We begin our story in the suburbs of Springfield... Ohio? Kentucky? Oregon? Oh, what the hell... The Springfield where the Simpsons live. Lisa is upstairs working on homework. All of a sudden she hears a startling noise.

honkWEEWEEWEEhonkWEEWEEWEEhonksnortWEOOWEOO

honkWEEWEEWEEhonkWEEWEEWEEhonksnortWEOOWEOO

She runs down the stairs in a panic, but, as she reaches the living room, she realizes that it's Homer, who is fast asleep on the couch.

"Oh, thank God, it's only dad snoring. I'll just leave him alone."

Lisa decides that, before she goes back upstairs, she'll cut the TV off. She walks back to the couch to grab the remote when, all of a sudden, a Channel 6 news bulletin pops up.

"Good afternoon, I'm Kent Brockman," said the portly man in the red suit, "with a special news update."

A flashy news intro blares on to the screen. After the intro, Brockman speaks again.

"Duff Beers' 18-time Darwin Award winning mascot, Duffman, went on a YouTwitFaclr rant about fetal alcohol syndrome saying..."

The screen changes to a still image of the post.

"'Scienc isn't r freind. There just interestedf n puttin down da Duff™ brand and Duffman. Thtaz y Dufffman sys that frtal; a;cohol syforme is a myth. So, [EXPLETIVE] you, SCiENES!'"

The screen shifts back to Brockman.

"Powerful stuff. Now, let's turn to our resident scientist, Professor Frink, to hear a scientist's perspective on this issue."

Brockman turns his chair towards a short man wearing glasses, a labcoat, a pink shirt and a purple tie with yellow polka dots.

"Good afternoon, Kent..."

"Now, Professor, what can you tell me about fetal alcohol syndrome?"

"Not much, Kent. I'm of the variety of scientist with the buzzing and the dinging and the ROBOTICS... But-"

"You heard it here first, folks. Science is not sure about fetal alcohol syndrome."

"But that's not what I said, Kent."

Brockman leans over and whispers in Frink's ear.

"Shut the hell up."

He sits back up and, once again, speaks to the audience.

"Good afternoon and see you again in about an hour. And now, Ken Burns' documentary about the troubled production of 1971's Itchy and Scratchy in: You Only Slit Throats Twice starring Roger Moore as Itchy and Peter Sellers as Scratchy... Stay tuned."

Lisa turns the TV off, horrified.

"No one's going to take this seriously... right?"

Lisa knows that that isn't true. This is Springfield. And, in Springfield, everyone believes everything.

"Oh, no... I've got to do something."