AN: I read a Christmas fic (Don't ask why. I have no idea.) And I somehow came up with this idea. Yes, I realize it's almost August (Quite literally in one and a half hours at the time of writing this AN.) but I needed to write this.

WARNING: If you have ithenaiphobia (Totally fake and made up name). That is, the fear of parentheses then I would turn back now. (I used the second half of it's greek root.)

And thanks to my beta The Moyashi Beansprout Midget. And I wrote a little more without running it by them so there may be a few errors.

I present to you: Loki's Countdown to Christmas! Enjoy!

Clint wasn't entirely sure why he was the one that was climbing the stupid tree. He thought back to that morning.

Just a normal December 14th morning...

The lights on the tree were twinkling happily. Signaling to him that some one else was awake. And by the amazing smells coming from the kitchen it wasn't Thor, and since it didn't smell particularly foreign it was a safe bet that Bruce wasn't cooking either. Tony only baked, with the occasional not baked goods sprinkled in. That left (other than himself) Steve and Natasha, so considering that fact that Natasha was showering that meant Steve was cooking.

Walking into the kitchen confirmed his deduction. Tony was looking more disheveled than usual, he sat glowering at his coffee like it personally offended him. Steve was making the classic bacon and eggs, complete with toast, fruit and even orange juice. Which Tony had a glass of sitting in front of him. He would occasionally switch his glare to the unsuspecting juice.

"Morning." Clint greeted the room. Steve looked over his shoulder, smiled and returned the sentiments. Tony seemed to want the poor coffee mug to spontaneously combust, probably because it stopped holding coffee (no, no holes it was simply empty). At this point Bruce walked in. All put together and just generally too full of energy this early in the morning for anyone to deal with besides Steve.

"Stop trying to kill the mug." Was the first thing Bruce said before greeting the other two, less hostile, people.

Clint was still was still wondering what the coffee mug did (Bruce had refilled it so, it was not because it was empty) when Natasha walked in. Her eyes swept over the room, pausing at both Tony and the food that was beginning to pile up.

For a few minutes there was some conversation. Everyone practically felt the lightbulb that appeared over Tony's head. He took out a tablet and started typing.

"Figure it out?" Steve asked. And of course Steve knew (why was Clint surprised?). After Tony and Steve made peace they were best buddies. Tony trusted Steve with some pretty deep stuff. (Clint was only slightly jealous. Tony shared junk with him too. But Tony trusted Steve a little more when he talked about relationships. And Clint totally understands because he will, admittedly, run his mouth about Tony's crushes.)

"Yes!" His glee is tangible and so unlike the murderous aura that had previous occupied the space.

"Breakthrough on the project?" Bruce asks as he plops more toast onto a plate.

Tony pauses for a brief second (Clint doesn't think Bruce notices) but Tony smoothly covers it (for not being a spy he was pretty darn good at hiding things).

"Yeah." And, only because Clint is looking at Tony (the only one who is) he sees that yes, the engineer just had another thought. Now pertaining to whatever project they were working on. So Tony doesn't lie but at the same time he does?

Clint shakes off the thought before digging into the delicious breakfast.

Afterwords...

They decide to shop. Christmas is soon approaching and some (cough all cough) hadn't finished shopping. (In Tony's case inventing.) Clint heard a strange thump/fluttering noise. He looked up into a tree and saw a bird flapping it's wings rapidly.

"Uh, guys?" He says while pointing up. Bruce and Tony walked back to him while Steve simply looks up.

(The retail worker on break says nothing as she takes a picture of (most of) the Avengers staring up into a tree blankly.)

"Listen." Clint instructs. Soon the other guys hear the strange noise too.

"That sounds like a partridge of some sort." Bruce says. "What?" He asks as he realizes that the others are now staring at him.

"How could you possibly know that?" Clint asks.

"I spent some time in Africa and the Middle East. I wonder how and why it's here. It's not native."

"And isn't it flightless? How did it get up there?" Tony puts in.

"Yes. And they're shy too. It wouldn't be doing that when it knows a lot of humans are around."

Tony claps suddenly. "Okay so it's settled. We need to get the bird down. Any volunteers?" He asks the three men in front of him.

Natasha had split off at some point, Thor would be gone with Jane for the season. They may or may not be able to come to New York later. Steve had claimed that the higher, thinner, branches wouldn't be able to hold his weight. There, Clint wasn't sure if he should accept it and move on or start making jokes on how Captain America just indirectly called himself fat. He decided on a snort (causing Steve to look at him funny) and looked to the two resident geniuses (idiots (because, who can be that smart but not see the obvious feeling between the two?)) Bruce quickly had shook his head and raised his hands, offering no words. Tony just kinda...well he did that smirk and eyes, that Clint swears can hypnotize, and the next thing Clint knows is that he already climbed up half the distance. He was within reach of the bird when it suddenly snapped at him, making him lose his balance and fall. Luckily (note sarcasm) there were several hard branches to break his fall and throwing him off course of the wonderful fluffy snow bank waiting on the side of the sidewalk. The bird hopped down, branch from branch, before finally hopping onto Steve's head. His surprised look made Clint laugh besides his better judgement against it. (Yeah he hopes nothing was broken or fractured, he just kinda just felt sore...so he had hope.) The last jump had dislodged a fruit hanging there. (And really? What tree bore fruit in the middle of a New York winter?) It fell and hit Tony on the head. Bruce was the only one to see it because Clint was still laughing and Steve was staring at the bird who had hopped off his head. Bruce did the equivalent of a polite snicker. (Snickers, by nature, are not polite.) The bird regarded Clint for a second before running (more of a waddle really) away. It fell into step (waddle?) behind a vaguely familiar green colored back.

Tony, Steve and Bruce lead a sore Clint home. He iced the sore spots (AKA his whole chest) and watched Christmas movies that were playing all month long.

Clint snuck a peek at Tony's tablet when the billionaire went for beverages. He wasn't really sure what it all meant. (A third of it was in math, another third was in run on sentences (he was pretty sure Tony had switched languages between the not sentences.) And the final third was what everyone referred to as 'Tony writing'. Even if he was typing or handwriting he'd put in random symbols.) But the gist of it was 'Bruce...bunch of equations...Christmas deadline...equations...gift...etc.'

The archer wasn't sure but he thought it sounded like nerd love. Maybe Tony was finally making a move. Clint wanted to intervene but decided that, hey, he had no idea how genius love worked. (Well, he did. It was the same. But the seduction part was over his head.)

Clint jumped (And totally did not scream) when he heard a familiar thump/flutter. Natasha had been trying to find another movie when she came across the nature channel. And, wow, it was showcasing a type of Partridge. Why not scare the pants off of Barton? Everyone burst into laughter while Clint grumbled in his seat.

In a (surprisingly not gloomy) villain hangout...

A figure sat in a mostly dark room. The only light coming from the lamp on the desk. The person wrote:

Dear Big Red Fat Man,

Why do you assume coal is a proper deterrent to mischief? It is quite good for my fireplace. Even if the cold never really bothered me. So, I decided to screw my brother's friends over by cursing them with Midgard's song of 'Twelve Days of Christmas'.

Day One was a success.

Yours truly,

Loki

AN: And I hope you enjoyed this insanity. The Science Boyfriends will NOT be a main focus. It'll be stuble (execpt in one chapter). Yes all chapters are connected. Sorry I will not need help with ideas I have them already thought of and planned out.

Let me know what you think!

And I promise I will finish it no matter what. Even if I go months without updating I WILL post something for real Christmas(es). This will get finished. There is no reason for it not to.

~Dawnmoon