Hello! This is a little snip of the Twelfth Doctor's regeneration to the Thirteenth, which will be a she. It also has a little Missy/Doctor that's one sided (bet you can't guess which side) and an explanation as to why the Twelfth is regenerating.

This story is clearly for fun and amusement and is being made before the Ninth season so will more than likely not follow canon once the series begins. However, I have attempted to make this work so that even with the ninth season being unknown that it isn't too AU.

Lastly, feminist and Americans jokes made all in good fun. If you find any offense in these jokes, please feel free to tell me. It won't change anything but you can tell me.

ANd now, the actual last thing. I do not own Doctor Who or its characters. I simply appreciate it's beauty and enjoy writing about it. I make no profit from my story in money, only in smiles and laughter so if that's a crime, then sue me.

The Doctor edged his way backwards around the controls of the TARDIS, making ample sure not to remove his eyes from Missy. He knew better than to look away from his female counterpart, or at least he should seeing as he'd known her for so long, over twelve centuries to be more specific.

Missy smiled a Cheshire smile at him while showing off his Sonic Screwdriver dangling in between her fingers. He had dropped only moments ago when the blasted woman had snuck up on him and smacked his rump.

"Missy," the Doctor said as patiently as he could. "Hand me my screwdriver."

Missy, all smiles, extended her hand holding the Sonic Screwdriver out towards the Doctor but when the Doctor reached for it, Missy snapped her hand back and jumped forward instead. The Doctor recoiled, falling onto his rear, which sent Missy into a fit of laughter.

"Jumpy, aren't you Doctor?" she cackled. The Doctor sent her an unamused looked that Missy returned with a mock pout. "Aw, Doctor, you never play with me anymore."

"You're games are far too... physical for my taste," said the Doctor as he stood up, dusting himself off.

Missy cackled again.

"Oh, if only one of your little companions had heard you say that," she snickered, wiping a fake tear from her eye. "The look on their precious little faces!"

The Doctor, ignoring the comment he didn't understand, sent Missy a dark look.

"Let's just get to Gallifrey, shall we?" he said before snatching his Sonic Screwdriver out of Missy's hand. "Thank you."

Missy smiled her usual unnerving smile his direction so the Doctor quickly busied himself with setting the course for the TARDIS. Unfortunately, that meant he removed his eyes from Missy, which was something he really should have known better then to do by now.

Missy placed laid her arm over the Doctor's right shoulder. She propped her head on her arm and sighed dramatically for effect.

"Can you believe it, Doctor?" she said, her face entirely too close to the Doctor's than to the Doctor's liking. "You and I are finally going home."

"Not soon enough," muttered the Doctor, removing Missy's limbs from him. "Now would you mind backing away from me?"

Missy did her fake pout again but the Doctor was unaffected by it, which in turn made Missy frown.

"Say something nice," she whispered, leaning carefully on the controls.

"No," said the Doctor, only watching Missy with one eye as he finished with the controls.

"Why not?" Missy demanded, pouting again.

"Because you kill people every time you do and I'd rather appreciate not dying in my TARDIS today, alright?"

He punched in the last location then. The TARDIS gave its signature shutter.

"Doctor..."

The phone was ringing and the Doctor was on the ground now. Missy was gone. Why was Missy gone? The Doctor couldn't remember. But something had happened, something important had happened.

The phone was still ringing.

The Doctor moved to stand by grabbing the control table to pull himself but the extra length of his jacket covered his hand so he lost his grip. Wait, extra length of his jacket? His clothes fit him perfectly!

Angrily, the Doctor did his best at throwing off his jacket while still lying dazed on the floor. When he finally succeeded, he found that his clothes were all in fact too big on him but he'd deal with that later.

First, the Doctor needed to stand up.

But when the Doctor returned to his action of pulling himself to his feet, he noticed a second abnormality. His hand was younger and much softer, not to mention smaller.

Realization hit him like a Raxacoricofallapatorian in a boxing match.

"Awe shit," he said in a voice he was most definitely not familiar with.

And the blasted phone was still ringing!

"Doctor..."

The Doctor shot up straight. Missy was hugging him.

"Yes?" he asked uncomfortably.

"We're home," said Missy quietly before squeezing me one last time and letting go.

"We are," said the Doctor a little softer than he had meant.

Finally, the Doctor got onto his new feet only after kicking off his giant shoes. He stumbled forward but was able to reach the ringing phone before colliding into the control panel.

"Ow," he said in his new, higher pitched voice. He touched his head gingerly and found that he had a lot more hair. Quickly, he looked at it but was disappointed to find that, once again, he was still not ginger.

The blasted phone rang again, returning the Doctor to what he was supposed to be doing. He put it against his ear just as the TARDIS let out a shutter. The control panel sparked and smoke filled his nostrils.

"Hello?" he said, coughing into the receiver.

There was a pause, and then...

"Doctor?"

Missy led the March out of the TARDIS, cackling a bit as she did. The Doctor followed her, only finding slight amusement at the sight of his once best friend skipping through the fields of red grass. They were home, finally home.

He had only just locked the TARDIS doors when a metal point of a gun was dug into his back.

"Freeze, traitor."

The Doctor cocked an eyebrow. Well, at least that hadn't changed.

"Doctor, is that you?" asked the female voice on the other end.

The Doctor coughed again while trying to fan away the smoke of the controls.

"Yes, yes, it's me," he said with watery eyes from the smoke. "And who's this?"

"Kate..."

"Kate," repeated the Doctor, letting the name twirl around in his head. "Kate... Kate, Kate..." It clicked. "Oh! Kate! Hello! Sorry, memories a bit lost at the moment. I could barely tell the differences between an Abzorbaloff and a -"

"You sound different, Doctor," said Kate Stewart, head of the UNIT Science Department.

"Good different or bad different?" the Doctor asked before hastily adding, "wait, I'm sorry, I've already used that one. What kind of different, Kate?"

"It's not important," said Kate dismissively. "UNIT needs your help."

"Oh?" said the Doctor, standing up straighter, which led him to realizing he was a lot shorter now. "Are you in trouble? I like trouble - wait a minute, I do? That's weird. I don't usually like trouble. Try to avoid it if I can, you see."

"Yes well," said Kate, sounding rather confused. "Could you just..."

"Yes, right," said the Doctor, "on my way!"

The Doctor and Missy were marched through the city and into the Tower of the Council in complete silence. Missy attempted conversation multiple times but only she responded to herself so it was rather annoying for the Doctor - especially when she started talking about the last time they were brought to the Tower together.

"Do you think they're going to torture us, Doctor?" she asked dreamily. "I always wanted to scream along with you."

After failing with his words at first, the Doctor finally replied sarcastically with, "Pleased to know."

The TARDIS shook and VROOP'ed VROOP'ed before finally landing with a shutter. The Doctor was still tripping over his own two feet, and large pants, as he made his way to the TARDIS door. He swung it open, blinding himself with the bright light of the sun.

"Kate!" he cried cheerfully, when he was finally able to make out the blonde woman's figure, along with several others in black, standing a few paces away from the TARDIS.

"Doctor?"

The Council peered down at the Doctor and Missy with looks of strong distaste. The Doctor couldn't believe their words.

Force regeneration because of war crimes... But he had saved Gallifrey!

Missy's punishment was worse, however. Paralyzed incarceration until her current body died of old age followed by another two hundred year sentence.

"Do you have anything to say for your crimes committed against your own people?"

"Yes," said the Doctor. "This is complete bu-"

The Regeneration had begun.

"Kate, Kate, Kate!" the Doctor chanted, running towards said woman. He fell because of his pants but was able to keep going once he kicked them off. He pulled Kate into a hug, realizing then that he only reached her shoulders in height. "Where's the trouble? Point me in its direction so I may vanquish it!"

"Doctor?" said Kate. It seemed to be the only thing she was capable of saying.

"Yes, that's me," said the Doctor cheerfully. He loosened his grip so that he could get a better look at Kate. "I couldn't have changed that much, could I?"

"You're-"

"A brunette again," said the Doctor, sighing dramatically. "I know! And short, so freaking short! And look at these hands! Such girly hands! Woman should have these hands, Kate. Not me."

"But Doctor, you're a-"

"I know Kate. I know," said the Doctor solemnly. "I'm... I'm... I'm an American."

The Doctor buried his head in his lady hands in shame for half a second before looking cross.

"But it's the Council's fault," he growled grumpily. "They forced me to regenerate for war crimes. War crimes, Kate! Me! The one that saved their sorry asses from complete destruction accused of war crimes. Talk about grateful."

Kate took a firm grip of the Doctor's arms - which seemed to be lacking a great deal in size - fixing his shirt that was sliding off his shoulder. She cleared her throat and motioned for the Doctor to look down.

"What?" said the Doctor, glancing down halfheartedly. "I know I'm not in pants. I have boxers on. No need to panic."

"No," said Kate, shaking her head in tired patiences. "Doctor, look at your chest."

"Why?" said the Doctor but Kate simply motioned that he do as she said.

Sighing in annoyance, the Doctor did as Kate requested and looked down at his chest... And looked... And looked...

"Well, fuck."