Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or Ranma 1/2

The City of Insanity

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Slack-Jawed Shitless

"Man. Never thought I would be saying this, but it actually feels kinda good to be back on hollow patrol duty after the whole Midget-rescue operation." An orange spiky-headed teen said to a giant of a teen with wryly amusement in his hazel eyes, dressed in a full black shihakusho with the hakama-pants sustained to his waist by a white sash.

On his feet were a combination of white socks and wooden sandals, though the lanky, slightly muscular teen's most distinguished item was a lengthy long shark-tooth esque bandaged cleaver strapped across his back via a red rosary going across his chest.

And that was true too. Before invading the enemy's territory, the Substitute Shinigami thought keeping the streets clean of its infection problem was the bane of his existence. Nowadays, he was not only willingly volunteering to hunt down hollows, but he was venturing out of the parameters of his hometown with backup to do it!

He guessed the moral of his story was, appreciate your current circumstances without wishing for more (or less) because you just might end up biting off more than you can chew.

He even beefed up enough during his recent triumphed ordeal that his sisters took notice to his increase in body mass. That was quite the awkward conversation to have all things considered.

"Hm." Ichigo's amigo hummed, coming past the already tall teen's shoulder to essentially dwarf him in height. Contrary to Ichigo's fair peach skin his skin complexion was a dark tan. Wavy, thick dark red locks of hair masqueraded his bland eyes, essentially confining his stoical expression to an emotionless one. Stubble even sat situated on his chin.

His huge broad-shouldered physique was accentuated by his sleeveless blue vest top that was decorated with a red stripe running from the shoulder to his hip. Black trousers and sneakers almost finished off his appearance. The older-looking teen's most distinguishable accessory was a gold coin wrapped around his neck.

"You sure you're okay with that?" He asked succinctly and a deep, monotone voice, removing his view from the fence blocking entrance to a canal they were walking by to elucidate further with only a single gaze of one of his impassive eyes, "Ichigo."

Ichigo knew what his uncommunicative companion was trying to convey. Even before they experienced the Soul Society ordeal, Ichigo had been able to ascertain his giant friend's thought process even with the few succinct sentences he gave him to work with.

"Sure," He confirmed confidently, gazing to the sky with a longing fondness held within his pupils, "As long as the midget's safe that's all that matters to me."

"Hm."

"You're so uncute!"

Blinking blankly, Ichigo traced the loud tone of aggravation back to the fence. Two unremarkable looking teens were now before the two, proverbially at each other's throats, a male balanced casually on the thin railing of the fence and a girl marching alongside him on the ground, sending him a glare which he returned without hesitation.

"Uh. Some balance," Ichigo said, more to himself than to them. Neither of them heard him, too engrossed in their petulant altercation to take note to their surroundings.

"Oh shove it Ranma!" The blue-haired girl snapped, identifying the black-haired boy as Ranma.

"Only if you shove it first, tomboy!" Ranma yelled, causing Ichigo to lift an eyebrow at his description of the girl.

'Was that meant to be an insult or something?' He wondered strangely, observing the dubbed tomboy's appearance. From his observation there was nothing even remotely tomboyish save for her initial aggression about her, but that was like calling Rukia or Rangiku "tomboyish" just because they had a tendency to lose their temper.

There wasn't even an ounce of muscle on the girl's curvy body, and her long slender, delicate arms were held below her waist so her soft hands could hold her bag in a ladylike fashion. A crop of blue hair neatly fell to her shoulders, and she sported a long sleeveless blue dress underneath a white-collared blouse, though Ichigo guessed her current attire was her school uniform going by her business-bag.

"Stupid jerk!"

"Uncute tomboy!"

"Dry up and die!"

"Aiyyaa!" A new female bubbled, springing into the vicinity. Quite literally as the wheel of her bicycle landed squarely on Ranma's face.

Even Chad struggled to hold back the cringe his body wanted to do at the audible "crunch" sound that echoed from Ranma's flattened mug.

Ichigo, even however, was not as controlled as Chad was, "Ow! That's gotta hurt," He winced indistinctly whilst the audacious girl with even lighter blue hair than the dubbed tomboy ricocheted off of Ranma's face, landing on the ground, "Where the hell did she even come from anyway, the woodwork?"

"Beats me," Chad shrugged, more curious to know how the two of them had become so engrossed in watching this clown show play out. It reminded him of the time when they were watching that faux ninja show of a shunned boy and how inexplicably immersed they were in watching a creepy sensei and student hug each other in one of the episodes.

That was most uncomfortable for the two.

"Darn it, Shampoo!" Ranma winced, further increasing Ichigo's confusion, "What'd ya do that for?!"

'Who names their kid after a hair-product?' The orange haired Shinigami deadpanned, gauging the frivolous girl's reaction. She barely, if at all, acknowledged Ranma's anger, merely choosing to flex her luscious figure. Had Ichigo been more observant of a woman's figure he would've noticed hers was more curvaceous than the mistakenly dubbed tomboy's, and her bust was bigger than hers too.

He wasn't, so he didn't notice such advantages Shampoo had over her rival, though he did take notice to the rather unusual design of her hairstyle. Two hair muffs sat on top of her long sea blue hair, two strands with two red ribbons tied at the ends of them framed her brightened visage.

"Shampoo on delivery run," She stated, tapping the bundle of wrapped food in her bucket. Her broken Japanese speech mechanisms and usage of the first person earned her a bizarrely raised eyebrow from one of their audience members.

"Who the hell speaks like that?" Ichigo deadpanned.

"Must be from another country," Chad rationalized.

"Sounds kinda like a spaz."

"Great. What else is new?" Ranma asked, earning himself a smirk from Ichigo at his fine usage of sarcasm.

'Sarcastic bastard.'

"Then Shampoo come back, marry Ranma-airen!"

"I ain't marrying ya!"

"Grr!" The shoulder-length blue-haired girl's already short fused had long since blown out.

"Gah! What now, Akane!" Ranma demanded.

"Ranma you jerk! You can take your tramp and go die then! See if I care!" She stacked her arms to her sides stiffly.

"She's being really rational," Ichigo sarcastically remarked with the driest expression imaginable on his face.

"Jealousy?" Chad ventured to guess.

"I get that she likes the guy in some way, really I do, but it just seems stupid to me to jump to conclusions when he hasn't even confirmed to like the other girl in the way she's insinuating he does," Ichigo explained.

"Hm."

Shampoo placed her hands on her hips, a vulpine smirk tugging at her lips, "Angry-girl knows airen destined to be Shampoo's."

If only looks could kill. Akane would've sold her soul to the devil just for the capability of her scathing glares being enable to incinerate any unfortunate individuals like death beams of doom, "Oh please!" She scoffed, sticking her finger into her mouth and pretending to retch, "I could care less if you and that knucklehead grow old and grey together!" Her expression dried up in annoyance as she mockingly urged, "So have fun on your honeymoon."

"Gee. Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Akane," Ranma returned, drawing a glare from Akane, though before the narrow-minded, hot-headed tsundere could retort another escapee from the mental institution miraculously sprinted onto the scene.

"Oh!~ Beauteous Akane Tendo," A handsome boy recited as suavely as he could, ignoring Akane's increasingly sulky look to instead place his wooden sword on his shoulder.

"Where are these crackpots all coming from?" Ichigo shook his head in disbelief. Even Chad couldn't just passively watch all of these mentally ill individuals appearing out of nowhere without one of his eyes coming into view.

"Oh! How have I long to see thee!" He insisted in a tone he thought was charming as he attempted to bring Akane into his embrace only to get punched in the face in return, staggering him backward, "Dearest Akane Tendo, why is it thee continue to resist salvation from the mighty Tatewaki Kuno?"

"She doesn't like ya, jackass," Ichigo bluntly inputted, and for the first time the group of assembled mentally challenged individuals took notice to his and Chad's presence.

"Where those guys always there?" Ranma asked blankly, not sure who he was speaking to as he pointed to the freakishly tall duo, "Man, they're tall as hell."

"Oh I see," Kuno said, a look of sobered realization flashing across his face.

"See what, the error of your ways? What a turnover," Ichigo said sarcastically, drawing a smirk from Ranma at his appropriate utilization of sarcasm, "No shit, genius. It's as clear as day she doesn't like ya."

Kuno chuckled malevolently, "Yes, I see now. The beauteous Akane Tendo hast been bewitched by thee!" He declared dramatically, jabbing a finger at Ichigo's completely gobsmacked expression. There was a fine line between ignorance and stupidity, and this wacko had long since traversed that line from the extremely shallow ends of ignorance and into the immensely deep ends of stupidity.

"What!" Akane shouted, flabbergasted, "I don't even know him!"

"Geez Kuno. This is a new level of stupidity even for you."

"Hehe. Kendo-boy keep finding ways to amaze us."

Kuno blanked out the general mockery of his intellect as though they were never uttered in the first place. He didn't give a damn how others viewed his actions, just as long as he himself viewed his own actions as morally right and honourable then a lucky fair maiden could win a date with a man of his magnificent station if they bet they were indeed honourable.

"I don't even know what to say," Ichigo remarked tiredly, 'This guy makes Keigo look like a genius.'

"Silence!" Kuno demanded, extending his sword to Ichigo, "For I may smite thee down for thee treachery of tainting the magnificence of the beauteous Akane Tendo!"

"You sure that's a good idea?" Ichigo asked, his slothful gaze morphing into a sharp penetrating glare of interrogation that evoked a wince from Ranma and a gasp from the ladies. Gripping the handle of his Zanpakuto, Ichigo brandished his cleaver before him, the bandages magically unfurling themselves.

"Holy crap!" Ranma gaped, mirroring Akane and Shampoo's own shock-faced expressions, "That sword's large!"

"Fool! Wouldst be foolish enough to believe the size of the weapon can compensate for thy lack of authentic skill?!" Kuno bragged, making a bee-line to Ichigo, though in comparison to the elite warriors he had fought in the Soul Society Kuno might as well had been moving at a snail-paced speed, "Prepare to be vanquished!"

Had Ichigo been a heartless warrior, he would've simply lobbed the deluded mock samurai's head off and called it a day. As far as Kuno's safety was concerned he wasn't, but that didn't mean he took to being attacked well. He merely spun his blade around, smashing the blunt end through Kuno's wooden sword and into his torso, repelling him back to the fence with enough force to send him directly through it. The tremor to the fence offset Ranma and he eventually fell into the canal after a futile attempt to maintain his balance.

"Hey-! Darn!"

*Splash.*

"Ranma!" Akane screamed, her emotions doing a complete 180.

"Airen!"

"Woops," Ichigo verbalized bashfully, sheathing his sword and moving to the lovely hole he made in the fence with Kuno's body, his arm reaching up to his head, "Hey, uh. Sorry about tha-."

"Darn it!" Ichigo's apology was short cut by an unexpected feminine screech of exasperation from the direction of the teenage boy. The boy's gruff voice sounded anything but feminine to him before his accidental fall within the canal, so some kind of messed up metamorphosis had to occur.

And it did.

Either that or Ichigo was catching the insanity in the air within this crazy town the moment a red-haired girl with the same blue eyes, braided-style hair, orange sleeved shirt and blue trousers Ranma possessed leaped out of the water, glaring furiously at Ichigo.

"Uh. Chado?"

'Chado?' Akane softly breathed out. What kind of name of sheer eccentricity was Chado? Actually, it wasn't that the name itself was weird, it was just that the name "Chado" in the Japanese language was odd in of itself, though considering all of the bizarre occurrences she had been greeted with since Ranma stepped into her life a white boy's name like Chado on a Japanese individual wasn't at all unbelievable to her.

"Yeah?"

"You seeing this, man?"

"Yeah."

"Good. So I'm not catching the freaky insanity," Ichigo sighed in relief.

"You're gonna catch sumthin if I have sumthin ta say 'bout it, jerk!" The fiery redhead yelled.

"Look, I said I was sorry," Ichigo snapped, propping his hands on his hips, "What more do ya want?"

"Well, sorry ain't good enough, pal!" She stated, lunging in on Ichigo with a roundhouse kick, only for the teen to do the inexplicable; dodge an angry girl's blow, letting her slide on her heels, 'What the-?' That was shocking. For as long as Ranma could remember whenever she had angered females in either form she had been powerless to stop them from giving her, her just desserts.

"Hey, stop that!" Ichigo demanded, only to stick his foot in his mouth, "I don't fight girls!" Not named Tatsuki.

Ranma bristled in anger, "How dare you!" She screeched, launching a barrage of attacks at her new adversary, which he swerved away from with an awkward expression on his face, "I ain't a girl!"

"Yeah, well, you look like a girl to me."

"Shaddap!" She chased him down the street, leaving the others just standing around trying to comprehend what in the actual fuck just occurred.

"Ginger-boy good," Shampoo said breathlessly, "Dodge airen's attacks like nothing."

Akane's face scrunched up in frustration, having already drawn an conclusion of her own, that being Ranma wanting to charm the powerful young man for his skills, "Stupid perverted Ranma!"

Chad lifted an eyebrow, wanting to contemplate the possibility of the girl always being angry at the bizarre she-male, but was interrupted from doing so by the gentle tap of an index finger he got on his muscular arm.

"Excuse me sir," Akane's heart clenched.

Chad glanced downward, and already ascertained this newcomer was another uneducated fellow just by the fact he held up a map upside down, 'Another one?' The boy lowered his map, showing Chad two dark brown eyes of naive innocence slightly covered by the bangs of his messy crop of black hair thanks to his distinguished yellow bandanna wrapped around his forehead. Other features and clothes about the lost-boy included his light tan complexion, yellow sleeveless tank-top, dark blue pants, red umbrella sheathed into the straps of his backpack and black shoes fitted on his feet.

'Whoa, he's huge!' He gaped, now truly aware to the enormous shadow he was in. Mustering up some courage he asked politely, "Um. C-Could you point me in the direction of Nerima, sir?"

Akane held back a giggle behind her hand whilst Shampoo gaped. Her Ryoga was such a silly boy she couldn't help but adore him.

Chad pointed, promptly getting Ryoga to trace his finger down, "Here."

"Eh?"

"Oh Ryoga-kun," Ryoga froze up at the playfully angelic voice he had come to cherish so, slowly turning his head to find his angel bathed in an ethereal white luminescence that only accentuated her beauty, her eyes filled with warm fondness sparkling at him, "What am I going to do with you, huh?" She joked, shaking her head.

"A-Akane-san!" He yelped.

'Sounds like Ichigo,' Chad related, watching Akane quickly round to Ryoga's side, tying her arms around his muscular one.

"Oh Ryoga-kun," She breathed dreamily, and Ryoga could feel the rapid beats of his heart drumming against his chest heavily, "I know you'll never leave me, unlike some people."

"Eh?" Confusion marred Ryoga's beet red countenance, "Did that ingrate Saotome run off somewhere?" Yeah that was just like his cowardly rival, running off instead of facing his problems like a man.

When Akane stared into Ryoga's eyes, Chad noticed the soft, docile and innocent look held within her orbs, a complete contrast to the self-assured anger that adorned them in Ranma's presence. It made Ryoga's stomach churn, "C'mon, Ryoga-kun. Let's head to mine. You can try my cooking."

He didn't know what he was more upset about. It was toss-up between the blatant insinuation that meant nothing given her innocent look or the fact he would've had to eat her cooking. Hey, he loved Akane with all his heart but even he had his limits, damn it! And her cooking was his limit. It was awful!

"Sure," He agreed, giving Chad an appreciative nod, "Well, thanks, Big-guy." That said, the two potential lovebirds were cheerfully waved off by Shampoo.

"Bun-Bye! Send Shampoo postpone from honeymoon!" She bubbled, her cheery expression quickly hardening into a deviously smug one, "Good! With stupid angry-girl and stupid lost-boy hooked up, Shampoo be one step closer to marrying her airen! No one stop her!"

"Shampoo, oh Shampoo!"

He certainly wasn't going to stop her, especially if he just blindly runs up and hugs the first man in sight, that being the silent giant in this case. His arms could only embrace so much of Chad's massive physique.

"Oh Shampoo, since when did you get so big?" He said, creeping Chad out, though it didn't show on his face. Shampoo had to admire his composure.

Dislodging the long-haired, white-clad potential resident of the asylum with an index finger pushed into his forehead, Chad bluntly said, "Got the wrong person."

"Eh?" He asked stupidly, knocking down the thick coca-coca lenses perched on his forehead with his thumb. Why he never just properly wore his glasses was beyond Chad. It seemed essential with the threat that he could accidentally hug up a man without realizing it, "Oh, sorry sir!" He said, terribly embarrassed. Chad nodded, dismissing the incident. The boy nodded, turning to his beloved, his expression brightening anew, "Oh Shampoo!~"

As he lunged, he was sent on a one-way trip to the stratosphere by Shampoo's foot, "Stupid Mousse!" She raged, "When you learn Shampoo no like you!"

"Yeah," Chad said, backing up, "I'm just going to leave now."

And never, never, never, ever come back to this crazy town.

Ever.