[Hello, dear readers! I may not post updates very quickly, as those who follow Put On Your War Paint have already learned. But, I promised myself(and my friend) that I would continue with this, and here you are! Dipper is having some trouble finding a satisfactory roommate, let's see how he's doing~!]

"I don't get it. Why isn't anyone responding?"

"Well, you did just send the advertisement last night."

Dipper frowned at his phone, irritated at the lack of notifications. "I know. But still…"

Stan reached over to put his hand on his nephew's shoulder. "It'll take a while for someone to notice. Just be patient."

In response he received a sigh, so he instead opted to scold someone for trying to make a rope ladder out of question mark shirts.

Dipper sighed to himself, when his phone began vibrating in his hand. Excited, he tapped the messages icon, face falling as he registered the Caller ID.

Message Received: Hey, little bro, you got any takers yet?

Two thumbs did a small, quick dance across the keyboard while they decided what they'd reply, then:

Message Sent: No, not yet. I'm not expecting an immediate response, though.

He leaned back in his chair, barely acknowledging the new batch of tourists that was being conducted about the shack. His phone began to vibrate once, then twice.

Message Received: Liar.

Message Received: Don't give up! If worse comes to worst, Candy is looking for a room mate as well.

Dipper's nose scrunched with distaste as he shook his head. Certainly not. Last time she stayed the night, I ended up with cat whiskers. Literal cat whiskers. Superglued to my face.

Message Sent: No. Never again.

Message Received: Hey, is this the guy who was looking for a room mate?

Dipper could barely contain his excitement, grinning as he replied. The advertisement had been up for a full day now, and he was beginning to consider Mabel's suggestion.

Message Sent: Yeah, you interested?

Message Received: Yep. You have a place in mind?

Message Sent: Yeah, there's this apartment by the Gossiper. I have a deal with the landlord, so we get it for a lower price.

Message Received: That's awesome. First things first though, I don't have a steady income. I am between jobs at the moment, and my parents kicked me out, so… It might be a while. Will that be a problem?

Message Sent: ...Yeah, it might be. Are you sure of a steady job some time in the future?

Message Received: Not exactly.

Message Sent: That's going to be a problem.

Message Received: Look, I know it's not exactly ideal, but we can talk with my parents, I'm sure they'd be able to lend some money until then. They live at the Valentino's Funeral Home.

Message Sent: Wait… Robbie, is this you?

Message Received: Yeah, why?

Message Received: Do I know you?

Message Sent: Dude, this is Dipper.

Message Received: Oh.

Message Received: This is kind of awkward.

Message Received: ...So… how have you been?

Message Sent: Stop texting me.

Message Received: Hey, is this the guy looking for a roommate?

Message Sent: Yeah, that's me.

Message Received: Okay, great. I've been looking as well, I have a steady income, and I have never been arrested.

Message Sent: Okay, that's great! What's your name?

Message Received: Brittney. Just a warning, though, my boyfriend just broke up with me… You don't mind being a rebound, do you?

Message Sent: ...I'm not sure I understand.

Message Received: Well, a rebound is when you get to know someone romantically immediately after a previous breakup to sort of jump back into the dating scene.

Message Sent: I know what a rebound is. I think there's a misunderstanding here. I'm not looking for a partner.

Message Received: Are you sure? I'm not exactly smoking hot, but I wouldn't say that I'm ugly.

Message Sent: I am not interested in romance right now.

Message Received: Positive? You're completely positive?

Message Sent: Goodbye.

Message Received: Yo, I saw an advertisement in the paper… You need a roommate?

Message Sent: Yeah, that would be me. Although, I am not looking for any type of romantic partner, so if that's your intention, I apologize.

Message Received: ...What?

Message Sent: Long story. This girl texted, thinking that I was looking for a girlfriend.

Message Received: Ah. Sounds desperate. What was her name?

Message Sent: Uh, Brittney, I think. Why?

Message Received: Are you serious?! Not even two days after the breakup, and she's already trying to find a rebound.

Message Sent: Okay, I don't want to get involved in this kind of conflict. Are you interested in the apartment or not?

Message Received: Not if Brittney's interested. She can marry a woodpecker for all I care.

Message Sent: Please don't text me again.

"So, has anyone texted you about the apartment?" Mabel leaned against her brother's shoulder, looking at what he was doing on the computer.

"...No one good."

"What do you mean by that?"

Dipper made a face and shut his laptop. "Robbie was the first taker."

"Eugh. Not a chance."

"And then I got stuck in an argument between a newly broken up couple."

"Never fun," Mabel agreed, sitting on his desk. "That sounds rough. Don't get too frustrated about it, though. I'm sure someone will ask about it and not be a hobo or someone looking for a rebound."

Dipper blinked in surprise. "How…?"

"You have that look that you get when someone starts hitting on you. The 'please go away I don't like you' look."

"That's my normal look."

"Exactly."

In reply, the younger twin simply rolled his eyes and spun in his swivel chair. "I just want a normal person who doesn't hate me, or be in the middle of an extreme drama story."

Mabel tilted her head to the side slightly, then gently punched him in the shoulder. "Hey, you'll find someone. And I'll blog about your love story."

"That's not going to happen."

"Never say never…!"

Message Received: Hello?

Message Received: Is this the dude that advertised for the roommate?

Dipper sighed and contemplated how to reply. There had been four more replies, two being former convicts, one being a man who, like Robbie, was between jobs, and another who was actually just fine where he was, but was afraid of spiders and needed someone to take care of them for him. He didn't want someone to move into a different apartment with; he wanted someone to move in with him. And kill all of his spiders.

Dipper hadn't been quite sure how to respond to that one.

Then, after preparing himself for further drama, he twirled the phone between his fingers and replied.

Message Sent: Yes.

There were a few seconds between this reply and the next, which was rather simple.

Message Received: Got it. So, is it still up, or have you found someone already?

Dipper laughed to himself, shaking his head, and replied quickly.

Message Sent: Nope, it's still up. I just have a few questions.

Message Received: Alright. What have you got?

Message Sent: Do you have a steady income?

Message Received: Yes, I do. I don't currently have a job, but I'm not worried. I have a substantial amount of savings that should last me a long time. I'm looking for said job right now, and might even have it before I see you about the apartment, but I wouldn't be worried. I came from a pretty wealthy family, and I have a good amount of money to start from.

Dipper blinked in surprise, not entirely sure how to reply to that. "Well then. I guess… Mabel?"

His sister was on the bed next to him, playing on her own phone, when his voice shook her concentration from Candy Crush. "Yeah, bro-bro. What's up?"

"What do you think?" He leaned over, displaying the screen, and she blinked once or twice quickly.

"Nice. They sound like they are pretty confident they should pay rent, and if they are actively looking for a job… I'd say ask a few more questions, just to make sure."

"Mkay."

Message Sent: Got it. You're positive it will last until you get a job?

Message Received: Completely positive. It should be more than sufficient.

Message Sent: Okay then. I have my eye on a place by the Gossiper, I could send you a picture.

Message Received: Do you mean the apartment complex on the other side of the block?

Message Sent: Yes.

Message Received: No need for the picture, then. I'm familiar with the area. Not too bad. Anything else you need to know?

Message Sent: Do you have a criminal record?

Message Received: Well, in all honesty, I have been arrested once or twice, but the first time was a mistake. The second time, I forgot to come to court for a ticket. I'd say my morals are somewhat dubious, but I don't drink or do drugs, I don't smoke, and I generally stay on the right side of the law.

Message Sent: Right. I understand, I have a criminal record as well-it was a mistake, of course, but I can understand that. The police here aren't exactly at the top of their game.

Message Received: You can say that again.

Message Sent: Okay, so what do you need the apartment for?

Message Received: Somewhere to live...?

Message Sent: No, I mean, what were the circumstances leading to needing the apartment? I don't mean to be nosy, but I've had two people who only wanted to share an apartment to hide out from their ex, and a guy whose parents kicked him out because they'd had enough of his freeloading.

Message Received: Man, that sucks. Well, I recently came into a dilemma that left me without a place to stay. Nothing illegal, nothing too bad, but I need somewhere to stay while I work it out. I don't know how long it will be until I move back, so I need a roommate in the meantime.

Message Sent: That sounds like it sucks, man. I think that's about all the questions I needed to ask, so, the address is 665 Screaming Void Avenue, you wanna meet up there and check it out?

Message Received: That sounds great. What's your name, by the way?

Message Sent: Dipper. And yours?

Message Received: ...William.

Message Sent: Alright then. See you.

Message Received: Okay, when did you say you wanted me there?

Dipper looked down at the keyboard, then mentally facepalmed. Of course, he had forgotten to set a time.

Message Sent: Uh. Right now?

Message Received: Oh. How convenient, I'm coming by now anyways.

Dipper sighed in relief, and leaned against the doorframe.

Message Sent: Okay, what do you look like, so I know it's you?

Message Received: I'm a blonde in a suit, holding a cane.

Message Sent: Why do you have a cane? o.O

Message Received: Why are you wearing a pine tree hat?

Dipper frowned at the text, then looked up to see someone who fit the description quite well striding down the hall with a purpose. He was twirling a cane, with a familiar glint in his eye that he couldn't quite place. He came to a stop several feet from the younger Pines twin, standing with his legs crossed, free hand resting on his hip.

"Hey there, you must be William-nice to meet you," Dipper croaked, then shook his head as if to clear it and smiled, beginning to put his phone in his pocket when a very, very familiar voice hit his ears like a tidal wave.

"Nice to see you again, Pinetree."

And his phone clattered to the floor.