Disclaimer: Of course, I don't own anyone or anything in this story.

Everyone eventually makes a decision that changes the entire trajectory of your life and leaves you forever changed.

For Sheldon Cooper, it happened at Christmas, the time of year that Sheldon was usually at his grumpiest. It was at the Victorian Christmas party Amy had thrown for everyone, back at the moment Sheldon had tasted the Christmas cookies Amy had made for him. Something changed in him in that moment. As he took a bite of the delicate, crispy cookie that seemed to melt the moment it hit his tongue, he was overwhelmed. They tasted exactly like the ones he'd eaten every Christmas at Meemaw's house growing up; the ones that had always made Sheldon feel so special. Everything Meemaw did made him feel special.

He couldn't believe Amy had taken the time and effort to not only call Meemaw up to get the recipe, but put such attention into getting the recipe just right. He felt special all over again.

"They're perfect," Sheldon had said. Just like you, Amy.

The thought he didn't dare vocalize startled him, not because it wasn't true, but because of how true it was. He was suddenly filled with regret for his behavior earlier that day. Sheldon loved this woman, and had told her as much back when they had their prom, but yet just a few hours before was trying to find a gift to make her feel small and worthless. He was so consumed in teaching her a lesson about Christmas gifts that he'd never stopped to consider how ridiculous the whole scheme actually was. He didn't want her to feel small and worthless. He wanted her to feel like a princess.

And just a few minutes ago, he was still gloating over his gift to her, and the fact that she wouldn't be able to reciprocate. Of course, the message that played in the picture frame was true, every word, but it also heightened the disappointment Amy was going to feel when she had nothing to give in return.

Then in one fell swoop, she dashed his hopes for victory and left him completely stunned.

And happy.

He was happy. She had been making him happier than he had ever thought possible. Penny had brought it to his attention not too long ago, when he apparently had been staring off with a smile on his face for quite some time, and she had inquired, "Thinkin' about Amy?"

He'd quickly regained his composure, and given her a look of annoyance. "Absolutely not!" Yes, I was.

Penny had smirked at him. "Fine, deny it all you want, but face it, Sheldon. She makes you happy. When I first met you, I almost never saw you smile. Now you smile all the time! It's nice to see, that's all."

As he looked over at Amy showing off her new framed picture to everyone, her eyes shining with delight, his heart swelled and he knew it was true. Amy Farrah Fowler had done the impossible and had caused Sheldon Lee Cooper to fall in love. As a bonus, he knew that Meemaw giving Amy the recipe was her secret stamp of approval as well.

It was then that the little seedling of an idea began to take root in his mind, the decision that he wanted to make Amy his wife.

At first, he shrugged it off, blaming it on the festive atmosphere his girlfriend had worked so hard to create. He blamed it on the exquisite taste of the cookies. He blamed it on the on the holiday itself. But after Christmas had passed, the thought kept nagging at him. He couldn't get it off his mind. Every time he'd see Amy, he was bombarded with thoughts of "what if." What if he proposed? What if they were married? What would change if they did marry?

Everything.

People always said change was fine, but it never was. Was this really what he wanted?

Until his train trip months back, his relationship with Amy had started to feel like the fight of his life. He knew his feelings had been increasing daily for some time, especially since their Valentine's Day kiss. This wasn't just a relationship of the mind anymore, and he knew it. Then that crazy psychic went and filled his head with all that malarkey about giving himself fully to the relationship. It had frightened him to his core, because he knew if he went all in, he'd never get back out. His carefully structured life and schedule, years of doing only what he wanted to do, not letting emotions entangle themselves in all his organized compartments of life, it would all be obliterated. If he gave everything, Amy would have to be first place, his heart would have to go deeper than he'd ever imagined, and it would be forever. And it terrified him.

So he fought, and fought, and fought. He fought his feelings, his desires, his need to be around her more often. And he became exhausted. When all the changes happening around him finally undid him, he had to leave. While hopping from one train to the next, fully expecting his mind to finally be stilled enough to properly deal with all those issues, all he could think of was her, one singular focus he just couldn't shake. He knew he needed to get to the bottom of what these feelings were, and that's when he'd finally concluded it was love. The truth was he was pretty certain it had been love for a long time, but this was the first time he had let himself truly believe it.

Of course, when he returned, nothing was completely different overnight (except Penny's hair), and that was just the way he liked it. But he slowly chipped away at those walls inside that still wanted to keep Amy at bay. With each piece that had fallen away over the past year, whether it was by way of their increased physical contact, attempting to buy a turtle together, or having their first sleepover, Sheldon had started to breathe easier, with less anxiety bearing down on his soul. It wasn't too scary after all. Yet, part of him remained hidden, clinging to the old, the familiar, and the safe. He was still fighting; he just didn't know what he was fighting for.

After their argument about Sheldon potentially going to Mars, he realized not only that he wouldn't last five seconds on Mars without Amy by his side, but that he needed to do something to make his decision to marry Amy more concrete.

"What I want is for us to be planning our future together," she'd said.

Her comment had jolted him. Our future. He knew whatever planet they ended up living on, he wanted, needed, Amy to be in that future.

He went back to the same jewelry store where he'd purchased Amy's tiara all those years ago. He found his palms sweaty as he began to look at the selection of rings, as the reality of the moment swept over him. This was really happening. He was about to pick out Amy's engagement ring, and it had to be perfect.

He was deeply engrossed in comparing rings when one of the employees came to where Sheldon was at the counter.

"What can I help you find, sir?" he asked.

Without looking up, Sheldon replied, "Yes, I'm looking to purchase an engagement ring for my girlfriend."

"Ah yes, and are there any particular styles you have in mind? Perhaps something about her that would help narrow down what she would like?"

Sheldon thought for a moment, then looking around to make sure no one was listening, answered quietly and intently, "She's my princess."

At the word "princess", something triggered the bearded employee's memory, and upon further inspection of the gentleman in front of him, it registered. "I remember you."

Sheldon looked at the man, and nodded. "Yes, you assisted me the last time I visited your store. Do you have an eidetic memory as well?"

"I'm just very good with faces. That's my specialty. Plus, it's not every day a customer buys a pocketwatch and a tiara."

"Indeed. Now, what can you tell me about this ring over here?"

"I can tell you that it will help pay for my daughter's 300-guest wedding," he replied, taking the ring out of the case. It was a simple, classic design, with an exquisite diamond in the center, and a tiny emerald on either side. The emerald was Amy's birthstone, and reminded Sheldon of her rich green eyes that he couldn't get enough of.

He could feel his chest tighten at the thought of Amy's face at the sight of this ring, and he knew it was the right one. Now he just needed to find the right moment.

Over two months had passed. He had yet to find the right moment, and now it was perhaps too late. He stared forlornly at the ring box in his hand, stroking it gently with his thumb. How could everything have fallen apart so fast?

Amy Farrah Fowler had never been one to cry a lot. Sure, she had her emotional moments sometimes, but it took a lot to build up to full-on sobbing. But that's the place where she was at the moment, tears falling as she curled up in a blanket and stared at Rice Sheldon sitting on her couch.

She could never have predicted how incredible this past year with Sheldon would be. It was more than she had let herself believe possible.

When she had first seen him at the police station in Arizona last year, following forty-five days of loneliness, her heart was awash with the love for him that had been steadily growing for months and months. She was still angry and frustrated that he left in the first place, but her momentarily elation at seeing him again briefly overshadowed that. Sheldon had walked over to her, leaned in, and she stood there with bated breath, longing for him to kiss her, hold her, to tell her how much he missed her. Instead, all she got was a breathy "shotgun", and disappointment shot through her veins. He hadn't even wanted her to come. Nothing had changed after all.

Or had it?

She had started to resign herself to the idea that this was probably as good as it could get with him. Surely he could never truly reciprocate what she felt for him. After all, that's how they started out. Neither one believed in love, or thought it had any value. But, oh, how she had been proven wrong!

She'd always had a suspicion that Sheldon had the biggest heart and felt the most intensely of anyone in their social group, but hid those emotions more than anyone as well. The night of their prom, however, Amy had gotten to see a much better glimpse of that big heart, when she finally heard the words she had been yearning for, "I love you, too."

Once Sheldon had declared his love for her, she finally felt like they were on the same page again. She felt safe and content. There was a freedom between them that hadn't existed before. She was overjoyed at all the little ways Sheldon was showing his affection toward her. Yet, for each beautiful gesture or comment, there would be something said or done by him that would cause doubt to nag at her once again. She knew that he didn't always realize the implications of his words or actions, so she would subconsciously sweep it under the rug. He loves me. He didn't really mean what he said. He wouldn't really leave for Mars without me.

But one can only sweep under the rug for so long before it starts to become obviously lumpy.

The buildup had been so slow and gradual she hadn't even realized how bothered she had become until that pesky little straw came along, the one that broke everything. One silly little comment about a TV show from him, and suddenly she found herself questioning their entire relationship. All those unfeeling comments from him, the eye rolls when she brought up anything romantic, those times he only thought of himself; they all came rushing back. Everything she thought she'd forgiven and forgotten was now at the forefront again, and her faith in what they had together became shaken. Maybe this really was as good as it could ever get with Sheldon. Perhaps, though he said he loved her, she would always be placed further down on his list of priorities. Perhaps his love would never be all-consuming like hers was for him. Perhaps he would never be able to move forward with her. After all, every milestone she had discovered she craved deep down, such as marriage and family, he had mercilessly mocked only a year before.

When she left Sheldon's apartment the night of their five-year anniversary, she found herself to be a bundle of nerves, which surprised her. Her normally confident nature was shattered, replaced by fear that their relationship had gone as far as it could and was irreparable. The weight of it all was crushing her, and she desperately needed room to breathe, to feel, to figure out.

After a day of contemplation, she knew what she had to do.

She was in physical pain as she told Sheldon she needed to step back for a bit. Every word pierced her heart once more, and she imagined they were hurting Sheldon as well, which only brought more pain.

Once she said goodbye, she couldn't help but burst into tears, a gushing storm of feelings she had long repressed. She always felt she had to be the strong one, but she had no more strength left. Her and Sheldon were now in limbo, on pause, and she had no idea how long it would take, or what it would take, to make the situation right again.

A/N: This will be a rather short multi-chapter, probably around 5 to 6 chapters. This first one was mostly just an intro chapter to get the ball rolling. I'm hoping to have it completed before the premiere airs. Regardless, there won't be any S9 spoilers in this story. Reviews are always very appreciated! Thanks for reading!