A Tale of Two Shippos
by ArtikGato
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha the tv series, or Inuyasha the bishounen (but I can dream...). I do not own any character from Inuyasha, and, as far as I know, the only made up character I insert into the fic is Farfignuten, this trash talking tree whose purpose in life is to annoy Jakan to no extent. In conclusion, I own nothing but my sanity, which fled earlier in this week due to being fried AND scrambled because of the EVILS of EXAMS!!!
Author's Notes: Nope. I'm STILL not back to normal, though this chapter has at least SOMETHING to do with the plot...er, whatever plot there was... This chapter is MUCH more random than most chapters are. The insanity from History class is kicking in...
In chapter seven of A Tale of Two Shippos, every male person (or at least remotely male) gave Kagome a rose, but when Inuyasha was about to give her a BOUQUET of roses, a THREE HEADED DEMON COW arrived!! It turned out to be the THREE HEADED DEMON COW of none other than TOTOUSAI!!! (even though spelled it 'Tapposai' in the last chapter...) Totousai presented Kagome with a new sword of unequaled opportunities for randomness: the PENSAIGA!! When cut by the PENSAIGA!!!, someone else in the general vicinity will turn into a Penguin. After turning everyone but Sesshomaru into penguins and then successfully turning everyone but Kikyo, Naraku and Jaken into penguins, everyone left. (strangely, both Kikyo AND Naraku appear in this chapter...so we'll just say that the effects of the Pensaiga wear off after a day or so...) Anyway, and now...
A Tale of Two Shippos...Chapter EIGHT!!!
"Tra," said Inuyasha. Everyone looked at him. "Umm...la la la la?" Everyone blinked.
"What was the point of that?" Kagome asked.
"Uhm...to not have a point?" Inuyasha asked.
"Well." said Miroku.
"Well." said Sango.
"Applesauce." Shippo added. Suddenly, Inuyasha jumped into the air. Everyone looked at him.
"And what was the point of THAT?!" Kagome demanded. The hanyou shrugged.
"I just felt like jumping," he replied.
Meanwhile, on a road near but not so near the Troupe....
"They're Pinky and the Brain! Yes Pinky and the Brain!" Kikyo sang as she skipped down a random road, a huge grin on her stupid face. "One is a genius..." she started, and suddenly put preppy glasses on for no reason TRYING to look smart but failing horribly. "...and the other is insane!" she continued, twirling around in a circle flailing her arms around like a baka.
"CAW!!" screeched a random crow, who started to peck at Kikyo's stupid head.
"Away with you!! Thou hast interrupted my serenade!" Kikyo shrieked.
"Serenade my ass!!" replied the crow, who had Inuyasha's voice. (randomly)
"Inuyasha my love! Is that you?" Kikyo asked.
"I'm a crow. Do I LOOK like Inuyasha in ANY way?!" the crow demanded.
"....INUYASHA!!!" Kikyo cried and glomped the crow. The crow exploded.
"WAAAAH!! INUYASHA EXPLODED!!!"
More crows suddenly arrived and pecked at her.
"Away! Away foul beasts!" she shrieked, "Why must thou torment me so? Why dost thou peck at my head as if thy wishes to eat me?!"
"Grammar is your friend..." started one.
"SILENCE YOU!!" Kikyo blasted it with a bolt of magical pink priestess-ey powers.
"UHM!!" said the rest of the crows.
"NOW ANSWER MY QUESTION UNLESS YOU WANT TO MEET THE SAME FATE!!" Kikyo shrieked. The crows suddenly formed a chorus line.
"Crows are scavengers, that we are!" sang the first one.
"When we golf we get six under par!" sang the second one.
"Scavengers eat dead things, do you see?" sang the third.
"We eat crumpets and drink tea!!" sang the fourth, who was wearing a pimp hat. Yes, for no apparent reason at all. Is there such a thing as a crow pimp? o_O Makes ya wonder...
"Soooooo...." Kikyo started. Music started the play and the crows immediately started to do the can-can.
"'Cause you're dead, 'cause you're dead, 'cause you're dead! Oh we eat you 'cause you're dead! Your soul has given part, you no longer have a heart..." they all sang.
"Because you're dead!" sang the first.
"Because you're dead!" sang the pimpish crow.
"BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAD, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!" they all sang. Kikyo smiled and applauded.
"Bravo!! Excellent song!!" she cheered. The crows all looked at eachother, shrugged, and laughed diabolically. Then they all simultaneously swarmed around her with red glowy eyes. They picked her up and flew away.
"WARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed, and zapped the birds with her magic pink priestess-ey powers. The crows turned into soot and she remained in the air for a few seconds... before she FELL to her ALMOST CERTAIN DOOM!!!!
THE END!!
Just kidding...
Anyway, Kikyo was falling to her ALMOST CERTAIN DOOM!!
Except that the crows had carried her about 100 feet into the air.
So she was falling to her ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN DOOM!!
Only, there was a HUGE and DEEP canyon below her.
So she was falling to her ABSOLUTE CERTAIN DOOM with LARGE SHARP AND PAINFUL ROCKS!!
But some bandits had dug a pitfall trap in the canyon in the EXACT PLACE she would hit.
So she fell to her DOOM with LARGE SHARP AND PAINFUL ROCKS and lots of FALLING!!
MEANWHILE....
"I suddenly have the urge to sing 'Joy to the World'!" Inuyasha announced.
"Why?" Kagome asked. The hanyou shrugged.
"To be random, I guess," he replied.
MEANWHILE AGAIN!!!
"Quack quack, I am a camel! Quack quack, I am a moose!" Naraku sang.
"Dang dawg! You be trippin'?" came an annoying screechy voice. Naraku turned to the source of the voice and there was...KIKYO!!
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!!!
"But...but...I just saw you fall to your DOOM with SHARP ROCKS and lots of FALLING!" Naraku protested, looking like a fish out of water.
"This is life number 701.5," Kikyo explained.
"Ah..." Naraku said, confused.
"So wassup homie?" Kikyo asked.
"Huh?" Naraku asked, even MORE confused.
"You be trippin, dawg! Reconise, foo!" she replied.
"What language is this?" Naraku asked.
"RE CO NISE FOO!!!" she shouted.
"You're annoying. And stupid. Bye bye," Naraku said.
BOOM!!!!
Kikyo exploded!
MEANWHILE TIMES THREE!!
"There it is again! The unexplainable urge to sing 'Joy to the World'!" Inuyasha shouted again. Everyone looked at him.
"Wait...I feel it too now!" Kagome exclaimed. Suddenly...
WHOOOOOMPAAAAAZZZZZZ!!!!
As soon as everyone heard the noise they turned around to be faced with a REALLY SCARY sight that would make ANY coward run screaming from the room/area.
"What's wrong?" asked two high-pitched incredibly annoying childish voices.
"OH THE HUMANITY!!" Sango shrieked and fainted into Miroku's arms.
"THIS IS TOO BIZARRE!!!! AUGH!!" Miroku yelled, dropped Sango, and ran screaming from the room/area.
"S-shippo?" asked Kagome.
"Hiya Kagome!!" replied the same two voices, in perfect synchrony.
"Ummm...is it just me or are there TWO Shippos?!" Inuyasha demanded.
"No, you're right. There's definitely two. Agh!! Shippo divided in half!!" Kagome exclaimed.
"Huh?" asked the two Shippos, and turned to look at eachother. "Eeep! You're me!" they both exclaimed. Inuyasha took a deep, calming breath, and decided to handle the situation like a mature, adult person would.
"WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?!?! TELL ME OR I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND CUT OFF YOUR HEAD!!!" the hanyou yelled. Kikyo emerged from the forest, dressed in a black turtleneck shirt, a long black skirt, black boots, a black beret, and a pair of black sunglasses. Oh, did we mention that she was wearing BLACK?!
"It was I, Kikyo the dark," Kikyo said.
"KIKYO!!" Inuyasha exclaimed.
"KIKYO!!" Kagome snarled.
"The dark?!" the Shippos asked.
"The government is out to get you. They are watching...FROM THE TREES!!! KILL ALL TREES!! KILL ALL TREES!!!" Kikyo shrieked like a banshee. Everyone conscious stared at her.
"Are you okay?" Inuyasha asked. Kikyo turned to him.
"And YOU!! Your hair gives the government special power!! We must CUT IT OFF!!" Kikyo screamed. Inuyasha snarled.
"NO ONE TOUCHES THE HAIR!!!" he shrieked.
"What's a governit?" the Shippos asked. Kagome shrugged.
"No no! We must CUT YOUR HAIR OFF!! ALL OF IT!! OR THE GOVERNMENT WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!" Kikyo screamed.
"That's IT!!!" Inuyasha exclaimed, grabbing the Tetsusaiga and turning into his red glowy eye creepy demon form at the same time. "DEATH!! AND KILLING!! AND DIEING!!!" he yelled.
"DEMON!!!" Kikyo exclaimed.
"NO KIDDING!!!" Inuyasha growled, raising the Tetsusaiga above his head. Before he could attack her, she exploded.
"Eh?" Inuyasha asked, and made the stupid mistake of turning back into his hanyou form. Stupid Inuyasha. Whatever blew KIKYO up OBVIOUSLY is too strong for you to handle as a hanyou, and yet you persist in turning BACK into a HANYOU...
Anyway, an EVIL and diabolical and EVIL and demonic and EVIL and psychopathic and EVIL!! laugh sounded from the trees.
"Who's there?" Kagome asked. Miroku emerged from the trees.
"MIROKU!! WERE YOU MAKING THAT AWFUL NOISE?!" Inuyasha demanded.
"What, that EVIL and diabolical and EVIL and demonic and EVIL and psychopathic and EVIL!! laughing?" Miroku asked.
"YUH!!" everyone conscious yelled.
"No..." he started, and then he turned into a purple emu. "Huh. Okay, yes then!" the emu, who had an uncharacteristically (and probably unhumanly) deep voice.
"ARGH!! YOU'RE NOT MIROKU!! YOU'RE AN EMU!!" the Shippos exclaimed.
"ARGH!! YOU'RE NOT MIROKU!! YOU'RE NARAKU!!" Kagome and Inuyasha yelled.
"Oh...that makes more sense..." the Shippos replied. Emu Naraku quacked and ran up to the two Shippos. He grabbed one of them in his beak and ran off never to be seen or heard from again. Well, except when they fight him to get Shippo #2 back...
"SHIPPO!!" Kagome yelled dramatically.
"I'm right here," Shippo pointed out.
"Not YOU!! The OTHER Shippo!!" Kagome exclaimed.
"Oh..." Shippo said.
"Well, this is random!! Miroku's gone, Sango is unconscious, and Naraku just kidnapped one of the Shippos!" Inuyasha complained.
"This is confusing," Shippo said.
"To say the least..." Kagome added. Sango suddenly woke up and looked at Shippo.
"Oh thank God! There's only ONE of you!!" she exclaimed, then looked around. "Where's Hoshi-sama?" she asked.
"Naraku KIDNAPPED the other Shippo while you were passed out!! And we have no idea where Miroku is!!" Kagome exclaimed, overdramatically. Lightning flashed ominously.
TO BE CONTINUED!!!
Just kidding...^_^ *dodges various thrown objects* Sorry!!
Last time on A TALE OF TWO SHIPPOS...
"Tra," said Inuyasha.
KIKYO EXPLODED!!
"Well, this is random! Miroku's gone, Sango's unconscious, and Naraku just kidnapped one of the Shippos!"
And now, the continuation of A TALE OF TWO SHIPPOS...PART EIGHT!!
"What are we gonna do, what are we gonna do, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!" Kagome panicked, running around in circles.
"Calm down!" Inuyasha ordered.
"Miroku could be DEAD or DIEING and Naraku could be torturing Shippo #2 with NEEDLES and EVIL PURPLE DINOSAURS!!! How do you expect me to be CALM?!" Kagome demanded. Shippo and Sango whimpered and then started to cry.
"Hoshi-saMAAAAAAAAA!!!" Sango shrieked.
"Me Number Twoooooooo!!!" Shippo wailed.
"NO CRYING!!" Inuyasha yelled. They immediately stopped and acted as if the two sentences above didn't happen. So so should you. They never happened.
"We'll split up to look for them. Kagome and I will go kill Naraku and bring back Shippo #2 and probably dinner, while you two go look for Miroku!" Inuyasha ordered.
"But I need to go look for Me #2!" Shippo complained.
"NO!!!" everyone screamed.
"One of you is PLENTY enough!!" Sango and Inuyasha yelled. Shippo started to cry.
"SHUT UP!!" everyone yelled, and Inuyasha punted Shippo into the atmosphere.
"HEY LOOK IT'S OUR HOUSE!!" Shippo yelled as he sailed away.
"That wasn't very nice," Kagome pointed out.
"Would you rather have him HERE being all ANNOYING and CRYING and stuff?!" Inuyasha demanded.
"....no...."
"HA!!"
"So why are we going to look for his second copy?" Kagome asked. Inuyasha suddenly realised his mistake.
"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
MEANWHILE!!!!
Unbeknownst (what a random word!) to Inuyasha and Kagome, Sango had already left to search for Miroku.
"Hoshi-sama, please be okay," she said. Then she thought about that for a second. "...not that I care, but if you died we'd have to go through the trouble of burying you..."
"Oh, I'm SO glad you care," came a sarcastic male voice.
"HOSHI-SAMA!!!" Sango shrieked, and ran in the direction the voice had come from. She broke through a line of trees into a beautiful meadow with flowers and grass and moss and trees and other meadow-ish stuff...but no one cares about that kinda stuff in a parody fic so never mind... In the EXACT center of the meadow was a big tree, which Miroku was hanging from upside-down by the feet. His arms were folded and there was a VERY disgruntled look on his face.
"This isn't COMFORTABLE you know!! Come and UNTIE me!!" Miroku suggested.
"Hoshi-sama! I'm so glad you're all right!" Sango exclaimed.
"That's great and all, but how about, oh, I don't know, GETTING ME OUT OF THIS GOD-FORSAKEN TREE?!" Miroku shouted. Sango smirked, and took her boomerang off of her back. Miroku's eyes widened.
"Not THAT WAY!!" Miroku shrieked, flailing his hands about frantically. Sango threw the boomerang, but a sudden gust of wind blew it into the tree and away from Miroku's rope.
"Darn," Sango said, and took a knife out of her pocket. "I guess I'll have to cut you down the conventional way," she said, and went over and started cutting through the thick rope. "So, who tied you up here, anyway?" she asked.
"A beautiful woman...at least I thought. She turned out to be Naraku...you know, I can see up your skirt like this..." Miroku said. Sango stepped back, and glared down at him. He got an innocent 'what did I do?' look on his face.
"HENTAI!!!" she exclaimed, kicking him so hard that he looped up over the branch, cutting the rest of the rope, hit Sango's boomerang, and hit the ground a few seconds later, her boomerang a few feet away unscathed. Sango walked over and put her boomerang back on her back with a triumphant 'ha!'. Miroku dizzily got up.
"That wasn't nice..." he said, but she just 'hmph'ed and turned and walked off, Miroku following behind her.
"I must say though, you have a nice ass-" Miroku started, but she whacked him with the boomerang. "-never mind,"
TO BE CONTINUED... (for real this time!!)
There are only two things that can motivate me to continue: popsicles and reviews. I have one, now you provide the other...