Post 3x14, immediately after Castle drops by her apartment to talk about the fundraiser. This is finished with a total of three chapters and will be updated through the week. The entire thing can also be found on Tumblr.

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Castle leaves her apartment with a spring in his step, even though it's nearly midnight. He's been wearing the biggest smile on his face ever since they sat down to decide on the details of this fundraiser he's planning. Even if she doesn't want to acknowledge it, she knows she's wearing a matching smile on her own face.

She shuts the door behind him and lets out a sigh of ... well, she's not even sure what she's feeling. She'd been so caught up in the planning for this event that may or may not actually happen that she hasn't had the time to think about what it all means to her.

He's holding a fundraiser for her. To honor her mother.

He's Richard Castle, one of New York Times' best-selling author, biggest man-child in town, and he wants to do this big, amazing, generous thing for her. Her, being Kate Beckett, NYPD detective, no other fancy titles. She's suddenly overwhelmed with emotion that she collapses in heap on her couch and lets the wave of feelings wash over her.

He can pretend all he wants for the media, but Kate Beckett is now privy to the man he truly is – a great father, a wonderful son and a damn good friend.

Friend.

Yeah, right.

But she's so not about to dissect that part of her life right now. The part where she's not quite sure who he is to her but doesn't want to deal with it just yet. He confuses and irritates her but he also makes her feel a tingling warmth within herself she hasn't felt in a really long time.

He makes her feel happy.

It also definitely doesn't help that she keeps flashing back to their undercover kiss, keeps feeling the phantom sensations of his lips gliding over hers, bruising and insistent.

God, she has to stop thinking about it.

She stretches her legs out in front of her and her foot nudges the guitar she set down before Castle barged into her apartment. She scrambles and makes a grab for it before it falls over. She lifts it and strokes the neck of the guitar lovingly, hefting it back onto her lap. She strums a chord, letting the music reverberate through the apartment.

She loves this guitar, a gift from her parents when she graduated from high school. She smiles at the memory, remembers the moment she walked into her room and spotted the guitar resting by her bed, a big bow around the middle.

She rearranges her fingers along the fret board and goes through a few chord progressions, recalling the lyrics of the stupid rap number she just can't get out of her head. She's about to launch into her made-up chorus when she's once again interrupted by the jarring sound of someone knocking on her door.

What is with people and interrupting her tonight?

For the second time that night, she twists the knob and pulls the door open.

"Castle, I already said no to the – oh." Beckett trails off as she realizes the man standing in front of her is not in fact her partner. "Josh, hi."

"Castle was here?" Josh asks, looking a little perturbed by the idea. He strides into her apartment and pulls of his jacket, tossing it over the back of her couch. "What did he want this time?"

Beckett shuts the door behind him, turns around and shakes her head in irritation. The man didn't even have the decency to greet her first?

"Uh, he um, wanted to discuss – brainstorm about the case." Beckett cringes as the words leave her lips. Oh wow, she's lying to him. Alarm bells go off in her head and she breathes out evenly. Sure, she withheld the kiss she shared with Castle from her boyfriend, but lying?

She knows that lying is toxic for any relationship, but she can't possibly tell him that Castle was doing this grand, big, thing for her though, can she? Can't tell him that she's so touched by his gesture that-

"Was it a tough one?"

She blinks at the question, momentarily confused. The case, right.

"Yeah, sort of. A long one, actually so-"

"Hey, I didn't know you played the guitar," Josh interrupts her and walks by her couch. He picks her guitar up, inspecting it with curious eyes. Beckett bristles, uncomfortable with the rude interruption and also from the fear that he's going to drop her precious guitar. "Are you any good? Play something for me, Kate."

She stares at his back, contemplative as she bites on her bottom lip. How has she never noticed that he's kind of self-absorbed before tonight? Maybe it's the fact that she's just spent almost three hours with a man was planning an entire fundraiser for her, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Maybe she's finally tired of pretending this pseudo-relationship where they never really see each other is working out for her. Maybe the guilt of the forbidden kiss is finally taking its toll on her.

Maybe she's just over completely over everything.

Josh turns around at her lack of response and cocks his head, curiosity in his eyes when he notices she's still standing by her front door. "Something wrong, Kate?"

She watches him as she chooses her next words carefully. Josh is a good guy, a little aloof, a touch conceited but still generally a good guy. Castle … Castle is Castle. Man-child, annoying, frustrating, never listens to her – but also loyal, smart, funny, generous, kind-hearted, an amazing kisser.

The heart wants what the hearts wants.

Oh, God. She has to do this, doesn't she? It wouldn't be fair to Josh otherwise. She swallows and bites the bullet.

"Josh, we aren't working."

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