So I've been on an Avengers stint for a while now, and the one character that I thought I probably wouldn't be able to get the characterization right for was Natasha. Naturally, then, my plot chipmunk had to bring me a Natasha plot! I couldn't get it out of my head, so I wrote it. Here you go!

It's been years. She keeps telling herself that she's safe, that no harm will come to her, and, after countless repetitions, she almost believes it. Almost.

She tells herself that she can trust the other Avengers, that it's okay to show weakness around them, okay to cry. That they are her team, that they would understand, that maybe they could help. But she's so used to not being able to cry, not being allowed, that she keeps it all inside. All the hurt, all the anger, the pain, the distrust, the loneliness. She bottles it up and buries it deep. She buries it so deeply, so completely, that she buries the rest of her emotions with it – the outward expressions of them, anyway. That's how she gets through the day. That's the only way she can get through her job. A blank face, an emotionless voice. She has a mission, she lets it take her mind over. Completely. So that there are no empty spaces, no little lapses that can be filled with those banished thoughts.

So many times has she tried to shove those thoughts into a chest in her mind, lock it, and throw away the key. So many times has she hurled that key with all of her considerable might, only to have it show back up in her hand at the worst of times. Times that test her, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Times that she had come too close to losing everything dear to her, or had taken everything dear to others. Times that came to prove too much for her weary mind to battle.

Still, only when she is alone in her room, her door locked and all the lights off, does she allow herself to cry.

Please let me know what you think! Did I capture her essence, or was I way off the mark?

~Mirnava