Disclaimer: I disclaim: Draco, Ginny, Malfoy Manor, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Voldemort—oh, hang it all—JKR owns everything HP.

A/N: Oops. Ever faithfully, I update at sporadic intervals. But please, try not to beat me most violently! You know how it is with school. Don't you? Ahh, forgive me. : - (. This is, however, the second-to-last chapter, because I feel I have dragged this on long enough, and I myself, as the author, cannot bear to write anymore of this without dying of a severe hemorrhage. So while I have loved and poured every bit of inspiration into this fic; time to say good-bye.

Though My Heart Is From Hell

I was curled up on—was it my bed?

I couldn't tell.

My sanity seemed to float away somewhere in the distance, just out of my grasp.

Everything was still hidden in a thick, gray haze.

All I remember is a soft, firm voice, and a calloused hand brushing away the hairs that clung to my moist cheek.

But there wasn't even room for comfort, anymore.

Life simply happened. In no order or accordance, these strange pictures flashed past my eyes, these strange sounds floated by my ears.

Some things that weren't even real, or tangible.

Because I remember seeing a pair of keys dangling in front of me, and somewhere there was a little girl laughing with delight…and was that little girl me? Because she looked like me and sounded like me but…

And then there was cold wind again, and I was stuck somewhere, deep down into a dark secret where little hope managed to seep through…there was a boy who talked to me, and though his voice was not unkind, I couldn't help but wonder why he had glass eyes…

Another voice…strong arms gripping my body…the pain was starting to creep up my spine…

"Ginny!!"

My eyes didn't flutter open—at least, they couldn't have.

I looked again, and Draco stood in front of me, brows knitted in frustration. He sat on the bed, and he was trying to keep his expression stony, but he seemed weakened.

" Stop crying." I almost smiled at that.

" I'm crying?" I asked, touching my cheeks to find that it was, indeed, wet. The darkness of the room finally registered, and I began feeling a slow ache in the pit of my stomach.

" Stupid girl." He whispered.

I heard his voice tremble.

And I can't explain the sudden burst of something that I felt—but all I wanted then was to feel him surrounding me, to feel, smell, taste only him because he could be my drug. He could be mine and maybe I wouldn't have to watch those strange pictures anymore.

My hands wrapped around his neck and his body fell back onto the bed as I rolled over to be on top of him, eyes wide and staring into his.

" Draco…" I murmured, running my hand down his cold, pale cheeks longingly. He gave no answer, save a deep frown.

I bit down on his lip and sucked, wanting to taste every last bit of him, wanting to fill myself with him. My hands roamed around his torso as I struggled to find buttons, buttons that I could undo so I could properly feel his heart beat…

" Ginny, stop…" His breath was becoming ragged, and yet his hands pushed against me. I glared down at him.

Not bothering to reply, I sealed my lips against his once again, my tongue pushing against his, begging, pleading for entrance.

But he would not give in. My own skin felt scorching and his was so icy cold, but he wouldn't let me find release from my own pain…

And I couldn't understand why.

" Don't you love me, Draco?" I choked out, my hands grabbing his shoulders and pleading with him to say yes and give me some strength.

His eyes changed color, and I was reminded of glass again.

"No." But that wasn't what I wanted him to tell me. Hazy fog settled in front of my eyes once again and there was my head that wouldn't stop spinning…

" I can't." His voice was soft and firm. My head rolled back onto the bed as the blackness set in—why couldn't I stop these tears?!--and in the distance I could hear footsteps.

His footsteps, as he walked away and left me alone.

---à

" Do not think there would be no test of will—and above all, loyalty."

Of course. I had been stupid.

When I next awoke, things weren't much different. Perhaps even worse, for I could think clearly now and…was that regret that tugged at the ends of my sanity?

No. No, no, no. I could not feel regret now, not when I had already done the deed, not when I had come so far…

But He, my Lord—of course, he was right. I had gotten myself into this, gone through the pain that reached the depths of human limit—but what of it?

Loyalty.

Such a rare word, and even rarer to find proof enough of it.

Standing there in front of the window with the curtains pulled over it; I knew what I had to do. To prove my worth. Chills ran through my body as I contemplated what it would be like.

Life was…linear. You could not go back—it simply wasn't done. It only moved forward, and though I did not what my future awaited me, or whether or not I wanted that kind of future, in the present I had no choice but to keep on moving, and in order to do so, I had to do this.

Rushed footsteps skidded to a stop behind me. Ice hands with a vice grip curled around my arm and pulled me—

Draco.

His eyes were wide and his face so terrible, it was a wonder I didn't tremble.

" What are you doing?" He demanded, his breath coming out in hurried pants. Strangely enough, I knew what he meant.

" Serving my lord." I bit out coldly, refusing to look him straight in the eye. He seemed to hesitate a little, his stone face relieving just a little.

" What has he asked you to do?" He asked tentatively. I winced. I tried to turn away, but he would not let me. So I looked down at the wood floor, swallowing the resentful words that were on the verge of spilling from my mouth.

" That is none of your business, Draco." I said quietly. He was frustrated, and gave my arm a yank.

" Look—Look at me, Ginny!!" My eyes reluctantly met his, and they seemed almost frightened.

" Tell me—what has he asked you to do?" He whispered. I knew I was breathing heavily, resisting all that had been building up inside of me—all that ached to burst in a spout of rage and senselessness.

I paused for a deep breath, feeling the whole world still before me.

" To kill my family."

My voice seemed too soft and weak, but he heard it. He also heard my voice falter, and he was angry, so angry and I didn't even understand.

His eyes were slits, and his lips a very thin, straight line, and his hands were fisted and against the walls, and his shoulders were shaking.

Maybe after what was eternity, he spoke. It was a calm and controlled tone, but barely.

" When?" He bit out impatiently, not even looking at me.

" Tonight." The answers came out so easily, though. Like I was talking of the weather. Inside, was this simple air of indifference what I really felt?

I didn't know what was happening to me, but even the horror of the murder didn't faze me.

" No." It was just a soft murmur at first. I pretended not to hear it. But then he said it again.

" No." He turned to me. " No, Ginny. You…" He stopped abruptly, looking so unsure of himself.

" You…don't have to do this." Was he pleading with me?

" Draco—"

" Stop! Just listen! I…go. Go now." His mind seemed to be made up, and he was slowly inching towards me, causing me to back up against the wall.

" Don't be ridiculous, Malfoy!" I shouted angrily. I didn't want this. Why couldn't he leave me alone? Why did he have to leave my mind teetering? There had been no choice about this, and there wouldn't be now.

He didn't seem to be listening.

" Go, now! Just run!"

" I have to do this!" I was on the verge of tears again. " Life…sometimes doesn't go the way you exactly planned it…but you have to go along with it, never the less. There's no other way—please, you listen to me!"

" It doesn't matter, Weasley—just run now. I'll make you go. Make this easier for the both of us and just disappear…"

" What are you talking about?!" I screeched, my hands reaching to grab my head, because it was pounding, pounding, pounding. Fat tears rolled down my face and my back touched the solid wall as he continued to walked towards me.

" You, Draco, you!" My finger pointed at him accusingly. " I—I don't understand you, Draco! I gave myself to you! You told me, deceived me into thinking that this was it—this was the way! Why are you telling me to leave now? And—and, I may not understand you but I'll have you know that its not so easy walking away, not when I've come this far…I can't!! Stop telling me what to do!!"

The room echoed so loudly. The loudest echo, however, was not my voice. It was his long and pensive stare, and my throat got caught in air, unable to form two words.

His hands reached towards me, and I thought he was going to touch me. But he reached for the wall beside me, and without a word, the wall behind me curved back and opened to reveal just a tunnel of darkness. The escape-ways that he had spoken of nonchalantly, one day.

" Go." Begging. I shook my head, tears still heavily flowing.

" I can't…stop, Draco…" My hands tried to reach for him, to let him keep the last resolve in me that still compelled me to stay.

But his face remained wide and determined and desperate at the same time, and he was walking closer to me, and I was backing into the bout of darkness, the escape out of the manor—the way that I didn't want to go.

" Please, Ginny. You're not going to kill your family for a certain dark lord." He smiled mirthlessly, looking so tired all of a sudden. I looked behind me and saw a ray of light that came from outside.

Looking back towards Draco, I shook my head again, though less vigorously.

" Even if I did run away—it would never work. They would find out and then what? You might get in danger." My hands wrung together anxiously.

" It doesn't matter anymore. I'll tell them a lie—any lie—I'll tell them I let you go, I'll tell them I killed you with my own bare hands." He seemed suddenly excited by this idea, and grabbed my face before I could protest.

" And you'll never hear from those bastards again, Ginny. You can go live somewhere far away and never hear from any of us…" He trailed off, letting his sentence reverberate in the air.

" You're crazy." I was beyond any resistance…I couldn't register what he was trying to say. He was the same man who had led me here, who had led me into this trap, into this life, into this hell. He was one of them he was—

Never hear from any of us…

Unpredictable.

I hated him, I hated him, I hated him!--

" Ginny." My eyes lifted towards his, for the way he had uttered my name was almost mournful. He licked his dry lips, and I noticed even in the darkness, just how hypnotic his mercury eyes were.

" If…" He paused, his hands reaching for my hair. " If I don't let you go now…if I don't do this, however crazy it may sound, I'll never be able to live with myself." I didn't respond.

" Because there are times in life when you are utterly wrong about the things you were so sure of. You…you don't belong here. I don't want to see you suffer like they all do, here." I couldn't even believe my ears. His words were sincere and slow and there was no doubt in this world that it was caring.

But here in this moment, what he was telling me seemed too surreal and unfit for it. Here in this moment, what he was saying should have been saved for another time, and not when time was so scarce, not when our breaths were ragged and rushed.

And in that same single moment, all the dreams, however faint they had been, were dashed to the ground violently.

I touched his cheeks in brief wonder, thinking only of how soft and cold it was.

I wanted to ask him again if he loved me—because surely I did, more than I had ever did. But I could not bring myself too, not when his face was so perfect.

Not when I knew what the answer would be. My eyes flickered up towards his.

" Will I—Do you think…I'll ever see you again? Perhaps, one day?" I was afraid of his answer to that, too.

But he didn't answer. He seemed satisfied that I had consented, and his hands were pushing me, urging me to go now.

My hands caressed the contours of his face.

And then I was gone.

I ran, because there was nothing else left to do or say.

I ran, because I couldn't bear to linger any longer.

But I certainly could not mistake the woeful look in his ever-watchful eyes

As I stumbled towards the haziest, darkest sunlight I had ever seen.

A/N: Please review, even if you thought that was sucky and horrible and I should just go stick my head in a toilet for the good of this world—let me know that, then. Expect the epilogue to be posted soon. *glomps*