AN: Hello I'm back with another story. This one gets pretty graphic. I tried not to describe much but it's still there... Warnings: rape, sex, language abuse, and a little bit of drug use?
I dug through the garbage cans furiously, looking for something, ANYTHING edible. I'm so fuckin hungry. I tried to ignore the pain, I TRIED. ITS NOT WORKING, I NEED FOOD. I pushed through the dizziness and kept looking before I found an empty rotting banana peel. I stuffed it in my mouth greedily, holding back a gag, and swallowed harshly.
'Keep it down, keep it down.' I plead to myself, tears filling my eyes. I looked filthy, I smelled filthy... 'Only if dad could see me now.' I kept digging through the trash, holding back my sobs. 'Dad may of been a drunk and a criminal but at least I had a bed.'
"Huh, well if this ain't pitiful I don't what is." A guy walked out of the shadows with a slight glint in his eye. He was dressed in a suit, which was kind of unusual for a person in this part of town.
I automatically gathered up strength and snarled at him. "Keep on walkin', creep. I don't got time for your crap."
"I wouldn't talk to me like that if I were you, kid. But hey, I'm tryin' to be civil here... I'll give you a second chance. How would you like to make some money, hm?" He smiled a fucked up sinister kind of smile. Of course, at the time that was the only kind of smile I'd ever seen, and I didn't get many. So you can't blame me for softening up a little bit...
"Yeah? How's that?" 'I need money, bad.'
His smile widened at my interest. "Well I've got this... Little business."
"So what?" I hissed, getting annoyed. "Get to it already, I don't got all night!"
"Patience, prince. It'll do you some good." He purred slightly, moving some hair out of my eyes.
I pushes his hand away and stepped back. "What the f-"
"I need bodies." He interrupted.
"Bodies?" 'The hell is he talking about?'
"Yes. And I think you'd be perfect."
'Oh shit. Is he gunna kill me?'
"I'm offerin' you a job. It'll pay good enough. And you don't have to do much. Just be a good boy."
'This is off. This is really off.' "... No thanks buddy, I'm doin' just fine on my own."
His face darkened a little and he added more venom in his voice. "Doin' fine, huh? Look at you. You're disgustin'. I can see your ribs through your shirt. If I can even call it that. You're nothin' but a street rat. That's all you are and all you'll ever be. I don't know why I tried to help a piece of trash like you! You're gunna die here." He jabbed at my chest and stared down at me like I was the lowest thing on earth and walked away.
'He's right. I know I'm dying. I'm- fuck.' "W-wait."
He turned suddenly smiling again. "Yes~?"
"I'll do it." I didn't even know what 'it' was. Or how much I'd get paid. But..
"Excellent." He walked back to me and put his hand on my head. "I knew you'd join me."
I clenched my jaw a little. I was really uncomfortable, but this guy was giving me what I needed.
"How about you meet me in Warehouse 66, tomorrow night? We can get started then."
I didn't say anything. He moved away. "Why so quiet, hm?" I didn't answer. "Just save your voice for tomorrow then. See ya, prince." He walked back to where ever he came from.
I lay on the concrete ground beside the garbage cans, hoping they could shield me from the cold. I pulled my shirt down and curled up in a ball, trying to comfort myself and bit my lip hard to distract myself from the never ending pain in my stomach. My hip bone dug into the ground, bruising my skin and I closed my eyes trying to ignore the sounds of the night.
When I woke up the sun was starting to peek through the clouds. I continued with my normal routine, trying to find: food, water, extra clothes, money. I only managed to pit pocket one person, everyone else expected it from a disgusting looking thing like me. I got ten dollars and used five to buy a corn dog. It was the cheapest food I could get besides bread, but the bakery was all the way at the other side of town. Corn dogs tasted better anyway.
I found a new pair of pants off a drunk guy passed out on the side of the street. They were a hell of a lot cleaner than mine, kinda big though. When the sun went down I headed towards Warehouse 66. The corn dog had been the best food I had in a while, so I walked there just fine. I opened the unlocked door, to see the guy alone in the room, waiting. It occurred to me I didn't even know his name. Or anything about him really. I walked in, shoving my hands in my pockets. He smiled.
"You made it."
"Yeah yeah, let's get this over with."
"Now now." He knelt down to eye level. "What have I told you about patience, Prince?"
I looked away and inched back a little. "My name isn't 'Prince.'"
"Well I think it is now. You don't have a problem do you?" He said with a slightly threatening edge to his tone.
"No, sir." I forced out, struggling to keep my voice from growling.
"Take all your clothes off."
'Wait.' "What?"
"I'm just gunna hose all the dirt off of ya."
"Oh... Do I have to take everything off?"
"Yes." He said getting inpatient.
I slowly started to take the filthy clothes off, slightly blushing. I hated my body. I hated how dirty it was, how my bones would poke out of my skin. I was short and scrawny, disgusting, my hair growing into my eyes. I put my hands over my penis and he instructed me to stand in the corner as some other guy came in with a hose. They sprayed me with the ice cold water, I was ashamed of the color of it turned after taking the grime off me. I looked down at my body, even more exposed than before. Have I always been this pale? More people gradually came in, staring at my small frame. They weren't dressed up as nicely as the first guy, so suit guy was probably the boss. I looked down, and moved my arms in tighter, trying to cover as much of me as I could. 'Just think of the money.. You're Jason Motherfuckin' Todd. You can take it.'
"That him, Leo?" One of them asked. 'Leo. His names Leo...'
'Leo' nodded. "Kinda young don't ya think?"
"What? Are you questionin' my decision?"
"No, boss."
"Turn around." He ordered me. I turned, hating to be told what to do. 'Just shut up, you need food.'
I heard a snap behind me and before I could even turn my head someone pushed me against the wall and pressed their body against my backside. Everyone was surrounding me closely, besides Leo who stood back smiling. 'Oh no, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, SHIT.'
I felt hands on me, touching all over. I started shaking. I wanted to get out but the only way I could go was toward them. I pushed myself into the corner hoping to disappear. I screamed as soon as someone touched my length, they held on to it tightly and started to play with it. I started crying and screaming impossibly loud.
"NOOO, STOP IT."
"Shut up and be a good boy." Leo demanded sharply. "You want the money don't you?" 'The money..' The pain in my stomach became especially apparent and I bit my lip hard holding in my screams of protest. 'I have to... It's the only way I'm going to survive.'
I was as quiet as I could possibly be until someone shoved them self into my backside. I dug my nails into the wall as they spread me apart. I tried not to sob and bit down on my lip hard, I tried not to be a pussy, if this was going to happen I was gunna have some fuckin dignity, but my body didn't agree. I could taste blood from my lip pooling into my mouth. I tried to concentrate on the taste, rather than the pain.
My weak body was exhausted by the time they finished. When he moved away I fell to the ground, still shaking and crying, curling up in a ball, wanting to protect my body from anything further they might do.
"Get up!" Leo screamed and I got panicky, only being able to think, 'Shit, I'm not going to get paid. I fucked up..' I slowly stood up wiping the tears and blood off my face, and putting on my clothes. I wanted to leave as soon as possible. He handed me a twenty dollar bill. I stared at it. I haven't had that much in a while. That would mean I have twenty-five dollars..
"You're giving this to me?"
"The job is done. The more you come the more you get paid." 'Paid... More than this?' The thought got me excited. 'I might actually be able to get food and clothes? Wait- no. No. I can't ever do that again..' I took it and walked out quickly, it slowly turned into a run. I went all the way to the bakery and bought some bread, extremely grateful to get that much substance in my stomach. I drank some water off a puddle on the street and found an empty alley to sleep in.
I dreamt about the possibility of having food and clothes, maybe actually living. The thought of doing it again just made me feel even more ashamed and lower than I ever had. Selling off my body... What would mom say? 'She's dead it's not like it really matters anyway..' I had been left alone to fend for myself, sleeping on the street, eating scraps. You can't do anything in this town without money and one would hire a ten year old. No one took pity on one either. I've been living alone for a year now. Mom and Dad had always left me to raise myself but I had more food, water, and at least a mattress in the house.. Until Dad died of course then I took care of me and Mom.. She was too high to do it herself. It was a lot easier to steal from the neighbours when I was stronger, faster, and, well, had neighbours.
I refused to do it again for a while, I could still feel them touching me sometimes, it took a few days for the ache in my ass to go away. Two weeks after I ran out of money and I robbed the bakery. I never saw so much food, well, ever. So I ate as much as I could before the police came. Bad idea, because I threw up ten minutes later. Soon I couldn't take the pain anymore, I didn't want to die like my parents, I didn't want to die like a bum. I wanted to be better than them. Every time I stood up I felt dizzy and I wasn't gunna last. I cried the whole way to Warehouse 66.
This time it was different. It was me, Leo and one other person. They told me to kneel down and just do as they said. The salty taste of the guys length in my mouth was enough to make me loathe myself. Not that they would let me stop, but I had done this to myself. I had always dreamt of doing something useful with my life, getting people to actually like me. This is not what I meant. As soon as I swallowed I wanted to throw up. It was sickening to know that the only thing in my stomach was this guys sperm. Nevertheless, I was paid forty dollars.
I would never forgive myself. I cried for the next few nights because of the shame and the nightmares. I'd love to say I never did it again. I found some kind of income and I managed to pick myself up, but it never happened. I had no other way of fending for myself. I felt like a slut, I felt like trash, I felt lower than the people who were paying me to do it.
When Leo got into to it, I realized I should of just died. He was rougher than the others, more demanding. Yet he still would stroke my hair affectionately and call me 'Prince.' I was his property. No one had ever talked to me so harshly, and no one had ever talked to me to softly. It was terrifying. It was terrifying enough to have me hear his voice echo through my head for years.
I made enough money to have more than one pair of clothes, I could eat more than two times a week and it wasn't rotting garbage. I even had enough money for cigarettes and drugs. Some thing to distract me from the horrible things I've done. I can't remember feeling anything when I was high, the smoke kept me grounded.
My goals were pointless. I wanted to be better than my parents ever were. I wanted to be a better person with more money, find real love and raise my kids properly. I dreamt of providing for them, giving them food and love or whatever the fuck I never got. 'Fuck my parents I hate them. I hate them I miss them..' I missed having someone around, even if they were out of their minds. And it fuckin' sucks that I'll never have a family or anything I've ever wanted. But I learned to get over it. I was hardened over time. I was like this for a while. I know it was more than a year, but it's not like I had a calendar.
Then there was a night I was especially hungry, tired, and pretty high. I headed over and things started off usual (I really wish there wasn't a usual) and I was filled with the same feelings as always: disgust, pain, failure, anger... I was always angry. It was probably the coke or whatever the hell they mixed in but I fuckin' lost it. It was just one guy and Leo, uh... Supervising. I socked the fuck right in the jaw and he stumbled back.
"What the FUCK? CONTROL YOUR FREGGEN WHORE!" He yelled after landing hard on his ass on the dirt covered floor.
"FUCK YOU. FUCK ALL OF YOU." I screamed pulling up my pants.
"What did you just say? What's the matter with you, huh?" Leo growled.
"I'm done doin' your shit!" I hissed feeling entirely confident.
He was quick moving to push me against the wall. "How about you remember that you chose to be my whore, Little Prince. You did this to yourself and you still do. You wanna know why, Rat? 'Cause you need me. YOU WOULD BE DEAD WITHOUT ME. You're nothin' to this world. Disgusting, desperate... You're worth as much as the trash on the streets."
Maybe he was right. I've been hearing that my whole life. It's really different to think about all these things apposed to hear someone say it to you. It's like having that one single hope that maybe you're wrong, maybe you're just crazy and might actually be worth something. But I guess it doesn't work that way. I'm worthless.
"You better behave yourself or you're fuckin' done. There's a million other Prince's on these streets."
"Whatever. Find yourself another bitch." I said coldly walking towards the door.
"You leave and you ain't gettin' anythin' from me ever again, ya stupid kid."
"Go fuck yourself." I stated and slammed the door behind me.
As soon as I was out I knew I was probably screwed. I was going to die, starving to death in an alley, like I nearly have so many times. Maybe I'd get sick and go while shaking from the cold and feeling like shit from the dirt. Either way, I wanted to live as long as I fucking could. I was going to fight my way into death because maybe if I stay here long enough I'll have time to do something useful. My life has made no impact in the world, or anybody else's life really. But I wanted to make a difference. And even if I had to go through hell and back to do something, I was going to make it happen. It became all about survival. I wanted to life long enough to be looked up to. I was tired of being worthless shit.
That's why when I was walking back to my usual spot and came across the batmobile I didn't think 'Oh sweet, Batman!' Or 'Whoa that's a cool car...' I thought 'I need food and cigarettes. This is an opportunity.' I studied the car looking for something I could take and sell. The Batmobile had way too much security to just hot wire, plus I couldn't drive, so my second thought was the tires. I managed to get two of them off before something landed on the car making me stop my progress.
Batman was fuckin' terrifying to look at but I kept a hard face and scowled up at him. I fucked up. I thought Batman would beat me to a pulp and stuff me in prison. But that's not the way things went. I didn't expect him to be amused, take me in, or give me a job as Robin. Bruce was the only good thing to ever happen to me. He was my trainer, provider... even my father.
It wasn't all milk and cookies but I was happier than I ever had been. I had a roof over my head, Alfred's cooking, and even a night job saving people. It was so perfect that I was terrified to sleep. I didn't want to wake back up on the streets to find out it had all been a dream (and the nightmares didn't help either). I thought Bruce truly cared for me and it was an addicting feeling. All I wanted to do was make him feel proud. When he found out what I used to do on the streets I cried and begged for him not to kick me out, and he didn't. I wasn't looked at any different, or loved any less. It was more than I ever wanted.
Everything changed the day I found out Catherine wasn't my real mother, but hey, that's another story.
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