It's my birthday today! Happy birthday to me!

I snuck in today to give you all this as a reverse birthday gift! Hope you enjoy it. As always, if you did, leave a review. I want to improve my writing and I can only do so with help.

Love,

Kitty xox

August 25, 1972

Hello, my name is Melanie Bush and I am eight years old and I am writing a diary for the first time. I am not quite sure what to put here, but Mummy says that it will be good for me, so I suppose I should tell you about my day. I went to school today and I learnt all about math, which I really really like because all of the numbers line up in interesting ways. I think I want to become a mathematician or something like that when I grow up because that way I will be able to make the numbers line up whenever I want. I have to go to bed now because Daddy says but I will be back again Diary.

August 26, 1972

I went to the beach today with Alice and Grace, who are both nice except for Alice who I think really really hates me for some I don't know why. Grace said it might be because of my hair and I told her that my hair wasn't special but she said yes it is it's really pretty which was the nicest thing anyone's said to me. We got icecream and I had vanilla because it tastes nice.

27 August, 1972

I am back again Diary and today a monster tried to attack me but I got rid of it using maths because monsters don't like numbers. It didn't look like a monster it looked like a man which made it even scarier but somehow I just know it was a monster because its eyes were all evil and scary. It said that it was a friend but I knew not to believe it because in books and fairytales the monster always pretends to be nice. The monster is gone now and I did maths before writing this.

28 August, 1972

I'm learning more about maths at school and it's getting more and more fun. Today the teacher showed me how to use a Computer which is like paper except digital. Using a Computer helps me do math, since it's like a really massive brain that can work faster than I can alone. I am supposed to be working out calculations for a Very Important Project but I don't want to do it and they can't make me they can't make me they can't make me they can't make me

30 August, 1972

Mommy says I'm a bad girl for missing a diary entry and I'm so sorry Diary but I've been so busy with the Very Important Project and I didn't have time to write yesterday. But I'm here now so that makes everything okay. I'm getting better at using a Computer and I can now do calculations that would take me longer to do. I don't have time for playing games anymore and Daddy says that's okay because he knows that the Very Important Project needs to go ahead. But I still have time to write in you because Mommy says that's important.

31 August, 1972

I saw the monster again today and he said he wanted to help but he was scary so I ran.

1 September, 1972

I'm working on the Very Important Project but it's really hard and I told Him that I wanted to give up today but He wouldn't let me. So I'm still working on it but I don't want to. Today while I was doing math the monster knocked at the window and asked me to let it in and I almost did but I stopped myself and asked why. And it said that it was my friend and it wanted to rescue me so I told it that I don't need rescuing but it said yes I did and I just don't know it. I wonder if I actually do need rescuing and if I do what from because nothing's wrong.

2 September, 1972

Grace isn't my friend anymore because she says I should stop working on the project and come and play but I'm too busy. So she yelled at me and I screamed as loudly as I could and she ran away. I wish I hadn't because she was a really good friend apart from when she wasn't. I called her on the telephone but the man on the other end said that she wasn't there anymore and I'm sad.

3 September, 1972

I had a nightmare last night and it was so bad that I woke up screaming but no one else heard. I dreamt that there were men in white coats and masks swarming over my body and I was screaming and screaming and the monster was there too but he wasn't a monster he was wearing a colourful coat that I kind of liked but the men were sticking things into me and it hurt so bad I woke up. And I looked out of the window and the monster was there, asking to come in. I opened the window just a crack so he could talk to me. He told me that my life was a dream and that I needed to wake up if I wanted to live but I thought maths until he disappeared because he's just something I made up- that's what Mommy said and Mommy's right because he went away and he's not coming back.

4 September, 1972

I had the nightmare again and I'm scared even though I shouldn't be because it's just a dream. This time the monster was pleading with me to wake up even though I thought him away and he wouldn't stop talking so I woke up to get away. I work on the Very Important Project all the time now and He says it's nearly done. I saw Alice today and she says that she thinks I'm doing a good job but then Grace came along and they started fighting so I went home.

5 September, 1972

The monster came into the Project Room today and tried to stop me working but he shouldn't have been able to because I thought him away. He pulled me away from the Computer and I screamed but he put his hand over my mouth and he probably would have eaten me if He hadn't come in and got rid of the monster so I could continue working. I'm having the dream more and more often and I'm really scared. I went after I woke up to find Mummy but she wasn't there and neither was Daddy but the monster was there so I screamed and it went away.

6 September, 1972

The monster is living in my room now and it keeps telling me to trust it. I don't believe it because I'm scared and you should never trust monsters when you're scared even if they have colourful jackets that look pretty. He tried to kidnap me again but I ran down the street and hid at Alice's house because she wasn't there. I curled up inside a cupboard so no one could get at me. But I need to go back to the Project tomorrow and I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to

7 September, 1972

The monster followed me to the Project today. I want him to leave me alone. When I try to think him away it doesn't work so he must be real and that scares me.

10 September, 1972

I'm scared and I miss the Doctor except I can't remember who the Doctor is. All I can remember about him is that he's my friend and I want to see him again. The monster is always watching me now. I try to ignore him but he's always there. The nightmares are getting worse and I haven't seen Alice or Grace or Mummy or Daddy for days and I'M SCARED and I wish the Doctor would come and help me even though I don't know who he was. The monster was right. I need to be rescued even though I don't know what from. I'm still working on the Project and math is beginning to give me a horrible headache and I think I'm going mad because I keep hearing a voice in my head telling me to wake up even though I'm already awake.

helpmepleasehelpmepleasehelpmepleasehelpmepleasehelpmepleasehelpme

13 September, 1972

I'm closer and closer to finishing the Project and the closer I get the more the person in my head tells me to stop and wake up. I want to do as they say but He keeps pushing me on and my headache's getting worse and worse. I think I remember the Doctor a tiny bit, and I tried to draw him when I wasn't working but the drawing kept turning into the monster instead.

14 September, 1972

I can hear the yelling again but I can't hear the words. Pleasemakeitstop.

15 September, 1972

The Project is finished and He says all I have to do to finish it is to turn it on but the voice in my head is telling me not to and so is the monster and they're both speaking in the same voice and I'm frightened and I want the Doctor but I don't know who the Doctor is. I can hear the words that the voice is saying now. Melplease wake upyou're dying. Ican't help youyou haveto helpyourself but I don't know what the words mean since I'm awake right now. I don't like the sound of me dying but I don't know what to do.

16 September, 1972

I'm hiding. I don't know what I'm hiding from. I think it might be from the Project or Him or the monster or all of them. I hear voices from outside of my hiding place, and they're all calling my name. I can hear the voice in my head too and it's the monster's voice but it's telling me that I'm safe now and I can wake up if I want to. I'm not dreaming, this is a nightmare and I want it to stop. I looked down at myself today and I realized that I'm not eight years old, I'm a fully grown woman but it feels like I'm eight in my head and I'm terrified.

17 September, 1972

I remember the Doctor now. He looks exactly like the monster who keeps calling my name from outside and they both wear the same colourful coat. I miss his coat so much. I miss colour so much. The world's starting to turn grey around me, and when I look outside everything's black and white like an old film. I talked to the voice in my head today, which is what people do when they're mad so I think I must be mad too. It told me that I'm being used for something. I don't want to be used. I might wake up just to stop being used. I asked it how to wake up, and it told me just to think about it.

So I did.