General Message: We have received word that Superman has passed away in an unfortunate accident, it was written by Clark Kent who has been known to report on Superman so we believe it is legitimate. There will be a closed casket service for the League, everyone who can please attend. We also want to thank whoever organized it though they haven't come forward.

Wonder Woman: People didn't miss the fact that although you did seem genuinely sad you were quick to point out that you are now not only are you Batman's one true love you are also his best friend, a chandelier fell and almost hit you soon after and people quickly began to fear that Superman's ghost was among them.

Flash: As one of the most superstitious people around you begged Constantine to do some, "Wackety ghost magic and seance the ghost away." You bribed him with alcohol, unfortunately you gave him the experimental alcohol being specifically developed for Kryptonians.

Constantine: Initially you seemed suspicious of everything going on, but soon after drinking the kryptonian absinthe your remarkable tolerance was overtaken and you were soon stumbling around casting spells swearing up and down that the ghost of Superman must be trying to possess you.

Black Canary: Thank you, but no thank you there is no need for you to start singing sad songs, and calling up your "girls" to get the show going. Things are already off to a bad start we don't need a background track.

Aquaman: Stop bringing in bowls of fish to say their last goodbyes we don't know how close they were to Superman, but your spilling water everywhere and Superheroes are far less coordinated than you'd expect.

Supergirl: We're sorry you fell over, but your funeral garb is a bit excessive, a mourning veil is meant to be sheer not lead-lined and your dress was far too long, it got soaked thanks to Aquaman and twisted around your legs. Your fall managed to start a long chain of events that destroyed half the wake.

Green Arrow: There's a reason a "no explosives" sign was left at the door it was so you wouldn't walk around playing with explosive arrows while a stumbling woman covered entirely in black smashed into you. Believing it was another undead creature joining Superman's ghost you tried running away and threw trick arrows everywhere screaming about a "wraith coming to get you"

Hawk Woman & Green Lantern: We're sorry you managed to catch the brunt of the damage from Green Arrow's unfortunate reaction and while we don't blame you for trying to fly away hawk woman you tried to fly directly next to the buffet table spilling food everywhere and launching a cake at Cyborg who had just arrived, he turned around and left prematurely.

Batman: The fact that you strolled in late and saw this entire mess and rather than worry about what happened you immediately assumed it was a party for you because everyone was wearing black was actually at this point quite expected from you. The only reason you demanded everyone get in order was because you claimed that any party for the king needed to be organized. Your reaction to hearing the actual reason for gathering was actually beyond anything we anticipated you simply said, "Couldn't care less, if he really wanted to be my best friend he'd know better than to go and pretend die on his own by slipping on syrup and falling into a Kryptonite bath. If he wants to fake death or die for real he needs my permission first."

Superman: The only thing more shocking than Batman's declaration was the fact that you burst out of your coffin and apologized swearing you'd never die without telling him. It was both heartwarming and more than a little creepy though this explains why Etrigan was wandering around like a blind man because he couldn't find your dead body. We've also reached the conclusion that you were the reason the chandelier almost hit Wonder Woman for claiming she was Batman's best friend. We're choosing not to look any further into the case because we're simply too tired.

General Message: Apparently Superman faked his own death for attention because he wasn't sure if Batman cared about him and wanted to see his reaction. Batman left with a swirl of his cape and ordered everyone to clean up grumbling about how he knew he'd somehow end up with the bill. Which was indeed forwarded to him when Superman realized the cost of everything and remembered that heroes only received stipends from the league for necessities. The only mystery is how he got Clark Kent to cooperate and what will happen when the article is retracted.

A/N

Thanks to Angry lil' Elf for suggesting that Superman fake his death because he wanted to see people's reactions. I ended up letting the entire thing go wrong because what did anyone expect from the league and Superman mainly did it for Batman's attention.

Everyone is stuck at home, hopefully staying safe so I'm going to try to post a few chapters of my stories to do my little part in giving people a way to waste time. Next chapter comes a talent show and possibly a Bat rapping.