my whole heart

.

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.

Oh, tell me now

Where was my fault

In loving you

With my whole heart

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"Are you joining the Military Police?" Armin questioned.

They somehow managed to find themselves standing together in the lunch line. He wasn't sure why he asked, or how no fear of her scorn flittered throughout him, but it had happened. Annie regarded him with bored eyes, but something sparked in them that Armin couldn't determine.

"I plan to," she replied. Her voice was oddly quiet and guarded by such a simple question. The brunette beside him shot Armin a meaningful look, his green eyes flashing with unrecognized perplexion. He knew that Eren wouldn't say anything about their conversation, not even afterwards, but his curiosity was there. His worry was there, and undoubtedly the short girl beside him could feel the terse waves. "And you?"

Armin gawked in surprise at her answer as their trays slid along the metal wiring. She never initiated conversation, or took a particular interest in anyone or anything. Sparring seemed to be the only exception, and even then, she took little satisfaction with slamming Eren to the ground day after day. He cleared his throat, Annie's pale eyes never leaving his own.

"The scouts," Armin said quickly. He scratched the back of his head, a conflicting mixture of shame and embarrassment wearing on his innocent expression. Armin wasn't sure what he expected. A single eyebrow arch of disbelief? A sarcastic jeer? He was proud to follow his best friends into that regiment. Proud of himself for even trying. He wasn't strong enough to be much help, and his lack of physical strength would bring him to his inevitable demise. He had accepted that, even learned to cope with it. The genius often wondered if he shouldn't follow Mikasa and Eren, as if they were the only reason, but that wasn't true. He had interest with the Scouting Legion, regardless of his two best friends. They could leave the walls, travel the world, and aid humanity along the way.

Something sharp wavered in the air they breathed.

"That's stupid of you," she snapped, her outburst even startling Eren. He winced at the reply, although he had expected something along the lines of it. "You shouldn't join."

"Why's that?" Eren cut in, his eyebrows narrowing in preparation for a heated fight. Armin was in between lecturing Eren for being so rude, or melting into the floor. The second option seemed most preferable.

She glared coldly at Eren's tense posture, scoffing briefly towards Armin. "Forget it."

Armin looked at Eren with annoyance, but Eren simply shrugged his best friend's glance off. The blonde sighed, staring down at his tray of unappetizing food. He had just gotten Annie Leonhardt to start a conversation, and per usual, it had ended destructively. Would the girl ever look his way again?

There was a heavy 'thunk' like sound near his arms, and he glanced down on his place. Annie had just scooped three more portions of the beans and rice onto his plate, grabbing her own apple and placing it near his canteen of water.

"You really don't have-"

Her glare silenced him, and he meekly took an interest with his shoes. She continued adding helpings of foods that contained supplements and vitamins, much to his embarrassment. It wasn't overindulgence. It was an order. Her dark eyes dared him to say anything about it, so he swallowed and watched her stack his plate. He usually just ate a few bites of bread and returned to his book, hurling himself into the world of fiction and blending into the printed words. It was hard, waking up at ungodly hours and doing laps around the camp. The food was difficult to choke down (Sasha never minded) and he sometimes was so tired he went days without showering. In the classroom, during the darkest times of the year, was where he excelled the most. His academic track was honestly the only thing keeping him here, but he didn't treat his intelligence like a gift. He treated it like a curse.

"Eat all of it," was all she mumbled. "You need to take care of yourself."

Eren's stupefied look lurched him from his flustered revere.

Armin stiffly nodded, scarcely managing to smother the protests that lingered on the top of his chapped lips.

Annie Leonhardt couldn't be real.

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.

The halfway marks were out. He looked at the list amidst the crowd of other desperate, eager cadets, spotting the neatly written names. It wasn't for his sake. Armin had already accepted his fate, resigning to the role of the weakling. It's because of this that he felt no resentment when he spotted his other two friend's names near the top of the listing. Mikasa was even first, and although her face was completely bland, he caught glimpse of the faint flashes of pride. He was happy for her. Eren appeared like he couldn't have cared less, and Jean was grumbling about how the 'suicidal bastard' got the one up on him. Christa looked stupefied, as if she hadn't been expecting ninth, and Ymir threw an arm around the blonde, sporting a pleased grin.

Annie was number four. She looked at the board from the corner of her eye, hand placed gingerly on her chin. She took a sip of her water, hiding her expression behind the silver jug. Her pale blue- wait, green- eyes were shining from the bright lights above. Her blonde hair was down for once, hair tie already prepped on her wrist. A few strands hung over her expression, the length extending down to the nape of her neck. Her cheeks looked tender, and the hardening behind her eyes softened a little as Mina came up to congratulate her.

It's the first time that Armin equated beauty with the girl, and his cheeks burned from the delicate expression on her face.

She caught his glance after a few moments.

Good job, he mouthed, the tints of pink on his face fading.

She nodded. Just a mere tilt of her head signified that she had seen.

He nodded back, and couldn't help but think that she really, genuinely, was beautiful.

.

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.

She offered no explanation when she grasped the collar of his shirt and tugged him away. A startled cry fell through his lips, but she ignored it. Eren Jaeger- the fool who was rushing towards his own death- could only stare dumbfounded as Annie Leonhardt dragged Armin away from their sparring match. Armin let himself protest, but ended up stammering incoherent sentences when he spotted a flash of grey and blonde.

"Annie? Why did you-"

She cut him off, releasing the fabric to his shirt, and getting swiftly into a stance. Her fists were drawn up at her sides, body arched for a fight. "I need a sparring partner," was all she exclaimed. Her voice wasn't rash, but it was disinterested, and Armin couldn't help but let his eyebrows rise. Just as it was common knowledge Annie was one of the best in hand-to-hand combat, it was also common knowledge that Armin happened to be the worst. Even tiny, bashful Christa had emerged victorious in some of their battles. It was humiliating, but Armin had grown to accept his position as the doormat of the 104th training squad.

He braced himself weakly. Not that he didn't appreciate her, of all people wanting to spar with him, of all people, but he wasn't looking forward to getting his ass handed to him by a girl who was almost half his size. "Okay."

Annie scowled scornfully, looking at him with distaste. "Why are you standing that way? Fix your posture." She smirked suddenly, the condescending manner sending (somewhat pleasant) shivers down his spine. "You look scared, Armin."

He squeaked. Of course, he just had to squeak. "I- I mean, you're very intimidating," he rambled, fumbling over sentences that hadn't been completely formed in his mind. "You're eyes are very scary when you're mad. N-not that I think you're ugly or anything! You're actually very pretty, and your blonde hair has a tendency to-"

The breath escaped his chest, and his legs disappeared from beneath him. He landed to the earth harshly, gasping from the discomfort from landing so clumsily. She left no room for mercy every time she yanked him back to his feet and supplied another round of strategized kicks and punches. She left no room for words, but the silence was preferable to any insults she could've spouted. She left no room for protests, and Armin didn't necessarily want to leave. His body burned from every hit, and he could already spot bruises being formed.

"Fight back." She finally spoke after his eighth time of losing footing. "Give me all you got."

His fist shook. "I don't want to hurt you."

Obviously, this hadn't been the reply she had been expecting, and she laughed. It was a mocking chuckle, but it had been the first time Armin had ever heard the girl sound amused. "Armin, I think we've established that I'll be fine."

He laughed hesitantly, in fear her scorn would bite back out again. He rubbed his split lip with shaking fingers, tasting copper in his mouth. He glanced to the side. Mostly everyone had gotten over their initial shock, but Mikasa and Eren hadn't. Eren looked like he was visibly holding back Mikasa, her breathing quick, and her glower directed straight towards Annie. He gave them a thumbs up, to which Mikasa relaxed slightly, but he could feel her rage radiating all the way from over here.

"Sorry about that," he apologized, getting back into a stance.

She arched a singular eyebrow. "I would suffocate."

"Pardon?"

She swung a fist towards him, to which he barely deflected. His wrist throbbed from the blockage, and he cradled it momentarily. She threw another one towards him, a purposely sloppy one, and he caught it with ease. A few dodged kicks later, and he was lying face first down on the soil once more.

She took his hand and pulled him back up, ignoring or not noticing the thin trail of red dribbling down his chin. "Your friends over there," she stated. She spoke the words with intricate sarcasm and benignity. "They're too clingy of you."

"Of me?" He's surprised.

"Of course. You're the glue."

He didn't ask her what he meant. Or, he didn't have time to. He was already knocked down, winded from the pain and breathless from the way the sun ignited her cheeks.

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.

Eren was shooting glares at Annie, which she pointedly brushed off. It didn't matter that Annie was sitting halfway across the room with Reiner and Bert, the German brunette wouldn't relent. Armin lifted the spoon up to his battered lips, trembling. He had donned more bruises he had ever had today, and he somehow couldn't bring himself to regret it. It was definite that he would barely be able to even move tomorrow. He shuddered at the thought, his muscles feeling as if they were lodged together. He couldn't help but long for some pain killers, but Armin wouldn't dare ask for some. This was the life of a soldier, and any request would be considered a complaint. As if he needed more reason for Shadis to kick him out. His lips pulled down into a tight frown, and he instantly winced from the movement. He knew the only reason he was still here was because of his academic achievements, but the idea was most likely still tempting to his drill instructor.

"You want me to say something to her?" Eren questioned. Mikasa nodded mutely in agreement, not even bothering to hide her visible restraint.

He was startled by the sudden anger that sparked through him. He swallowed his soup, ignoring the stinging sensation that burned against his lips and the inside of his cheeks. "I'm not a child," he snapped, voice filled with resentment.

Eren's eyes widened, while Mikasa gazed at Armin in confusion.

"You train with Annie all the time, Eren. I don't see why I can't."

Eren's expression faltered, wavering between an honest answer and an excuse. "That's different-"

Armin narrowed his eyebrows, while Mikasa looked down towards her tray with mild interest. "How is it different? Is it because I'm not as strong as you two?"

"No!" Eren protested, cheeks coloring in shame. "Of course not! It's just obvious that Annie is doing this to spite us."

Armin scowled, feeling a bitter taste rise in his mouth. "She's my friend."

Mikasa blinked, while Eren clamped his mouth shut tightly, a frustrated look on his expression. Armin couldn't take the silence anymore, so he picked up his tray and stomped off, not noticing how Annie's stares burned into his back the entire way.

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A boot thudded beside his.

Armin glanced up from his book, soup already long forgotten. The weather wasn't so hot now that it was the brink of evening, and after his terse conversation with both his friends, the solitude was a relief. It was also a blistering hot in the dining area, all the warm bodies mingling together. He wondered why he didn't just eat outside every day. It was quiet and peaceful, and no pitiful gazes landed on him.

"I don't do friends," Annie simply said, her disdain lingering in her tone.

The realization hit him hard, and the tip of his nose burned. "Oh, I'm sorry. I- I didn't realize you had heard all that."

She stared at him distastefully, somehow bothered by his apologetic response. "I'm not your friend."

"Okay." He wasn't hurt by this. Annie Leonhardt wasn't one to admit what she already knew.

"I'm not," she hissed, like his bland 'okay' was somehow contradictory.

He smiled fondly into her glare, the warmth melting the glacier's hidden on the surface of those eyes. "Okay." Then he returned his gaze to his novel.

She scoffed. "Wipe that ridiculous smile off your face, Arlert."

He chuckled, and she stared at him with a scowl. "You really are a good person. You just don't want anyone to know it."

"Think whatever you want," she replied before walking away. Her footsteps halted. "Be ready for hand-to-hand tomorrow."

He cringed at the idea, but cast her a grin. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

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Winter was rolling back in again, which meant more time spent in classroom than outdoors. Armin grinned, unable to contain his comfort. While his physical training scores had improved beyond recognition, (even instructor Shadis was at a loss for how the weakest had the most improved so abruptly) he was happy to live without bruises, cuts, and the disgusting morsels Annie piled on his plate. It wasn't any secret that Annie Leonhardt was the reason that Armin Arlert was slowly but surely climbing his way up towards the top ten. At least, he thought people would know that Annie was the sole effect to as why he was improving with such ease. It seemed that everyone was oblivious to it, besides the people that looked closer. He knew people like Connie and Sasha had their suspicions, while Mikasa knew, but refused to actually take it into regard. Eren knew, and often commented on it, teasing Armin about his 'friendship' with shaved ice.

Armin stretched in the seats, pencil ready. Eren had forgotten his and was fumbling around, asking others for an extra, when Mikasa let out a reluctant sigh and set down a pen on his paper. He beamed at her – completely obtuse to the specks of red that spread across Mikasa's cheek- and instantly organized his papers.

Annie was sitting a few seats behind him, Mina to her right. It seemed that the bubbly girl was the only other person that she tolerated. Annie would re-do Mina's pigtails when they got too messy, and in return, Mina would perform little acts of kindness to the blonde. In actuality, Armin knew that Annie was the kind one. The charity Mina gave her was nothing more than an inconvenience for Annie, but she held her tongue from any cold hearted comments, and Armin knew that she was so, so kind. Annie was good at pretending to be completely apathetic, but she wasn't. Not really. You just had to look close enough to see her displays of compassion and generosity. The way that she helped Armin. The way that she looked out for Mina, even when everyone brushed it aside as being 'cold, coarse, and emotionless.' It was simply acts of 'tough love', and only the ones that searched for it thoroughly could know the truth.

He glanced at her, smiling.

She nodded in return, faint traces of a smile twitching at her lips.

Eren nudged him, and he compliantly glanced away, ignoring the teasing look on his best friend's face.

"What's going on between you two?" Armin had heard that question asked more than once.

He blushed, flustered by the implication. "Nothing."

"Uh-huh." And then the disapproval came, as it always did. Mikasa didn't even bother commenting on their odd relationship, too perplexed by the strange pairing the two blonde's made up. "Listen, Armin. I'm not trying to say anything against…her, but are you sure you really know her?"

Mikasa cast an intrigued glance towards their conversation.

Armin shrugged, the pink fading from his cheeks. "We're not together, if that's what you're implying."

Eren nodded, his unique green eyes pleading with unsaid words. He spoke like Armin was a bomb that would explode if the wrong wire was cut. "Okay. Even if it is just friendship, just be careful, okay?"

He hated the edge to his friend's tone. Armin knew they didn't mean to look down upon them, but they did, and he sometimes couldn't stand it. Armin let out an exasperated huff, diverting their attention momentarily. "I'm sixteenth, Eren."

His uncertainty morphed into a wide grin, and his hand came up to ruffle the mop of blonde hair. "You did awesome this year. Six more spots and you'll be in the top ten!"

Mikasa nodded in agreement, speaking quietly with firm intent. "It's true. Your improvement was incredible."

Armin nodded, a look of sincerity covering his humility. "Exactly. It was because of Annie."

Mikasa bitterly frowned, her dark hair covering her face in a heart shape. She was becoming stronger, lethal, and more beautiful as the years progressed. All the boy's eyes were on her this year, specifically Jean's. "You think all the credit of your accomplishments should go to her?" she asked in an icy tone.

"Well, no." Armin's expression fell. "But it's because of her help that I've accomplished so much. She trained with me almost every day and every night. She looks out for me, and I look out for her." His blue eyes stared them both into silence. "So trust me, okay? She's a good person."

Mikasa made no movements of agreement, but she stared at him with those dark eyes of hers. "I trust you, Armin. If you think she is trustworthy, then I'll trust her as well."

His stomach churned. Something heavy had just landed upon his chest, and he couldn't quite place it. The nape of his neck prickled, and he glanced back to steal a glance at Annie. She was hunched over, taking notes, her bangs falling over her eyes. Something struck him as off, but he dismissed it quickly. Mikasa and Eren's words were just making him paranoid. Even though he relaxed in his seat, that feeling of unfounded anxiety never truly left.

(Because his body knew about the betrayal before his mind did)

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It was two months later when Armin kissed Annie.

He couldn't take it any longer. She was a temptress, unintentionally tugging him in with her rare smiles and her snarky remarks. She was pale, eyes blue, grey, and even sometimes green, and they ranged based on her emotion. When she was sad or stressed, they would flicker grey. When she was calm and soft, they would be blue. And while it was a rarity to see her happy or genuinely amused, they would flash a gentle green.

They had been walking towards the field for 3DMG training when he commented something loftily, and she giggled for the first time. He didn't even remember what he had said to make those happy peals escape her lips. He had just stood there, mesmerized by her smile, the curves of her cheekbones, the way her eyes flashed green and sparkled in the darkening sky.

He hadn't asked for permission. He doubted she had even seen it coming.

But it had happened.

He gingerly placed a hand on her cheek, and then leaned in quickly. He was clumsy, eyes shut tightly, lips pressed against her cold ones. He decided in that moment he had never tasted something so sweet. He pulled away, and when she slowly opened her eyes, they were filled with shock. And fear. He had never seen her look scared, and he recoiled quickly, similar bafflement appearing in his eyes. He stammered excuses, and she merely nodded, not quite making eye contact with him.

She avoided him for the rest of the week.

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Sorry.

He wrote it shakily down on a piece of parchment, sneaking into the girl's cabin and placing it on the top of Annie's pillow.

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A day later, there was a note on his own pillow.

It only fueled to the suspicions flittering around inside him.

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.

It was the brink of night. While not usually such a rebellious soul, (Armin normally opted to follow the curfews as restricted) he found himself nervously sneaking out. He had managed to sneak in underneath his blankets fully dressed in his uniform, and waited impatiently for the now comforting sounds of the unconscious breaths from his fellow bunkmates. Eren tossed and turned from above him, a loud but deep sleeper, and it didn't take too long for the others to follow in synch. If it wasn't for his pounding heart and clenched fists, surely then he would've felt his eyelids drooping. The days were long, blistering, and physically demanding. When given the option to rest, it was as if a bag of bricks that had settled upon your chest had lifted. He wiped the sweat off his face before letting his feet touch the floor, clumsily stepping around dressers and flung uniforms and boots on the ground.

He wasn't exactly sure as to why he was so frightened about the concept of meeting Annie Leonhardt in the dead of night. If anything, the idea should've been enticing. She was a beautiful creature, especially in the midst of dawn. Her hair would lay down flat and the absence of the sun would cast shadows along her face. Her eyes would appear almost silver, and they would flash with unfamiliar nativity.

He blamed the bundle of nerves on his anxiety for being alone for her, but that wasn't it.

He was afraid to go meet her.

He was afraid that she would hurt him.

Which made his heart twist painfully. She was his friend. She was the girl he was (dare he say) in love with. She would never hurt him, the same way he would never hurt her.

Right?

Right?

The vivid silence of the training grounds was the only answer.

No matter how he longed to slip back into bed and into the safety of his covers, he continued forward. It was a five minute walk, and he spent that time prodding with his sweaty hands and blinking back unwanted revelations.

She was standing there, leaning up against a tree, arms crossed and shoulders tense. She appeared angry more than nervous, her normal scorn amplified with a deep scowl.

"Hi," he choked out.

She turned, startled, her eyes glinting with unfounded annoyance. He half expected her to storm off, but she simply blinked. "You came."

"Of course. Why did you think I wouldn't?"

He got no answer to his question. The only response he got was a kick to the shin. He yelped, his cries echoing around the dimly lit forest. He could hear the songs played by the crickets in the vicinity, along with the blood pounding harshly in his ears. She had him pinned him down in an instant, and her abrupt violence brought him to the realization that she had been going easy on him in sparring all along. She veered over him, hair tangled and the tendrils blowing lightly in the breeze.

"You kissed me."

He gasped in discomfort as her elbow dug in the space between his neck and shoulder blade. His blue eyes blinked innocently up at her, and he gulped before releasing a shaky laugh. "I did, didn't I?"

She glared down at him from her position. "Why?" she grit.

"Why what?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

It was a strange oddity, seeing Annie Leonhardt falling apart at the seams by something so miniscule, and yet unsettling nonetheless. Her eyes were narrowed into slits, but he could still manage to make out the uncertainty in them. He caught the small movement of her teeth grazing the tip of her lip in anxiety, and the small tremor to her brandish hold.

"Well…" he whispered hesitantly, trying to ignore her piercing gaze. "For starters, I like you."

Her expression didn't waver.

"I think you're a strong person. One of the strongest I've ever met. You can be funny when you want to be. You're clever, and don't make up excuses as to why things are the way they are. You're so, so kind, even if you don't want anyone to know it." Armin's eyes softened. "You're a good person to me."

He wasn't exactly sure what he expected. A roll of her unmerciful eyes? A scoff? A rejection?

Her eyes filled with anger, brimming with forcibly held back tears. "I'm not a good person," she spat. She spoke this as if she had rehearsed it time and time again; like she was taught to believe in it. Her grip loosened on him, and she sat up, smothering her face in her hands. He stared at her, wide eyed, as her body shook with tremors. The night had fallen completely silent. All that was left to hear was her muffled and desperately choked down sobs. He reached out to touch her with a trembling hand, but she slapped it away with the deafening sound of flesh curdling. He retraced slowly, pitifully, and could only watch as she gathered herself together. When she pulled her hands away, there was no evidence she had ever cracked. All that lingered was a few tear tracks. She swiped them away in frustration, refusing to even so much as glance at him.

"Are we done here?" she demanded. When he didn't respond, she stood, turning to leave.

He grabbed her wrist roughly, with more authority that she had ever known him of being capable of. "Annie, don't go."

She blinked, staring towards the fog covered moon. Her bottom lip shook, and her blue eyes appeared hazy. "Armin…I'm glad that I could be a good person for you." She paused, this time staring directly at him. His grip on her tightened, blonde bangs obscuring his vision. "This has to end. This is goodbye."

Het let her walk away.

But he shouldn't have.

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.

.

"Armin, I'm glad I could be a good person for you."

She stood at the top of the stairway, blonde hair billowing in the breeze.

In the moments before everything was swept into insanity, he could see only one light. The brightest light. And she was so, so beautiful.

The flare gun shook in his hand.

A/N: Reviews make me happy!