It turns out to be a lot harder finding Tsuna a present than anticipated.

"I really am a failure to the Tenth!" Gokudera sobs. "I can't even find him a worthy gift!"

Haru sighs dejectedly. "It's impossible. In the end, we really don't know that much about him, do we?"

They simmer in despair for a few for moments when a disgustingly cheerful voice calls out, "What're you guys so down about?"

Gokudera glares at the grinning Yamamoto. "What are you doing here, baseball freak?" He glances at the sky angrily, as if some deity is responsible for his bad luck. "Isn't it bad enough that I can't find the perfect gift for the Tenth?"

"You haven't found a present for Tsuna yet?" Yamamoto asks. Haru and Gokudera shake their heads, gloom overtaking them.

"Wait—you have?!" Haru shrieks, pointing an accusing finger at Yamamoto.

"Yep!" the baseball lover laughs happily.

"What are we going to do?" Haru moans tragically. "We only have another two hours before the birthday party!"

"Is it that late already?" Yamamoto says in surprise. "Man, I have to go help my dad close the restaurant! I'll see you guys later!"

They both stare after Yamamoto's jogging figure. "How did he manage to find a gift for Tsuna before us?!" Gokudera pounds his head into the ground in frustration.

/

Tsuna knows what is going to happen when he walks through the door, and he is not looking forward to it. Knowing the people he's been surrounded with lately, this party is likely to be detrimental to his health. Not to mention the fact that there will probably be a lot of attention on him tonight, and his friends are known to be very touchy-feely people.

He shivers at the thought of another Bianchi-incident.

Taking a deep breath, he cracks open the door to his house and pushes forward, stepping into the house cautiously. He stares suspiciously at the lack of people, keeping his eyes forward as he slips off his shoes at the entrance. He continues forward towards the kitchen hesitantly, wondering if it would be better to just run while he can.

Before he can contemplate the pros and cons of this plan, he is showered with colorful strands of thin ribbon and flakes of confetti.

"Happy birthday, Tsuna!"

Tsuna tries to smile, but it probably comes out as more of a grimace. "Wow, thanks so much everyone. You shouldn't have." He stares at the – melting? – cake Bianchi is holding, her smile as sweet as the poison in the dessert probably is. "I mean it, you really shouldn't have."

"Do you like it?" Lambo asks with wide eyes. Tsuna can't look away from this deadly weapon. Curse his inability to be an outright jerk.

"Of course," he reassures the child, blinking when the rest of the occupants of the room light up and beam at him.

"Would you like some cake, Tsuna-kun?" Bianchi simpers, grinning. Tsuna turns a light shade of green as he scrambles to find a way to decline without sounding rude.

"Perhaps we should open gifts first?" Reborn interjects with his ever-present smile. Tsuna flashes him a grateful look, causing the smile to morph into an amused smirk.

"Me first, me first!" Lambo screams loudly, jumping up and down. He excitedly runs up and holds out the most poorly-wrapped present Tsuna has ever seen, but the proud look on Lambo's face causes him to internally melt.

He takes the gift and tears the wrapping paper carefully, staring at what was inside in bemusement.

Lambo looks at him expectantly. "Wow, this is just what I wanted," Tsuna says, still staring at the grape lollipops melted together into one big blob. Lambo shoots Reborn a superior look, and Tsuna is momentarily concerned that Reborn is going to shoot him, but in the end the pint-sized hitman ignores the child.

Haru gets him some kind of homemade cosplay; it's a sailor outfit, complete with black shorts and a cute little hat. Tsuna knows he will be forced to wear it in the future, but despite the despair he is feeling, he smiles and thanks her for the present. Gokudera is up next, and he is clutching his perfect-looking gift in sweaty, shaking hands.

Tsuna pales a little when he sees the extremely sharp knife, but he can see that the knife is expensive. It's strangely ornate for a weapon, he thinks, but it still looks useful. Maybe he can use it to cut up ingredients instead of enemies. Gokudera's shoulders sag in relief and his eyes light up in joy at Tsuna's positive review, and he is a little afraid that Gokudera is going to pass out from happiness.

In the background, he sees his mother switching out Bianchi's cake with an identical one that isn't giving off strange fumes. She catches his eye, and Tsuna has never loved his mother so much before. She really did care about his health! He thinks he's tearing up a little when Yamamoto proclaims that it's his turn to give his gift.

Tsuna's eyebrows furrow as he stares at the small box, wondering what could fit in it. Shrugging, he lifts the cover, freezing when he catches sight of the present.

It's a ring. Yamamoto gave him a ring. Granted, it was only a plain silver band, but why on earth would Yamamoto think to give him something like this?!

"Uh…" Tsuna doesn't know what to say.

"It's for our future wedding!" Yamamoto announces happily.

Tsuna blanches. Gokudera screams.

Fifteen minutes later, everyone had settled down enough to continue the party. Yamamoto is scratching the back of his head sheepishly and laughing at the glares directed at him.

"There's one last present, Dame-Tsuna," Reborn prompts, holding out a small rectangular box. It has plain yellow wrapping and an orange bow on top. Tsuna is a little hesitant, rightfully so, but he gives Reborn the benefit of the doubt and unwraps the gift. He's surprised to see a new iPod shining back at him.

"An iPod?" he asks, taking it out of the box and examining it with wonder.

"Listening to music might help with your headaches," Reborn explains simply. Tsuna's eyes feel a little misty at the thoughtfulness of the gift and he hastily wipes his eyes.

"Thank you," he mumbles sincerely, carefully placing the iPod back into the box. Reborn blinks and smiles a bit more, turning away and jumping back onto the couch.

"Who wants cake?" Nana calls cheerfully from the kitchen, and there's a scatter of people running to the now-edible dessert. Tsuna is made to blow out the candles and make a wish, and when he takes a bite of the cake, it's just the way he likes it.

It's nice to have friends, he thinks. A warm feeling is bubbling dangerously in his chest. He catches sight of darkening, colorful blurs.

…That's right. It'll only hurt that much more when he sees them die, so what's the point in trying?

His vision is blurred and distorted by the colored numbers.

/

"You are distracted," Hibari accuses him a week later after he is clipped with a metal tonfa in the arm.

Tsuna doesn't say anything, too busy panting on the ground. His entire body is exhausted from the early workout, and he feels a headache starting to build up.

"You are distracted," Hibari repeats, this time a little more irritably.

"Sorry," Tsuna says, placing a hand over his eyes. He can feel the puffiness under his eyes from lack of sleep, and he wonders how dark the bags under his eyes are today.

Although his birthday had been a happy occasion, it didn't take long for depressing thoughts to protrude his mind. He feels as if he's shutting down into apathy again, and he really doesn't know if that's a good thing or not. On one hand, he knows it's bad to repress emotions like he is, but on the other it helps with the hopeless thoughts he couldn't help thinking. Thoughts like 'Isn't it easier to give up?' and 'You're a hindrance to everyone anyway' are constantly running through his mind, and the numbness helps him ignore such negative things.

A shadow falls over him, and he uncovers his eyes to see Hibari crouching over him with a frown. There's a hesitancy in his expression that he's never seen before. Hibari reaches out to touch him, concern bleeding through his usual coolness.

Tsuna is stricken with complete and absolute terror as he realizes Hibari is about to touch him, and he jerks up violently, scrambling away. His leg catches on the rough texture of the cement, but through his panic he doesn't even notice. His breath is coming out in short, uneven gasps, and his head feels dizzy and light.

"Breathe, omnivore!" Hibari is in front of him again, wide-eyed. His hands reach out again, stopping when he notices the body-shaking flinch. He visibly lowers his hands and stares straight into Tsuna's eyes. "You need to calm down. You are having a panic attack. Do you understand?"

His hands won't stop shaking and he can hear his heart beating rapidly in his ears. He forces himself to nod and Hibari instructs him to slowly breathe in, and then out. He continues to repeat his instructions, watching Tsuna carefully.

He's forced to learn how to breathe properly again as Hibari guides him through calming exercises, and through the haze of his mind he wonders if the disciplinary president has done this before. For some reason, the image of Hibari calming down little birds pops into his head, and he barely manages to stop himself from letting out a hysterical giggle.

The shaking in his body gradually recedes and his breathing evens out. He stares at his hands as they tremble involuntarily. In the distance, he hears the bell ring.

"…Omnivore." Tsuna looks up at Hibari blearily, a wave of exhaustion hitting him. "You are not fit to be at school. I will escort you home."

Tsuna tries to protest, but he's suddenly too tired to muster up the will to do argue. He nods sluggishly instead, forcing his body to stand and ignoring the hand Hibari offers. He's sure Hibari is mentally noting his aversion to touch, but he can't find it in himself to care at the moment. He stumbles as he walks, barely noticing Hibari hovering behind him to make sure he doesn't fall.

The walk out of the school gates passes in a blur, and at some point both Yamamoto and Gokudera join the group. He hears Gokudera saying something furiously to Hibari, but he can't quite make out what it is. His head is hurting too much for him to understand his surroundings very well.

"Tsuna?" a voice asks worriedly. Tsuna turns his to look dazedly at Yamamoto. The taller teen makes a movement to put his hand on his shoulder, and even though he knows it won't affect him through his shirt, his breath pitches anyway and a flinch wracks his body. Hibari strides forward, grabbing Yamamoto's wrist and muttering something in his ear. His eyes widen slightly and his hand drops, and Tsuna relaxes as the reddish blue numbers whizzing around Yamamoto move farther away from him. He vaguely wonders why Gokudera isn't yelling anymore, but he pushes it off as they silently approach his house.

"Tsu-kun?" his mother asks in surprise when the door opens. Today is one of the few days that Reborn decided to not accompany the group to school, and he is sitting at the counter with a steaming cup of coffee. He places the cup down and says something to Nana; Tsuna is distracted by Yamamoto and Gokudera herding him to his room. He sees Hibari say something quietly to the pair before he reaches the top of the stairs.

He makes his way into his room, not really caring about his friends' presence as he collapses on his bed, exhaustion hitting him like a ten-ton bag of bricks. A blanket is pulled up over his shoulders, and he mumbles some kind of thanks before he succumbs to sleep.

hey guys, it's been a while since i last updated! i dont really have an excuse, but hopefully i'll be making it up to you. from now on i will be updating progress on my profile, although im not sure when the next update will be quite yet. also we managed to hit over 400 followers! that's insane!

tsuna's panic attack was based off of my personal experience, and everyone reacts differently during episodes, so since i wasnt sure about other people's, i just tried to describe what it feels like for me as realistically as possible, although i didnt go into a lot of depth with it. this chapter was a lil sad lol

thanks for your continued support! =)