I woke up this morning feeling empty. Not the kind of empty you feel when you haven't eaten all day but the kind when you realize there's no hope. That your life is completely over and there's nothing you can do to change it. Another day in this hell hole, another day of being completely alone. Another day without Damon…..

I've lost count of the days. There's no point in checking off the numbers on the calendar because I'll be here forever. If I'm being honest with myself, I'll most likely die here. Everybody has moved on with their lives and forgotten about me. I don't blame them though. There's really nothing they could do except mourn me for a little while and then move on.

As much as I miss Damon I don't regret saving him. At least one of us was able to get out and be with the one they loved. I had to look at it this way because If I didn't I would end up hating myself and resenting Damon. I don't want to think that way so I shook the thought from my brain and got up to start my repetitive day.

I always get up, take a shower and get dressed, make pancakes, and find something to do the rest of the day. I gravitated towards the alcohol and drank my way through the afternoon.

I sat at the dining table with tears in my eyes, watching past recordings of Damon and I. I was pretending to be a television host and Damon was my interviewee. I couldn't help but smile through my tears, even though I was far from happy. Looking back on that I realized how much I missed Damon and how much we've grown together.

I never would have thought that I would end up being friends with Damon, let alone loving him. It's crazy how these feelings crept up on me. Slowly but surely I fell for him. And now he's gone and he's never coming back for me. It doesn't matter anyway, I could never compete with Elena, nor do I want to. She's my best friend and she deserves happiness and if that happiness is with Damon then I won't stand in the way.

I still think about Jeremy every once in a while. Wondering how he is, where he is, if he's moved on and found somebody else to love. He and I were good together but eventually things fell apart. I outgrew him in a sense and we lost communication. But he'll always be my first and I'm grateful for that.

Before I knew it, it was nightfall again. I had spent the day drinking and reminiscing. The alcohol was making me sleepy so I put on a random movie and laid down on the couch, snuggling up to my blanket. Lately being asleep was better than being awake so I prayed to fall fast asleep.

For the past few weeks I had been having very vivid dreams of Damon and me. I can't lie and say I didn't like it but it was also strange to have my deepest desires be manifested into these incredible dreams. Some dreams I would wake up and he would be lying in bed next to me and some dreams we would meet downstairs with him over the stove cooking pancakes like he used to.

Tonight I didn't know what I was going to dream about but I knew that as long as Damon was in it I would be happy.

The feeling of soft wet kisses trailing up my back caused me to wake up moaning. My eyes fluttered open to find Damon leaning over me with a smirk.

"Wake up sleepyhead."

"I'm awake now." I couldn't stop myself from grinning.

"I made breakfast so hurry up and come downstairs." Damon leaned downed and gave me a kiss on the cheek before sauntering off. He looked so sexy with his perfectly imperfect black hair, those beautiful blue eyes, and his plaid shirt was unbuttoned to his middle, exposing his chest. I got up and went into the bathroom to freshen up and quickly made my way downstairs. I came into the kitchen with just a long t shirt and underwear on. My hair was a mess of curls all over the place but I didn't care. Damon grinned when he seen me.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey yourself."

"You ready to eat?"

"Yes, I'm starving and that food smells delicious. What made you decide to make all of this?" Damon had made his usual vampire inspired pancakes but he also added scrambled eggs, bacon, and hash browns. It looked marvelous.

"Well you always complain about my pancakes so I figured you'd eat it if I made something else with it. Plus you deserve it."

"Wow, I could get used to this." I sat down at the table as Damon placed a plate in front of me.

"Enjoy." He grinned.

Before he could pull away I pulled him down to my face and kissed him on the lips.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"You know if this is my reward for cooking I should definitely start cooking for you more often." His voice was low and sultry as he bit his bottom lip. I gave him a nervous laugh and my heartbeat sped up. He smiled knowing the affect he had on me.

After I took my first bite of food I couldn't stop stuffing my face. Damon sat across from me with a cup of coffee and a newspaper. I looked up when I heard him chuckling.

"What?" I asked with a mouth full of pancakes.

"You act like you haven't eaten in days."

"I told you I was hungry." I brushed him off.

"I know it's just I've never seen you eat like a cow." Asshole.

"I do not eat like a cow!" I can't believe he said that to my face.

"Alright, If you say so." He put up his hands in defense.

I shook my head. "You're an asshole, you know that?"

"Yea but you love me." Cocky son of a bitch. He was right though.

"Maybe I do." I looked down to hide my blushing face.

Damon abruptly got up and went to the music player. He slipped in a cd and Salt N Pepa's Whatta Man blasted from the speakers.

"Dance with me!" He came over and grabbed my hands, forcing me to get up.

"Damon…" I didn't feel like dancing. I wanted to eat.

"Oh c'mon just one dance." Fine.

I started moving my shoulders and hips alongside Damon. He grabbed me and we swayed until he turned me around so my back was to his front. I started getting more into it and slowly started to grind against him.

He put his hands on my hips and moved with me. I put my hands on top of his and we kept at it until he ducked his head and kissed my neck. That sent chills down my arms and I couldn't hide the little sound of satisfaction I made.

He continued to kiss my neck and it felt so good I stopped dancing. I turned around and the way he looked at me made me want to jump his bones. I stared into his eyes and he stared back, his eyes going back and forth between my eyes and lips.

Suddenly he started moving in closer. He was going slow to give me time to say no or reject him but I didn't. I welcomed it and stood on my tippy toes to meet his lips. We started off slow and sweet but we got caught up in the kiss and he ended up lifting me on top of the counter.

I took my shirt off exposing my breasts. He continued kissing me, making his way down my neck. I grabbed the back of his hair and squeezed when his tongue touched my nipple. I was panting, nervous and excited all at the same time. I helped him get his shirt off and he grabbed my thighs to pull me closer.

Our chests were touching now, skin to skin. His lips went back to mine but in a rougher manner. He started kissing down my neck again and nipping me along the way. I closed my eyes reveling in the feeling of his lips against my skin. All of a sudden his lips were gone and I felt nothing.

"Why did you stop?"

I opened my eyes to find my surroundings had changed. I wasn't in the kitchen anymore, I was on the couch, fully clothed.

I slowly sat up and came back to reality. It was just a dream. My eyes began to burn as tears threatened to spill over.

I looked at the clock and seen it was 7:00am. I dragged myself to the bathroom and ran myself a bath. When I got in the tub I cried my eyes out.

I cried because it was only a dream and that's all it would ever be. I cried because I was so lonely.

I cried because it seems as though I could only ever be happy in my dreams.

This wasn't the first dream I had of Damon and I was sure it wouldn't be the last but I couldn't keep relying on my dreams to make me happy. I couldn't keep doing this.

I was either going to kill myself or go insane. And right now suicide sounded like the best choice.

Kai, Damon, Elena, and Jeremy all stood in a circle in the middle of the boarding house. Damon was desperate to create a plan to get Bonnie out so he asked the one person he hated to ask.

"You have to be able to do something!" Damon was frustrated.

"Ok, calm down. Here's what I can do." Kai went into his plan of sending someone to 1994 to retrieve Bonnie but the catch was only one person could go.

"Why can't you send all of us?" Elena asked.

"Because I'm not strong enough for that and if the magic overwhelms me and I become too weak, you guys could all end up being stuck there. For good."

"Wait, so you're saying whoever goes over there could potentially not come back?" Elena was worried.

"Yes…that's a risk. But it's not a guarantee," Kai reassured them. "So who's going?"

"I will." Damon and Jeremy said at the same time.

"I'll go, I can get to her and we'll be out quick." Jeremy stated.

"No, I'll go. I promised myself I would get her out of there so I'm keeping that promise. Plus she saved me…I owe her."

"Damon are you sure? This is really risky."

"Yes, I'm sure. She's worth it."

"Ok! Then it's settled. Damon stand by me." Kai wanted to get on with it.

Damon walked towards Kai but Elena stopped him to give Damon a quick kiss.

"Please be careful….and bring my best friend home."

"I will," Damon put his hand underneath Kai's who held the ascendant. "Let's do this."