost. She spotted Ulquiorra, then, and made a beeline for him, face relieved. "Ulquiorra." She breathed, stopping at his side. "Thank goodness."

He would pay attention to her in a second- he was busy glaring hard at Gin. She followed his line of sight and then let out a small laugh.

"You came here with Ichimaru-senpai, huh?" He nodded, causing her to go on. "Rangiku-senpai is the one who dragged me here, haha. Kind of awkward now…"

He stared at her, not sure what to do. He was sure she didn't know sign language, but perhaps she'd be able to read lips. He casually mouthed, "Let's go outside."

"What?" She leaned closer, one hand cupped around her ear.

He just pointed at the door.

"Oh! Oh, yeah!" She nodded, smiling. "Outside!" She grabbed his hand without a thought and then started to tug him along behind her, politely apologizing and excusing them both as she pushed through the throngs of people. She eventually made it to the door, pulling it open and quickly escaping out into the cool.

He was still caught up on the fact that she'd taken his hand so casually and easily. He wasn't exactly the most friendly of people, and it had been rumored that he wasn't the most gentle- that one was true, even if he'd most likely never hurt a schoolmate. Not in class, anyway- he wasn't Grimmjow.

She took in a long breath as she closed the door behind her, smiling at him. "It's a little loud in there, huh?" She asked, though she didn't pause to get an answer. "I'm not really so great at parties…"

He nodded in agreement and sympathy. He wasn't so great at parties either.

"I drove here," She said suddenly. "Since Rangiku's car is in the shop. Um, did Gin drive? She could go home with him like usual. Wait- one sec." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a pink phone, quickly typing away. She only had to wait a minute before her phone buzzed with an incoming text. "Rangiku is going home with Gin!"

He sighed.

She read further. "Oh… and you came here with him too. Awkward. Want a ride? I'm taking a stop at the ice cream place on Rozuhippu, so you'll have to tag along, but you seem like you don't want to be here…"

He considered it for a moment before nodding.

"Great!"

He held up a finger, then, and whipped out his own phone. He quickly texted Grimmjow a quick, "I am leaving- find a way home." Before nodding at Orhime to continue. He wouldn't be expecting a text back from Grimmjow any time soon.

"This way!" Orihime quickly started out over the lawn, going around where Kensie was still passed out cold in the grass. Mashiro was sleeping next to him, smiling contently- she drawn more than just dicks on his face. She'd created a mural that stretched down his naked torso and over his arms. The man was going to be infuriated when he woke up.

Orihime stopped before a tiny Kei car. It was a faded white, and the windshield was cracked, but it was a mode of transportation nonetheless. She broadly gestured to the car. "Get on in!"

He nodded once and headed over to the other side of the car, slipping in with a frown. He had to pull his knees up to his chest because Matsumoto had left her large black coat in the space below.

"Sorry," Orihime said with a blush. "She was expecting a windy night."

It had been as flat and hot as a desert. Matusmoto had likely brought the high-necked coat to cover her hickies. He was secretly a tiny bit pleased that they were taking that luxury away from her- he didn't mind the busty woman, but she had made things awkward for both him and Orihime, and so whatever she had coming to her, she deserved it.

"Have you ever been to the Hyorinmaru?" Orihime asked. He shook his head no, which she saw. "It's really nice. Hitsugia from class B- you know him- his parents own it. But since he's graduating early and all he's taking it over to give him something to do while he's taking college courses."

He nodded his understanding.

"It's really a nice place- he keeps it clean and prime. Plus the ice cream is really, reall- OH!" She slammed on the breaks, causing him to nearly bang his head into the dash. "Sorry! Sorry, I always forget about that stop sign, oh gosh. Anyway!"

He watched as she began to drive again, neck throbbing. He sent her a dry glare, as if to tell her to keep her eyes on the road.

She blushed, catching the look. "Sorry, I'll pay more attention. Anyway, it's a nice place. He's really kind to me, even if he acts like he's all big and tough. He keeps a jar of spicy mustard for me and Rangiku-senpia in the back fridge, which is really nice of him, haha."

She turned into the parking lot, unstrapping her seat belt before turning to him with a wide smile. She was saying something- telling him he had to try the custard ice cream- but he could only stare at her. She was unusually beautiful, smiling in the dark- even if she had a blob of something she'd been eating on her chin. Her smile reached all the way to her eyes, and it had no malice or ill intent in it- no secrets or hiding- it was just open and genuinely happy. Something he hadn't seen in a long, long time.

"Ulquiorra?"

He blinked, and swallowed. He gave a sharp nod and then fumbled for his seatbelt, trying the door at the same time. By the time he'd managed to unclip himself from the seat, she was at his door, giggling as she opened it for him.

"You know," She said fondly as he stepped out. "All the kids at school say you're really scary, but they're dead wrong."

He glared at her and stood up straight- admittedly, only a couple of inches taller. Somewhere around four. He narrowed his eyes and frowned in what he knew to be a rather intimidating manner.

She just smiled. "I guess you do look scary."

That made him feel a bit better about himself.

"Now come on, bogyman. Ice cream time."

She led him happily into the parlor, skipping and spinning while the short white haired kid behind the register sighed. "What do you want, Inoue?"

"Strawberry with mustard please!"

He nodded. "And you?" He asked Ulquiorra.

He looked over the various flavors displayed in the glass before him, pointing down at simple vanilla bean.

"Vanilla?"

He nodded.

"Do you want anything on it?"

He looked over at the toppings, also displayed behind glass, and then pointed at the peanut butter and chocolate candies. Hitsugia nodded and started on both of their things.

"Cones okay, Inoue?"

"Yes please! Oh wait," She turned to Ulquiorra. "Cones are okay, right?"

He nodded.

"Yes! Cones it is!"

They both sat down at the counter, then, which stood to the side of the ice creams and various toppings. Orihime spun around on her seat, smiling wide, eyes trained on him. As they received their cones, she offered up a quick, "Thanks!"

Ulquiorra gave a nod and pulled two napkins towards himself and Orihime, understanding that the girl was clumsy with her food and that they might need them in the near future.

Orihime bit into her ice cream, which admittedly made him a little uncomfortable because it was so brutal, and then let out a long "Mmmmm," as she swallowed. "It's perfect as always!" She called out to Toshiro, who had gone back to his place behind the register.

Ulquiorra had to agree. His was perfect- not too much candy, the texture of the ice cream was not too hard or too soft. He'd have to mark the place down for when he next got kicked out of his own apartment so that Nnoitra or Grimmjow could have sex with someone in the kitchen. Hitsugia had not commented on his simple pointing, so if he could order that way instead of having to write it down, he'd feel better about the whole affair.

"Like it?" Orihime asked him.

He nodded.

She gave a tentative lick to the side of her cone, where a bit of mustard had trailed down from the ice cream. She finished and then casually said, "You know… you don't talk much."

He froze.

Had she really not figured it out?

"I understand some people like it quiet," She said, "But… I don't think I've ever heard your voice."

He swallowed.

"Why is that?"

With a long sigh, he reached into his pocket and drew his small travel pen out. He pulled his napkin towards him and wrote out a quick, Take a guess.

He slid the napkin towards her and then stared down at his ice cream, waiting for it to hit her.

"… Oh." She nodded slowly. "I see."

He looked up at her.

Oddly enough, she wasn't giving him any look of pity or wariness, but was staring at him with her head tilted to the side, curious. "Why didn't you tell me before?" She asked softly.

He shrugged.

She laughed a little. "Here." She opened up her phone and handed it to him. "Text yourself and save my number. I don't want you to have to write on napkins or anything. You can just text me if you have to."

His eyes widened on their own accord. She was… fine with everything. She wasn't freaking out or crying, or fumbling to slow her words or anything else. She was just casually going to give him her number?

He took her phone and did as she said, texting himself "test." It only took a moment for his phone to buzz, so he quickly handed her own cell back before taking his out to save her number.

He texted her a quick, "Thank you."

She smiled when she received the message. "No problem. Gee- I can't believe I didn't realize it before now!" She was suddenly spinning in her chair again, giggling. "I mean, it was kind of obvious. I guess the notes made it not so obvious. I wish you would have told me before!"

He raised an eyebrow. He grabbed his pen, despite having her number- he wasn't a very fast at texting. He wrote "Why?" on his napkin.

"If I had known before…" She blushed. "I would have picked up a book on sign language sooner."

He blinked again, surprised. No one had actually put the effort in to learn communication. Even Grimmjow- who, sadly, he was closest too- only knew a handful of sayings in sign language, and still demanded Ulquiorra carry around a note pad to communicate with. He'd only swapped notes with Orihime, and she wanted to learn an entire language for him?

"Oh man," She was saying, "This is exciting! I've never tried to learn something like this before. You'll have to help me, of course, I won't know if I'm doing it right!"

He just stared.

She truly can't be human.

"Is that alright, Ulquiorra?"

Still stunned, he could barely manage to text her a reply. "That sounds agreeable."

She didn't waste a moment before replying back, this time also on her phone. "I look forward to it."

(o0o)

Orihime was an incredibly fast learner. By the time the weekend had ended, she'd been able to sign "Hi" at him across the hall, ignoring the confused glances from her friends Arasawa Tatsuki and Kuchiki Rukia. She'd seemed incredibly pleased with the development, and he couldn't help but feel a bit impressed by her as well.

As usual, they passed notes during lunch- sitting at different tables, back to back. He pretended to listen as Grimmjow went on and on about something that happened in his science class- Ulquiorra couldn't have cared less- and casually wrote back to Orihime as he went. They were both very smooth in the hand offs; no one knew they were speaking at all. It was almost thrilling, like their friendship in general was secret. For once in his life, living wasn't so boring.

The current lunch conversation went as follows.

Orihime: "Did you have a good Sunday?"

Ulquiorra: "Yes. I was able to sleep in despite Grimmjow being violently sick all morning."

Orihime: "He should really go easy on the booze next time."

Ulquiorra: "You're telling me."

"Did you end up working on the lit project like you thought you would?"

"Yes. I finished it completely."

"WHAT? No way! I'm not even half way finished with it!"

"You also have a lot to do in your life."

"If that's your way of saying you're a huge nerd with no life and I'm not, I'd like to testify against that. I spent my entire Sunday reading about jellyfish. It's not that I have a life- I'm just a fantasist procrastinator!"

"I resent you implying that I'm a huge nerd."

"but you know it's true. :p hehehe"

"Do not 'hehehe' me, woman. If either of us is the "huge nerd" it would be you- I do not wear mismatched socks."

"Yeah and that's what makes you such a big nerd. My socks are SUPPOSED to be mismatched. It's a mix and match pack- it's cute. All the popular girls do it."

"Are you telling me that Matsumoto Rangiku wears mismatched socks?"

"Yes. Yes I am."

"Ridiculous. Grimmjow wears mismatched socks- that should be enough to tell you that it's not cute."

"Anything Grimmjow does would be ten x cuter if a girl did it though."

"… True."

"How goes the taming of Grimmjow, by the way? Does he use the door yet, or does he still climb out the window every morning?"

"He thinks he is a cat. But do not worry- he'll use the door soon enough."

"You have a plan to keep him from using the window?"

"Two words: mouse traps."

"That's evil! XD XD Oh my goodness Ulquiorra, you're heartless."

"True enough. But it is for his own good- not to mention the good of everyone around him. He manages to give the elderly man living next door a near heart attack every morning."

She giggled out loud at that.

Kuchiki turned to her, confused. "Why are you laughing?" She asked, confused.

Orihime blushed and put the note between her thighs, hiding it. Ulquiorra could hear it and managed to kill his grin, turning it into a small upturn in the corner of his mouth.

"N-nothing!" She replied, laughing nervously. "Just thinking!"

He couldn't help but shake his head.

Grimmjow noticed. "Whoa, what he fuck? What happened to your emo-ness? Was that a smile?!"

He promptly swallowed the feeling of lightness in his chest and glared at Grimmjow. He signed, idiot as his adopted brother- another of the few signs Grimmjow would recognize.

"You're an asshole, you know that, right?"

He simply raised an eyebrow. Just you wait, Grimmjow. He thought, turning back to his food. You're going to regret being so flippant when you're pulling the mice traps off of your toes.

Orihime's hand nudged his back. He took the paper.

Orihime: "Lunch is almost over. I'll see you later!"

He swallowed back a look of satisfaction. He turned as she stood, caching her eye, and nodded.

(o0o)

By the time the end of first semester came around, Ulquiorra had grown considerably close to Orihime. He texted her regularly and with a close familiarity he didn't feel with any one else. She told him things she said she'd never told anyone else- giving out her old feelings and fears, secrets and wants, and in return he did the same. They shared all sorts of things- with each secret they exposed, Ulquiorra felt as though they were knitting themselves even closer together.

It wasn't always light and happy. Sometimes she video called him over the computer crying, unable to text as she blubbered. He'd found that he was usually able to calm her down- and he also found his resentment for Kurosaki doubling. It was one thing to break Grimmjow's heart, but breaking Orihime's heart as well? He'd never wanted so badly to attack someone in his life. He had to satisfy himself with heavy glares and small gestures of malice.

"I-It's not his fault!" She blubbered. "I-I'm not st-strong like Rukia an-and-"

He quickly typed, You are right. You are stronger than Kuchiki.

She swallowed hard. "Why are you so nice to me?" She whispered.

I am not nice. He replied. I am truthful.

He told her about how he used to love music, but how gradually his interest had faded as he was turned to martial arts. He just hadn't had time for music, and once he stopped talking, he found that he didn't want to play the violin anymore, either. He told her about how Tousen had used to lock him in the closet for hours on end, and how it had resulted in a deep-seeded claustrophobia that made it so he could not even wear turtleneck sweaters without sending himself in to a panic. He told her about how he'd used to have a pet turtle named Osoi when he was younger, and how he'd secretly bought the tiny box turtle a leash. He'd taken it on long walks in the back yard- a fact that amused her to no end. She renamed him "Turtle Whisperer" in their Skype. In retaliation, he named her "Space Cadet."

He'd never been able to actually talk to anyone before. But as the days went by she signed more and more to him in class, learning at a fast pace that honestly startled him. He knew he'd never find another person like her in the entire world when they were at a park one weakened and she'd signed, "you are my best friend" to him.

"When I grow up," She said while she rocked on the swing. He stood behind her and pushed. "I'm going to be a physical therapist. I want to help people recover. I want to heal them."

He knew there was no one better suited for the job.

"What do you want to be, Ulquiorra?" The swing loudly creaked as he gently pushed her back again. She watched as he shrugged. "I think you'd be good at anything you'd do." She admitted.

He snorted, shaking his head.

"Well," She grinned, then, mischievous. "Maybe not a telephone operator."

He actually smiled at that one. Most people who knew of his inability to speak tiptoed around the fact, but she took it as it was. He appreciated that greatly.

She put a finger to her chin; thinking. "You don't like people very much," She continued, "So probably nothing that involves dealing with people all the time. Oh! I've got it!"

He raised an eyebrow, waiting.

"You should open up a book store!"

He considered it. Slowly, he nodded. It wasn't a bad idea, really.

"You'd be so good at it- you're smart with money and purchases and all that, and you've read more books than anyone I know. Plus, bookstores are supposed to be quiet. It would be the perfect job!"

He stopped pushing her, coming around to her front to sign, what would I call this supposed store?

She smirked. "Bat-books."

He gave her a flat look.

She laughed. "Okay, okay, that one sucked. Hm… How about…" She tapped her chin again. "I don't know." She eventually said, sighing. "Something about bats, since they're your favorite animal. Maybe 'bat' in a different language?"

I am Spanish-Japanese, He signed.

She frowned, tilting her head. "Sorry, I don't know what the last one was."

He nodded and took out his phone. I am Spanish-Japanese. He typed. So perhaps Murciélago?

It only took a second for the text to send, and only a moment more for her to read it. She smiled wide. "That sounds perfect!" She cheered, jumping up. "Ulquiorra, let's do it! Murcielago!"

He shook his head in amusement. I suppose I should start saving them, hm? He texted her.

She had her phone open and ready, and when she saw the text smiled wide. "Yeah! I want to help- somehow. I don't know. When I start my career I'll back you- okay, Ulquiorra?"

You're very excited about this, he commented. I think you may need those future funds to support yourself- don't you think?

"Well, maybe. We could live together. That way it'll be cheaper." She nodded, as if she was saying something without any weight.

Stomach fluttering with butterflies that he wished wouldn't appear, he carefully texted her a tentative, I do not think any future romantic partners of yours would be too happy with the arrangement.

She laughed as she read it. "Well, Ulquiorra, they'll just have to get over it, won't they?" Quietly, she added, "Besides, who says there will be any?"

You're not exactly average. There will be plenty of offers.

"I'm no Rangiku-senpai." She said shyly, blushing. She sat back down on the swing, looking away from him. "And my hair is a weird color. I don't think we'll have to worry about too many potential dates."

If he could have laughed, he would have at that. Maybe he was mute- but she was clearly blind. He lifted his phone and silently snapped a picture of her as she sat smiling softly on her swing, cinnamon hair swirling around her in the light breeze. In a moment of boldness, he captioned the picture. Beautiful young woman at the park.

He sent it to her.

It took longer than usual to send, but when it did, she hurried to open it. For a long moment she stared at the picture, and then slowly, she began to smile. Her eyes became wide as she closed the phone, looking back up at him with an expression that resembled confusion.

"No one's ever called me beautiful but my brother." She admitted quietly. "Thank you… Ulquiorra."

Do not thank me, he signed slowly, for stating a simple truth.

She blinked. Suddenly, she stood, and then she had her arms around him. She buried her head in his shoulder, unable to see his wide eyes. She held him tightly, pressing her nose into his neck.

"Thank you." She said, hot breath blowing across his neck. "I'm so happy I met you."

Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her, too.

He'd never wanted to speak so badly in his life before. In that moment, he would have given almost anything to be able to say, "I am happy I met you, too."

(o0o)

The people in their school who thought Orihime was a ditzy innocent little sweetheart with no bark or bite were idiots. Ulquiorra had never met anyone with so much sass and wit in his entire life- no one who learned so fast or figured things out so quickly. She was cleverer than anyone gave her credit for.

Since she was a grade above the rest of her class in literature, Orihime also had the distinct pleasure of having to sit through two assemblies for the upcoming national writing tests. One with the rest of her class, in first period, and then one with her literature class in third. He could tell she wasn't excited to be going again as she dragged her feet through the hall, heavily sighing next to him.

"At least I'll have someone to talk to this time." She told him, smiling a little bit. "Right?"

Their teacher stopped them on the way in. "Orihime," she said with a small frown, "I'm going to have to ask you to sit away from Ulquiorra. There's no talking during the assembly- and that includes passing notes."

Orihime deflated. "What? But-"

"You can sit on the other side of the gym."

She groaned, turning to Ulquiorra with a defeated look. Suddenly, her eyes brightened. She quickly mouthed, Sit across from me! And then turned to run.

Curious as to her intentions, he did, following her with his eyes as she went to one side of the gym and sat in the front row of bleachers. He took the other side of the gym, also sitting in the front row while he raised a brow at her, as if asking her to explain.

With a wicked grin, she signed, What's this? She fake- gasped, covering her mouth. Talking to Ulquiorra-kun during an assembly? The nerve of it all!

He actually began to smile. She was honestly too much sometimes. You're a wicked woman. He signed back, shaking his head. Simply devious.

Who, little old me? She smiled wide, clearly holding back a laugh as the speaker came to stand in the center of the gym. She ignored him as he began. I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm beginning to think you only befriended me because you knew I'd offer you new and exciting ways to break the rules. He sassily retorted.

It's really a distinct possibility, my dear Ulquiorra-kun. She used the sign she'd made for his name, there, a gesture close to 'bat' but with a twist on the end.

You're not a very discrete punk, Orihime. He signed. The sign he'd made for her name was a combination of flower and princess- only simplified. What would your dear brother say?

Probably something about how he was proud. He always wanted to be in a biker gang when he was younger. One of those gangs that protects kids who are being abused while they await trail, you know?

What unspeakable evil. He drawled. You surely are following in his footsteps- wanting to do something so wicked as actually helping people. You frighten me so.

What is this? She mocked a gasp. Ulquiorra is sassing me? How could this be?

Me? Sass you? Come, woman, do not be ridiculous. He couldn't help but barely smile. I do not know the meaning of sass.

Oh please. She grinned. Your middle name is sass.

Then I guess we share a common feature after all, Orihime Sass Inoue.

Oh you-

The speaker suddenly stopped, and everyone began to clap, himself and Orihime included. As the roar was dying down, the teacher took the stand, loudly reminding everyone of a project that was due once the weakened was over. As he stood, Orihime caught his eyes.

Want to work on the project together?

Library? He asked.

She shook her head. I was thinking your place.

He raised an eyebrow. Nnoitra would be out for the weekend tracking down Grimmjow's sister Nelliel, who had beaten his record at boxing again- he wanted to fight her again. And Grimmjow would most likely be out, too, so he didn't see any problem with it…

Sure. He said. I will text you my address.

Great! I'll show up as soon as school lets out!

He spent the rest of the day wondering if he'd cleaned recently. He was a very tidy person, and logically it was safe to say that the apartment was probably spotless because of that, but Grimmjow and Nnoitra were a hard act to follow- they trashed the place faster than he could clean, often times.

As soon as school let out he raced home, only to find that things were pretty much clean. He'd been worrying all day over practically nothing. Still, there were a couple of things out- so he spent a good twenty minutes cleaning. He swept and vacuumed, which was what took most of the time, and then made sure to close the door to Nnoitra's room and to Grimmjow's room.

He decided to change out of his school uniform, then, and into regular clothes. He donned some black jeans and a white button-up, his go-to outfit. Just as he was finishing up, there was a knock at his door.

She's here. He thought, swallowing.

He rushed to the door, bare feet quiet over the carpet, and then opened the door in a hurry. She was no longer in her school clothes, apparently having gone home to change and grab some things before hand. She lifted up a bag with a grin. "I brought donuts!" She paused after she realized she'd yelled. "Whoa. Sorry, haha, that was really loud. I'm a little bit excited."

He just raised an eyebrow at her and then opened the door wide to allow her inside. She stepped in and shucked her shoes, taking in the area around her as he closed the door.

"Wow… I didn't think it would be so clean, what with Grimmjow living here."

I keep it tidy. He signed.

"I see… still, I'm impressed! Where is Grimmjow, by the way?"

He shrugged. He and N-n-o-i-t-r-a are gone.

"Oh, well that's good." In explanation she grinned, "Because I brought Spirited Away! I think they might tease if there were here." She set her things down on the kitchen counter as she came into the area, still looking around. "Since they're gone, I think I'll be able to change into my PJs, too."

He raised a brow. Do you plan on sleeping here, woman?

She flushed. "O-oh! I hadn't thought about it, um, I just brought my PJs because they're comfy. Although…" She looked around. "If Grimmjow and Nnoitra aren't here, I don't see the problem with staying over…"

You are welcome to stay if you wish. He signed. It is up to you.

She smiled. "Thanks!"

They got started on their projects, then, sitting on the floor with their backs pressed to the couch in the living room. They worked on the coffee table, eating donuts as they worked, Ulquiorra occasionally helping Orihime and vice versa. By the time they were done it was dinnertime, so Ulquiorra broke out some sushi from the fridge.

Left overs. He signed. I hope you do not mind.

"Free food is free food."

Who said I wasn't going to charge you?

"Oh, sorry, my mistake." She smirked, letting him know she knew he was only teasing. "How much should I pay you?"

This sushi means a lot to me. You'll have to buy it with your life.

"Fine by me." She grabbed his hand and shook it firmly- American style. "Ulquiorra Sass Cifer, you have yourself a deal."

They watched Orihime's movie as they ate on the couch. Ulquiorra tried not to make a big deal out of it when she leaned into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. He hadn't actually seen Spirited Away before, and even though it was technically a child's movie, he found himself enjoying it. He was distracted by Orihime's breath on his shoulder, though.

When the movie ended it had grown dark. The credits began to roll, and she turned her face to him, her nose almost touching his as her sweet eyes went wide in excitement. "Did you like it?" She asked, smile wide and sweet.

He nodded, his nose brushing her own in the act.

They froze.

Without his consent, his eyes flickered down to her lips. She licked them, suddenly, and then whispered, "Ulquiorra…"

He turned his eyes back to her own.

She swallowed- he could hear it, suddenly, just like he could hear his own pulse.

"I'm going to kiss you." She whispered.

His heart fell into his stomach as his veins filled with molten lava. He did not move.

Slowly, she shifted, lifting herself. Their noses brushed again as she turned her head, fingers creeping up to his neck, where they embedded into his hair. Then she kissed him. Soft and sweet- both of them with closed mouths. She pressed her lips flush against his for a long moment and then sighed, leaning her forehead into his.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time." She quietly admitted. "Ulquiorra."

He leaned closer to her, then, and kissed her once more. Quick and chaste before he drew back. He signed, I have wanted to do that for a very, very long time.

She laughed quietly. "I'm so glad." She closed her eyes and pressed her head to his again, voice free and light. "I'm so, so glad, Ulquiorra."

He leaned in for another kiss just as there was a loud noise at the door. They both started and tore apart, faces flushed as they breathed heavily. They turned to stare at the door. The knob jiggled, and then someone loudly cursed.

The door flew open, and Grimmjow came stumbling in. He was wearing a dark black jacket and a low-cut blue shirt with his dark jeans. He had his favorite earing in- the one that looked like a bone had been pushed through the lobe of his ear. All in all, he looked like he'd gone out on a date.

He was drunk, though, and judging by how mused his long hair was- the top long back coming down over the shaved side sloppily- something had gone wrong.

"Grimmjow?" Orihime called, startled.

He looked up at her and groaned. "You're fucking kidding me." He growled, almost sounding jealous. "Even fucking bat-shit gets the girl? Fuck!" He slammed the door closed and then collapsed on one of the stools before the counter, groaning.

Something had clearly gone very, very wrong.

He turned to Orihime. Translate for me?

She nodded.

Ulquiorra stood and started towards Grimmjow. Catching Orihime's eye, he signed, What happened?

"Ulquiorra asked what happened."

Grimmjow glared up at the both of them. "You can understand what's bat-shit's saying?" He asked, almost amazed. "Huh."

They waited.

"I really don't want ta' do this around you, princess." He groaned, shoving his face back down into his arms.

In reply, Orihime ran to the living room and grabbed one of the remaining donuts, then came back over to Grimmjow's side to slide it over to him. He took it with a loud sigh and bit into the sweat.

What happened? Ulquiorra asked again.

Orihime repeated.

Grimmjow laughed, though the sound came out dry and without humor. "I finally did it!" He declared, angry. "I confessed to Kurosaki. I don't know why I did, fuck, Ulquiorra, I'm so fucking stupid. I got drunk and it just happened. I kissed him, bat-shit. I fucking kissed him."

Ulquiorra suddenly understood.

"His lips are soft." Grimmjow growled. "Fuck him for that. I don't know why I did it- did it. No- fuck you all- I know why I did it! He gave me that look that fucking look while we were fighting! He grabbed my hand to stop a punch and then just fucking stared at me and I- I swear, he has to know what he's doing- he's not just some dumb straight boy I know he's pan, I can smell it on him, fuck- FUCK. So I kissed him! And you know- know what he does? He puts his hand over my mouth and glares at me. Pushes me back and tells em- tells me- me to go home. Says, oh, yeah, I always teased you for having a boner for me but I didn't think it was true. What a motherfucker. I hate him. Where the fucking fuck does he get off giving me those looks and fighting me like that- he- when he doesn't mean it. Fuck. FUCK."

Orihime swallowed, and then slowly she put a hand on his back.

Grimmjow didn't shrug her off, to both their surprises.

"It's Kuchiki." He muttered. "What does he see in her?"

"To be fair," Orihime said quietly, "She's a really good kisser."

Both Ulquiorra and Grimmjow turned to her.

Grimmjow was the first to speak. "What?"

She flushed. "Well- um- I-"

He sat up straight. "I fucking knew I smelt gay on you." He slurred. He grinned, sloppily. "Bi-hime."

She went bright red. "You're the most bi!" She managed, looking down at her shoes. "S-so there!"

"So, you and Kuchiki, huh?"

She glared. "It was a short thing. We both liked Ichigo too much."

"Join the club." He grunted. "What the fuck do we even see in him? Like, besides the abs and the great ass?"

She didn't answer; instead, she stepped closer to Ulquiorra and took his hand, noticing that he was still frozen in place. "I'm over it." She said. "I like Ulquiorra-kun."

"Ulquiorra kun?" He snorted. "Holy shit, she's really got you whipped, bat-shit." Without waiting for a reply he stood and headed unsteadily towards the fridge. "Whatever. Vodka and I have some catching up to do. And when I wake up I'm moving the fuck on."

Ulquiorra nodded, jerkily.

"Well, um…" Orihime watched him grab a bottle form the fridge before staggering off to his room. "Goodnight, Grimmjow…"

He snorted. "Thanks, Princess." With that, he slammed his door closed.

For a second, it was quiet. Then Ulquiorra slipped his hand from Orihime's.

K-u-c-h-i-k-i R-u-k-i-a? He sighed, still amazed.

She flushed. "L-like I said, it was a very short thing. We're just friends now."

He nodded. In that case. He reached out for her hand and then brought it up to his mouth, leaving a kiss on her knuckles.

She flushed again. "Want to watch another movie and make out on the couch?"

He dropped her hand with a smile. Nothing would make me happier.