The graveyard was nearly obscured by the church's imposing shadow, but he was familiar enough with the area to know how to get there. It was early in the evening still, but in the chill of November, the sun was hidden behind the church. Steve adjusted his hold on the bouquet of orchids that looked out of place in the dreary graveyard. There were spots of snow in a few places and many of the graves were in poor shape. But Steve kept to the pathway, his feet taking him to the headstone hidden under a holly tree. There was a fresh bouquet of carnations laid at the base of the grave and Steve kneeled down, placing his flowers beside the others. He glanced up at the plaque and as always, it felt like the breath had been sucker punched from him. It was an empty grave with a mystery never solved. Bucky Barnes –To live in the hearts of those we love is to never die.

It had been eighteen years since anyone had last seen Bucky and today was the anniversary of his disappearance, or his death. There were too many missing Omegas for the police to concern themselves about. Steve exhaled softly, rising to his feet. One of his biggest regrets was that he hadn't been home at the time Bucky disappeared –he never would have quit searching, he would have driven the officers insane with his pestering but he would have wasted away worrying about his best friend. And if he had been home when Bucky disappeared all those years ago, then he never would have been involved in Project Rebirth. Sometimes he hated himself for having been there when Bucky could have needed him here. But he'd done a lot of good, as a soldier and as an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Funny, how eighteen years later and Steve still thought of Brooklyn as his home. He hadn't lived in New York in years and it had been even longer since he lived in Brooklyn. But it still felt like home. Except for the very obvious missing pieces –it's why he couldn't stand to stay in New York or live in Brooklyn. The family he had was dead and gone.

Steve's mother had died of pneumonia three months after he was sent to Camp Lehigh for Project Rebirth. His last living family member and he hadn't even known she was sick. They weren't allowed much correspondence and it was a fact that he and his mother both knew. There were a lot of risks, really, in sending him to Project Rebirth for three years of testing and training. But he wanted it more than anything –he had important things to do and he couldn't do them if he was frail and on the verge of death every other week. He was as likely to die by illness as he was by the experimentation in Project Rebirth –so he and his mother both signed away his life. Not that he minded, the army was a good fit for him. It had done a lot for him. At twelve, he returned to Brooklyn for his mother's funeral and Bucky met him there. It was the Barnes' who stepped up and covered the cost of the funeral, who went to the graveyard to pay their respects and it was Bucky who tried to convince him not to go through with Project Rebirth.

"Stevie, you don't gotta do it, you're fine just the way you are," Bucky had said, staring down at him fiercely.

"That's not the point," Steve had protested, digging through his pockets as he tried to find his keys.

"Then what is?" Bucky had demanded, bending down to snag the key hidden under the welcome mat. "Cause the way I see it, you've gone off and signed up to be some scientists' Guinea pig when you could come to my place. My folks wouldn't mind, you could stay however long you needed. Just do a few chores or something, y'know?"

"I have to do this," Steve had replied stubbornly, taking the key. "Buck, I just, I can't keep living like this," he exhaled wheezily, hating the way all the fight had drained out of him so easily.

Bucky had sighed and nodded, throwing his arm around Steve's. "Well then, we'd better have one hell of a going away party for you this time, huh?"

It was the first time someone had tried to tell him not to go through with Project Rebirth and it was the last time he ever saw Bucky. He wouldn't find out that Bucky had gone missing until he was eighteen years old and free to decide his own future as he was no longer in the military's custody. The first thing he did was call the Barnes. The second thing he did was go to Colonel Phillips and punch him in the face. It was the first time he had a disciplinary action written down in his file but he didn't care. The letters and phone calls the Barnes had tried sending never reached Steve because the Colonel didn't want to lose Steve for any longer. He was the only participant who had left the project for personal leave. It took him five years to learn that his best friend was missing. He'd been devastated and depressed in equal measure as more time passed and he hadn't heard from Bucky, but he'd always attributed it to their different beliefs and the fact that Bucky had a life outside of the military. With his mother's passing and all the forms she had signed, Steve belonged to the military until he was of legal age. And afterwards, there wasn't anyone or anything left for him that wasn't connected to the military. So he went to New York, back to Brooklyn to pay his respects to the Barnes' and try to learn what he could about his missing friend. But there was no news.

It was common for Omegas to be kidnapped. It happened, everyone knew it. There were too many missing people for the police to investigate them all but sometimes they would try. If there was a reward, for instance, they would actually put some effort into doing their jobs. Everyone in the neighborhood had scraped together what they could and put it towards finding Bucky Barnes but try as the police supposedly did, Bucky had disappeared without a trace. He was just a kid –he was thirteen years old, street smart and confident. He wouldn't have gone down without a fight but there was only so much anyone could do in a given situation. And Bucky had been on cheap suppressants to try and hide it –he'd been buying them with the money he got from delivering newspapers around the block. There were a lot of people who wanted Omegas –those that ran trafficking rings and used Omegas in vile ways, those who thought Omegas should serve them, any lonely Alpha who felt entitled to taking what he or she wanted just because of their orientation and then there was Hydra. Steve didn't learn about Hydra until he was working for the army but by then it was too late to do anything.

Ten years ago, Mrs. Barnes died due to a heart attack. Eight years ago, Mr. Barnes' passed away after a severe stroke. Steve hadn't been able to make it to either funeral, but he received Rebecca's letters. Until their deaths, both George and Winifred had adamantly believed that Bucky was still out there somewhere. Rebecca did too of course, but she needed some peace of mind she had explained. Five years she invited Steve to come down and help her find a place to let go of the big brother she would always be waiting for. For the past thirteen years, the Barnes held a candlelight vigil and a prayer for Bucky –but Rebecca was alone in her grief now that her parents had passed. So Steve helped her choose an empty plot of land and helped her find the right words to put on the tombstone for her brother and his best friend. She was only seven years old when Bucky disappeared and she would never stop hoping that he came home, but she also couldn't continue to mourn his loss the way her parents had. The grave was her way of moving on. But like Steve, on the anniversary of Bucky's disappearance, they would each pay their respects. For the last six years, Steve had come back to Brooklyn for just that purpose and today was yet another day to grieve the loss of his best friend and pray that he was alive and safe somewhere in the world.

"Steve?" Steve turned, offering Rebecca a sad smile. She smiled weakly as well as she stepped closer, a bouquet of roses in hand. "Hey Steve," she said softly, wrapping her arms around his middle.

She wasn't very tall, like her mother. Only standing at five foot three, but she squeezed him just as tightly as she had when she was a little girl. Sometimes it was hard to remember she was a grown woman now, married and with her own life. At times like these, it was almost like they were children again. Almost but never quite because the one person who centered those days was gone. And it had left both of them un-centered and on wobbly feet, trying to find their own way in the world now that their center was gone. Sometimes, Steve wondered if that was how the Barnes' had felt too. Bucky was the heart of their family –hell, he was the heart of the whole neighborhood.

"Hey Becca," Steve replied quietly, hugging her back.

"It's good to see you," she said, stepping back to lay her bouquet at Bucky's grave.

"I thought maybe I'd missed you," Steve commented, gesturing at the chrysanthemums.

"Those are probably from Dan," Rebecca said fondly.

Two years ago, she'd gotten married to Daniel Proctor. Steve nearly missed the wedding due to a mission but Phil let him off the hook and he made it just in time to wish them both heartfelt congratulations before he was leaving to board a quinjet with Clint and Natasha. He'd only met Dan once or twice but he seemed like a good guy. If a little bit obnoxious and childish. But he was good for Rebecca, he made her smile and laugh and it was good to see her relax some. Perhaps the best thing about Dan was how obviously he cared for Rebecca. Bucky probably would have hated Dan.

"That's nice of him," Steve said. Dan had never met Bucky; he was a new resident in Brooklyn, having moved here from Colorado.

Rebecca nodded, smiling sadly at the gravestone. "I wish I was naïve enough to think he might still come home one day. And there's a part of me that still thinks he will but…" She sighed heavily. "I know he's just one in a hundred thousand cases. And he isn't going to come back."

Surprising no one, Rebecca had decided to become a police officer. She could have played dirty but she wasn't interested in that. She was interested in changing the way the law enforcement worked and she had taken several officers to jail before when she caught them charging families to find their missing relatives. She knew how it felt to be on the victims' side of things and she refused to allow anyone in her department to engage in any kind of wrongdoing. She knew the statistics inside and out and whenever she could, she would take a look at those cold cases like her brother's.

"We don't know that," Steve pointed out gently. "He's always been tough and resourceful. He might show up, one day."

"Dan wants to start a family," she confessed abruptly. "I don't know if I'm ready for that."

Steve glanced at her. "I think you know the answer."

Rebecca bit the inside of her cheek. "Maybe I do," she admitted.

"It's okay to be scared," Steve said, reaching over to rub her back. She might not be his little sister biologically but she was as good as. "But don't let it stop you from living your life."

Rebecca was a Beta, born of an Alpha and Omega union. The fact that they had an Omega son meant that Rebecca's chances of conceiving an Omega herself were higher. And those statistics went even higher if there were any Omegas in Dan's immediate family. Kind of like the way twins worked. It wasn't a for sure thing, but the possibility was there and had to be considered. Especially if someone was worried about the fact that their Omega child would be at a greater risk for being kidnapped or abused. It wasn't right. It wasn't right at all and Steve wished there was more he could do about it. He could remember those days where he was taught to be afraid and cautious because he was at risk for being stolen from the streets. Bucky always walked him home though, much as Steve grumbled and complained loudly about how unnecessary it was. People didn't mess with Bucky, it just wasn't done.

"Yeah," she murmured, staring at Bucky's grave as tears filled her eyes.

Eighteen years since you disappeared, Steve thought mournfully, and we're still here crying for you. Steve swallowed back his own emotions, exhaling shakily. I wish we could be out there, saving you. Instead of being stuck in this awful limbo. Was he alive or was he dead? Was he okay? He probably wouldn't be okay by any definition of the word, but if he was alive, if he was alive that was something. It was so much more than the nothing they had here and now. But there was no sign of Bucky as always. Steve put his arm around Rebecca and they held onto each other for a long moment, sharing in their grief. Steve was around the Barnes' so often he was practically family, and it was the same with Bucky coming around to his place. Sometimes it felt like Rebecca was the closest thing to family he had left.

Rebecca pulled away after a moment, sweeping her hand across her eyes. "You coming to the chapel tonight?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Steve said, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"'Kay," she said, nodding.

For a moment, he thought she was going to say something more but she didn't. As much as they both liked seeing each other, it was just as hard to see each other. Everything about her reminded him of Bucky and he was pretty sure she felt the same way about him. It wasn't something either of them could stop feeling and so they didn't talk about it. They pretended it was normal to only see each other once a year, when Steve came to drop flowers on an empty grave and pray in a chapel. It was their normal. They spent a few more moments together in silence before walking the six blocks that took them to the chapel. Daniel was already there with a handful of others, each of them holding a candle. Steve accepted his candle with a murmur of thanks and moved to stand behind Daniel as Rebecca squeezed in beside her husband. Steve didn't really know the others –an aunt and an uncle of Bucky's and their children. The priest led them in a prayer of hope, a little different than the ones that had been spoken years before. He hoped for Bucky's safety and health and for him to return home. They held a silent vigil for an hour afterwards. But slowly, the aunt and uncle blew their candles out and left, their children following after them. Daniel blew his candle out next, and then it was Steve and Rebecca who blew their flames out.

Rebecca held onto Daniel's hand as the two of them exited the chapel. Steve nodded at the priest respectfully, remembering the few times when his mother and Bucky's parents had managed to corral them into attending church. It was a nightmare for both him and Bucky, neither of them interest in attending and they'd both gotten very good at sneaking off to avoid it. But there were a few times when they had been caught and dressed up and forced to attend. They would make faces and giggle and laugh at each other, trying to avoid notice. They never were subtle. By the time they were ten, their parents gave up on bringing them to church for which Steve and Bucky were both grateful. Rebecca used to watch them go wistfully. Sometimes Bucky would bring her with but usually not. Steve exhaled softly and left the chapel, nearly walking into Rebecca and her husband.

"Thanks for coming," Rebecca said, smiling up at him sadly. Her electric blue eyes reminded him of Bucky and he had to look away for a moment, nodding his agreement. She tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "It means a lot to me, that you still come."

"I'll always come," Steve said, sharing a sad smile with her. "You are family to me. And so is he. Wherever he is right now, that hasn't changed."

"Do you –do you think he's scared to come back?" she asked, her voice small and fragile.

"Maybe," Steve offered. "Maybe he's scared we won't accept who he's become or the things he's done." He couldn't help but think of Clint and Natasha and their long struggle in overcoming what Hydra had done to them. "But we will. He's still family and whatever he has or hasn't done, we'd rather have him in our lives than not."

Rebecca nodded. "Yeah, we will." She leaned against her husband. "What do you think he's doing now?"

"I bet he's thinking about us," Steve answered confidently. "Remembering the good times."

This was a game of sorts that he and Rebecca played every time they saw each other. Guessing what Bucky was doing, pretending it was okay, pretending they were okay. Because for this one day in the year, neither of them were okay and they could admit it to each other even if they couldn't say it to anyone else. Although Rebecca's husband probably knew by this point, considering they were married.

"Maybe he's thinking about the future," Daniel offered, rubbing his hands along Rebecca's shoulder. "What the first thing he'll do with his freedom is the first person he'll hug and the first person he'll kiss."

"Well that'd be Steve," Rebecca teased, grinning in delight as Steve's face turned red. "Steve Rogers you're a grown man and I can still turn your face as red as a cherry tomato!"

Steve rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "Not everything about me changes," he argued.

"When's the last time you kissed someone?" she inquired, peering at him in concern. "It's not good if you go too long without kissing someone."

"She's right you know," Daniel agreed, flashing a warm smile in Steve's direction.

"See? Dan's a health teacher, he would know."

"I've kissed enough people," Steve stuttered out. "I'm fine." It was bad enough he got it from Natasha at work.

"Oh I'm sure you have," Rebecca said, waggling her eyebrows. "You better start kissing just one person and stick to them, you hear?"

"When I find the right partner," Steve hedged, "I'll let you know."

"You better!"

Although Steve wasn't sure if he was going to find a partner at this time. And not for a lack of trying on his part or his partners'. They just didn't have enough shared past –they didn't understand what it was like. They thought that because he was an Alpha he should treat them like any Alpha would and they deferred to him and it was horribly uncomfortable. And he knew if he said anything to Natasha she would start setting him up with the kind of men and women who were more flexible and less traditional. But he wanted to find a partner on his own. On his own terms and win them over by being Steve Rogers. Not because he was Captain America. Not because the Black Widow had terrorized them into agreeing without intending to do so, and not because she sold him as Steve Rogers too well. Either way, even with her help, there wasn't much chance that he would find someone who could understand his situation. Other than Bruce Banner perhaps, but he was involved with Tony Stark and Steve had never been interested in Banner from the start. Natasha understood of course too, but she wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship for herself. She seemed more interested in living vicariously through Clint and Phil –especially whenever they provided her the opportunity to laugh at them, which was often, but neither Clint nor Phil minded.

Rebecca hugged him goodbye like she always did. And like always there was an awkward tension between them –like they were both on the verge of asking the other out to coffee but they both knew neither of them would be able to stand it. Because no matter what, at the end of the day, there was a chasm between them just big enough for Bucky Barnes to fill. And without him, the chasm only seemed to grow.

"It was good seeing you again," Rebecca mumbled fervently against his shoulder. "I wish we could see each other more often."

"Me too," Steve said simply, setting his hand on her back.

Daniel was standing at the church gates, his hands in his pockets, giving them their space. He was intuitive and brilliantly empathetic –a good match for Rebecca. Since she had met him, she seemed better for it. Less revenge driven. Neither Steve nor Rebecca could move on from Bucky, but they could move around him and bring him with them. Steve had used S.H.I.E.L.D. resources to make the occasional, discrete inquiry and if anything turned up in New York, he always passed the information onto Rebecca. There were too many James Barnes' in search records to be of use. And beyond Bucky's birth certificate, school records and missing person report, there were no other James Buchanan Barnes on file. He was a ghost –disappeared without a trace. So Steve just updated Rebecca when he could on any Omega traffickers in her area. S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't always have the resources and sometimes Steve really hated how they bargained the traffickers' jail prisons for information. He was careful with what he shared, to make sure the cases weren't active or high priority. They could be safely handed down to Rebecca.

"Do you think… do you think he would have liked Daniel?" Rebecca asked, pulling away slowly, wrapping her arms around her middle.

"I think he would have hated him. Imagine them trying to get along. Bucky would have been yanking on his ear until he snapped and they would probably have to fight it out. But he'd come to his senses when he saw how good Dan is for you."

Rebecca smiled tenderly. "You think so?"

"Yeah," Steve said confidently. "I'm sure of it. Bucky and his humor against Dan and his obnoxious charm?"

Rebecca laughed, clasping her hand over her mouth in surprise. "That does make sense," she agreed. "I sometimes forget he can be like that."

"Must be the curse of marriage," Steve joked. "You live with him long enough, you get used to his flaws."

Rebecca smacked his arm harmlessly. "Steven Rogers! Keep talking like that and you'll never get married at this rate. What'll I do then?"

"Have children and pester them about weddings?" Steve offered, grinning at her.

"That'll take years," Rebecca pouted. But within a few moments, the energy around them shifted into something more somber and serious. "Do you think we'll ever see him again?"

"I don't know," Steve answered honestly, turning to gaze at the church. "I really hope we do. And I won't stop believing he's out there –but I don't know."

"I-I don't know, sometimes, whether the hope is a good thing or not. Sometimes I hate it. But I can't just stop believing either."

"I know," Steve answered quietly.

He'd spent days of his own wondering. Years of his life, really, wondering about Bucky's fate. Hoping and never getting any closer to finding an answer. He didn't know if the hope was better or not –because it was just as possible that one day Bucky's dead body would turn up. And then what? At least they had hope. Hope but no closure, no answers, no clues. Sometimes he hated himself for thinking like that so he tried not to. It was easier to keep moving, to keep busy, to save up his questions and feelings for this one day of the year. The one day where he could connect with Rebecca who knew how it felt.

"One year," Rebecca said suddenly. "I'll wait one year. To decide if I –if I really want to start a family."

"What'll the deciding votes be based on?"

"How many lost children I can find," she answered grimly. "How many cold cases I can close."

"That's not fair for you or Daniel," he pointed out.

"I won't lose my own child to this world, Steve." Rebecca spared him an evaluative look. "I wouldn't survive it. There are other options anyways. We could adopt. But I won't… I have to make this place better for my children. For everyone."

"You don't have to do it alone, Becca," Steve said urgently. "I'm doing what I can. So is S.H.I.E.L.D. We're all trying."

"Sometimes, it just isn't enough," she sighed. "It really isn't. And I know you do what you can –I know the anonymous tips come from you. But we need to make bigger changes someday. Like getting rid of Hydra completely, or making the government listen."

"About Hydra," Steve started, "we're dealing with that."

"About time."

Steve nodded in agreement, slipping his hands into his coat pockets. It was getting cold fast. "Don't let lose yourself in this quest Rebecca. You have a husband who loves you very much. And I know your department is clean because of you. You've already made waves. Don't forget what progress you have."

"Yeah." She nodded. "I'll try. Thank you Steve." She turned to go.

"If Bucky were here, if your parents were here, they'd want you to know they're proud of you. You've done amazing things, Becca. Never forget that."

He pretended he didn't see the tears glistening in her eyes as she hurried back to her husband. These days, it was too easy to fall into the darkness that was swimming everywhere. After the events of the Battle of New York, Steve had been more determined than ever to do something about Hydra. It had provided him an opportunity to rejoin a Strike team and Natasha signed up right along next to him. At first it was weird doing it without Clint and with a bigger team, but he adjusted quickly. And anyways, the time and space had been doing wonders for Clint lately. He wasn't half as scowly anymore although that might have had more to do with Coulson than anything. Who could say for sure? But being part of a Strike team had left him with a purpose. And a part of him hoped that one day he would be able to rescue Bucky. He would break into a facility and find and save him. Like when they were children playing cops and robbers, playing games of make-believe.

He just wanted to find his friend and bring him home. But at this point, for Bucky, what was home? Steve had a house in D.C. he didn't live in Brooklyn or even New York. Rebecca lived in Hell's Kitchen these days because it was close to her commute and Daniel's. Bucky's parents were both dead and buried. Even if he came "home" there wouldn't be much of a home for him. But… but if Bucky did suddenly show up, Steve would do everything in his power to make a home for his best friend. Even if that meant moving back into Brooklyn. And he knew Rebecca would do the same, whatever the cost, however impossible. Rebecca was the only family Bucky had left and Steve was the next best thing. They'd spent eighteen years without any proof of him being alive. They could spend years rebuilding their broken family to include Bucky in it without complaint. Because then, then at least they would know that he was alive. That he was safe and whole and in one-piece. And even if he wasn't, even if he wasn't safe or whole or all together, they'd be there for him. They'd know he was alive. And Bucky would know he had a family waiting for him whether he wanted that family or not.

Daniel wrapped his arm around Rebecca's shoulders and together the two of them disappeared under the falling snow as they returned to their car. Steve sighed softly. Sometimes he wanted a significant other, but mostly he was okay being on his own. Sometimes he even liked it. As he turned to go, a flash of silver caught his eye from the graveyard. He stopped and with a furtive glance around –he saw no one and nothing out of place –he started walking back towards the cemetery. The flash had just been for a moment and it was probably nothing but… Sometimes he just got a gut feeling. It was like a pull from his very center that told him he needed to investigate. So he kept walking until he reached the grave underneath the holly tree.

A layer of fine, white snow had settled over the flowers and the headstone. But where the wind had been blowing the snow in against the tomb, the epitaph was freshly clean, staunchly barren of snow where the rest was painted white.