"This is ridiculous." Cameron puffed from somewhere behind her. Kirsten rolled her eyes.
"It's good for you."
"Broccoli is good for you. Drinking eight glasses of water a day is good for you. This is torture. I think I'm having a stroke." His whining hadn't stopped for nearly forty-five minutes now. At first Kirsten had thought it was irritating, but now she just found it amusing.
"A lot of people hike, Cameron. We live in California, it won't kill you to try it once."
"Actually, I think it might. I think it is."
She stopped, turning to face him with a skeptical expression. They'd been hiking for six hours so far, and he was barely breaking a sweat. He liked to call himself a nerd, and sure, he was. But she'd seen what he looked like under all that plaid and that was not the build of someone who didn't take care of himself. He would deny it, probably, but she also happened to know that he went running almost as often as she did. She wasn't sure what the point of all this complaining was, because it certainly had nothing to do with him being out of shape.
"You look fine to me." She told him. He groaned.
"Why don't we take a break. We've got to be due for a break."
She checked her watch. They were way behind, and they were never going to make it back by dark. She had packed a tiny two man tent and enough supplies to last them until morning just in case. Cameron was definitely going to protest when he found out their hiking expedition had turned into a camping trip, but they were also almost there.
"Do you think you can stick it out for another twenty minutes?" She asked. He gave her a pained expression. "Come on, Doctor Goodkin." She began walking backwards, taunting him. His lips twitched.
"Fine." He started walking again, falling into step beside her. "I can't believe you talked me into this." He muttered.
"It was a fair trade." She reminded him. "I'm going to that gastronomy lecture with you next week." He made an indignant noise.
"That lecture is two hours, Tarzan, and doesn't involve walking up the side of a mountain. I wouldn't exactly call that fair."
"It's going to be boring." She said. "This isn't boring."
He let out a sigh that indicated he disagreed.
"It's not that bad." She said, softly. Disappointment blossomed in her chest. Her emotions had been sporadic and hard to predict ever since she stitched into Cameron. Apparently they were choosing now to make an appearance. Hiking was something she'd discovered when she was on her own, a place where time didn't matter and she didn't feel like there was something wrong with her. She could just be. She'd thought it would be something she could share with Cameron, but the idea that all his complaining wasn't just for show made her chest hurt. Vaguely, she recognized that as sadness.
"If we survive." He mumbled beside her. She didn't have a quick response, her happy energy gone.
"We're almost there." She reminded him quietly. He continued to complain for the next ten minutes, and then they rounded the last bend of the trail, trees opening to a small rock floor looking out on the valley. The sun was just beginning to set, washing an orange glow over the trees beneath them. The river ran straight into the skyline, offset by the mountains on either side. It looked like a painting. Kirsten just looked, like she always did. She liked to imagine time stopped in a place like this, where you could see everything and it all looked brand new. Suddenly, she realized Cameron had been quiet for what was probably a couple of minutes. He was standing beside her, one hand at his side and the other on his chest. His mouth was open, just slightly, eyes glued to the horizon.
"Cameron?"
He blinked and looked over at her, a little dazed.
"What do you think?" She asked, face neutral.
"It's…wow." His face broke into a wide grin. "That's incredible." He glanced back out at it. Kirsten pulled out a blanket and spread it across the rocks so they could sit.
"So," She said. "Was it worth it?" He looked at her out of the corner of his eye.
"Why did you want me to come with you?" He asked. "Why did we do this?"
She stared at him, the way only she could, eyes steady and endless and looking.
"Because you can." She said slowly. "I wanted you to know that. You're always talking about your childhood and how you were never allowed to do anything. How you're fragile. But you….you're not fragile. You've survived a lot. And I know you were kind of smothered as a kid, and we've all been doing that to you since your heart stopped because we're worried." She took a deep breath. That had been the worst day of her life. She didn't remember her mother dying, hadn't felt much of anything when her father left. But the day Cameron died had been the day she learned how many different ways a person can physically feel grief, and loss and fear.
"I just wanted to show you that I know you're not breakable. And I wanted you to know that too." She turned back to the sunset, drinking it all in. Cameron was silent again, and judging from the shadows that grew taller it was a long time before he spoke.
"I didn't know." He finally said. She glanced quizzically at him. "I didn't think it was important." He admitted.
"I'm not good at sharing." Kirsten said. "I don't really talk about my feelings. This…this is how I share, Cameron. It's the only way I know how." She couldn't look at him. This was supposed to be a good day, something to take both their minds off everything they'd been through. When Maggie told her to take a day off, to do something fun, it was the only thing that came to mind. Kirsten didn't go to movies, or the beach, or the mall. And the one fun thing she could do for Cameron, she ruined it by making it a guilt trip. She sighed, running her hand across her face in frustration.
"I'm sorry." She said. "Maybe this was a bad idea." She tucked her legs in, resting her arms across her knees and dropping her chin on top.
"Stretch." She didn't look at him. "Kirsten." She made a noise of acknowledgement. "This was the best day I've had in months." She turned to fix him with a dubious look. "I'm serious. I know I complained, but the truth is that any day I get to spend with you is a good one. It doesn't matter what we're doing. And all that stuff I said, you know me, I didn't mean it. This-" He gestured at the view. "It was more than worth it. And just to be here, with you, it's perfect." He smiled at her. The tense feeling in her chest loosened a little. Her hand had drifted to the ground while he spoke, picking at a fluff on the blanket. He reached over, lacing his fingers between her. She looked at their hands for a moment, then bit her lip.
"I have to tell you something." She said. He waited. "We're going to have to camp here tonight." His eyes widened.
"What?"
"The sun's setting, and unless you want to repeat the last six hours in the dark…" She trailed off at the expression on his face. "It's not the end of the world." He didn't look like he believed her.
"Wha-we don't have a tent, or food, or… are you kidding? I can't tell if you're kidding. Please be kidding." His eyes pleaded along with his voice. She smothered a smile.
"We have a tent, and food." She reached into her pack and began pulling things out, starting with a battery powered lantern. He watched her, incredulous.
"You had all of that stuff with you, just in case?" He sounded suspicious.
"I like to be prepared." She shrugged. She stood up, shaking out the canvas tent. "Here, help me with this." He got to his feet, shaking his head.
"Kirsten Clark, you are one of a kind." She was pretty sure that was a compliment.
They managed to get their camp set up with minimal damage, finding a spot sheltered enough by trees that they could start a fire without the wind interfering. Cameron burnt himself once, and got a tent stake stuck in his shoelaces, but soon they had a standing tent and a cozy little fire.
They sat together on the blanket, sipping at mugs of hot chocolate. His head began to droop onto her shoulder, and Kirsten plucked the mug out of his hand, setting it down.
"This isn't so bad." He mumbled sleepily into her hair.
"I think it's bedtime." She told him. He yawned. "Definitely bedtime. Come on." She threw a couple handfuls of dirt onto the fire, smothering it, then pushed Cameron into the tent. It was cramped, and they both had to bend their knees to fit. Kirsten squirmed, her back pressed against Cameron's, then finally let out a sigh.
"This isn't working." She muttered. Rolling over, she threw an arm over Cameron, pressing her face into the soft flannel of his shirt. They had a little more room like this, and she felt less likely to wake up with a debilitating leg cramp. She had assumed he was asleep, until he spoke, voice slurred and drowsy.
"Why am I the little spoon?"
A laugh bubbled up in her throat, and soon she was shaking with it. It wasn't funny, not really, but this whole day had been bizarre and a little surreal, and for him to end it complaining about something so stupid was just so Cameron.
"Go to sleep, big guy." She said, when the chuckling finally died down. He let out a sleepy 'gnight' and fell silent. A question she'd asked months ago flashed into her mind.
Is it worth it?
It was.