Disclaimer: Remus Lupin and Sirius Black belong to J.K. Rowling. A pity, but true. **Sigh**

It would have been a dark and stormy night if it hadn't been such a sunny afternoon. As Sirius Black ambled through the woods, he was trying to whistle. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be working.

This was because Sirius was a dog, and dogs are notoriously bad at whistling. Still, with a lot of imagination he managed to convince himself that he was whistling an old drinking song and continued on, oblivious to the torture he was inflicting on the innocent, defenseless forest creatures.

In his ramshackle ruin of a house at the edge of the woods, Remus Lupin heard a strange howling noise and rushed out with a bucket of water ready to douse the neighborhood cats. The cacophony seemed to come from somewhere in the trees directly in front of his house, so he took careful aim and threw the water.

Apparently he hit the target, for next moment a sopping black mass came hurtling out of the forest and threw itself on Remus. Startled, he went down with a thud. The enormous dog got up, shook itself, and started bouncing around Remus, tongue lolling with excitement.

Remus got up and brushed himself off, grimacing at the muddy paw prints now adorning his favorite Muggle sweater. "Sirius, you idiot," he muttered, shaking his head at the oversized dog now bounding in circles for no apparent reason. Sirius tilted his head up at him and whined.

"Well, I guess I'll have to let you in," Remus groused as he stomped back over to his house and flung the door open. Sirius trotted in before Remus could stop him. Remus gritted his teeth and hid his clenched fists in his pockets as he surveyed the trail of mud that led from the front door all the way to the…kitchen! He quickly shut the door and hurried down the hall, afraid of what he might find.

It was as he had feared. Standing in the kitchen doorway, he could see Sirius busily opening cabinets and removing various items. Yes, it was terrible but true.

Sirius was cooking again.

A/N: Sorry that was kind of short, but I thought that was a perfect place to end the chapter. As you can see, Sirius is not simply your typical messy, gluttonous slob. He's a messy, gluttonous slob who cooks his own food. I also realize that so far, there has been no rum involved. But don't worry, that'll come in the next chapter. Heh heh heh. **Rubs hands together evilly**