Title: Reasonable Doubts Part 3/5 - Convergence
Author: Gowdie
Category: Logan and Rogue romance. Just enough angst to get the story moving, a lot of laughter and eventually a happy ending. Hopefully like life!
Rating: PG13 for language and hand love. Not THAT kind of hand love! That would be R or NC 17. Yeesh! Maybe later.
Archive: Please dear God, please let someone want this. Just please also let them send me a message so I can write a thank you note and visit.
Disclaimer: Unless extreme amounts of giddiness and laughter have recently been declared material gains, then no I am not profiting from this story since I clearly do not own these characters.
Feedback: Yes please! I promise to say thank you!
Thanks: To Diebin and Donna for being total hand love converts despite their initial reservations! Oh yeah, and also for repeatedly telling me that it doesn't suck. To my real life friend Narla for dragging her ass back from backpacking around England to proofread this part! What? You mean that isn't why she came back?
Author Notes: Okay guys, exams start next week so I am afraid I must take a bit of a break. Am very sorry, but such is the way of life. I will post a Christmas special that fits in the RD universe on the 23rd or 24th (depending on when I finish it). It will be the three Christmases prior to the beginning of RD. Then I am afraid you won't get Part 4 till January. Again sorry, but if I don't crack a book soon, will all be for naught.
Note to PETS: Look, look, I gave him a heart! Isn't it pretty! Scott and I both like it, I sure hope you guys approve.
It was cold. Logan knew he was not in his bed because it was so damn cold. Oh, and hard too. Whatever he had been sleeping on was really freaking hard. He couldn't figure out why on earth he had decided to stay here, wherever here was. But there was something else. Marie. He could smell Marie and she was very close. For some reason that realization made such a sense of relief wash over him that he didn't mind the uncomfortable surface or the cold. Why was that?
Then his brain started to sing. She's alive! He had thought she was dead, had believed he would never see her again and now he knew she was alive. Everything was right with his world. Now he just had to remember where they were and how they got there. Wanting to focus only on her wonderful scent for a moment he kept his eyes closed and stretched out with a groan.
Very tentatively, "You're awake?"
Oh her voice! Her sweet, sweet voice that he had missed so much. He smiled, relishing in the sound. Maybe if he kept his eyes closed and refused to move she would come over and play with him. "Yeah, I'm awake darlin'."
She was very cautious now, "I'm sorry Logan. I shouldn't have called out. It's my fault you got hit so hard."
Her fault? What was her fault? Oh crap. The bits and pieces started to come back: fighting with Sabertooth, Marie running toward them screaming, him allowing himself to be distracted like some kid in his first fight on the playground, the big hairy son of a bitch dropping a bolder on his head. Didn't that bastard know that hitting people with trees and hunks of mountain was against the rules? Rules, Logan almost laughed at his own joke. It was time to face the world. Logan opened his eyes.
Oh crap, crap, crap. They were in some kind of prison. No, correct that, he was in some kind of prison, she was standing, free as a bird, on the other side of the bars. Logan sat up. "Marie, why is it I'm in here and you're," a pause, "not?"
She looked down at the her feet ashamed. She gestured vaguely behind her. "They want me to join them. I'm not. I am just biding my time." Suddenly all the details flooded back. Marie had touched Jean. Marie had run, that's why he was looking for her. Marie thought Jean was dead, that she had killed her. "I promise I will figure out a way to get you out of here."
"Jean's not dead."
Her head snapped up at his words. Unbelieving eyes drilled into him. Barely a whisper, "What?"
Logan was on his feet and standing near the bars in mere seconds. He noticed she took a few steps back as he approached. Oh God, she was afraid of him. In a very gentle voice, "She's not dead. You didn't kill her. She is going to be fine. Scott said she is going to be fine and he understands." A slight pause for emphasis, "We all understand."
Rogue just stared at him, her mouth hanging open slightly, still not quite believing. Trying to speak she took a breath, but faltered. She tried again, "But they said..." She didn't need to finish. Of course they lied. They were trying to manipulate her, why should she expect the truth about anything? She looked back down to the ground and shook her head sadly. "It doesn't matter. I mean, I am grateful she's okay, but that doesn't change what I did."
Wanting to touch her, but unable to reach, Logan settled for wrapping his hands around the bars. "It doesn't matter, but not for why you think. I know what it is you're feeling." Uncertain eyes met his. Logan plunged ahead, "Look, I know we never talk about it, but that first night, if you had died, that would've been it for me."
He was on uncertain ground, since their exchanged apologies on the train, they had never spoken of that night. It wasn't that the subject was taboo, in fact it was the opposite. They didn't feel they had anything more to say. Everything was already out in the open between them. They had both held out their cards for the other to plainly read. This is how easily we could destroy each other. The pain and loss we are feeling are why we never will. Needless to say, the experience bonded them, but there was more than just the immeasurable trust that had been born; they had also given each other a gift. Rogue hadn't actively been courting death, but she wasn't exactly convinced her life was one worth living. Logan on the other hand had been practically daring death to take him. Each day was another game of "Let's see what you've got." But in that shared moment they had both believed they were going to die. Death's immanence had never been more tangible as it mercilessly pulled them toward its permanent destination. As they gasped for breath, they both finally realized just how desperately they wanted to live. All of this was known. They both understood what they had given each other and were even oddly grateful for the lesson, but in the few moments before she had touched him, Logan had believed in another certainty.
He proceeded, "I don't think I need to tell you, I wasn't exactly keen on the idea of companionship. I avoided attachments like they were a disease." He started to point at her, "Then you came along and not only would you not go away, but you were as nosy as hell."
Rogues eyes narrowed, she couldn't help it. "I assume you have a point."
"I'm getting there," Logan grimaced and continued gesturing toward her. "I was saying, I gave you no reason to, but you insinuated yourself in my life and against my better judgement, made me care. Chuck was bloody well giving me a tour and I kept spying on you through windows."
"I didn't know that."
"Yeah, I'm stealthy." He sighed, "My point is, you were the purest, most honest thing to highjack its way into my life and if I had killed you that would've been the end. I would've destroyed this beautiful, open girl who trusted me without reason and I never would've forgiven myself. I would've left that night and found some hole to live in where I could be sure that no one would ever get close to me again."
Rogue allowed a small smile. "That is actually where I was headed. This," she waved her hands at their surroundings, "this is just a detour."
Logan rested his head against the bars. Softly, "Okay, but that isn't what you would've wanted for me. You would've forgiven me even if I couldn't. Knowing you, I'm not even sure you would've blamed me." He paused, making sure he had her absolute attention. He needed to be sure she believed his next words. "Jean wouldn't want that for you either. She'd forgive you and want you to come home. We all want you to come home."
Logan watched as she turned away, her shoulders sagged, and her arms wrapped around herself. She gave a slight sniff and when she faced him again a few tears had escaped down her cheeks. "God Logan, I don't understand how you can even look at me."
Compassion filled his voice, "Why wouldn't I be able to look at you, Marie?"
Sobbing, "Because I almost took her away from you." He stared at her blankly. She was going to have to be more direct. "I almost killed the woman you love."
Logan's jaw almost hit the floor. He stood there sputtering for a few moments. "The woman I...? You think that Jean...? That's what this is all about? Oh my God." He started hitting his head against the bars softly. If he wasn't so manly he might just cry at the frustration. How had they read each other so wrong? He stopped his movement and heaved a sigh. "The woman I love is you. I love you Marie."
"No you don't," she spat.
Copying her tone, "Yes I do."
Louder, "No you don't."
"Yes, Marie, I do."
"No," she was really getting angry, "you don't!"
"God damn it Marie!" He jerked away from the bars and started pacing. "I'm pretty damn sure I get to make up my own mind about this. I love you. You're it. You're the one. It's all about you."
This was getting insulting. He was actually going to lie to her as some kind of brilliant strategy to bring her home. Then what? How long would he play out the charade then? "Look Logan," she snapped, "you can't lie to me." That seemed to get his attention. At least he stopped moving around so much. "You were inside my head. I felt all your emotions and saw everything you wanted and remembered." Emphasizing each word, "I know how you feel about her."
Logan practically bent himself in half leaning back to shout, "That was three years ago! Can't a man change his mind?" Regaining some calm, he walked back to the bars. "Alright, I admit, when we first showed up at the school, I kinda liked Jean."
Rogue crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "'Kinda liked?' I saw vivid, graphic pictures of exactly what you wanted to do to her. 'Kinda liked' are not the words those images bring to mind."
Logan rubbed his face in his hands in exasperation. He wasn't sure if this new information made the situation better or worse than he had thought. Obviously he had figured out Marie didn't know he loved her. He hadn't realized that was because she was convinced he loved somebody else. Oh man, Scott would have a field day with this. "So Logan, what is this? Reason number twenty-seven you should have just stayed away from my girl?" Go away putz. "I am just saying that, you know, I was right." No, no, concentrate. Having imaginary conversations with Scooter was not going to help. He stole a glance at Marie. She was waiting. Worse, it was definitely worse. He wished he could just tell her he knew the moment he saw her staring at him in that bar. He had felt something as he had regarded her, maybe the answer was hidden in that truth. How to win the girl you love: tell her how her open gaze scared the absolute shit out of you. Well it had to go better than "say it with dog tags" didn't it?
He approached the bars again. "Okay kid, sit." She just stared at him. He winced at his own words. "That's probably part of the problem isn't it?" He sat down and gazed up at her. "Please sit with me Marie." Still silent she acquiesced, sitting cross-legged, directly opposite him. He reached through the bars and took her hand. She let him, that was good. Now, where to start? Cautiously, "Can I explain about Jean?"
Looking down she shrugged, "I guess so."
"Even if it hurts a little?" The incredulous look she gave him clearly asked how a little more hurt was possible given their circumstances. "I want to give you the truth Marie. It's not a perfect story, but I think it's right."
A tiny voice, "I only want the truth."
"Okay." A deep breath and he dove forward. "When I met Jean, I had a gut reaction and it wasn't exactly of the genteel variety. I mean she is beautiful and sexy and she also has the whole intelligence and pose thing going on. She tries to act all cool and aloof but there is a lot of passion running underneath and I, well I instantly wanted to show her just how passionate she could be." He stopped to check on her. Marie's eyes were fixed on their hands. This isn't what she wanted to hear, but he had to get it out. Just keep going. "She didn't help much either cause I could tell she liked me, but she kept insisting on making it clear that I wasn't going to get anywhere. Which of course just made me want her even more." A slight smile. "Then there was Scott. The fact that it drove him so crazy just made the game that much more fun." In complete earnest, "But you are wrong Marie, it wasn't love. It was lust and pride and wanting something I couldn't have, but it was never love."
She sniffed and wiped at her eyes with her free hand. "And what exactly does that have to do with me?"
Gently he caressed the back of her silk-covered fingers with his thumb. "Because I had a gut reaction to you too."
Barely a hopeful whisper, "What?"
"You were just sitting there, starring at me. It was like 'Here I am.' Okay, so the first thing I thought was, 'weird.' But you didn't look away and then everything just screamed, 'Get out. Get out cause given the chance that kid is going to fuck up your life something fierce.'" She pulled her hand away. Reaching for her, "No wait, this is a good thing." He caught her wrist and held it fiercely. "I didn't understand how you were gonna fit in my life, but I knew you had to power to change it."
She tilted her head and asked sarcastically, "I changed your life?"
"You know you did." Ignoring her scoff and eye rolling he continued, "I didn't give a rat's ass about anyone but myself and the way you looked at me scared me cause I knew you were the type who wasn't going to go away easy. Then all of a sudden you were taken away and that scared me even more." Quieter as the memory still bore some pain, "Hearing you scream..." He shook his head trying to rid the image from his mind. "You had to live. There was no question about who was more important. Your life meant more to me than my own. I had never felt that way before, but I felt that for you in a matter of days." Practically begging for her to see the significance of what he said, "That has to count for something."
He reached forward and took her other hand. As he stroked his thumbs over her clenched fingers she sat quietly. He decided to take her silence as a sign that maybe he was getting through, but he still had to finish. "I wish I could tell you it was love at first sight. I wish I could tell you it was some fairy tale where I knew the second I saw you. I wish I could tell you there was light and bells and music and the rest of that shit, but I can't, because the truth is I fell in love with you slowly." She looked up at him at that, eyes a little surprised. She had been listening to him say it for a while now, surprise could only mean she was starting to believe. He squeezed her hands and held her eyes with his, "A little bit, day by day, as I got to know you. It happened so slowly I didn't even notice. Then the day came when I had to take a long hard look at myself and I realized I couldn't even remember what it felt like to not need to be near you."
Softly, "Need to be near me, because you love me."
A confirmation, "I love you Marie."
A little more confident, Rogue smiled, "You love me."
Logan smiled back and nodded slowly, "I love you."
Still trying to process through all the changes to the way she understood the world, all she could say at the moment was, "Huh."
Still wishing he could fix what had created the whole misunderstanding he said, "I'm sorry you had to see everything inside my head you did. I mean, it's one thing to know the person you're with has a past and had fantasies about another woman, but it is completely different to have everything so spelled out for you like that. It must be kinda gross for you huh?"
Rogue's eyebrows knitted together as she frowned a little. "Not gross, just," a pause as she thought of the words, "a rabid source of insecurity."
"Would it help if I told you Jean hasn't even occurred to me in a long time?"
"How long?" Logan shifted uneasily. "Come on Logan, I'm a big girl, I can take it."
Logan stared at their hands for a few moments. "How honest do you want me to be?"
A small voice and a shrug, "I want to know."
His head leaning against the bars, he shifted his gaze to meet her eyes. He would give her the truth. "When I first got back, I still thought of her for a while. I don't know, a few months maybe." With a shrug, "Then it just kinda faded. I didn't really think about anyone for a bit and that," his eyes widened the outrageousness of the thought, "was weird." A pause before he softly added, "I loved you Marie, I just wasn't allowing myself to think of you that way, until one day I couldn't help it." The serious look turned to a sly grin. "Once I finally got my head out of my ass, I promise you, the fantasies I've had of you are more vivid and graphic than anything I have ever come up with before."
"About me?" A nod. "You have sex fantasies about me?" Another nod. "You want me?"
"Desperately."
Rogue pulled her hands away, crossed her arms in front of her and demanded, "Well why the hell didn't you tell me?"
Taken aback by the sudden change in tone Logan tried to catch up, "What?"
"Why didn't you spell it out?" She animatedly at him. "Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to have sex with me?"
"What was I supposed to say? Gee Marie, you know what I would really like to do tonight is throw you up against a wall and bury myself in you till I can't see straight. Too bad we can't give it a go? It didn't really seem appropriate."
Rogue's breath caught and she sighed at the thought. "That would have been nice."
A little incredulous, "Pardon?"
She started fidgeting with her gloves and admitted, "I didn't think anyone was ever gonna want me. It would have been nice to hear it from you, even if we couldn't do it."
Logan ducked his head, "I thought, I thought I was waiting for you to tell me you were ready."
She started laughing and shaking her head, "Logan I have been ready for you since the first time I saw you half naked and sweaty."
For a moment he gave her a feral grin, but sobered quickly. "I am sorry I made you wait so long."
She rose up on her knees and stroked his cheek thoughtfully. "I think maybe I like that you took your time. There's less chance you will change you mind later."
Taking her face in his hands he vowed, "I am never gonna change my mind about you Marie."
Their moment was ruined when a proper voice suddenly filled the silence. "Well, isn't this just a picture of sweetness." Both Logan and Rogue stood immediately and turned to face Eric, who simply frowned at them. "I see our situation has changed. I was rather hoping to avoid that." To Logan, "You really should have just stayed away from here, everything would have been so much easier."
Logan reached back through the bars to take Marie's hand back in his. "Sorry to disappoint bub, but I am afraid Marie and I will have to be leaving."
Eric smiled a little. "Right." To make his point, with a simple glance at Logan he effortlessly lifted him in the air and allowed him to continue to hover there helplessly. He turned back to Rogue who was staring at her hands in contemplation. "I really wouldn't think about it child. Even if you managed to touch me I could rip your darling boy to pieces in the moment before your powers took hold." She lifted her face to glare at him. "Now before you start making any escape plans there is something I would like to show you that may perhaps change your mind." He turned back to Logan and with a wave of his hand opened the cell bars. "Oh yes, you may come too."
Eric led them through various corridors, seemingly deeper and deeper into the mountain. Logan glided behind him with Rogue walking at his side. Logan occasionally huffed and puffed in his useless efforts to free himself from the magnetic hold. Finally giving up he turned his head as much as he could to Marie and grumbled, "I really hate this guy." Despite herself and their situation she smiled.
Finally they reached the end of a hallway with a single opened door. Inside was yet another empty steel room. "Here we are." With yet another graceful twist of Eric's hand Logan was tossed inside.
Rogue watched in horror as his body hurtled towards the opposite wall, his head making a terrible cracking sound as it made contact. His body landed in a crumpled heap on the floor. She ran to him. Rage filling her she turned her attention back to Eric who stood calmly in the door. He smiled at her. "I built this room as a gift for you. I was hoping it may convince you to stay."
Disgusted with him she sneered, "I just looks like another cell."
"Yes well, you didn't give me a chance to complete the finishing touches as I would have liked." He crossed his arms and looked at her sternly. "It suppresses one's mutation, so I would tell your boy to think twice before using those claws of his. His healing factor will not function and I am afraid he may hurt himself. Well my dear, enjoy." He turned and left, the door shutting behind him with the distinctive sound of a lock being turned.
Scott Summers was being a brave man. He was very brave when he offered to help search for Rogue. He was very brave when he repeatedly assured the students who asked him, that yes, Jean would be fine. And he was being very brave each day as he continued to conduct his classes. He was sure if he had to be brave much longer he would make himself sick. Still though, he steadfastly refused to appear outwardly anything other than the picture of calm. He understood his role as the leader well. He was order. He could be counted on to never panic, not in the face of any crisis. There was practically a silent rule; if Scott Summers was afraid, the world must truly be ending. And this was one time he would not allow anyone to have any doubts, the world, his world, was not about to change.
Five days. The coma had lasted for five days. His mind repeatedly told him her body was just resting. Jean was simply taking the time she needed to regain her energy and then she would return to him, good as new. He understood that this was true, she was out of danger, she would be her perfect self again soon. His heart was far less reasonable though, demanding that he spend every moment with her that he could.
The one crack in his calm facade was the fact he slept on a cot beside her each night. This act was in deference to his heart. He had tried to return to their shared room the first night, but sitting on the bed, realizing he would have to sleep there alone, and seeing all her things surrounding him, the panic started to rise. Again his brain rallied to reassure that all would be well, but his heart drowned it out screaming "Well then, get thee to the med lab and prove it to us both!" The choice was simple; either spend the entire night trying not to vomit, or sleep fitfully where he belonged, by her side.
He was watching her again on the fifth day. Sitting in a chair, his chin rested on the table near her face. Lightly he traced his fingers along her hair line and remembered the last night she had been awake.
He had been already in bed reading when she returned, arms filled with pastel coloured gift bags. Once inside she dropped everything in a giant heap and leaned back against the door, apparently exhausted. A silent moment passed as he stared at the display she made, head tilted back, eyes closed, catching her breath. Putting his book aside he asked the natural question, "So how was the party?"
She opened her eyes and crossed her arms. She pursed her lips considering how to respond to his inquiry. "I had to wear a funny hat and there was porn."
He was confused. "Was this a shower or a bachelorette party?"
She stared down at the pile of bags as if they would provide an answer. "I really don't know."
"Well," he offered helpfully, "all parties of the bachelor variety involve at least a little porn I think."
Jean leaned forward and arched an eyebrow to make her point, "This was not exactly what you might call high quality porn."
His nose wrinkled at a disturbing memory of his own. "It wasn't some of that amateur home made stuff was it? Cause those can be kinda..." Jean's mouth dropped open. "What?" She started moving across the room towards him, both eyebrows now raised at him accusingly. "I came here when I was seventeen. Besides I thought you knew everything."
Reaching the foot of the bed she shook her head and gave him an amused smile. "No, it turns out you bury some of your secrets very well."
Scott got to his knees and crawled down the bed to her. He placed his hands at her hips and offered his best charming smile. "Did you get to keep the funny hat?"
Jean whipped around and dug madly threw the bags till she found what she was looking for. She turned to face him holding a paper plate covered in ribbons and bows. She grinned mischievously and dared him, "Wanna help me burn it?"
Later as they watched the last embers burn down in the sink he wrapped his arms around her and suggested that perhaps he was the best cure for any residual party demons that were haunting her. Soon after they were back on the bed, happily tangled together. Just as he started trailing a path of kisses down her body, her nails dug into his skin and her back arched as she cried out, "Oh Dirk, you are such an animal!" The declaration stopped him cold, but the glint in her eyes revealed everything even before the wild laughter started bubbling out of her. His next course of action was clear. Catching her up in his arms before she even noticed what was happening, he rolled her off the bed. She landed with a satisfying, "Yeow!"
Unfortunately, having a telekinetic for a fiancé had its disadvantages and Scott soon found himself landing next to her with his own "Oof." In a fit of hysterics they giggled together on the floor until they could barely breath.
Finally settling down Jean stroked his chest with long fingers and winked at him. "Oh come on Fearless Leader, make me forget every man's name but yours." And by damn it, he did.
Scott knew he was one of the few people in the world who was allowed to see it, but Jean was filled with so much life, it didn't make sense for her to be so still for so long. Raising his head from the table he pressed his lips against her temple and whispered, "Come on love, I need you to come back to me, please."
The first time Rogue has watched over an unconscious Logan, it had been with a sense of regret. She was afraid she was losing someone before she had even had a chance to know him and since the second she had laid eyes on him, all her instincts had been busy convincing her that Logan was a man she needed to know.
She realized people would probably say it was some sort of defense mechanism. Her brain chose to focus on the man she had just met and not wanting him to die, rather than processing the rest of her situation. She had after all just climbed into some sort of airplane with two strangers and was being flown to an unknown destination. However, that theory ignored one important point; Rogue was even less afraid of Scott and Ororo than she was of Logan. Ororo opened her arms and Rogue understood that she was safe. It was remarkable how easy it was to tell who the good guys were.
She didn't understand exactly why she wasn't afraid of Logan, she just wasn't. Maybe it was because he worked so terribly hard at being mean. "Pick one," of all the jack-ass things to say. Practically chucking the beef jerky at her had also been a nice touch. She suspected the reason he made such a production of setting boundaries was because she was the one who was threatening, not him. There was something about him she liked almost instantly. Maybe it was just the challenge. Whatever the case may be, almost without warning she was looking down at him and praying to God no to let him die.
As soon as they landed she was ushered off to her new home and he was taken away. She wanted to see him, but everything over the next day happened in a furious blur. She met the Professor, he described what her new life could be like, took her on a tour, introduced her to some girls her own age and all of a sudden it was bedtime. The next morning she was whisked off to breakfast and classes and by lunch she had heard Logan was up again anyway.
Logan found her at dinner. He strode in the dinning room in his jeans and a school sweat shirt and walked right up to her, ignoring all the people staring at him. When he reached her table he leaned down and asked in a low voice, "Is everyone treating you alright?" She told him that yes, everyone was being very nice. He squinted for a minute as though he was trying to determine if she was being honest or just polite. Apparently deciding he was satisfied he said "Okay kid, I'll see you later," and walked back out again. Watching him leave she realized he felt it too. Regardless of their nonexistent history, they had been brought to the school as a unit and that connected them somehow. He felt responsible for her just as she did for him. The man who had begrudgingly given her a ride had graduated to begrudgingly being her friend.
The second time Rogue looked on as Logan fought his way back to life with was with an overwhelming sense of guilt. She had done this to him. It was less than an hour after the stabbing episode. Scott had come to her room to find out what had happened and to make sure she was in fact okay. She had demanded to see Logan. Scott crossed his arms and said he didn't think it was a good idea. She could already tell the two men had decided not to like each other. She glared at Scott and as she walked out the door she told him, "Fine, I guess I will have to find him myself." She still isn't exactly sure whose personality had been in control at that moment.
She had gone to help Logan and because she wanted to feel close to him. As completely nonsensical as it may have been he felt familiar in the strange new place. Instead of helping him though, she had almost killed him. And fine, he had almost killed her too. She already knew he would insist on taking some of the blame. The look on his face as she had gasped for breath clearly told her how awful he felt. However, as long as she was the one awake and healthy, she figured she was allowed her guilt. When he woke up he was welcome to his share, but until then she reserved her right to wallow in it.
The third time all Rogue could feel was awe. Logan had given her his life. When he had promised to take care of her she had believed him, but she had never imagined he meant this. She had assumed he had meant something along the lines of making sure the other kids didn't pick on her, or possibly even finding some place new for her if the school hadn't worked out, but never this. She didn't feel guilty, there was no point, it had been his choice and his choice alone. Hence the awe. He had known what would happen, he had known he would most likely die, but he did it anyway, for her.
She visited whenever she could. She assumed Jean suspected how her feelings were leaning, but she couldn't help it; she just couldn't stop starring at him in wonder. The begrudging friend was making promises and saving her life before she even asked him for anything. Okay, so maybe one of the first things she had said to him was that she thought he could help her, but this certainly wasn't what she meant. It was only natural she fell a little bit in love with him.
Obviously over the years there had been many other opportunities for her to play guardian over his bedside. It was almost amusing, he was supposed to be the one who was unkillable, yet he was the one who spent the most time lying prone in the med lab. Rogue assumed that was the whole point. Confident in his own indestructibility he never held anything back and was therefore the one most often carried off the Blackbird on a stretcher. It was at these times she felt that little bit of love grow. She was never really afraid for him as he slept. He had been blown up, squashed and even dropped from ridiculously high places and he always came back to her. However, he had also been making himself more and more the centre of her world and every time he was brought home in this condition, she was more and more certain she didn't want to experience life without him.
Now she was watching over him again and for the first time she was scared. It had been hours and he had barely moved. If what Eric said was true then for the first time Logan was truly vulnerable and she couldn't stand it. Ever since she almost killed a boy with her first kiss she has worried her life was marred by a terrible hex of irony. Logan could not die now. Not when he had just finally gotten around to telling her he longed to give her everything she had ever wanted.
Terrified she placed her head on his chest and continued to wait.
Hours later Logan awoke with a groan. His whole body hurt and his head was pounding. Resting his arm over his eyes to shield the light he announced, "I feel like shit."
Within an instant he felt Marie's hands on his chest as she knelt over him. "Oh thank God, I thought for sure I was watching you die of a concussion right in front of me."
"That's not a very likely possibility." Daring the light he moved his arm aside so he could look at her. She was gazing down at him, her face a mask of concern. What was she so worried about? "How long have I been out?"
Rogue looked around, trying to think. "I don't know. Several hours at least cause I'm starting to get wiggy, I haven't eaten in so long." He pushed himself up to a sitting position, his entire body protesting and his head exploding in an entirely new kind of pain. "You shouldn't get up, you're hurt, you need to rest."
Feeling slightly sheepish, but unable to ignore the physical demand he admitted, "I'm afraid there is something I need to take care of more."
Exasperated, "We are locked in a room Logan, what you could possibly need to take care of?" Noting his flustered expression at her inquiry she turned about five shades of red and waved her hand behind her. "It's over there."
He leaned around her to take a look. Seeing the steel facilities he muttered, "Well, well, with all the conveniences of home."
With a hint of guilt in her voice, "He said he was turning it into a room for me."
Logan frowned at that. "Yeah, cause it's so charming and cozy."
Still worried about him Rogue asked innocently, "Do you need me to help you?" He just stared at her, looking a little more than slightly disturbed. She rolled her eyes and huffed, "Oh for crying out loud, I meant to walk over there."
He chuckled a little, "I think I can make it." With some difficulty Logan got to his feet and slowly walked over to the (and he almost snickered to himself at the aptness of the term in this particular case) can. When he reached his destination he tossed over his shoulder, "No peeking."
Mortified Rogue put her face in her hands. "Oh trust me, that is so not how I want to be introduced." To avoid hearing anything she plugged her ears and started madly humming a tune.
Logan had to hold himself up by balancing with one hand on the wall. He couldn't figure out why he felt so bad. It was like his brain was in a fog or something. After he finished and rezipped he leaned his back against the smooth surface to take a rest before making the journey back over to her. He snorted slightly, Marie had her back to him and was still humming. God he loved it when she acted cute. "You can stop the musical interlude; I'm finished."
She peered at him over her shoulder. "I was just trying to give you some privacy."
One eyebrow cocked, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas?"
Watching him walk back over, Rogue swivelled around on her butt to face him. "I didn't realize you had any specific requests."
He stopped directly in front of her and closed his eyes. Looking a little defeated, "Why does my head hurt so much?"
She reached up and tugged at his hand. "I told you, because you probably have a concussion. Now please sit back down."
Logan eased himself down, rested his aching head in his hands and practically whined, "But I don't get concussions. I mean I didn't hit the wall that hard; even if I got a concussion I shouldn't still have it."
Rogue almost couldn't believe he was finally giving her an opportunity to explain their situation. "Eric said something about this room suppressing mutations. He said your healing factor won't work in here."
He peered at her from between his fingers. "Next time I say something even slightly insinuating that being a mutant sucks, smack me."
Rogue ignored him and continued to ramble, "So you are not allowed to go to sleep, cause people who do have concussions have a habit of not waking up again. Meanwhile I have no idea how to check for indications of brain damage."
"Hey," Logan tapped her knee, "I don't have brain damage. Even if I did, as soon as we get out of here, my brain would just fix itself again. You know that. I'm gonna be okay."
Rogue glared at him, "I never said I was thinking straight, but really, even brain damage?" He nodded, eyeing her curiously. "I guess I didn't really think it through, but somehow slow concussive brain damage seems different than regular body damage."
Logan thought about it for a moment. "I don't think so. I have been hit in the head enough times in the past and I don't act any different than when we first met do I?"
A pile of witty comebacks swarmed her head, but Rogue decided to let them go in the interest of morbid curiosity. "So if I hit you over the head repeatedly, to the point where you ended up like Harrison Ford in Regarding Henry, you mean to tell me the second we walked out that door you would go right back to normal old Logan again?"
His face screwed up in confusion. Slowly, "Okay, I have no idea what you are talking about, but I think the answer is yeah. And you are acting weird."
A little put out, "What do you mean weird?"
"All jumpy and shit, and you're talking fast."
Rogue waved her arms about her. "Well excuse me if this is how I act while in captivity."
The implications behind the thrown away comment gave him pause. This was not the first time she had been held captive by Magneto. His hand was still on her knee and he gave a gentle squeeze. "Oh, is this what you were like last time?"
"No," she crossed her arms defensively, "last time I mostly cried and tried not to throw up. But then the scary people were right in my face and being blatantly honest about the fact that they were gonna kill me and well, you weren't there."
Logan tilted his head and regarded her. He genuinely wanted to know, "You didn't know I was coming?"
Rogue took him in for a moment. His tone had changed; he sounded a little like regret. She attempted a reassuring smile. "I think I understood you would try, but I had yet to learn just how unstoppable you can be."
Softly, "Taking care of you was the first promise I ever made, nothing in hell could have stopped me from keeping it."
Her heart melted a little. She bounced up and down slightly. "Ohhhh, see, that's why I'm acting this way. I am happier and more excited about, well you, or us," huge grin, "than anything else in my entire life and scared we are about to die all at the same time."
Slightly sardonic, "We are gonna get out of here Marie. I don't think any higher power would be cruel enough to do us in right before we get to the good stuff."
She paused to flash a shy smile. "Still, too many life changing emotions all at once." With a huge sigh she flopped over to land in a dramatic heap on the ground. "I really wish I could just cocoon in a nice warm bed for several hours and let everything inside me settle."
Softly Logan brushed away white streaks of hair from her face and whispered, "Just as long as I can snuggle up in that cocoon with you."
She swatted at his hand playfully and giggled, "Okay, comments like that, so not helping my state of giddiness."
He caught her hand and for a moment just watched their entwined fingers. Rugged leather and delicate silk, materials so different, yet each with such a strong personality, they end up complimenting each other because they clash. Fitting together would never be plain and simple, but once a balance is struck, the end would be perfect.
Okay Shakespeare, time to give up the poetic thoughts and concentrate on the situation. He glanced around the bare room. Four steel walls, a toilet, a sink and a door, not much to work with. He could try popping the old claws and prying the door open. Of course if that didn't work he would just be left with a pair of shredded hands on top of the head injury. No it was better to wait, see if old Metal Head and crew gave them an opening. Damn, he hated waiting. He wished there was something, anything he could do to feel useful. More than that, he really wished his head would just stop hurting so much. Stupid good for nothing mutation suppressing room and... Holy shit they were the two biggest freaking idiots on the entire face of the God forsaken planet. "Marie?"
She was still curled up on the floor. "Mmmmm?"
Trying to remain calm, "I have a concussion."
She frowned at him a little. "Wow, Logan, I'm impressed. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're an old dog who has trouble learning..."
Not wanting to hear the rest he interrupted her. "No Marie, I think there is something we have been missing here." Looking at her pointedly, "I have a concussion because my healing isn't working, because this room is doing something to my mutation."
Rogue slowly pushed herself up to sit in front of him. Since the moment she had watched him hurtle threw the air, watched his body crumple to the ground, she had thought of nothing but him. In the hours she had been alone with his unconscious form, she had been so overwhelmed with the fear he might not wake up and anger at her inability to help him, she hadn't spared a thought for herself.
They both sat in silence, regarding each other and allowing the possibility that was before them to sink in. Eric had said he was building this room as a gift for her. Her voice trembled with uncertainty, "Logan?"
He was staring at her hands which were clasped together in her lap. Slowly he leaned forward and captured one fist in each of his own. With a rub of his thumbs he soothed her fingers open. He gave a slight squeeze and a reassuring smile before he gathered the smallest amount of material between his fingertips and pulled. The soft material slowly eased down her arms like a whisper. Once her hands were free of the ever present gloves she felt oddly naked. She crossed her arms in front of her and watched as he made quick work of his own. Silk and leather laid aside, they faced each other again. The possibility now a reality she suddenly had a doubt, "Logan wait, what if it's a lie?"
"I feel way to crappy for it to be a lie." She frowned unimpressed, she was serious. He promised, "Just a slight touch, if something happens, you'll pull back." Absently rubbing his palms against his pant legs he added, "I mean if something bad happens, you'll pull back." She rolled her eyes at his mischievous glint and nodded her assent.
They both took a breath and with stonily serious faces began their approach. Two sets of eyes fixed on the two hands slowly crossing the distance through the air toward each other. With less than an inch to go they froze, looked at each other and laughed at the incredibly dramatic tone they had set. Rogue tilted her head and blushed as Logan rubbed at his face. With a mock scowl he huffed, "Okay, let's try this again." She grinned, they moved, fingertip touched fingertip and nothing happened.
They remained perfectly still and gazed upon their own little miracle that was the slightest of touches. Amazed, Rogue started gulping in air. Feeling ridiculous but knowing it was true she admitted, "I'm too excited, I'm gonna hyperventilate."
"Shhhh," Logan's voice soothed. "Close your eyes. Just remember to breathe, slowly. It's just me."
Trying to calm her anxious breath Rogue closed her eyes and tried to focus. She felt Logan scoot closer to her, their knees now touching. Due to the closer proximity they were allowed to lower their arms, resting elbows on their own legs. She opened one eye to take a peek. "Not fair, you close your eyes too."
A charming smirk. "Okay."
On instinct Rogue raised her other hand and happily met his half way. Amused by their synchronicity they both expelled happy little puffs of air. Even eyes closed, she could tell he was smiling.
Suddenly his hands flipped around and captured hers, his thumbs gently tracing back and forth, moving down slowly. Reaching her knuckles he paused, running circles around each and pressing firmly in between. Finally finding her fingers, tracking leisurely up and down. Wanting control she stilled him and took over. Returning each gesture she made sure to note every small hair, seek out each crease around every knuckle. Satisfied with their initial exploration they turned palm to palm, his resting beneath hers. Again fingers danced and thumbs massaged, every line and curve probed and contemplated. They reveled in each other's slight warmth, the hint of cool left behind after a caress. For some reason the well known truth about fingerprints entered her brain and she realized, even if they both somehow became blind and mute, from now on, she would know him anywhere.
Again he changed angles, his fingers entwining intimately with hers. They both began a strong pulsing squeeze, thumbs still sliding against each other. She could hear him breathing deeply. She imagined him bathing in her scent as she was his. All she was aware of around her was Logan. She sensed him leaning forward and did the same until their foreheads met and rested. Warm breath against her face as he whispered, "It's like making hand love."
Their hands continued the same rhythm even as she giggled, "Hey, you're ruining the moment."
Rogue could feel his smile, "Oh, you don't like talking during hand love?"
She tried to give an annoyed little sigh and ordered, "Arms."
"Huh?"
"Arms!" she repeated and immediately disengaged and started the journey up.
"Oh," Logan breathed as small delicate female hands smoothly ran up the length of his limbs. It had been so long since any woman had caressed him, he had assumed once they even considered taking a step into the physical he would eagerly want to dive right in. He was pleasantly surprised to learn he desired to savour even the simplest touch. Her slender fingers ran feather-light up and down, nails swirling through hair. Then her palms pressed down, exploring the hard muscle. He returned each embrace, grazing against her perfect skin. Their ministrations where so thorough he found himself genuinely wondering if he had ever felt more intimate with anyone, and they were only at arms.
At his elbows her hands slipped underneath and she traced a path back down to his hands. He heard her faintly exclaim, "Soft."
At the note of surprise in her voice they both opened their eyes and pulled back a bit to look at each other. "Marie?"
Rogue turned his arm over and ran her fingers along the underside. After lingering for a moment she gave a reflective smile and explained, "I forgot that men could be soft." In a familiar gesture Logan reached out and tucked a few stray hairs behind her ear, but for the first time, as he finished he allowed his bare thumb to trace the curve of her cheek. She rose to her knees as his palm cupped her face. She ran a finger down the ridge of his nose, drew her thumbs over his eyebrows, brushed the backs of her fingers against his sideburns, just like she had always wanted to. Saving the best for last, she sank her naked fingers deep into his hair. As she slipped through the slightly curly strands she couldn't help but say, "Oh my God, it's silky!"
Logan chuckled, "Just wait till I've actually washed it recently."
She grinned down at him, "I am going to kiss you now."
"Thank God," he murmured, returning her reverent smile. He closed his eyes as she started planting gentle kisses all over his face. She chose her locations very carefully; the corner of his forehead, an eyebrow, a cheek, his chin. Not wanting to rush her along, but starting to burn, his mind started a silent chant; lips, Marie, lips. Meanwhile, Rogue's brain was simply singing that she was kissing Logan and it wasn't a dream. An eyelid, the tip of his nose, the corner of his mouth and finally, finally his lips.
Once there she didn't stray. At first their lips barely whispered against each other. Lightly brushing, occasionally taking the tiniest of nips, the gentlest suckle. Surprising them both, Rogue was the first to venture out with her tongue, allowing just the tip to be caught between his lips. Eagerly he greeted her and mouths now fully open, they began to deliciously caress. Control was quickly fading to obsolescence. Without breaking contact he rose to his knees, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her body tightly against him. Hands roamed and clutched, tongues stroked insistently. Feeling his hands graze her throat she captured him in mouth and sucked hard, delighted to hear him groan.
Just as he felt the almost overwhelming urge to guide her to the metal floor, Logan's brain conspired against him by choosing that precise moment to remind him of exactly where they were. Half-heartedly trying to pull back, he started muttering between kisses, "Wait... Marie... Wait... We can't... We can't..." Finally catching her face between his hands, he looked down at her bewildered expression and regretfully explained, "We gotta stop. This," he gestured toward their surroundings, "is actually a bad situation we're in."
"Right," she said between heaving breaths, "bad situation. Very bad. Have I mentioned how much I like the feel of your tongue in my mouth?"
"Oh Jesus." He descended again, mouth practically crushing hers. Well just how the hell was he supposed to resist a comment like that? A few more luscious moments were all his brain would allow though, before reason had to return. To proceed any further could be a costly, not to mention humiliating, mistake. Hell, making out wasn't such a bright idea. Resolutely he placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away. The contact broken, he leaned forward again and rested his forehead against hers. "Marie, we have to stop."
Sadly she wrapped her arms around his waist. "I know."
Meaning the words more than he ever had in his life, "I'm sorry."
She sighed against him. "No, you're right. Evil afoot. Escape plans need to be laid." She felt the rumbling beginnings of a laugh coming from inside him and turned deeply red. "Don't even think it. I swear to God, if you say it, I will hurt you."
Together they crawled over to the nearest wall. They sat, leaning against the cool steel, his arm around her, her head resting on his chest. She found his other hand and entwined their fingers. Staring at the act she had once thought impossible Rogue muttered, "This sucks."
Logan gave her a slight squeeze and kissed the top of her head. "Yeah darlin', it really does."
Almost a whisper, "You know he did this to make me want to stay."
"He's a smart man." His tone gentle, "Conveniently for us though, the Professor and the rest of the geek squad are just as smart. Now that we know this is possible, we will do whatever it takes to figure it out."
Suddenly, "Wait, don't say you promise."
Logan looked down at her confused, "Why?"
Rogue crawled over him and sat, straddling his legs. Looking directly in his eyes, "I want this to be my promise." She took a breath and vowed, "I promise, be it this room, my own control or some other miracle, I will find a way that we can touch."
Suddenly concerned how her thoughts were headed Logan rushed to reassure her. "Marie, you know it doesn't matter to me. There are a lot of ways..."
With a grin, "I know, I know, there are a lot of ways we can be together." Hands on his shoulders, "Don't worry Logan, the med lab invading, weird surgical glove wearing sex debacle is not a moment from our lives I will ever forget." Softly she started tracing her thumb across his lips in contemplation. "Do you know what a beautiful mouth you have." He grunted. "No you probably don't. Truth is most people probably don't notice it cause your lips are always pressed so thinly together in some scowl or frown." He scowled at her. "Yeah, just like that."
Hands clutching at her waist, "Maire..."
Rogue continued, "But when you are just relaxed and breathing, like now, your mouth is beautiful Logan. Your lips look soft and full and I have always loved looking at them, wondering just what they would feel like." With absolute reverence, "I promise you and I promise myself, I am not going to walk through this life without kissing you."
Logan leaned up to meet her as she descended. Soft lips again joyfully brushed against hers, parting slightly. Feather light, sweet and so good. They lost themselves again for just a moment. A slight tingling sensation built inside her. His body stiffened beneath her suddenly. Then his voice was ringing in her head ~Marie!~
Final Author Notes: My defense for the mutation suppressing room? If the man can build a machine that turns a human into a mutant despite the missing DNA, then he can damn well build a room that suppresses a mutant's mutation. No?
Hand Love: I experienced hand love at an acting retreat eons ago. We paired off into partners, closed our eyes and held hands ... for thirty minutes. We were free to do whatever we wanted, anything below the elbows was fair game. In the exercise we were then split up and had to find each other again, eyes still closed, just by recognizing the other person's touch. While some people remained just playful, for my partner and I it was a very intense experience. And now, if you can convince your partner it isn't stupid, I HIGHLY recommend it. (Obviously not the separation part, cause if there is only two of you, that would kinda be dumb.) Trust me on this.
Author: Gowdie
Category: Logan and Rogue romance. Just enough angst to get the story moving, a lot of laughter and eventually a happy ending. Hopefully like life!
Rating: PG13 for language and hand love. Not THAT kind of hand love! That would be R or NC 17. Yeesh! Maybe later.
Archive: Please dear God, please let someone want this. Just please also let them send me a message so I can write a thank you note and visit.
Disclaimer: Unless extreme amounts of giddiness and laughter have recently been declared material gains, then no I am not profiting from this story since I clearly do not own these characters.
Feedback: Yes please! I promise to say thank you!
Thanks: To Diebin and Donna for being total hand love converts despite their initial reservations! Oh yeah, and also for repeatedly telling me that it doesn't suck. To my real life friend Narla for dragging her ass back from backpacking around England to proofread this part! What? You mean that isn't why she came back?
Author Notes: Okay guys, exams start next week so I am afraid I must take a bit of a break. Am very sorry, but such is the way of life. I will post a Christmas special that fits in the RD universe on the 23rd or 24th (depending on when I finish it). It will be the three Christmases prior to the beginning of RD. Then I am afraid you won't get Part 4 till January. Again sorry, but if I don't crack a book soon, will all be for naught.
Note to PETS: Look, look, I gave him a heart! Isn't it pretty! Scott and I both like it, I sure hope you guys approve.
It was cold. Logan knew he was not in his bed because it was so damn cold. Oh, and hard too. Whatever he had been sleeping on was really freaking hard. He couldn't figure out why on earth he had decided to stay here, wherever here was. But there was something else. Marie. He could smell Marie and she was very close. For some reason that realization made such a sense of relief wash over him that he didn't mind the uncomfortable surface or the cold. Why was that?
Then his brain started to sing. She's alive! He had thought she was dead, had believed he would never see her again and now he knew she was alive. Everything was right with his world. Now he just had to remember where they were and how they got there. Wanting to focus only on her wonderful scent for a moment he kept his eyes closed and stretched out with a groan.
Very tentatively, "You're awake?"
Oh her voice! Her sweet, sweet voice that he had missed so much. He smiled, relishing in the sound. Maybe if he kept his eyes closed and refused to move she would come over and play with him. "Yeah, I'm awake darlin'."
She was very cautious now, "I'm sorry Logan. I shouldn't have called out. It's my fault you got hit so hard."
Her fault? What was her fault? Oh crap. The bits and pieces started to come back: fighting with Sabertooth, Marie running toward them screaming, him allowing himself to be distracted like some kid in his first fight on the playground, the big hairy son of a bitch dropping a bolder on his head. Didn't that bastard know that hitting people with trees and hunks of mountain was against the rules? Rules, Logan almost laughed at his own joke. It was time to face the world. Logan opened his eyes.
Oh crap, crap, crap. They were in some kind of prison. No, correct that, he was in some kind of prison, she was standing, free as a bird, on the other side of the bars. Logan sat up. "Marie, why is it I'm in here and you're," a pause, "not?"
She looked down at the her feet ashamed. She gestured vaguely behind her. "They want me to join them. I'm not. I am just biding my time." Suddenly all the details flooded back. Marie had touched Jean. Marie had run, that's why he was looking for her. Marie thought Jean was dead, that she had killed her. "I promise I will figure out a way to get you out of here."
"Jean's not dead."
Her head snapped up at his words. Unbelieving eyes drilled into him. Barely a whisper, "What?"
Logan was on his feet and standing near the bars in mere seconds. He noticed she took a few steps back as he approached. Oh God, she was afraid of him. In a very gentle voice, "She's not dead. You didn't kill her. She is going to be fine. Scott said she is going to be fine and he understands." A slight pause for emphasis, "We all understand."
Rogue just stared at him, her mouth hanging open slightly, still not quite believing. Trying to speak she took a breath, but faltered. She tried again, "But they said..." She didn't need to finish. Of course they lied. They were trying to manipulate her, why should she expect the truth about anything? She looked back down to the ground and shook her head sadly. "It doesn't matter. I mean, I am grateful she's okay, but that doesn't change what I did."
Wanting to touch her, but unable to reach, Logan settled for wrapping his hands around the bars. "It doesn't matter, but not for why you think. I know what it is you're feeling." Uncertain eyes met his. Logan plunged ahead, "Look, I know we never talk about it, but that first night, if you had died, that would've been it for me."
He was on uncertain ground, since their exchanged apologies on the train, they had never spoken of that night. It wasn't that the subject was taboo, in fact it was the opposite. They didn't feel they had anything more to say. Everything was already out in the open between them. They had both held out their cards for the other to plainly read. This is how easily we could destroy each other. The pain and loss we are feeling are why we never will. Needless to say, the experience bonded them, but there was more than just the immeasurable trust that had been born; they had also given each other a gift. Rogue hadn't actively been courting death, but she wasn't exactly convinced her life was one worth living. Logan on the other hand had been practically daring death to take him. Each day was another game of "Let's see what you've got." But in that shared moment they had both believed they were going to die. Death's immanence had never been more tangible as it mercilessly pulled them toward its permanent destination. As they gasped for breath, they both finally realized just how desperately they wanted to live. All of this was known. They both understood what they had given each other and were even oddly grateful for the lesson, but in the few moments before she had touched him, Logan had believed in another certainty.
He proceeded, "I don't think I need to tell you, I wasn't exactly keen on the idea of companionship. I avoided attachments like they were a disease." He started to point at her, "Then you came along and not only would you not go away, but you were as nosy as hell."
Rogues eyes narrowed, she couldn't help it. "I assume you have a point."
"I'm getting there," Logan grimaced and continued gesturing toward her. "I was saying, I gave you no reason to, but you insinuated yourself in my life and against my better judgement, made me care. Chuck was bloody well giving me a tour and I kept spying on you through windows."
"I didn't know that."
"Yeah, I'm stealthy." He sighed, "My point is, you were the purest, most honest thing to highjack its way into my life and if I had killed you that would've been the end. I would've destroyed this beautiful, open girl who trusted me without reason and I never would've forgiven myself. I would've left that night and found some hole to live in where I could be sure that no one would ever get close to me again."
Rogue allowed a small smile. "That is actually where I was headed. This," she waved her hands at their surroundings, "this is just a detour."
Logan rested his head against the bars. Softly, "Okay, but that isn't what you would've wanted for me. You would've forgiven me even if I couldn't. Knowing you, I'm not even sure you would've blamed me." He paused, making sure he had her absolute attention. He needed to be sure she believed his next words. "Jean wouldn't want that for you either. She'd forgive you and want you to come home. We all want you to come home."
Logan watched as she turned away, her shoulders sagged, and her arms wrapped around herself. She gave a slight sniff and when she faced him again a few tears had escaped down her cheeks. "God Logan, I don't understand how you can even look at me."
Compassion filled his voice, "Why wouldn't I be able to look at you, Marie?"
Sobbing, "Because I almost took her away from you." He stared at her blankly. She was going to have to be more direct. "I almost killed the woman you love."
Logan's jaw almost hit the floor. He stood there sputtering for a few moments. "The woman I...? You think that Jean...? That's what this is all about? Oh my God." He started hitting his head against the bars softly. If he wasn't so manly he might just cry at the frustration. How had they read each other so wrong? He stopped his movement and heaved a sigh. "The woman I love is you. I love you Marie."
"No you don't," she spat.
Copying her tone, "Yes I do."
Louder, "No you don't."
"Yes, Marie, I do."
"No," she was really getting angry, "you don't!"
"God damn it Marie!" He jerked away from the bars and started pacing. "I'm pretty damn sure I get to make up my own mind about this. I love you. You're it. You're the one. It's all about you."
This was getting insulting. He was actually going to lie to her as some kind of brilliant strategy to bring her home. Then what? How long would he play out the charade then? "Look Logan," she snapped, "you can't lie to me." That seemed to get his attention. At least he stopped moving around so much. "You were inside my head. I felt all your emotions and saw everything you wanted and remembered." Emphasizing each word, "I know how you feel about her."
Logan practically bent himself in half leaning back to shout, "That was three years ago! Can't a man change his mind?" Regaining some calm, he walked back to the bars. "Alright, I admit, when we first showed up at the school, I kinda liked Jean."
Rogue crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "'Kinda liked?' I saw vivid, graphic pictures of exactly what you wanted to do to her. 'Kinda liked' are not the words those images bring to mind."
Logan rubbed his face in his hands in exasperation. He wasn't sure if this new information made the situation better or worse than he had thought. Obviously he had figured out Marie didn't know he loved her. He hadn't realized that was because she was convinced he loved somebody else. Oh man, Scott would have a field day with this. "So Logan, what is this? Reason number twenty-seven you should have just stayed away from my girl?" Go away putz. "I am just saying that, you know, I was right." No, no, concentrate. Having imaginary conversations with Scooter was not going to help. He stole a glance at Marie. She was waiting. Worse, it was definitely worse. He wished he could just tell her he knew the moment he saw her staring at him in that bar. He had felt something as he had regarded her, maybe the answer was hidden in that truth. How to win the girl you love: tell her how her open gaze scared the absolute shit out of you. Well it had to go better than "say it with dog tags" didn't it?
He approached the bars again. "Okay kid, sit." She just stared at him. He winced at his own words. "That's probably part of the problem isn't it?" He sat down and gazed up at her. "Please sit with me Marie." Still silent she acquiesced, sitting cross-legged, directly opposite him. He reached through the bars and took her hand. She let him, that was good. Now, where to start? Cautiously, "Can I explain about Jean?"
Looking down she shrugged, "I guess so."
"Even if it hurts a little?" The incredulous look she gave him clearly asked how a little more hurt was possible given their circumstances. "I want to give you the truth Marie. It's not a perfect story, but I think it's right."
A tiny voice, "I only want the truth."
"Okay." A deep breath and he dove forward. "When I met Jean, I had a gut reaction and it wasn't exactly of the genteel variety. I mean she is beautiful and sexy and she also has the whole intelligence and pose thing going on. She tries to act all cool and aloof but there is a lot of passion running underneath and I, well I instantly wanted to show her just how passionate she could be." He stopped to check on her. Marie's eyes were fixed on their hands. This isn't what she wanted to hear, but he had to get it out. Just keep going. "She didn't help much either cause I could tell she liked me, but she kept insisting on making it clear that I wasn't going to get anywhere. Which of course just made me want her even more." A slight smile. "Then there was Scott. The fact that it drove him so crazy just made the game that much more fun." In complete earnest, "But you are wrong Marie, it wasn't love. It was lust and pride and wanting something I couldn't have, but it was never love."
She sniffed and wiped at her eyes with her free hand. "And what exactly does that have to do with me?"
Gently he caressed the back of her silk-covered fingers with his thumb. "Because I had a gut reaction to you too."
Barely a hopeful whisper, "What?"
"You were just sitting there, starring at me. It was like 'Here I am.' Okay, so the first thing I thought was, 'weird.' But you didn't look away and then everything just screamed, 'Get out. Get out cause given the chance that kid is going to fuck up your life something fierce.'" She pulled her hand away. Reaching for her, "No wait, this is a good thing." He caught her wrist and held it fiercely. "I didn't understand how you were gonna fit in my life, but I knew you had to power to change it."
She tilted her head and asked sarcastically, "I changed your life?"
"You know you did." Ignoring her scoff and eye rolling he continued, "I didn't give a rat's ass about anyone but myself and the way you looked at me scared me cause I knew you were the type who wasn't going to go away easy. Then all of a sudden you were taken away and that scared me even more." Quieter as the memory still bore some pain, "Hearing you scream..." He shook his head trying to rid the image from his mind. "You had to live. There was no question about who was more important. Your life meant more to me than my own. I had never felt that way before, but I felt that for you in a matter of days." Practically begging for her to see the significance of what he said, "That has to count for something."
He reached forward and took her other hand. As he stroked his thumbs over her clenched fingers she sat quietly. He decided to take her silence as a sign that maybe he was getting through, but he still had to finish. "I wish I could tell you it was love at first sight. I wish I could tell you it was some fairy tale where I knew the second I saw you. I wish I could tell you there was light and bells and music and the rest of that shit, but I can't, because the truth is I fell in love with you slowly." She looked up at him at that, eyes a little surprised. She had been listening to him say it for a while now, surprise could only mean she was starting to believe. He squeezed her hands and held her eyes with his, "A little bit, day by day, as I got to know you. It happened so slowly I didn't even notice. Then the day came when I had to take a long hard look at myself and I realized I couldn't even remember what it felt like to not need to be near you."
Softly, "Need to be near me, because you love me."
A confirmation, "I love you Marie."
A little more confident, Rogue smiled, "You love me."
Logan smiled back and nodded slowly, "I love you."
Still trying to process through all the changes to the way she understood the world, all she could say at the moment was, "Huh."
Still wishing he could fix what had created the whole misunderstanding he said, "I'm sorry you had to see everything inside my head you did. I mean, it's one thing to know the person you're with has a past and had fantasies about another woman, but it is completely different to have everything so spelled out for you like that. It must be kinda gross for you huh?"
Rogue's eyebrows knitted together as she frowned a little. "Not gross, just," a pause as she thought of the words, "a rabid source of insecurity."
"Would it help if I told you Jean hasn't even occurred to me in a long time?"
"How long?" Logan shifted uneasily. "Come on Logan, I'm a big girl, I can take it."
Logan stared at their hands for a few moments. "How honest do you want me to be?"
A small voice and a shrug, "I want to know."
His head leaning against the bars, he shifted his gaze to meet her eyes. He would give her the truth. "When I first got back, I still thought of her for a while. I don't know, a few months maybe." With a shrug, "Then it just kinda faded. I didn't really think about anyone for a bit and that," his eyes widened the outrageousness of the thought, "was weird." A pause before he softly added, "I loved you Marie, I just wasn't allowing myself to think of you that way, until one day I couldn't help it." The serious look turned to a sly grin. "Once I finally got my head out of my ass, I promise you, the fantasies I've had of you are more vivid and graphic than anything I have ever come up with before."
"About me?" A nod. "You have sex fantasies about me?" Another nod. "You want me?"
"Desperately."
Rogue pulled her hands away, crossed her arms in front of her and demanded, "Well why the hell didn't you tell me?"
Taken aback by the sudden change in tone Logan tried to catch up, "What?"
"Why didn't you spell it out?" She animatedly at him. "Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to have sex with me?"
"What was I supposed to say? Gee Marie, you know what I would really like to do tonight is throw you up against a wall and bury myself in you till I can't see straight. Too bad we can't give it a go? It didn't really seem appropriate."
Rogue's breath caught and she sighed at the thought. "That would have been nice."
A little incredulous, "Pardon?"
She started fidgeting with her gloves and admitted, "I didn't think anyone was ever gonna want me. It would have been nice to hear it from you, even if we couldn't do it."
Logan ducked his head, "I thought, I thought I was waiting for you to tell me you were ready."
She started laughing and shaking her head, "Logan I have been ready for you since the first time I saw you half naked and sweaty."
For a moment he gave her a feral grin, but sobered quickly. "I am sorry I made you wait so long."
She rose up on her knees and stroked his cheek thoughtfully. "I think maybe I like that you took your time. There's less chance you will change you mind later."
Taking her face in his hands he vowed, "I am never gonna change my mind about you Marie."
Their moment was ruined when a proper voice suddenly filled the silence. "Well, isn't this just a picture of sweetness." Both Logan and Rogue stood immediately and turned to face Eric, who simply frowned at them. "I see our situation has changed. I was rather hoping to avoid that." To Logan, "You really should have just stayed away from here, everything would have been so much easier."
Logan reached back through the bars to take Marie's hand back in his. "Sorry to disappoint bub, but I am afraid Marie and I will have to be leaving."
Eric smiled a little. "Right." To make his point, with a simple glance at Logan he effortlessly lifted him in the air and allowed him to continue to hover there helplessly. He turned back to Rogue who was staring at her hands in contemplation. "I really wouldn't think about it child. Even if you managed to touch me I could rip your darling boy to pieces in the moment before your powers took hold." She lifted her face to glare at him. "Now before you start making any escape plans there is something I would like to show you that may perhaps change your mind." He turned back to Logan and with a wave of his hand opened the cell bars. "Oh yes, you may come too."
Eric led them through various corridors, seemingly deeper and deeper into the mountain. Logan glided behind him with Rogue walking at his side. Logan occasionally huffed and puffed in his useless efforts to free himself from the magnetic hold. Finally giving up he turned his head as much as he could to Marie and grumbled, "I really hate this guy." Despite herself and their situation she smiled.
Finally they reached the end of a hallway with a single opened door. Inside was yet another empty steel room. "Here we are." With yet another graceful twist of Eric's hand Logan was tossed inside.
Rogue watched in horror as his body hurtled towards the opposite wall, his head making a terrible cracking sound as it made contact. His body landed in a crumpled heap on the floor. She ran to him. Rage filling her she turned her attention back to Eric who stood calmly in the door. He smiled at her. "I built this room as a gift for you. I was hoping it may convince you to stay."
Disgusted with him she sneered, "I just looks like another cell."
"Yes well, you didn't give me a chance to complete the finishing touches as I would have liked." He crossed his arms and looked at her sternly. "It suppresses one's mutation, so I would tell your boy to think twice before using those claws of his. His healing factor will not function and I am afraid he may hurt himself. Well my dear, enjoy." He turned and left, the door shutting behind him with the distinctive sound of a lock being turned.
Scott Summers was being a brave man. He was very brave when he offered to help search for Rogue. He was very brave when he repeatedly assured the students who asked him, that yes, Jean would be fine. And he was being very brave each day as he continued to conduct his classes. He was sure if he had to be brave much longer he would make himself sick. Still though, he steadfastly refused to appear outwardly anything other than the picture of calm. He understood his role as the leader well. He was order. He could be counted on to never panic, not in the face of any crisis. There was practically a silent rule; if Scott Summers was afraid, the world must truly be ending. And this was one time he would not allow anyone to have any doubts, the world, his world, was not about to change.
Five days. The coma had lasted for five days. His mind repeatedly told him her body was just resting. Jean was simply taking the time she needed to regain her energy and then she would return to him, good as new. He understood that this was true, she was out of danger, she would be her perfect self again soon. His heart was far less reasonable though, demanding that he spend every moment with her that he could.
The one crack in his calm facade was the fact he slept on a cot beside her each night. This act was in deference to his heart. He had tried to return to their shared room the first night, but sitting on the bed, realizing he would have to sleep there alone, and seeing all her things surrounding him, the panic started to rise. Again his brain rallied to reassure that all would be well, but his heart drowned it out screaming "Well then, get thee to the med lab and prove it to us both!" The choice was simple; either spend the entire night trying not to vomit, or sleep fitfully where he belonged, by her side.
He was watching her again on the fifth day. Sitting in a chair, his chin rested on the table near her face. Lightly he traced his fingers along her hair line and remembered the last night she had been awake.
He had been already in bed reading when she returned, arms filled with pastel coloured gift bags. Once inside she dropped everything in a giant heap and leaned back against the door, apparently exhausted. A silent moment passed as he stared at the display she made, head tilted back, eyes closed, catching her breath. Putting his book aside he asked the natural question, "So how was the party?"
She opened her eyes and crossed her arms. She pursed her lips considering how to respond to his inquiry. "I had to wear a funny hat and there was porn."
He was confused. "Was this a shower or a bachelorette party?"
She stared down at the pile of bags as if they would provide an answer. "I really don't know."
"Well," he offered helpfully, "all parties of the bachelor variety involve at least a little porn I think."
Jean leaned forward and arched an eyebrow to make her point, "This was not exactly what you might call high quality porn."
His nose wrinkled at a disturbing memory of his own. "It wasn't some of that amateur home made stuff was it? Cause those can be kinda..." Jean's mouth dropped open. "What?" She started moving across the room towards him, both eyebrows now raised at him accusingly. "I came here when I was seventeen. Besides I thought you knew everything."
Reaching the foot of the bed she shook her head and gave him an amused smile. "No, it turns out you bury some of your secrets very well."
Scott got to his knees and crawled down the bed to her. He placed his hands at her hips and offered his best charming smile. "Did you get to keep the funny hat?"
Jean whipped around and dug madly threw the bags till she found what she was looking for. She turned to face him holding a paper plate covered in ribbons and bows. She grinned mischievously and dared him, "Wanna help me burn it?"
Later as they watched the last embers burn down in the sink he wrapped his arms around her and suggested that perhaps he was the best cure for any residual party demons that were haunting her. Soon after they were back on the bed, happily tangled together. Just as he started trailing a path of kisses down her body, her nails dug into his skin and her back arched as she cried out, "Oh Dirk, you are such an animal!" The declaration stopped him cold, but the glint in her eyes revealed everything even before the wild laughter started bubbling out of her. His next course of action was clear. Catching her up in his arms before she even noticed what was happening, he rolled her off the bed. She landed with a satisfying, "Yeow!"
Unfortunately, having a telekinetic for a fiancé had its disadvantages and Scott soon found himself landing next to her with his own "Oof." In a fit of hysterics they giggled together on the floor until they could barely breath.
Finally settling down Jean stroked his chest with long fingers and winked at him. "Oh come on Fearless Leader, make me forget every man's name but yours." And by damn it, he did.
Scott knew he was one of the few people in the world who was allowed to see it, but Jean was filled with so much life, it didn't make sense for her to be so still for so long. Raising his head from the table he pressed his lips against her temple and whispered, "Come on love, I need you to come back to me, please."
The first time Rogue has watched over an unconscious Logan, it had been with a sense of regret. She was afraid she was losing someone before she had even had a chance to know him and since the second she had laid eyes on him, all her instincts had been busy convincing her that Logan was a man she needed to know.
She realized people would probably say it was some sort of defense mechanism. Her brain chose to focus on the man she had just met and not wanting him to die, rather than processing the rest of her situation. She had after all just climbed into some sort of airplane with two strangers and was being flown to an unknown destination. However, that theory ignored one important point; Rogue was even less afraid of Scott and Ororo than she was of Logan. Ororo opened her arms and Rogue understood that she was safe. It was remarkable how easy it was to tell who the good guys were.
She didn't understand exactly why she wasn't afraid of Logan, she just wasn't. Maybe it was because he worked so terribly hard at being mean. "Pick one," of all the jack-ass things to say. Practically chucking the beef jerky at her had also been a nice touch. She suspected the reason he made such a production of setting boundaries was because she was the one who was threatening, not him. There was something about him she liked almost instantly. Maybe it was just the challenge. Whatever the case may be, almost without warning she was looking down at him and praying to God no to let him die.
As soon as they landed she was ushered off to her new home and he was taken away. She wanted to see him, but everything over the next day happened in a furious blur. She met the Professor, he described what her new life could be like, took her on a tour, introduced her to some girls her own age and all of a sudden it was bedtime. The next morning she was whisked off to breakfast and classes and by lunch she had heard Logan was up again anyway.
Logan found her at dinner. He strode in the dinning room in his jeans and a school sweat shirt and walked right up to her, ignoring all the people staring at him. When he reached her table he leaned down and asked in a low voice, "Is everyone treating you alright?" She told him that yes, everyone was being very nice. He squinted for a minute as though he was trying to determine if she was being honest or just polite. Apparently deciding he was satisfied he said "Okay kid, I'll see you later," and walked back out again. Watching him leave she realized he felt it too. Regardless of their nonexistent history, they had been brought to the school as a unit and that connected them somehow. He felt responsible for her just as she did for him. The man who had begrudgingly given her a ride had graduated to begrudgingly being her friend.
The second time Rogue looked on as Logan fought his way back to life with was with an overwhelming sense of guilt. She had done this to him. It was less than an hour after the stabbing episode. Scott had come to her room to find out what had happened and to make sure she was in fact okay. She had demanded to see Logan. Scott crossed his arms and said he didn't think it was a good idea. She could already tell the two men had decided not to like each other. She glared at Scott and as she walked out the door she told him, "Fine, I guess I will have to find him myself." She still isn't exactly sure whose personality had been in control at that moment.
She had gone to help Logan and because she wanted to feel close to him. As completely nonsensical as it may have been he felt familiar in the strange new place. Instead of helping him though, she had almost killed him. And fine, he had almost killed her too. She already knew he would insist on taking some of the blame. The look on his face as she had gasped for breath clearly told her how awful he felt. However, as long as she was the one awake and healthy, she figured she was allowed her guilt. When he woke up he was welcome to his share, but until then she reserved her right to wallow in it.
The third time all Rogue could feel was awe. Logan had given her his life. When he had promised to take care of her she had believed him, but she had never imagined he meant this. She had assumed he had meant something along the lines of making sure the other kids didn't pick on her, or possibly even finding some place new for her if the school hadn't worked out, but never this. She didn't feel guilty, there was no point, it had been his choice and his choice alone. Hence the awe. He had known what would happen, he had known he would most likely die, but he did it anyway, for her.
She visited whenever she could. She assumed Jean suspected how her feelings were leaning, but she couldn't help it; she just couldn't stop starring at him in wonder. The begrudging friend was making promises and saving her life before she even asked him for anything. Okay, so maybe one of the first things she had said to him was that she thought he could help her, but this certainly wasn't what she meant. It was only natural she fell a little bit in love with him.
Obviously over the years there had been many other opportunities for her to play guardian over his bedside. It was almost amusing, he was supposed to be the one who was unkillable, yet he was the one who spent the most time lying prone in the med lab. Rogue assumed that was the whole point. Confident in his own indestructibility he never held anything back and was therefore the one most often carried off the Blackbird on a stretcher. It was at these times she felt that little bit of love grow. She was never really afraid for him as he slept. He had been blown up, squashed and even dropped from ridiculously high places and he always came back to her. However, he had also been making himself more and more the centre of her world and every time he was brought home in this condition, she was more and more certain she didn't want to experience life without him.
Now she was watching over him again and for the first time she was scared. It had been hours and he had barely moved. If what Eric said was true then for the first time Logan was truly vulnerable and she couldn't stand it. Ever since she almost killed a boy with her first kiss she has worried her life was marred by a terrible hex of irony. Logan could not die now. Not when he had just finally gotten around to telling her he longed to give her everything she had ever wanted.
Terrified she placed her head on his chest and continued to wait.
Hours later Logan awoke with a groan. His whole body hurt and his head was pounding. Resting his arm over his eyes to shield the light he announced, "I feel like shit."
Within an instant he felt Marie's hands on his chest as she knelt over him. "Oh thank God, I thought for sure I was watching you die of a concussion right in front of me."
"That's not a very likely possibility." Daring the light he moved his arm aside so he could look at her. She was gazing down at him, her face a mask of concern. What was she so worried about? "How long have I been out?"
Rogue looked around, trying to think. "I don't know. Several hours at least cause I'm starting to get wiggy, I haven't eaten in so long." He pushed himself up to a sitting position, his entire body protesting and his head exploding in an entirely new kind of pain. "You shouldn't get up, you're hurt, you need to rest."
Feeling slightly sheepish, but unable to ignore the physical demand he admitted, "I'm afraid there is something I need to take care of more."
Exasperated, "We are locked in a room Logan, what you could possibly need to take care of?" Noting his flustered expression at her inquiry she turned about five shades of red and waved her hand behind her. "It's over there."
He leaned around her to take a look. Seeing the steel facilities he muttered, "Well, well, with all the conveniences of home."
With a hint of guilt in her voice, "He said he was turning it into a room for me."
Logan frowned at that. "Yeah, cause it's so charming and cozy."
Still worried about him Rogue asked innocently, "Do you need me to help you?" He just stared at her, looking a little more than slightly disturbed. She rolled her eyes and huffed, "Oh for crying out loud, I meant to walk over there."
He chuckled a little, "I think I can make it." With some difficulty Logan got to his feet and slowly walked over to the (and he almost snickered to himself at the aptness of the term in this particular case) can. When he reached his destination he tossed over his shoulder, "No peeking."
Mortified Rogue put her face in her hands. "Oh trust me, that is so not how I want to be introduced." To avoid hearing anything she plugged her ears and started madly humming a tune.
Logan had to hold himself up by balancing with one hand on the wall. He couldn't figure out why he felt so bad. It was like his brain was in a fog or something. After he finished and rezipped he leaned his back against the smooth surface to take a rest before making the journey back over to her. He snorted slightly, Marie had her back to him and was still humming. God he loved it when she acted cute. "You can stop the musical interlude; I'm finished."
She peered at him over her shoulder. "I was just trying to give you some privacy."
One eyebrow cocked, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas?"
Watching him walk back over, Rogue swivelled around on her butt to face him. "I didn't realize you had any specific requests."
He stopped directly in front of her and closed his eyes. Looking a little defeated, "Why does my head hurt so much?"
She reached up and tugged at his hand. "I told you, because you probably have a concussion. Now please sit back down."
Logan eased himself down, rested his aching head in his hands and practically whined, "But I don't get concussions. I mean I didn't hit the wall that hard; even if I got a concussion I shouldn't still have it."
Rogue almost couldn't believe he was finally giving her an opportunity to explain their situation. "Eric said something about this room suppressing mutations. He said your healing factor won't work in here."
He peered at her from between his fingers. "Next time I say something even slightly insinuating that being a mutant sucks, smack me."
Rogue ignored him and continued to ramble, "So you are not allowed to go to sleep, cause people who do have concussions have a habit of not waking up again. Meanwhile I have no idea how to check for indications of brain damage."
"Hey," Logan tapped her knee, "I don't have brain damage. Even if I did, as soon as we get out of here, my brain would just fix itself again. You know that. I'm gonna be okay."
Rogue glared at him, "I never said I was thinking straight, but really, even brain damage?" He nodded, eyeing her curiously. "I guess I didn't really think it through, but somehow slow concussive brain damage seems different than regular body damage."
Logan thought about it for a moment. "I don't think so. I have been hit in the head enough times in the past and I don't act any different than when we first met do I?"
A pile of witty comebacks swarmed her head, but Rogue decided to let them go in the interest of morbid curiosity. "So if I hit you over the head repeatedly, to the point where you ended up like Harrison Ford in Regarding Henry, you mean to tell me the second we walked out that door you would go right back to normal old Logan again?"
His face screwed up in confusion. Slowly, "Okay, I have no idea what you are talking about, but I think the answer is yeah. And you are acting weird."
A little put out, "What do you mean weird?"
"All jumpy and shit, and you're talking fast."
Rogue waved her arms about her. "Well excuse me if this is how I act while in captivity."
The implications behind the thrown away comment gave him pause. This was not the first time she had been held captive by Magneto. His hand was still on her knee and he gave a gentle squeeze. "Oh, is this what you were like last time?"
"No," she crossed her arms defensively, "last time I mostly cried and tried not to throw up. But then the scary people were right in my face and being blatantly honest about the fact that they were gonna kill me and well, you weren't there."
Logan tilted his head and regarded her. He genuinely wanted to know, "You didn't know I was coming?"
Rogue took him in for a moment. His tone had changed; he sounded a little like regret. She attempted a reassuring smile. "I think I understood you would try, but I had yet to learn just how unstoppable you can be."
Softly, "Taking care of you was the first promise I ever made, nothing in hell could have stopped me from keeping it."
Her heart melted a little. She bounced up and down slightly. "Ohhhh, see, that's why I'm acting this way. I am happier and more excited about, well you, or us," huge grin, "than anything else in my entire life and scared we are about to die all at the same time."
Slightly sardonic, "We are gonna get out of here Marie. I don't think any higher power would be cruel enough to do us in right before we get to the good stuff."
She paused to flash a shy smile. "Still, too many life changing emotions all at once." With a huge sigh she flopped over to land in a dramatic heap on the ground. "I really wish I could just cocoon in a nice warm bed for several hours and let everything inside me settle."
Softly Logan brushed away white streaks of hair from her face and whispered, "Just as long as I can snuggle up in that cocoon with you."
She swatted at his hand playfully and giggled, "Okay, comments like that, so not helping my state of giddiness."
He caught her hand and for a moment just watched their entwined fingers. Rugged leather and delicate silk, materials so different, yet each with such a strong personality, they end up complimenting each other because they clash. Fitting together would never be plain and simple, but once a balance is struck, the end would be perfect.
Okay Shakespeare, time to give up the poetic thoughts and concentrate on the situation. He glanced around the bare room. Four steel walls, a toilet, a sink and a door, not much to work with. He could try popping the old claws and prying the door open. Of course if that didn't work he would just be left with a pair of shredded hands on top of the head injury. No it was better to wait, see if old Metal Head and crew gave them an opening. Damn, he hated waiting. He wished there was something, anything he could do to feel useful. More than that, he really wished his head would just stop hurting so much. Stupid good for nothing mutation suppressing room and... Holy shit they were the two biggest freaking idiots on the entire face of the God forsaken planet. "Marie?"
She was still curled up on the floor. "Mmmmm?"
Trying to remain calm, "I have a concussion."
She frowned at him a little. "Wow, Logan, I'm impressed. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're an old dog who has trouble learning..."
Not wanting to hear the rest he interrupted her. "No Marie, I think there is something we have been missing here." Looking at her pointedly, "I have a concussion because my healing isn't working, because this room is doing something to my mutation."
Rogue slowly pushed herself up to sit in front of him. Since the moment she had watched him hurtle threw the air, watched his body crumple to the ground, she had thought of nothing but him. In the hours she had been alone with his unconscious form, she had been so overwhelmed with the fear he might not wake up and anger at her inability to help him, she hadn't spared a thought for herself.
They both sat in silence, regarding each other and allowing the possibility that was before them to sink in. Eric had said he was building this room as a gift for her. Her voice trembled with uncertainty, "Logan?"
He was staring at her hands which were clasped together in her lap. Slowly he leaned forward and captured one fist in each of his own. With a rub of his thumbs he soothed her fingers open. He gave a slight squeeze and a reassuring smile before he gathered the smallest amount of material between his fingertips and pulled. The soft material slowly eased down her arms like a whisper. Once her hands were free of the ever present gloves she felt oddly naked. She crossed her arms in front of her and watched as he made quick work of his own. Silk and leather laid aside, they faced each other again. The possibility now a reality she suddenly had a doubt, "Logan wait, what if it's a lie?"
"I feel way to crappy for it to be a lie." She frowned unimpressed, she was serious. He promised, "Just a slight touch, if something happens, you'll pull back." Absently rubbing his palms against his pant legs he added, "I mean if something bad happens, you'll pull back." She rolled her eyes at his mischievous glint and nodded her assent.
They both took a breath and with stonily serious faces began their approach. Two sets of eyes fixed on the two hands slowly crossing the distance through the air toward each other. With less than an inch to go they froze, looked at each other and laughed at the incredibly dramatic tone they had set. Rogue tilted her head and blushed as Logan rubbed at his face. With a mock scowl he huffed, "Okay, let's try this again." She grinned, they moved, fingertip touched fingertip and nothing happened.
They remained perfectly still and gazed upon their own little miracle that was the slightest of touches. Amazed, Rogue started gulping in air. Feeling ridiculous but knowing it was true she admitted, "I'm too excited, I'm gonna hyperventilate."
"Shhhh," Logan's voice soothed. "Close your eyes. Just remember to breathe, slowly. It's just me."
Trying to calm her anxious breath Rogue closed her eyes and tried to focus. She felt Logan scoot closer to her, their knees now touching. Due to the closer proximity they were allowed to lower their arms, resting elbows on their own legs. She opened one eye to take a peek. "Not fair, you close your eyes too."
A charming smirk. "Okay."
On instinct Rogue raised her other hand and happily met his half way. Amused by their synchronicity they both expelled happy little puffs of air. Even eyes closed, she could tell he was smiling.
Suddenly his hands flipped around and captured hers, his thumbs gently tracing back and forth, moving down slowly. Reaching her knuckles he paused, running circles around each and pressing firmly in between. Finally finding her fingers, tracking leisurely up and down. Wanting control she stilled him and took over. Returning each gesture she made sure to note every small hair, seek out each crease around every knuckle. Satisfied with their initial exploration they turned palm to palm, his resting beneath hers. Again fingers danced and thumbs massaged, every line and curve probed and contemplated. They reveled in each other's slight warmth, the hint of cool left behind after a caress. For some reason the well known truth about fingerprints entered her brain and she realized, even if they both somehow became blind and mute, from now on, she would know him anywhere.
Again he changed angles, his fingers entwining intimately with hers. They both began a strong pulsing squeeze, thumbs still sliding against each other. She could hear him breathing deeply. She imagined him bathing in her scent as she was his. All she was aware of around her was Logan. She sensed him leaning forward and did the same until their foreheads met and rested. Warm breath against her face as he whispered, "It's like making hand love."
Their hands continued the same rhythm even as she giggled, "Hey, you're ruining the moment."
Rogue could feel his smile, "Oh, you don't like talking during hand love?"
She tried to give an annoyed little sigh and ordered, "Arms."
"Huh?"
"Arms!" she repeated and immediately disengaged and started the journey up.
"Oh," Logan breathed as small delicate female hands smoothly ran up the length of his limbs. It had been so long since any woman had caressed him, he had assumed once they even considered taking a step into the physical he would eagerly want to dive right in. He was pleasantly surprised to learn he desired to savour even the simplest touch. Her slender fingers ran feather-light up and down, nails swirling through hair. Then her palms pressed down, exploring the hard muscle. He returned each embrace, grazing against her perfect skin. Their ministrations where so thorough he found himself genuinely wondering if he had ever felt more intimate with anyone, and they were only at arms.
At his elbows her hands slipped underneath and she traced a path back down to his hands. He heard her faintly exclaim, "Soft."
At the note of surprise in her voice they both opened their eyes and pulled back a bit to look at each other. "Marie?"
Rogue turned his arm over and ran her fingers along the underside. After lingering for a moment she gave a reflective smile and explained, "I forgot that men could be soft." In a familiar gesture Logan reached out and tucked a few stray hairs behind her ear, but for the first time, as he finished he allowed his bare thumb to trace the curve of her cheek. She rose to her knees as his palm cupped her face. She ran a finger down the ridge of his nose, drew her thumbs over his eyebrows, brushed the backs of her fingers against his sideburns, just like she had always wanted to. Saving the best for last, she sank her naked fingers deep into his hair. As she slipped through the slightly curly strands she couldn't help but say, "Oh my God, it's silky!"
Logan chuckled, "Just wait till I've actually washed it recently."
She grinned down at him, "I am going to kiss you now."
"Thank God," he murmured, returning her reverent smile. He closed his eyes as she started planting gentle kisses all over his face. She chose her locations very carefully; the corner of his forehead, an eyebrow, a cheek, his chin. Not wanting to rush her along, but starting to burn, his mind started a silent chant; lips, Marie, lips. Meanwhile, Rogue's brain was simply singing that she was kissing Logan and it wasn't a dream. An eyelid, the tip of his nose, the corner of his mouth and finally, finally his lips.
Once there she didn't stray. At first their lips barely whispered against each other. Lightly brushing, occasionally taking the tiniest of nips, the gentlest suckle. Surprising them both, Rogue was the first to venture out with her tongue, allowing just the tip to be caught between his lips. Eagerly he greeted her and mouths now fully open, they began to deliciously caress. Control was quickly fading to obsolescence. Without breaking contact he rose to his knees, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her body tightly against him. Hands roamed and clutched, tongues stroked insistently. Feeling his hands graze her throat she captured him in mouth and sucked hard, delighted to hear him groan.
Just as he felt the almost overwhelming urge to guide her to the metal floor, Logan's brain conspired against him by choosing that precise moment to remind him of exactly where they were. Half-heartedly trying to pull back, he started muttering between kisses, "Wait... Marie... Wait... We can't... We can't..." Finally catching her face between his hands, he looked down at her bewildered expression and regretfully explained, "We gotta stop. This," he gestured toward their surroundings, "is actually a bad situation we're in."
"Right," she said between heaving breaths, "bad situation. Very bad. Have I mentioned how much I like the feel of your tongue in my mouth?"
"Oh Jesus." He descended again, mouth practically crushing hers. Well just how the hell was he supposed to resist a comment like that? A few more luscious moments were all his brain would allow though, before reason had to return. To proceed any further could be a costly, not to mention humiliating, mistake. Hell, making out wasn't such a bright idea. Resolutely he placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away. The contact broken, he leaned forward again and rested his forehead against hers. "Marie, we have to stop."
Sadly she wrapped her arms around his waist. "I know."
Meaning the words more than he ever had in his life, "I'm sorry."
She sighed against him. "No, you're right. Evil afoot. Escape plans need to be laid." She felt the rumbling beginnings of a laugh coming from inside him and turned deeply red. "Don't even think it. I swear to God, if you say it, I will hurt you."
Together they crawled over to the nearest wall. They sat, leaning against the cool steel, his arm around her, her head resting on his chest. She found his other hand and entwined their fingers. Staring at the act she had once thought impossible Rogue muttered, "This sucks."
Logan gave her a slight squeeze and kissed the top of her head. "Yeah darlin', it really does."
Almost a whisper, "You know he did this to make me want to stay."
"He's a smart man." His tone gentle, "Conveniently for us though, the Professor and the rest of the geek squad are just as smart. Now that we know this is possible, we will do whatever it takes to figure it out."
Suddenly, "Wait, don't say you promise."
Logan looked down at her confused, "Why?"
Rogue crawled over him and sat, straddling his legs. Looking directly in his eyes, "I want this to be my promise." She took a breath and vowed, "I promise, be it this room, my own control or some other miracle, I will find a way that we can touch."
Suddenly concerned how her thoughts were headed Logan rushed to reassure her. "Marie, you know it doesn't matter to me. There are a lot of ways..."
With a grin, "I know, I know, there are a lot of ways we can be together." Hands on his shoulders, "Don't worry Logan, the med lab invading, weird surgical glove wearing sex debacle is not a moment from our lives I will ever forget." Softly she started tracing her thumb across his lips in contemplation. "Do you know what a beautiful mouth you have." He grunted. "No you probably don't. Truth is most people probably don't notice it cause your lips are always pressed so thinly together in some scowl or frown." He scowled at her. "Yeah, just like that."
Hands clutching at her waist, "Maire..."
Rogue continued, "But when you are just relaxed and breathing, like now, your mouth is beautiful Logan. Your lips look soft and full and I have always loved looking at them, wondering just what they would feel like." With absolute reverence, "I promise you and I promise myself, I am not going to walk through this life without kissing you."
Logan leaned up to meet her as she descended. Soft lips again joyfully brushed against hers, parting slightly. Feather light, sweet and so good. They lost themselves again for just a moment. A slight tingling sensation built inside her. His body stiffened beneath her suddenly. Then his voice was ringing in her head ~Marie!~
Final Author Notes: My defense for the mutation suppressing room? If the man can build a machine that turns a human into a mutant despite the missing DNA, then he can damn well build a room that suppresses a mutant's mutation. No?
Hand Love: I experienced hand love at an acting retreat eons ago. We paired off into partners, closed our eyes and held hands ... for thirty minutes. We were free to do whatever we wanted, anything below the elbows was fair game. In the exercise we were then split up and had to find each other again, eyes still closed, just by recognizing the other person's touch. While some people remained just playful, for my partner and I it was a very intense experience. And now, if you can convince your partner it isn't stupid, I HIGHLY recommend it. (Obviously not the separation part, cause if there is only two of you, that would kinda be dumb.) Trust me on this.