Beautiful Liar
by Lacrimula Falsa

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and/or any other Marvel franchise. I write for fun, not for profit. The title of this story was taken from the song of the same name by Beyoncé, which I of course don't own either.

Summary: So far Tony has managed to successfully dodge the accidental-pregnancy bullet. It's one of the few things he likes about himself. So he's understandably pissed (not to mentioned totally gobsmacked) when Loki of all people comes suing him for child support. Because honestly, how does that stuff even work? (AU, multi-chapter.)

A/N: If you want a long, laborious and emotional Loki-redemption, a meaningful and layered backstory or a Saga-worthy plot, this isn't the story for you. If you're happy with a not-really-evil, not-that-insane pregnant (female) Loki and Tony being Tony but noble at heart, plus Avengers domesticity, jump right in and hopefully enjoy.

Also, this completely ignores Thor: The Dark World, Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Avengers: Age of Ultron.

Chapter One - No Evil Demigods Policy

The day had begun as just another normal day at what was now Avengers Tower.

Clint Barton, better known as Hawkeye, was perched perilously on the backrest of a kitchen chair, managing to eat his breakfast in this position without visible discomfort.
Tony "I am Iron Man." Stark was currently talking science with Bruce Banner, also known as the other half of the Hulk.
Captain America, and therefore Steve Rogers, had exchanged his shield for a frying pan and was presently making pancakes.
Natasha Romanoff, codename Black Widow, was using a knife in a decidedly non-lethal way, cutting apples.

The scene was peaceful and frighteningly domestic.

That is, until a loud crashing sound from the direction of the living room made them all look up and jump into more or less defensive positions.

"Jarvis?" Tony whispered.

"I am detecting no intruders, Sir." The AI's cultured voice answered in equally hushed tones.

Meanwhile Natasha had inched her way towards the door.

But before she could do anything, like silently checking out the situation in the adjacent room, Tony got up from his crouch behind the counter to announce:

"Oh fuck this! I'm not hiding in my own goddamn tower!"

Before anyone could stop him, he was up and trough the door.

Stepping into the living room, Tony thankfully did not come face-to-face with a gun or an army of intruders.

There was only a single man standing by the floor-to-ceiling windows and didn't he know that…

"LOKI?!"

And, okay, now he had the demigod's full attention and was completely defenceless since he was wearing only Hulk pyjamas and, more importantly, no suit bracelets. Well shit. Bad idea. Very, very bad idea. Shit, shit, shit.

His team-mates would kill him. If Loki didn't kill him first.

Seeing as the last time they had met he'd ended up flying trough a window, Tony really expected just about anything to…

"Ah, the mortal of the hour."

Okay, maybe not that.

That was the moment the rest of the Avenger decided to burst into the room, having procured their weapons of choice from somewhere.
Normally, Hawkeye brandishing his bow while wearing nothing but sleep pants and bunny slippers would have been hilarious. As it was, it was the most wonderful sight Tony had seen in a long time.

Steve was the first to break the silence.

"Loki?"

"You remember me. How delightful."

Suddenly there was a snap and a flash of green light, and a steamer trunk materialised, out of nowhere, near Loki's feet.

"If one of you would be so kind as to show me to my appointed chambers so I might stow away my things."

For just a moment it looked like Steve's jaw was about to hit the floor, before he composed himself and said in full 'Captain America voice':

"We won't fall for your games this time. Drop all your weapons and surrender."

Loki sniffed rather haughtily.

"I will let you know that I do not take orders from mortals."

Just as Steve was stepping towards Loki, there was a "whoosh" and something, or rather someone, landed on the balcony surrounding the whole floor.

"Brother, 'tis not humorous. When will you stop wreaking havoc?" Thor's booming voice filled the room as the God of Thunder stepped inside.

"Thor!"

"Steven! It is most joyous to see you again."

"Okay Point Break, care to explain why your psychotic little brother is standing inside my living room? Because we have a very strict No Evil Demigods policy in this tower."

Thor frowned at 'Demigods' but seemed to let it slide.

"Psychotic, Anthony? I hardly think that is something you should be calling the mother of your child."

Tony stared at Loki, completely flummoxed, before he got out an incredibly eloquent

"What?"

Thor stepped halfway in front of his brother, looking oddly…nervous. He was actually wringing his hands. (Or rather - using Mjölnir as an anti-stress ball.)

"I assure you, An…Tony, my brother has no ill intentions. However, I would speak with the all of you in private."

Loki abruptly turned towards Thor with a thunderous expression.

"Really Thor? You did not explain it to them!? Not a single thing? You simply let me teleport here, were I might well be killed for showing my face?! What, were you off frolicking about with your Lady Jane that you were to busy to do, for once in your life, what I asked of you!?"

Thor actually cringed, looking for all the world like a child being scolded for forgetting to brush his teeth.

Tony was not the only one who was staring incredulously. Steve, Clint and Bruce were also sporting a serious case of the What-The-Fucks. Natasha, naturally, looked cool as a cucumber.

"Forgive me brother. I was so unsure about how to best approach the topic that I might have unduly delayed…"

"Unduly delayed!? Thor, you buffoon, you did not delay it, you simply didn't do anything! Relaying a simple message really should not exceed even your limited capabilities!"

Loki seemed to be in full hissy-cat mode now, advancing on his apologetic brother with green sparks crackling around his fingertips.

"O-okay, whoa, whoa!" Tony had finally located his heretofore missing voice, plus his suit bracelets. "What the hell is going on here? Thor, why is there a villain with functioning magic powers in my tower!? I mean seriously, what the fuck?"

"I assure you shieldbrother Tony, I will explain in due time."

Beside the God of Thunder Loki threw up his hands, the green sparks fading to blue before going out.

"No Thor, you will not be explaining anything, or we will be here until the end of days. Now, mortal, it's very simple…"

Suddenly the god…shifted, transforming into something that was…well, undeniably a female version of Loki.
A really very obviously pregnant female version of Loki.

Steve's shield hit the floor with a clatter.

"…you, Anthony Stark of Midgard, are going to be a father." Here Loki pointed towards the suit bracelets Tony had been one step away from activating, then towards his…her rounded stomach. "So you might want to keep your weapons away from the mother of your child."

Tony hadn't had any breakfast yet. That was totally the only reason he fainted.

A/N: Like it, hate it, something you absolutely want to happen? Tell me, reviews make my day. Thank you for reading.