Jack fumed as he walked. His steps quickly taking him away from the scene behind him. How dare that bastard? He thought, wrenching his hands through his short brown hair.

He and Aster had broken up nearly a year ago. The man was short tempered and stubborn and a workaholic and a complete ass. He was well aware of Jack's open sexuality, as he was not at all shy about who he was or what gender he preferred. Aster, though, was not as comfortable with it.

Sure they dated, and sure there was romance and intimacy... but only behind closed doors. There was no hand holding at the movies, no sipping from the other's drink. Hell, Aster didn't even like Jack posting pictures of the two of them to his blog! His excuse was always some lame, generic 'I'm just not ready to be out' or 'What if I lose my job because of it?' The Australian didn't seem to have any qualms about letting all his coworkers know of Jack's tastes, though stayed quiet about his own, and their relationship.

Oh, he'd met a few of them. Most were relatively decent, if not a bit awkward around him, but that was fine. There were a few that were less than accepting. These individuals would always bring certain things up, like 'do you take it up the ass?' And 'isn't that painful?'... and then there were the uncalled for statements, made in jest, but were derogatory to the point Jack would blush in anger and embarrassment.

'Here's a banana, show us how far you can get it. Maybe we could send our wives to you for some pointers.'

And let's not forget the classic: 'Don't you realize you're going to hell?'

Needless to say, Jack didn't accept any more drink invites from Aster's peers, and shortly after, the break up happened. It was angry and fast. Jack accused the older man of being ashamed of him, Aster accused Jack of trying to change him into a prancing fag.

The only thing Jack remembered grabbing as he fled Aster's apartment was his coat. He left his toiletries, some clothes, a few movies... but he didn't care. He needed to get away.

It was remarkably similar to what he was doing now. Running away.

He knew his ex was following, the footsteps were steadily getting louder and louder, as did the calling of his name. But he didn't stop. Jack kept walking, furious with himself for actually feeling relief when Aster had shown up

The man was just some random Jo, drunk off his ass and looking to make a scene. Jack was an easy target with his PRIDE t-shirt and neon blue skinny jeans. The drunkard had stumbled over spouting slurs, a slew of faggot's and queer's and cocksuckers' littered his speech. When Jack ignored him he became angry. The man had grabbed Jack by the collar and shoved, sending the young man spiraling to the pavement. The drunk laughed, and began to say something but was suddenly rendered silent. Jack had hoped for a black out due to the alcohol, but was sorely disappointed when he finally scrambled back to his feet. Aster stood over the man, snarling vicious and threatening things. His hands were flying, as they often did in his anger, as his voice boomed at the man who lay sprawled on the sidewalk. Jack didn't stick around to see what his ex had said; recognizing the longing that shot through his veins was enough of a warning to get him swiftly putting distance between them again. It didn't last.

"Jack- Jackie! Wait!"

Just keep going, Jack thought to himself, biting the inside of his cheek, just ignore him, and he'll go away.

"Jackson!" Aster half shouted as he sprinted up, finally close enough to reach out and firmly grasp the younger man's upper arm. He took note of the hunched shoulders and lowered head, the slight tremble in that shot through the arm he held. Gently, Aster tugged, inching Jack to turn and face him.

"Look at me, Jackie." He whispered. The traitorous sting of Jack's eyes made it easy to deny the request. It was no doubt he still missed what they'd had; their relationship was deep, enough so that many times words had no place. Jack had never felt the burning need to be with anyone the way he wanted to be with Aster. Hell, if he was being honest with himself he still deeply loved the older man… and feared he always would

"So, ya don't talk to me for a year, then I save yer ass and I don't even get a thanks?" Aster weakly chuckled and then groaned at his failed attempt.

"What do you want me to say?" Jack snapped, shaking his arm out of Aster's grip and finally turning to face him.

"Thanks for finally sticking up for me? Better late than never? Well, thanks, Bunny. Have a nice life." He turned to walk away once more, once again seething. I cant believe this is happening, he thought, after all this time, he just fucking shows up and expects me to be hunky dory? He wants to be all chummy again? Well, fuck him!

"Wait a minute! Hold up, mate. I'm not- just- ... I'm not lookin' fer anything, Jack. I just wanted to talk to ya." He sighed, the dejected tone in his voice catching Jack a bit off guard. Aster was always so confident, so sure of himself. To hear the defeat in that voice made Jack's heart clench. Jack sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What do you want, Aster?"

"I wanted... to apologize. For how things ended. I said some things... and they were uncalled for."

"Yeah, I said some shitty stuff too. There- good talk." Jack hissed and began to stalk away, once again stopped before the second step by a stronger arm.

"Will you just stop? We need to talk." Aster sounded almost pleadingly honest. The tone of sincerity almost breaking Jack's heart all over again. It did the trick, though. He stopped.

Jack sighed, heavy and agitated; it was easier to pretend to be upset than it was to fight the urge to bury his nose into Aster's chest. "If you want to talk, you're going to buy me coco." He said, walking in the direction of a family owned café he frequented. He wanted to look behind him, to slow down and wait for Aster to come to his side, but he silently berated himself for it. Be strong, he thought, don't fall even farther for him; not now.

~*~*~Line~*~*~

The coco was hot on his tongue as he sipped, grimacing at the burn. He sat back in his uncomfortable metal chair, leaning as far as possible away from his ex. Aster had silently paid for their drinks and had motioned for Jack to pick their table: a first in Jack's memory. Usually the older man had wanted to sit in the very back, hidden behind walls and fake trees so no one could see. Jack smiled in spite as he planted himself smack in the middle of the large, three window pane out-looking the bustling sidewalk and intersection. Maybe all the people would scare him off, Jack thought.

He watched Aster fidget, long, tan fingers picking at the lid of his steaming cup of something. Part of him wanted to do something passive aggressive, like clearing his throat, to get this show on the road, and yet another part of him- the still-in-love-with-him part, wanted to stay quiet…just to keep Aster there for even just a minute longer. He cursed himself as he silently sipped his coco. The Australian breathed deep before settling his too green eyes on Jack.

"To be honest, Jackie, I didn't think I'd get this far. Never thought you'd agree to speak to me." He said weakly, offering a small, but genuine, smile.

"I don't want to. Consider this a 'thanks' for dealing with that drunk asshole." Jack glared over the lid of his cup; slumped low in his seat- the picture of teenage angst- even at his mature age of twenty-four. Aster flinched at his tone and Jack secretly crowed in victory; good, he thought, of course I'm still mad at you, jackass.

"Well, I'll take it. I wanted you to know that I came out to my office, 'bout two months after ya left." He said, Jack was momentarily surprised with conviction in which Aster used. "I'd told my supervisor first, and in confidence, but unfortunately it didn't stay that way. She probably didn't wait even five minutes before emailing everyone on our floor." He murmured, eyes downcast in either shame or contempt- Jack couldn't tell. "The big boss came in nearly an hour later and told me to clean out my desk."

Jack felt his jaw drop a bit as he stared. "They fired you?" He whispered unbelievably, anger rising as Aster nodded.

"Yep. My first stop after leaving was a lawyer. They advised me to press charges and to keep things out of the news and away from all of the activist rights groups, my former employer settled with me. Got a nice little nest egg." Aster smirked at him, eyes warming at the quiet laugh that traitorously slipped past Jack's lips.

"I've missed that laugh." The older man whispered.

Jack blushed and sobered. It thrilled him to hear that he'd been missed, all the way down to his toes! He clamped down on the lid that wanted break open and pepper Aster's face with kisses, and tell the man how much he'd missed him too, how he thought of that Australian strine every day! Be strong, he reminded himself, don't let him break your heart again.

"Well, whose fault was that?" He sneered. God, he felt like a teenager mocking his parents again. This was not going how he'd wanted it to, even though he didn't want it to be happening at all. He was furious at his ex's former company, but happy that Aster had taken the initiative and held them accountable for their actions. He was happier, still, that Aster had gotten a decent sum of money to keep him afloat until he found another job. Jack hated that he still worried incessantly about the man.

"It was mine."

Once again, Jack was shocked into silence. Never in a million years did he ever think he'd heard that. He didn't have the time to process what Aster had said, because he continued.

"Everything was my fault. I let my job and the pressure of my coworkers take the reins with our relationship. And I know I hurt you, and I know you put up with some real shitty people for me… Jack, you were everything I wanted in a boyfriend. Hell, yer still everything I want."

Jack sucked in a breath as his heart began to flutter and his face, neck and ears flood with heat. How many times had he wished for those words? Much more than he could count, and had dreamed them even more. And now, here they were: Aster missed Jack, just as much as Jack missed Aster. He almost reached for the older man's hand, but stopped himself just before he reached across the table. Aster didn't notice, gaze focused on beverage.

"I can't tell ya how long I looked fer ya, wantin' to apologize fer everything I said to ya at the end. I needed to find ya before- well, before." He paused as he looked up and reached for Jack's hands, pausing just a heartbeat before gently cradling the smaller hands in his own.

Hearts aren't supposed to beat like this, Jack thought, this has to be a heart attack. It wasn't, but he could hope, right? He cursed Aster straight to hell for this; he knew, he thought, that bastard has to know what I feel, or else he wouldn't be doing this- The scratch of paper filled his palm and broke his ranting train of thought.

Aster had stood, grabbing his cup and maneuvering around the small table to bend toward Jack. He cupped Jack's pale, freckle speckled cheek and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead and, without a word, left the café.

Jack unfolded the paper and read the fine, almost calligraphic scrawl that was entirely Aster:

I'm still in love with you, I never stopped.

There's nothing left for me here, so I've decided to move back to Oz. I know I have no right to ask this, but I want one more night with you before I leave. Just one more time to hold you and pretend that you're still mine.

If you decide to ignore this I wouldn't blame you, but I know you still feel something for me; what we had few people ever find.

I love you Jackson, with all my heart and soul. And I truly believe I will still love you even when the last star dies out.

Tears rolled down Jack's cheeks as he read and reread the letter, over and over again. His mind focused solely on the word love. Aster had never once said, or wrote, those words to him. Oh sure, he'd told the man how much he loved him, on a regular basis even. But never got the sentiment returned. And then the jerk comes ramrodding back into his life and forces a heart to heart on him, complete with this bombshell? And then leaves?! Oh no, Jack thought, that's not how this works.

He folded the now crumpled paper and stuffed it in his pocket. The address at the bottom wasn't needed, as he still knew exactly where Aster lived. A small jolt of pain pierced his heart at the thought of 'well, he knew where he lived for now' but Jack diligently ignored it in favor of hopping up from his chair and flying from the café. He needed to think, needed to sort his head, and his heart, out. Jack couldn't afford another stupid decision, not now.

The young man fled to the only place that he could ever remember feeling at peace, coincidentally it was the same place where he first met Aster: The Museum of Natural History.

~*~*~Line~*~*~

Jack sat hunched over on a sleek wooden bench, head resting on his arms which rested on his knees. 'Why is he saying all this now?' he thought, now that he was leaving and never coming back. What could Aster possible gain from telling him all of this now? He was leaving soon, so that ruled out wanting to see Jack fall for it and tumble ass over tea kettle again. Aster had given Jack the option of coming to him after reading the note, an open ended invitation for… something, should he decide to go.

And therein lay his problem: Jack was seriously considering going to Aster's apartment.

He had no idea what he'd do if he actually went through with it, but the temptation to see Aster again, and not be afraid of him, was hard to resist. Jack kept thinking about that one, single sentence over and over. The one that stuck in his mind, more now than at first:

Just one more time to hold you and pretend that you're still mine.

It made tears prick his eyes.

Aster wanted him back; and even if it was wistful thinking on his part, had lost his job to come out to his coworkers to try and win Jack back.

Jack dug the note out of his jean pocket once again to stare at it, rereading the words he'd already memorized in the past hour. Red rimmed brown eyes scanned over the paper, lingering on certain spots, like 'love' and 'when the last star dies out'; and at the bottom- he final noticed the date. It was just a month after their end. Jack stared slack jawed. Aster had been carrying this note with him for nearly a year, just hoping to run into him again. That, more than anything, made his heart ache. He wanted to go to the older man and demand that Aster kiss his sorrows away, and love him until the sun came up.

But that nagging voice of self-doubt came back full force: If you do that it will just be for one night. He's leaving soon, and why would he want you to tag along? He just wants one more lay because he thought you were good. It's not like he's going to ask you to come with him. And even on the off chance he might- do you think he'd up and tell his new coworkers about you being his boyfriend? No way! But what if this time it'll be different? What if Aster was sincere? He had certainly seemed that way earlier.

Jack's heart clenched in his chest as he buried his face in his knees.

He didn't know what to do.

~*~*~Line~*~*~

Hours later, and begrudgingly true to form, Jack stared at the number 568.

He had wandered for who knows how long after leaving the museum. He'd walked past countless buildings and people, taking seemingly random right and left turns as he wandered the city. Jack was foolish to think that his feet would lead him home, though he'd hoped.

Instead he stood in front of Aster's apartment door, fidgeting, torn between knocking and turning tail. Jack shifted from foot to foot, teeth worrying his lower lip in his internal battle. Multiple times his fist was poised to knock on the innocent white wood in front of him, and every time Jack would falter, drop his hand and sigh.

He knew Aster was aware of his presence, could see the shadows in the dim hallway move from the bottom of the door, had heard the near silent footsteps as the older man paced on the other side. It was surprising that Aster hadn't just flung the door open and yanked him inside. To be honest, it was what Jack was expecting as Aster had never been very good at exhibiting patience. But the man never made a move. Jack realized that Aster was giving him the option of giving into Aster's request, or turn and forget this whole situation had ever happened. The older man wanted him to knock, wanted to let him in, but was giving Jack the ultimate decision.

Jack raised his hand again, closed his fish and took a deep breath and brought his hand forward once more. But the courage to connect with the door was not there, and he cursed himself and his fear as he covered his face with both hands, sucking in a breath and whispering a broken "I can't." before turning and sprinting from his ex-boyfriend's apartment, tears sliding down his cheeks.