A/N: Here's a fic I wrote as my BFF's Christmas present. She gave me permission to share it with you all. I hope you like it! Takes place right after Dean becomes not a demon.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Please review!

Dean blamed Crowley.

For, like, a lot of things. But this one thing especially.

You see, Dean Winchester knew a thing or two about relationships. Not that he'd been in many of them, if you wanted to get technical about it, but he definitely had some experience in almost relationships.

He knew how to get someone to like him. He knew how to act when he didn't like them back. He knew how to rock a girl's world in one night and then break her heart with nothing but a fake ID and his car keys.

But he also knew that in a relationship, you couldn't keep secrets. And if you did, you couldn't reveal them later on. Not unless you wanted crying and screaming and accusations of insanity, all ending in a slamming of doors and getting drunk off your ass with your father while you get the hell out of town.

Cas knew most of Dean's secrets. The only one he didn't know was the one Dean was worried about.

Dean was straightening his room (and totally not staring longingly at the pictures on his dresser), trying not to think about what had been going through his head less than an hour ago, trying to ignore the mark on his arm that made him want to grab the First Blade and k-

A knock on the door made Dean freeze and turn around, pushing away his thoughts. He'd known Cas long enough that he was no longer surprised to see him standing in the doorway, but even years of practice couldn't stop his heart from skipping a beat.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said, trying to sound nonchalant and failing at it.

Luckily, Cas didn't seem to notice. "Dean," he returned.

Under normal circumstances, Dean would've continued the conversation, would've acted like nothing was wrong, asked what Cas had been up to, how Heaven was doing, when their next hunt was gonna be. Under normal circumstances, Dean would've asked where the hell his brother was, because he'd heard that exasperated door slam early, and those were never a good sign.

But Dean had been a demon an hour ago. These were not normal circumstances.

"Cas," he began, without thinking. "I need to tell you something. And I need you not to say anything until I'm done, okay? Cause… I'm not sure how you're gonna react."

Cas frowned, his head tilting in that infuriatingly attractive way that Dean had gotten so used to. "How will I know when you're done?"

Dean laughed, dipping his head to keep Cas from seeing him blush- and really, Cas was not making this any easier by being so damn adorable.

"You'll know," Dean assured him, forcing himself to meet Cas's gaze- and damn it, those blue eyes were going to be the death of him.

Cas nodded, looking interested and yet mildly concerned. "Go ahead, then."

Dean nodded, taking a deep breath to steel his nerves. "I'm bad at words," he began. "So, just… bear with me."

Cas's frown deepened, but he nodded silently.

"You know, I've been possessed before," Dean continued, aware that he was rambling but not caring in the least. "And… you know, it screws with your emotions, because it's someone else taking control of your body and using it to do things you'd never do if you were in your right mind. And, it's hard, you know? Cause it really makes you think about the things that matter to you. And for a long time, all I thought about was Sam, and keeping him safe, and avenging my mom and dad, because for a long time, that was all that mattered, you know what I mean?"

Cas didn't respond, but Dean hadn't really expected him to. He took a deep breath- he was really babbling now, no wonder Cas was confused- and tried to organize his thoughts enough to go on.

"I don't just think of Sam anymore. And I know this was different, this wasn't just a normal possession, this was my soul tainted by hate and evil, and-" Dean cut himself off, realizing with a start that he'd started walking closer to Cas as he talked, and now they were inches apart, locked in each other's gaze. Cas's blue eyes were bright with shock, surprise, and something like… hope.

Dean took a step back, almost stumbling as Cas broke eye contact, the light in his eyes dying as he avoided Dean's gaze.

"Um… anyway," Dean said, awkwardly staring at the floor.

Maybe this was a bad idea. Dean didn't really know what he was doing, after all. He'd never had to have this conversation before- or, at least, not in years. Usually, he just flirted and that was it. But he couldn't just flirt with Cas- it didn't work like that! He wasn't used to telling someone he liked them, because the last time liking had come before sex was…

Cassie.

And wasn't that just damn ironic.

"This was different," Dean repeated. "I knew what I was doing. And I know now what I did. It's just… back then, when I was a…" He hesitated, choking the words out, "a demon-" both he and Cas flinched, "I was doing these horrible things, and I was fine with it when it was happening, but now, looking back on it all, it's just…"

"You feel regret," Cas said uncertainly.

Dean nodded slowly. "Yeah, well… I mean, my best friend is an angel, it kinda ups your conscience, you know?"

Cas nodded, looking down at his feet, and Dean couldn't help but notice he was trying to hide a smile.

Dean frowned, suddenly taking a step back as a thought occurred to him. Had he never directly called Cas his best friend before? Was it not obvious to Cas that that was what he was?

Except… that wasn't what he was. He was so much more than that.

"I don't know how it works exactly in Heaven," Dean said, only realizing what he was saying as he said it. "I just know the religious freaks down here like to flip out about it, and it's not like I really care- I mean, I'm far from Catholic- but it's no surprise that I need you here, Cas, and I don't want you to leave just because of my stupid infatuation, okay?"
Cas blinked. "Dean, I would never-"

"I first liked a guy when I was twenty-six," Dean interrupted, and that made Cas freeze.

Dean clenched his fists, gritting his teeth and trying to keep himself from blushing as Cas frowned, tilted his head, and stared at Dean, his eyes deep with emotion. But he didn't say anything, so Dean forced himself to continue.

"Technically, it doesn't count, since I've never actually met the guy, but I'd just gotten dumped by my first serious girlfriend, and I was confused as hell, so when I saw the pilot of Dr. Sexy, M.D., I was legitimately convinced I was in love. And you've never met my dad, but I'm sure you've heard stories, so you know that John Winchester was horrible when it came to emotional support, and it's not like he was homophobic or anything- I mean, seriously, smite me now if Bobby wasn't almost more than my surrogate father- but he just wasn't good with words- and I'm talking, worse than I am- and if I'd told him…" Dean was gesturing wildly, trying and failing to get his point across. "I mean, really, there was nothing to tell, but I didn't exactly have a chance to really think about it cause Sam was gone- not that I… would've told Sam- and there was no way in hell my dad was gonna listen, and it was just the worst possible time to be confused, so I just wrote it off as nothing. I mean, his name is Dr. Sexy, who wouldn't be gay for him? But this isn't just about looks, it's not just about your body. I only liked Dr. Sexy because he was sexy, but it's not like that with you! I mean, I wasn't in love with Jimmy when he-"

Dean suddenly cut himself off, freezing in shock and surprise, breaking eye contact and stumbling backwards, his face blushing hot as Cas's eyes widened in what Dean took for horror.

"N-not that I'm… in love with you," Dean tried to backtrack, but he could already see that the damage had been done. Cas was staring at him in shock and disgust, his eyes wide and flooded with emotion, and Dean took another step back, racking his brain for a way- any way- that he could take it back, even if he had to go back to living in secret, he would do anything not to lose his best friend.

But then Cas took two steps forward, closing the distance between them, and his eyes had softened into something else that maybe wasn't disgust, maybe it was… excitement?

Dean stared into Cas's eyes, trying to organize his thoughts, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. Did Cas… was this Cas's way of saying he liked Dean back? Was that it? Was it done? Could they finally stop talking and get to the making out already?

Well. There was only one way to find out.

After almost two minutes of just staring into each other's eyes, neither of them saying anything, neither of them wanting to, Dean rolled his eyes, and with a growl of, "Dammit, Cas," grabbed the angel's tie, pulled him close, and kissed him.

In Dean's thirty-six years of life, he'd kissed a lot of girls. He was more than used to the feel of soft lips against his own, of fabric clutched in his fists, the warmth of someone else's body pressed against his.

He could get so much closer without breasts getting in the way.

After a few seconds, Cas started to struggle, pushing Dean away and then gasping for breath and staring at Dean with wide eyes. "Dean," he pleaded. "Are you sure-"

"Oh, I'm sure," Dean insisted, pulling him back into the kiss.

The good news was that Cas didn't seem to be protesting. Though he wasn't the best kisser (not that Dean had expected him to be), he was just practiced enough to know how to wrap his arms around Dean, run his fingers through Dean's hair, part his lips just enough for Dean to be able to slip his tongue through.

Again, Cas pulled away, and Dean shot him an annoyed glare. It was clear from the look in Cas's eyes that he didn't want to stop kissing (which Dean was overjoyed about), but for some reason he had more pressing matters to discuss.

"How long have you felt like this?" Cas asked, and okay, that counted as an important enough topic to warrant a break from kissing.

"Purgatory," Dean answered, then started to pull Cas towards him again, but the angel took a step back, staring at him with a sad, but frankly amused look.

Dean frowned, guessing what the look meant. "Why? How long have you felt the same way?"

Cas looked down, smiling nervously, then glanced back up at Dean. "Since Halloween, 2008."

Dean's mouth dropped open. "Well, shit."

Cas laughed, smiling in amusement at Dean. "Yes, well.."

"Six years?" Dean clarified. "You've had feelings for me for six years?" Cas nodded sheepishly. "Did you even have feelings six years ago?"

Cas suddenly sent Dean his best impression of Sam's bitchface. "I told you, Dean. I'm not a hammer."

Dean grinned sultrily, stepping forward to fist his hands in the lapels of Cas's trenchcoat. "Yeah. I know."

Before Cas could say anything, Dean pulled him close and continued kissing him. leading him towards the bed without having to look, and then pushed Cas onto the mattress and straddled him on his knees.

Suddenly, Cas's eyes snapped open and he pushed Dean away enough to ask, "Dean, are we-"

"Only if you want to."

Cas nodded. "I want to."

Dean grinned. "Good."

"Cas, do me a favor?" Dean asked, once they both had their clothes off.

"Anything," Cas promised.

Dean smirked. "Keep the coat on."

Cas raised an eyebrow. "Kinky."

Dean laughed as Cas grabbed the coat.

Unfortunately, it was not the first time Sam had walked in on Dean having sex. But it was the first time he'd walked in on Dean having sex with a guy… And it didn't help that that guy was Cas.

Then again, Sam's brother had just become not a demon, and Sam was really drunk. He'd ask them about it in the morning.

Dean woke up the next morning with a start. The other half of the bed was empty, but still warm. He could hear the sound of the shower running in the distance and somehow knew it wasn't Sam.

Dean smirked. Angels didn't usually have to shower, but apparently Dean had pushed Cas's grace to its limits.

And it hadn't been a dream. That was the best part.

Sam was already in the kitchen when Dean came in, drinking a gigantic cup of coffee (nursing a hangover, Dean noticed, which made him feel kinda guilty, but was also just hilarious).

"Morning," he greeted his brother, trying not to grin too widely. He had no doubt that Sam would be fine with Dean and Cas… doing whatever it was they did now… each other, especially; but Dean wasn't sure how to tell him just yet.

"Hey," Sam said hesitantly, eyeing Dean curiously as he poured his own cup of coffee. "Hey, Dean, can I ask you something?" he then asked as Dean sat down.

"Sure." Dean smirked around his mug. He had a feeling he knew what this was about.

"I was really out of it last night, and I may have been… seeing things…" Sam told him, "but did you and Cas… I mean, are you two…"

Dean somehow managed to glare at his brother without laughing. "What are you asking, Sammy?"

Sam shook his head. "Nothing," he decided. "Never mind, it's nothing." He went back to his coffee.

It was then that Cas entered, newly clean and dressed in a new suit, minus the trenchcoat.

He sat down next to Dean, then leaned over and said in an attempt at a whisper (that Sam could totally hear), "Dean, I had a wonderful time last night. I hope we can do it again tonight- although we'll have to do it with all our clothes off, as my trenchcoat is in the wash."

Sam did a spit-take and sprayed coffee all over the table, staring at the two of them in shock. Dean laughed, grinning as he pulled Cas in for a kiss.

Sure, it was Crowley's fault that Dean had felt the need to tell Cas how he felt.

But that sure as hell didn't have to be a bad thing.

A/N: Hope you liked it. Please review!