Hello! If any of you read my other fic, I'm sorry I haven't updated yet. I started college not that long ago and I don't have as much time on my hands as I used to. Anyway, during my free time I've been re-watching Sailor Moon (on my laptop) and I just finished the third season.

I've always wanted to do a fic with Usagi dealing with the scars of Pharaoh 90 and what that did to her. Because she's resilient and happy-go-lucky but that moment was obviously very traumatic for her, because it's so rare that Usagi breaks like that. The only other time I can recall was during D-point.

So this will be about three parts (maybe four? Idk yet) about Usagi dealing with this trauma. And if you read my Usagi and Mamoru fic, I promise I'll update ASAP. I just needed a little break for a bit.

She couldn't breath, it felt like she was being smothered. Like when you try to take a breath on a humid day, and find it to be rather difficult. Only this hurt. It hurt more than any pain she had felt before, and this was after a few years of being Sailor Moon. It hurt everywhere, but most of all it hurt in her head.. and in her chest.

She couldn't even scream as some invisible force grabbed her body, squeezing her until she was sure she would burst. The worst part was she couldn't attack it because it was too dark, and she wasn't sure if it was even real.. or in her head. There was too much going on, and she couldn't keep up.

She needed to find Hotaru. She needed to save Hotaru. She needed to save Chibi-Usa.

But she couldn't even move. The only thing that she could see was her heart crystal. It was aching now, being out of her body for so long. Her brain didn't seem to register that if it stayed out of her body any longer she would surely die.

Maybe she was already dead.

If she was.. she was in hell.

That's when the screaming started.

It was quiet at first, a small whine. Usagi moved her head with some effort, thinking it was Hotaru. But when the scream continued to rise to a catastrophic pitch.. she discovered she was wrong.

It was Chibi-Usa.

Then another joined.

Mamoru.

Another.

Minako.

Ami.

Makoto.

Rei.

Even her parents and Shingo.

But the worst part was, she still couldn't move. She couldn't cover her ears as the voices of her loved one's screamed at her, begging her to do something. Telling her she was useless. They were surrounding her and she felt claustrophobic even though she knew deep in her mind that they were not really there.

But she couldn't get away.

She couldn't do anything.

So she screamed. The first noise she had allowed herself to make since she entered the depths of Pharaoh 90 was a broken scream, loud and raspy and absolutely desperate..

She could only scream.

Mamoru

He could only wait.

Mamoru pressed the cool rag against his girlfriend's sweaty forehead once again. She was asleep now, but she still wasn't able to get any sort of peace. Between the whining and the random intervals of crying, Mamoru didn't know which one was worse: The catatonic state she had been in earlier, or her nightmares.

Both were terrible, and he felt absolutely useless to her either way.

She was carried into his apartment on Makoto's shoulders, and he knew automatically that something had went wrong. None of the girls were able to tell him exactly what she had done, only that she hadn't said a word since she appeared on the beach. She hadn't even done so much as blink, only stare straight ahead.

She had saved the world, the senshi, and the Hotaru. They had no idea how she had done it, because they couldn't even get her to speak.

He wasn't exactly sure when her fever had started. It was probably after she fainted. The girls were trying to get her to say anything for almost a half and hour, and she suddenly fell limp. Mamoru had barely caught her before she hit the floor. Her fuku had disappeared then, and she was in the outfit she was wearing before this whole mess started.

Rei and Minako had volunteered to get her situated in Mamoru's room, and change her into one of his larger shirts- to keep her cool. Ami had checked her temperature, and his blood ran cold at how high it was.

They had all discussed the possibility of taking her to a hospital.. But Usagi hated hospitals, and this wasn't any normal sickness. Ami figured since she had forced her heart crystal out of her body, she was still fighting off the aftermath.

Maybe it would be best to let her sleep it off.

Mamoru hadn't left her side since they made that decision, and that was hours ago.

The nightmare had just recently started, but he didn't dare wake her up from whatever she was fighting. Being awake right now might actually be harder for her than being asleep.

His hand made it's way to her forehead only to find it was still unbelievably hot against his cool hand. He grabbed a hold of her clammy hand, and he pressed a kiss to her knuckles. He wasn't aware that he was crying, until a tear made it's way down his cheek and onto her hand.

"NO!" Usagi screamed suddenly, sitting up so fast that Mamoru nearly fell over.

Mamoru stared at her, expecting her to calm down and tell him what had happened. It wasn't until she pressed her hands against her ears and shook her head repeatedly, that he realized she still believed that she was in a nightmare. Only, for her it had been a reality.

He tried to grab her hands, but he moved too fast and she smacked him in the face- screaming even louder. He backed up, hand on his cheek. He was shocked, but he reminded himself that she had no idea where she was. Even if his house had become so familiar to her, like her second home.

"Usa-ko!" He yelled.

Usagi stopped, and looked up at him. Her eyes were still glazed over- and her hands were tangled in her hair. She looked at him like she barely recognized him, and she acted so animalistic that he could have fallen to his knees and cried right there. But she didn't need him to cry.

"I'm going to be sick." She groaned, hunching over.

Mamoru grabbed the trash bin and hurried over to her. As soon as he reached Usagi, she grabbed it from his hands- and he ignored the sound of her throwing up and reached over to keep her hair from getting in the way.

He winced for her as she emptied the contents of her stomach, and dry heaved. He took it from Usagi when she was done, and gingerly set it away from them, he could worry about it later. She was clutching her chest now and breathing heavy, trying desperately to remember what had happened.

"My chest hurts." She whispered.

"You forced your pure heart out of your body.." He explained. "At least that's what the girls told me, it's going to hurt for a bit so you need to take it easy."

She looked down, and her eyes still held the same un-seeing look. For a moment he expected her to break down and explain everything, like she had so many times before.

"I-I smacked you in the face." She whispered, voice raspy. "I smacked you the face, Mamo-chan." She pressed her hand against his cheek, and her eyes filled with tears.

"Its nothing." He said quickly. "I'm more worried about you."

She shook her head, and grimaced. "I couldn't.. I can't.." Her breath caught, and for a second he thought she may be sick again. "I can't save anything."

He stared at her, confused. It was such a silly thing for her to say of course, she had saved everyone. The senshi were almost certain that they were alive because of her. He wanted to grab a hold of her shoulders and keep insisting to her that she saved everything.

But she wasn't in any position to listen to any of his reassurance. Mamoru prided himself in many things, and one of those things was knowing when it was appropriate to back off.

"Hotaru-chan.. Hotaru-chan is.." She whispered, eyes widening and staring straight ahead once more.

Unbeknownst to him, the images of her barely rescuing Hotaru from Pharaoh 90 was flashing in her head. Her skin started to burn just with the memory.

"... Is alive." He finished, quickly. He couldn't deal with her being in another catatonic state. He couldn't see her like that again.

"Why do you insist in having so much faith in me, Mamo-chan?" Usagi smiled, but once again it looked more like a grimace. "I did nothing to save her life, she is an infant now and I failed her. When Chibi-Usa finds out... She'll-"

She looked up at Mamoru suddenly- eyes wide with fear, and lips quivering. He didn't understand why at first, and then she grabbed a hold of his shoulders with more strength than he knew she possessed. Her eyes were intense and her breathing once again heavy.

"Is she alive?" She asked desperately. "Is Chibi-Usa okay? Please say she is, I don't think I can I live with myself Mamo-chan.."

"She's alive." Mamoru nodded, feeling guilty that his future child currently resting in his guest room wasn't the first thing he informed Usagi about. "She's asleep, but she's fine."

"I have to see her." Usagi closed her eyes and smiled in relief.

"Usa-ko you're very weak right now, she'll be awake tomorrow." Mamoru insisted, trying to coax Usagi to lay back down but she simply shook her head and sat back up.

"Mamo-chan, I have to."

There was a hint of finality to her voice and Mamoru knew if he didn't help her up, she would get up and go to Chibi-Usa by herself. She was most likely still fighting a fever, and Mamoru didn't want to risk her fainting again.

With some effort, he helped her stand on weak legs. He leaned down and allowed her to drape her arm around his shoulder- and they both made their way out of the room and into the hallway.

The girls were waiting at the end of the hallway, and Usagi barely met their eyes. She couldn't do it right now. She couldn't deal with their disappointment. She wouldn't blame them at all if they hated her, if they didn't want her for a leader anymore. Minako had always been better at it than Usagi was anyway.

Minako went to say something to Usagi, but Ami grabbed a hold of her arm and shook her head.

When they got to the guest bedroom, Mamoru opened the door and Usagi wasted no time hurrying from his arms and collapsing in front of the bed where the pink haired child was resting peacefully. She wasn't sure if she collapsed out exhaustion or relief. But her legs ached as if she had walked miles, instead of simply down the hall.

Mamoru closed the door behind him, leaning against it, and letting Usagi spend time with Chibi-Usa. After all, she had fought hard enough to keep her alive. She deserved to see that she was okay.

"I'm so sorry." Usagi whispered, and she brushed her bangs away from her sweet face. "I'm so sorry that you had to be put in the crossfire. I should have kept you safe- I should have done more.. I should have-"

She shook her head.

"If you hate me for not saving Hotaru-chan.. I don't blame you Chibi-Usa." She explained to the unconscious child, her voice broke. "I tried my best, but if I ever get the chance I promise that I'll do better."

She reached up to brush back Chibi-Usa's hair once more, when the Mamoru's large shirt fell down a bit, revealing her shoulder blade. Mamoru's knees grew weak at the sight he was greeted with; there was a large bruise on her shoulder blade, shaped like a hand. It was black and blue, and glaring at him.

She didn't notice him approach her, until he dropped to his knees beside her. She looked over at him, eyes heavy with tears once more. Only this time, his eyes were too.

Something had happened. Something terrible, and it had left her bruised and catatonic.. and hurt. He could see now that it was more physical than he had originally thought. He wasn't able to help her. He couldn't even feel her. He couldn't fathom the fact that he wasn't able to feel her warmth her because she had been so lost in the depths of some hell, that she couldn't reach him anymore.

He couldn't stop himself. His hand found the bruise on her shoulder blade, and he gingerly placed a hand on it- making her shiver and wince. He retreated his hand, and looked at her again- this time she couldn't even look back at him. Afraid of what he might ask her.

"What happened, Usa-ko?" He asked, his voice coming out weak from keeping himself from crying for so long. "What happened in there?"

Usagi shook her head, and the tears finally escaped her eyes. "I can't tell you.. not right now, Mamo-chan. I'm so sorry."

She buried her face in his chest, and cried. He couldn't hear her, but he could feel the tears soaking through his shirt. It was so odd to him, her quiet tears. It was so unlike her not to sob or wail.. He found himself crying too, burying his face in her hair.

Whatever hell she had entered kept a piece of her as it's own.

The next morning Chibi-Usa awoke to everyone's smiling faces. Usagi was smiling the biggest of all, lips forced into a gigantic grin.

The only problem was, she couldn't feel anything.

"JENNIFER YOU'RE A MONSTER" - you guys, maybe.

Yes I truly am.

I wanted to illustrate, as best as I could, what I think happened to Usagi in Pharaoh 90. There will most likely be four parts, in different POVs (not really, they are all from my POV but centered around a certain character, there's a name for it but it's been awhile since Junior English class)

Q&A (just cause' I just wanna answer some possible questions)

"What do you think happened to Usagi?"- I think a piece of her died with Pharaoh 90 tbh. Not that I don't think she can get it back eventually, but we see her being absolutely manic at times in the fourth season and I think that's partially due to what happened in Pharaoh 90.

"Is this going to hurt?" - Maybe. Hopefully.

"Are you going to kill someone?"- AHA. no, not this time.

"WHERE TEH OUTERS?" - Not in this one. Sorry.

(jk I love the outers. That's ^ actually me in any story based in the S arc)

Please review! :D