A/N: I have been challenged by RedLion14 to write entire episodes of SU with the Crystal Gems swapped with the Homeworld Gems. The first one? Gem Glow! Depending on RedLion's next suggestions, there will be more episodes to come. Which ones, well, I can't say.

Disclaimer: My role model Rebecca Sugar, not me, owns Steven Universe. This episode was brought to you by the transcript of Gem Glow on the Steven Universe wiki, allowing me to write without watching the episode forty-six times.

~*Q*~

A scream shook the interior of the Big Donut.

"How could they do this!" Steven Universe yelled, hitting the side of an empty freezer with a clenched fist. "It has to be a dream! It has to be!"

"Calm down, man," Lars, one of the shop's two cashiers, said, pulling the furious boy away. "They're just Cookie Cats. Don't get so worked up about it."

"Just Cookie Cats?" Steven repeated in disbelief. "They're only the most unearthly-ly delicious ice cream sandwich ever made! Don't you humans have laws for this?"

"You could try Lion Lickers," Lars' partner-in-crime, Sadie, ventured. "They're basically the same, but -"

Steven groaned. "Lion Lickers! Nobody likes them. The gems always told me there was something weird going on with your kind, replacing an innocent brand of cat. Humans, I'll tell you what!" He gave the freezer an angry kick.

"Stop, you'll break it!" Sadie blurted. Last time he'd gotten mad at something, he accidently put a hole in the donut display case.

"Why're you so strong?" Lars grumbled. "Your magic belly button?"

"That's not how it works, Lars," Steven insisted, pulling up his yellow shirt (centered with a black triangle). "But I'd know if I could get it to work! Argh!"

"Tell you want - you can take the freezer home," offered Sadie. "Then you can kick it all you want. You know, take some of that excess anger out."

"Fine," Steven decided, picking up the freezer with ease.

~*Q*~

Steven went straight home. Limit your socialization with the flesh people, Peridot always warned.

Their home was a small beach house, overlooking the ocean, that nestled into a cliff. The cliff itself was shaped like a giant woman with multiple sets of arms. Her hands beckoned to Steven as he jogged up the sandy trail to the door. There was a stream of water trickling through the crack under the door, but that wasn't a big surprise. Lapis thought many problems could be solved by flooding the house.

"Guys -" As soon as he stepped inside, a green buglike monster lunged at him. He pushed at it with both hands. "Gah!"

A wave swept over the bug, washing it away. "Steven, be careful!" Lapis chided, forcing the monster's head underneath the water that swirled around her ankles.

"What are these things?" Steven asked, fascinated.

"Corrupted gems," Peridot said in disgust, trapping one in her fingers. "I call them centipeedles. They must up have been trying to get into our stuff in the temple."

"I'll fight them!" Steven declared. A centipeedle spit acid at him, and he squeaked and danced out of the way.

Lapis turned on the kitchen sink to give herself more ammo. "Jasper, these bugs don't have gems."

"So there's gotta be a mother to smash somewhere nearby," Jasper grunted. She slammed her fist down and poofed a monster into dust.

"We should track it down before it causes any damage to this sorry ecosystem," said Peridot.

"Can I come?" Steven asked hopefully.

"Steven, until you learn to control your powers, we're the ones that'll do all the monster-fighting." Peridot sliced off a centipeedle's head. "Capiche?"

"Aww." A punch from Jasper sent a monster flying into the fridge, and Steven ran towards it, shouting, "I got this one!" The injured bug evaporated, leaving the freezer door swinging on its hinge.

As he went to close the door, he noticed something. "No way...Cookie Cats! How did you get these?"

"Well," Peridot said, "we usually use them for incentive during your training exercises, and when we heard they were facing termination -"

"We stole some because we love you!" Lapis said.

"Clearly for training purposes only," Peridot corrected. "But yes. We stole them."

Jasper mopped up the last of the Centipeedles. "All my idea, of course!"

"It was everyone's," Lapis said.

"Nope. Am I your favorite or what, kid?"

"All that matters is that Steven's organic needs are sufficiently provided for," Peridot sniffed. Lapis and Steven shared a she'll-admit-it-someday! wink.

Suddenly, Steven felt giddy, like his admittedly self-repressed inner child was waking up. "Ohhhh…"

"Please welcome the all-new Cookie Cat!

"Eighty-four grams of sugar and fat!

"An exile from an interstellar war, but now he's at your local grocery store!

"Cookie Cat! He's a super unhealthy treat!

"Cookie Cat! Still pretty fun to eat!

"Cookie Cat! He has no family anymore!

"Cookie Caaaaat!" Steven finished his rap with, "Now available at Gurvhen's off route 109," mimicking the human commercials he'd seen.

The Gems clapped politely.

"Well done," Jasper said. "I see you're learning to blend in with the flesh people."

"I think it was wonderful!" Lapis beamed as she drained water off the floorboards (a more common task than you'd think).

"They really are tasty," Steven said fondly. "They make me feel...kinda comfortable, you know? I'll save them forever! After I eat this one." He opened a cookie and took a big bite. Peridot turned away with a grimace. "Mmm!"

Suddenly, a yellow glow lit the kitchen. Everyone gasped, including Steven, who nearly choked.

"Steven," cried Lapis, "it's your Gem!"

"Summon your weapon!" Jasper barked.

"I don't know how!" Steven panicked. "What do I do?"

"Relax…" Peridot ordered. "Quit forcing it!"

The glow faded away, and the Gems sighed collectively.

"I was close that time…" Steven whimpered. "Can't one of you just explain how to summon a weapon?"

The Gems looked at each other. None of them retained that skill set.

"Look, Steven…" Peridot said. "Take a walk with me."

~*Q*~

Peridot led Steven to her favorite spot, an out-of-the-way hillside with a strange machine adorning it. It was a shed/giant hollow computer cobbled out of all the mechanical parts Peridot had scavenged.

"Steven, look at this stuff," Peridot said. "Beautiful, ain't it?"

"I guess?" Steven said.

"And look at me," Peridot continued. "I'm equipped with all the top-of-the-line technology they had during the war. Sleek design! Well-protected gem! Floating fingers! You can do anything with what I'm packing. And this machine here seems like junk, but it's got biiiig hopes and dreams." She patted her computer fondly. "My point is, kid, machines are versatile. What can you do with a mace or a sword, hit something a buncha times? No thanks! You don't need a weapon. Just use what you've already got, including your brains!"

Steven nodded slowly.

~*Q*~

Lapis and Steven met at the beach. "Did Peridot tell you the thing about machines?"

"It's useful, Steven said, picking up a piece of driftwood. "Instant weapon! Kapow!"

"Nah," Lapis said, shaking her head. "When you need your weapon, you just do it. It's natural, like the rhythm of the waves. Feel it in your very being, and…" Lapis' wings stretched out of her back, glistening in the sun. "I don't know what I'd do without these."
~*Q*~

Steven was watching Jasper train, which meant beating up various objects around town. Today, it was the dumpsters by the Big Donut. "So I'm supposed to use my weapon but not rely on it."

"Hrg," Jasper grunted. "Or...you could empower yourself with the strongest energies in the universe. The need to fight and destroy and win!" Channel the collective power through your Gem and -" Her helmet appeared, and she headbutted the dumpster in half. "OBLITERATE!"

Lars ran outside and dropped his trash bags. "Again?!"

~*Q*~

The Gems were back in the kitchen. "I'm gonna try recreating the last time my Gem glowed," Steven said. "So...Lapis, you were turning the sink off, like this."

"I don't see why not," Lapis said.

"And, Peridot, your face was all grossed out, like this…"

"Steven, it doesn't work this way," Peridot complained, her voice muffled, as Steven stretched her cheeks around.

"And, Jasper, you were leaning against the counter. No - sassier. There!" Steven admired his handiwork. "Okay, what did I do? Right, took a bite of a Cookie Cat. And I sang a song first. Ugh, I don't want to sing again!" The boy slumped. "This isn't going to work."

"Well, of course it's not," Peridot reasoned.

"But you're Steven! You're a Gem! You'll figure something out!" said Lapis. Steven brightened a bit.

"Yeah...and even if I don't have powers, I've still got Cookie Cat!" He took another bite of the treat, and as he chewed, something appeared in a flash of yellow light.

Peridot's mouth opened in shock. "Steven...it's a sword!"

Sure enough, a sword was hovering right in front of him. It was long - the same height as Steven himself - and bright yellow, with a thin rhombus-shaped blade. The hilt had triangles at the top and base, plus an argyle pattern etched into it. Steven cried out, causing the sword to rocket forward and bury itself in the wall.

"Cookie Cats…" Steven said in wonder. "That's it! I summon my weapon by eating ice cream!"

Peridot picked up the discarded weapon with an expression of distaste. "What's in these things?"

Suddenly, the house rumbled. The Gems turned as the shadow of an enormous centipeedle crawled up the window.

"The Mother," Jasper snarled, leaping towards it.

"Steven, stay right there!" Lapis ordered. She flew outside with Peridot right behind her.

"No way, I'm coming too!" He grabbed the freezer, stuffed several Cookie Cats inside, and ran out the door.

Meanwhile, the Gems had taken refuge behind one of their Temple's hands. The Motherpeedle spat a continuous stream of acid, slowly eroding the rock away. "A weapon we could throw at it would be really nice about now," Peridot noted.

"Hey!" A pebble hit the giant centipeedle in the neck. "Leave them alone!"

"Steven, no!" Lapis and Peridot cried. Jasper dodged out from the shelter of the rock, attempting to close in on the monster, but its tail lashed out as the Motherpeedle's attention was drawn to Steven, and Jasper was knocked to the ground.

"Gem powers, activate!" Steven stuffed a Cookie Cat in his mouth and raised his shirt. Any minute now, he should be seeing that yellow glow…

But nothing happened. Steven began to retreat. "Uh…"

"We need to save Steven!" Lapis said in a panic.

"Can we save ourselves first?" Peridot retorted.

"I just...I just need more -" Steven crammed Cat after Cat into his mouth, but nothing work.

"Steven!" The Motherpeedle's pincers attempted to snap Jasper in half, and she was forced to hold on to them before they tore her apart. Then it happened - a splash of acid melted the freezer into goo.

"No…" Steven realized what danger he was in. He was weaponless, helpless, in front of a Gem monster ready to melt him, just like his freezer - the one thing able to make him feel like a happy kid again. And now the freezer was gone.

He'd show the centipeedle that he was no kid.

"This is for COOKIE CAAAAAAT!" With a yell, Steven picked up the appliance, swung it around, and chucked it at the monster. He'd meant to hit it in the head and maybe knock it out, but it had an entirely different effect. The sparking freezer electrocuted the monster, which curled up with a scream.

"He did it!" Lapis cried.

"Now, Gems!" Jasper ran towards the Motherpeedle at full speed. "DESTROY!"

They all attacked the monster as one - even Lapis, whose weapon was more defensively based, went at it barehanded. In seconds, the giant bug exploded into dust. Peridot bubbled it carefully as Lapis and Jasper crowded around Steven.

The boy sat by a mound of dirt, where he had buried the last Cookie Cat wrapper. "That's it," he whispered. "I couldn't do it...I couldn't summon my weapon."

"At least you know your powers don't come from ice cream," Lapis remarked.

"Of course not," Jasper agreed. "That'd be stupid. You'll learn to activate your Gem for real no problem."

"And none of us will see it coming!" Peridot added.

Steven smiled wanly. "Thanks, guys. I just - I think I ate too many Cookie Cats."

The Gems laughed, and Steven threw up.

"That's disgusting!" Peridot said.

~*Q*~

So how was that, RedLion? If you don't have any more challenges, I might (and hopefully will) continue this series by myself. It might go through the entire first season, but episodes WILL be skipped.

If you'd like, give me episode suggestions; know that I probably won't have control over it, and don't bother suggesting "Jailbreak" or anything from Season 2 - at least not yet. With the Momswap comes not only different gems, but different character interactions, backstories, and plotlines. You might have noticed that Steven is no longer a naive ball of adorableness and sugar around other human beings. That comes with the territory when Yellow Diamond's in your blood. Additionally, being raised by the Homeworld Gems (Jasper especially) gives you a lot less time for fun and games. Steven had to grow up quickly. Despite this, this weird little family still very much loves each other. It's hard to imagine Jasper being fond of anything, making her a challenge to write.

Finally, as soon as YD is properly introduced, the stuff surrounding her - especially having a sword as a weapon - will become VERY VERY NONCANON. Keep that in mind.

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to leave a review - as you might have noticed, I'm not exactly a professional writer. Also check out my other SU stories, if you're interested.

~*Akirys*~