I have been working on this for so long and I'm proud to finally have it done! This takes place before Castle proposes to Kate, only a few months prior, but it's an au in the fact that Jenny does not exist.

" The end of her hardest day ,

and the only words she could say were ;

' I want you to live ,

I want you to love ,

I want to go back to the way it was

to hear you say my name again .

I want to see you smile again .

I want you to live .'"
-George Canyon (I Want You to Live)

Present time…

The timer told him he had 17 minutes and 31 seconds left until he lost his partner.

And there was nothing that Javier could do except watch the minutes countdown on the bomb strapped to Kevin's chest.

12 hours earlier…

"You're close, Detective Beckett." The broken sob from a young woman came over the phone. "But…" The words stopped as the girl's sobbing took over. It took her a few moments to continue her captor's message. "But, you're not c-close enough. T-time's up."

Not a second later, there was loud explosion from the other line of the phone that was soon replaced by the steady drone of the disconnection. The precinct was quiet until Beckett shouted angrily, "Fuck!" She slammed her fist on her desk.

Ryan sighed sadly as he put Tracy Gynn's picture up next to the other two other victims. They'd lost three innocent people in the past three days to a crazy serial killer. Each day had a new victim.

There was no rhyme or reason as to why he was choosing these people. He'd pluck some unsuspecting person from their life, strap a bomb to their chest and 3 hours later they were gone.

They hadn't even heard his voice yet, and had no clue who they were looking for. Just the phone calls to Detective Beckett and her team with a stranger conveying their killer's message. It was eery; hearing the sobbing of a poor human tell Beckett that she wasn't working fast enough to save them but using the exact words the killer gave them.

It was beyond frustrating, seeing that they had absolutely no way to even know where to begin looking for this killer.

"I want this prick found. Three days ago." Beckett growled at any surrounding detective and officer.

"There's nothing for us to go on, Beckett." Esposito kicked his desk watching as his loose papers fell to the ground. "We're stuck."

"Then we find something." Beckett signalled the rest to head off to work through the dead ends.

4 hours earlier…

It was reaching lunch time the next day and the team was still searching through their victims' files. They thought maybe there was a place or places close that each person visited and that's where they were abducted.

Castle's stomach growled as he leaned over to grab a stray folder that may have already been looked through, but could use a second once over. "Man, I'm starved." He said more to himself; they were all hungry from their non-stop work on this case.

Ryan lifted his head from looking down on the folder in front of him, "I'll run and grab us a pizza or two." He stood up and stretched his muscles, "I'll be back in a half hour. By then, I should have the results and know if we can trace those numbers."

"You want me to come, bro?" Esposito asked, but didn't look up from his papers.

"No," Ryan responded immediately. "I can handle this run. We need all hands on this case."

Esposito looked up with a brief smile. "Alright, bro and don't forget-"

"Pineapple, olives, double jalapeno. Javi, I've been ordering your pizza for the past nine years. You think I'm gonna suddenly forget?" Ryan rolled his eyes as he hastened his pace out of the bullpen.

As the next hour passed, the team barely registered the fact that Ryan had yet to return. They were all so focused on the case until the ringing of Beckett's work phone disrupted their silence. Beckett ran to the phone where there were already fellow officers that had multiple wires and machines hooked up to it. They had been waiting for another call and another victim.

Beckett ran out of the small room to the open bullpen followed closely by Castle and Esposito. Once she got the nod from the officer recording the call, she clicked the speaker button to answer the call before the ringing stopped.

Beckett waited for the voice to speak first.

"Hello, Detective Beckett."

Beckett's heart dropped at the familiar voice, "Damn it, Ryan, this isn't a funny joke." It had to be a joke.

It was only after a few seconds did Ryan answer, "It's different this time. I've decided to increase the stakes. Make you all work a little harder," his voice was monotone except for the slight crack at the end of his sentence.

"No, no, no, no." Beckett shook her head as she extended her hands to support herself on the desk. "Listen to me you-" Beckett's threat was cut off by Esposito.

He leaned over the phone and growled, "You son of a bitch, if you fucking hurt him I will skin you alive."

It was weird to hear Ryan's voice instead of the killer's, but the team tried to ignore it. "Detective Esposito, I knew you'd join the party. After all, this bomb is strapped to your partner's pretty little chest."

"Once I find you, you're going to wish all I put you through was a bomb." Esposito was practically shaking from both anger and fear.

"If you do that then how will you know how to save your partner? In only 1 hour and 23 minutes," Ryan paused for a shaky breath. "Kevin Ryan will be no more."

Beckett knew that Esposito was too upset to catch it, but she wasn't. "What help?"

"First off, I think you'd like to know where he is." Everyone in the precinct could hear how hard Ryan was trying to hold himself together. "You can only imagine what it feels like. How...scared he is. Your partner is alone surrounded by darkness with only the numbers counting down on his chest providing any light. The constant beep, beep, beep, beep of the timer ticking down until...kaboom."

One would think that the actual killer's voice on the other end of the line would be frightening, but Esposito knew that nothing in the world could scare him as much as hearing the killer talk using Ryan as his voice.

"Where is he?" Beckett reminded herself to speak as if she was addressing the murderer and not her partner on the other end; it was easier to keep it together that way.

"Right now he's-" Ryan stopped talking abruptly, and the team didn't know if Ryan stopped talking himself or the killer stopped giving him things to say. They heard a sudden gasp of pain from Ryan and Esposito was yelling at the phone.

"Kevin! Kev, are you okay?!"

After a shaky breath, Ryan answered, "He, he is fine, Detective. He just isn't cooperating at the moment."

"Don't you fucking hurt him," Esposito growled. "Where is he?"

"Don't worry about your partner. Blue eyes is safe and sound in my bed...I'm sorry, did you want to join? I'm sure he would be more than happy to show you all the tricks he's been showing me-" Esposito felt himself getting sick just listening to his partner, so he was thankful when he stopped.

The previous monotone voice was replaced with Kevin's voice so the team knew this was Ryan speaking and not the killer. "He's lying, Javi. I'm not-" Before he could finish, the distinct sound of flesh being smacked, loudly, was followed by a crash on the other end of the line. After a few seconds of rustling and a very faint, "Pick that up."

"Too low," Beckett answered Castle, who pointed a finger at the phone when they caught the killer's voice.

Ryan came back on the phone, but it wasn't their Kevin anymore. "I'll bring him to the old warehouse on 35th. Be there in a half hour, only his partner, the lady detective, and the writer. Or else there'll be a very familiar face on that murder board tonight."

And with that the phone line went dead.

Esposito didn't waste a moment before he was rushing out of the bullpen cursing under his breath. Castle and Beckett were right behind him, ready to go. Beckett turned to Gates before they disappeared in the elevator. "I want bomb squad close by. Don't let them been seen, but I need them there."

"Of course," Gates said. "I'd feel more comfortable if you took along-"

But, Beckett shook her head. "No, we're already pushing it. I'm not taking any chances. He'll push the button, we know it."

Gates sighed, clearly unhappy, but waved her off. "Fine, fine. Just bring him home."

Beckett nodded just as the elevator doors closed. "Oh, we will, sir."

"This it?" Castle whispered as the three slowly approached the warehouse.

Beckett nodded her head, but continued to keep an eye for anything suspicious. Esposito was beside her checking the left side of the warehouse thoroughly.

"Hey, what's that?" Castle's voice broke their search. Both detective's heads whipped towards where Castle's finger was pointing. At the other end of the warehouse garage was a black car and nothing else.

Beckett and Esposito exchanged a quick glance before they were rushing towards the abandoned car. Castle was right behind them, despite their slight head start he reached the car the same time. The three immediately looked through the tinted windows but couldn't see anyone inside.

Esposito pounded the window. "Where the fuck is he?!"

A new voice surprised them from behind. "You're close, but I think you're missing something."

Beckett, Castle and Esposito turned around to face the stranger. Their killer now had a face. He was a middle aged man, and about 6 feet. If he took care of himself a little better, he'd be an insanely attractive man, but his facial hair was uneven, his hair was greasy and his clothes were dirty and rumpled. What caught the three's eyes was the set of keys dangling in his out stretched hand.

"Yeah," Esposito growled. "That would help if my partner was in there."

The stranger laughed. "He's not? I think you're mistaken, Detective."

Esposito stole a glance over at the car and ran over the windows not seeing anyway his partner could be hidden… "Give me those fucking keys right now before I shoot you in the head," his hand was already on his gun.

Beckett and Castle both turned back to the car trying to see what Esposito found. "What?" But her question was ignored.

"If you shoot me, then he'll die. You don't know the code," the killer taunted with a smirk and a shake of the keys.

"Give. Me. The. Keys," Esposito repeated with a deadly growl that could rival any bear.

The stranger rolled his eyes. "Since you said please," And he tossed the key into the air and it sailed into Espo's awaiting hand. He didn't hesitate a second before he was at the trunk of the car.

Beckett realized where Ryan was and while Espo was rescuing him, she pulled her gun on the man with one warning, "Move and I shoot."

Castle turned to help Espo as he had no gun to protect them against the killer and Beckett easily had him covered. He got over just in time to see Espo pulling the trunk up, revealing Ryan tied up inside. He was stuffed into an uncomfortable position to fit and his wrists and ankles were tied behind his back. His eyes were covered with his tie, his mouth was gagged with duct tape and on his ears were covered by large headphones.

And on his chest was the bomb.

"Oh, Kev," Esposito breathed and his hands flew to his partner's shoulders to pull him out of the trunk. But, Ryan jerked away from him, screaming behind his gag. Esposito quickly realized his mistake and pulled off the headphones. Esposito talked over the loud music that was now blaring from the headphone speakers. "It's me, Kev, it's me."

Ryan stopped resisting and turned his head towards his savior. He mumbled something that sounded like his partner's name.

Esposito then pulled off the blue tie that was covering his eyes and behind them saw Ryan's bright blue, wide, tear filled eyes. He was mumbling again, but Esposito wouldn't be able to understand anything until he ripped the duct tape off of his mouth.

"Shh, Kev, we're gonna get you out of this," Esposito said rubbing his arm before moving to the duct tape. "This is gonna hurt, but it'll be quick."

Ryan nodded shortly before Esposito ripped the tape off his mouth, Ryan hissed in pain. Ryan tried to talk, but couldn't speak with the rag stuffed in his mouth. Esposito noticed this and pulled it out, finally giving back all of Ryan's senses.

"Javi," he said pushing himself into the trunk. "Get away from me," he looked down at his chest. "In a half hour, I'm gone and I don't want you to get hurt."

Castle stepped closer. "Come on, Kevin, we have him. We'll get you out of this. We always do."

"No, I can't," Ryan continued to shake his head.

Esposito grabbed his wrists. "Yes, you can," he carefully pulled Ryan up with the help of Castle so it wasn't uncomfortable for Ryan because of his tied wrists and ankles.

As Esposito held him up, Castle untied the knots around his ankles and then his wrists. Ryan rubbed his wrists. "Thanks for getting me out of the trunk and all, but I can't do this to you."

"You're not going to do anything to us because we're not let anything to happen to you," Esposito tried to ease Ryan to the front of the car, but he didn't want to move.

"No, Javi, stop I don't want something to-" Ryan was pushing against his partner. "I don't want to blow you up."

Esposito pulled Ryan closer into his arms, so he stopped resisting. "You're not going to blow up. I'm not going to let you."

"I'd like to watch you try to save him when I can easily press this button and boom."

All of their heads turned to face the killer.

Esposito put himself between his partner and the stranger. "You'd just take yourself out with him, so how well would that go?"

He huffed, "Are you kidding? I'm going down for murder, kidnapping, assaulting a police officer and who knows what else. You think I meant to come out of this alive?"

"Hold on, uh, I don't think I caught your name…" Beckett called out trying to calm him down.

"Andy."

"Andy, you don't have to do this, okay? We can make a deal with the DA, just don't do this," Beckett lowered her gun, so it was less threatening, but just as able to shoot if necessary.

Andy laughed. "That would ruin everything, wouldn't it? I wanted to have some fun with you four," he shrugged. "I was going to strap it to the writer, but pretty boy was an easier target and I think this is much more fun."

Castle narrowed his eyes at Andy, and Beckett sensing he was about to yell at him on behalf of his friend, waved him down. He huffed, but remained silent allowing the actual members of the NYPD handle it.

"If you don't diffuse that bomb right now, I'll make sure you do come out of this alive and you suffer for the rest of your wasted life." Esposito walked a few inches from Ryan to get closer to Andy (and the detonator in his hand).

"Come on, why can't you behave like your good little partner? He knows that the bomb will either go off after that clock counts down or when I press this button. He'll have longer if you listen, you know. Watch," Andy smirked and turned from Esposito to Ryan. "Leprechaun, get on your hands and knees."

Ryan swallowed thickly looking from each of his partners before mutely shaking his head.

Andy arched an eyebrow. "Really? You weren't so disobedient when your friends weren't here. I said get down on your hands and knees, boy," he raised the hand with the handheld detonator.

This time Ryan refused to look his friends in the eyes as he lowered himself to the ground, slowly as if a sudden movement would cause it to blow. "Listen, I don't think-" He tried to reason, but Andy cut him off.

"Bark."

"No, I really don't want to-"

"Bark!"

And Ryan opened his mouth to do so, until Esposito pulled him off the ground. "Don't you dare."

"Javi, he's gonna-" Ryan tried to push his partner away, but Esposito was stubborn.

"No he's not."

Andy laughed. "Oh yes I will."

No one believed him until his finger squeezed the button on top.

Beckett threw her friendly, 'we'll figure this out together' facade out the window and was advancing on Andy in a second. "Don't let go of that button, Andrew or so help me you'll be sorry."

Ryan felt his heart stop when he saw what Andy did and immediately shoved Esposito into Castle before trying to run away. He wouldn't take those three down with him.

"Kevin!" Esposito yelled and easily caught his arm before he even got past the car. "What the Hell do you think you're doing?"

Ryan wished he could stop the tears from falling. "I don't want to kill you, Javi. I can't," the more he tried to get away, the harder Espo held on.

Esposito turned around to see Andy shaking, but still holding the button and warning Beckett that he would pull his hand off any moment. But he was focused on the way his other hand was slipping behind his back to pull something out of his waistband. He had a pretty good idea what it was.

"Castle, hold him." Esposito ordered and all but threw Ryan into Castle's arms before running towards Beckett and Andy. "Beckett, gun!" He yelled just in time to watch Andy's eyes widen and quickly raise it to his temple.

Esposito worked his legs even harder and dove towards him just as he heard the shot ring out in the air. "No!" He yelled reaching for the hand holding the detonator.

He squeezed his eyes shut, never expecting to open them again. Until he heard Beckett's yelling fill the warehouse. "Esposito!"

He lifted his head up from the ground and saw Andy's lifeless body in front of him with the detonator lying by his hand. No, he failed his partner-but if he didn't catch the remote then why didn't the bomb explode?

His whole body was shaking as he slowly turned around to see what was going on behind him. "Guys…" After taking a deep breath, he said, "I didn't catch it..why didn't it…"

Castle was still holding onto Ryan even though he continued to try and shove the writer away. "Ryan, stop," He said directly into his ear so he couldn't ignore him, albeit it did make Ryan feel like a child.

Ryan finally stopped struggling and opened his misty eyes to see his partner coming closer with wide eyes. His hands were empty and that did nothing to calm him down. "Get away from me, Castle," he tried to untangle the writer's arms from around him, but it was no use.

But Beckett was already shouting over him for the bomb squad to get their asses in there-now. A few were already squatted by Andy's body and the so called detonator. One of them lifted it above his head after inspection and announced, "It's a fake; he just wanted to rile you up. The bomb is controlled automatically and will only go off when the timer runs out."

Esposito stopped at his partner's side and tried to help Castle calm his partner down. "Kev, stop. We're your family and whatever you suffer through, we'll be right by your side."

Ryan stubbornly shook his head. "No. I won't let you."

Esposito looked down at the timer on his chest. The timer told him he had 17 minutes and 31 seconds left until he lost his partner.

And there was nothing that Javier could do except watch the minutes countdown on the bomb strapped to Ryan's chest.

Esposito swallowed, already feeling useless to his partner. He averted his eyes from that fucking timer that seemed to think it could take Kevin from him that easily. As if Esposito wasn't going to fight it every inch of the way.

Beckett was back by his side a moment later with a woman he didn't recognize. "Espo, this is the head bomb tech, Karen Stills. She's going to take a look at the bomb and see what we can do."

Esposito looked to his partner, still wriggling in Castle's firm grip and then looked over at the bomb tech giving her a small nod.

"No, I don't want anyone here-I won't let you-"

Esposito rolled his eyes and quickly turned to face Ryan. "Shut up, you ass. I don't give a damn whether you want to be alone or not. I won't let you."

Ryan shut his mouth and promptly looked away from Esposito; he also stopped giving a hard time to Castle allowing the writer to loosen his grip. Esposito stepped forward and gently wrapped a hand around Ryan's forearm. "I'll take him now, Castle."

Ryan's face blanched and Esposito immediately felt like an ass. For the past four hours, Ryan was humiliated being Andy's puppet and Espo was making it worse by talking like Ryan is just some object to be held.

"I mean, uh, I'll stay with Ry. Why don't you and Beckett look into that dick and find out if there's anything that can help us break the code on this thing," Esposito's eyes remained on Ryan though when he spoke to Castle. Ryan looked up halfway through and gave him a small, but sincere smile.

Castle let go of Ryan and he didn't even try to push away. Stills and Esposito took Castle's spot as the writer left with Beckett to the small computer in the squad car. Esposito watched them leave without a doubt in his mind that they'd fix this.

When Espo turned back to his partner, Stills was already on her knees with two other bomb techs inspecting the explosives strapped to his chest. Espo worried his lip as he watched the bomb squad poke around the bomb. He also didn't fail to notice that every time the bomb was touched or probed, Ryan flinched.

Esposito stepped around the bomb squads on their knees and didn't think twice before grabbing his partner's sweaty hand in his. Ryan's wide eyes looked up to meet Esposito's and Espo gave his hand a soft squeeze.

They held hands in silence and Esposito tried to keep eye contact to keep Ryan's mind off of the current situation, but he couldn't help it when his eyes flicked towards the timer every few minutes. It was around 12 minutes when Stills finally stood up from in front of Ryan.

She cleared her throat, but it took a few extra seconds for her to form words. "We can defuse it, but it'll...it'll take too much time."

"What?" Esposito growled, but didn't let his hand slip out of Ryan's now death grip. "What do you mean it'll take too much time? So we're just going to sit and watch him die?" When he said that, Ryan's grip loosen considerably and Espo could hear Ryan grumbling about how he won't kill anyone else.

"No," Stills motions to the timer. "There's a code, as you know, that can defuse the bomb. It's a 4-digit combination of numbers."

"That's like 10,000 possibilities!" Esposito was ignoring the fact that Ryan was once again trying to pull his hand out of the tight grip. Like hell Espo was going to let him.

"You only have one chance," Ryan stopped tugging on Esposito's arm. "He told me if you put in a code and it was wrong-kaboom."

Esposito's head whipped to face Ryan so face he may have gave himself whiplash. "Don't you say that," Esposito was done hearing Ryan using that murderer's words.

Ryan's stern glare melted when he continued to look into Esposito's eyes. "Javi, please. Just let me go." He looked down at his chest and said, "I have nine minutes before I kill everyone near me. I can get some place distant or at last away from you."

"That's not going to happen, Kevin," Esposito said stiffly before reaching behind his back. Ryan doesn't comprehend what Esposito intended to do until it was too late. With a sharp click, Espo had one handcuff around Ryan's wrist and then a second later and second click, it was around his. "I won't let you."

"Dammit, Javi," Ryan glared at the handcuffs, then up at his partner. "Unlock it now."

Esposito smirked and threw the key over his shoulder. "Nah, I'm good."

Ryan opened his mouth to argue, but Castle and Beckett came to their side. Castle watched the key sail above their heads with furrowed eyebrows while Beckett announced their findings, "We're thinking this all has something to do with his sister and mother. They both died a few years back when their house exploded because of a fault with their boiler."

"So what, he thinks that taking other people away from their families is going to bring his mom and sister back?" Esposito asked outraged, full with waving hands causing Ryan's arm to be jerked around as well.

Castle raised his eyebrows with an amused smile, but Beckett ignored it. "We've put crazier people behind bars, Esposito."

Esposito rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest bringing Ryan's hand up with him. "Don't remind me."

That time, Castle couldn't hold back his bark of laughter and grinned. "What's up with the cuffed wrists?"

"Javi is being an asswi-"

Esposito glared at his partner and interrupted him with a more urgent matter. "We need a four digit code and we've got one shot."

Castle's eyes widened. "Bomb squad couldn't handle it?" His concerned eyes gaze down to the timer that was now under seven minutes.

"No. Now what would be the code for this? His mom or sister's birthday? An anniversary? Do we even have any dates?" Esposito pinched the bridge of his nose with the arm that wasn't attached to Ryan.

"We weren't really looking into anything like. We'll bring the files from our car that we got from the database and see if we have anything to go on," Beckett said before running off to the car where the files were strewn on the hood of her Crown Victoria.

Esposito grabbed Ryan's hands in his and took a deep breath. "We're going to get you out of this and...and if not, well then, I'm going with you," Esposito chuckled bitterly and raised their handcuffed wrists.

"Javi," Ryan said as a tear fell down his cheek. "I can't do that to you. Please-"

"Shut up, partner. I'm with you to the wheels fall off." Esposito wasn't going to listen to Ryan whine about how Espo didn't deserve to die beside him.

Beckett and Castle were back by their sides before it could get any deeper into a 'feelings and crap' conversation as Espo had so rightly dubbed them. "So we're thinking it's one of their birthdays?"

Castle nodded and mused, "Well, that's what I do. Alexis's birthday is the code for the security system to the Hamptons. Beckett, yours is my cell phone. Hell, Ryan's is my computer and Esposito's is my safe," Castle ignored the looks he was getting from his teammates and shrugged. "What?"

Beckett didn't mention the fact that it was normal for Castle to have passwords for his daughter and girlfriend, but the guys was a little weird. "But not your birthday for anything?"

Castle scoffed, "That'd be way too easy, Kate."

"So it's safe to say he wouldn't make the code his own birth date," she tried to think of where else to start; how would they know if he chose his mom or his sister's birthday.

"Look," Esposito interrupted her thoughts. "As safe as it is to go through each date one by one, we don't have time." The timer was blinking as each second passed, bringing the time to three minutes.

Ryan let out a choked whimper and tugged his wrist without much force. "I'm sorry. I should have paid more attention around me...I didn't think-"

"You're not apologizing for this. It isn't your fault. We still have more than two minutes," Esposito turned back to Castle and Beckett. "I don't think it'd be one of the girls' birthdays either. He loves them both too much to choose, but I have no other clue."

The group grew silent and the the ticking of the timer sounded like it was quickening. But it was probably just the imagination. In their heads, they were all preparing goodbyes. Goodbyes they wouldn't even have time to deliver. All except Ryan.

"Wait, Andy...he said this was all about what happened that night a few years ago, right? The night that he lost his mother and sister. What was the date?" Ryan asked hastily. "I think...I think that's our code."

Beckett flipped open the file as the time hit 1:59. "Uh, it says July 24, 2002…"

"That's today's date," Castle said immediately.

"That has to be the code. 0724!" Ryan shouted looking over at his partner.

Esposito looked down at the timer, :44. He took in a deep breath and quickly punched the numbers in, but didn't press enter yet.

"Javi, what are you waiting for?" Ryan asked.

Esposito looked into Ryan's blue eyes, still sparkling with unshed tears. "We've got one chance, Kev. And if isn't it then I want you to know something," Esposito didn't miss a beat before cupping Ryan's cheeks in his hands and kissing his lips softly. It was short and quick, but all the passionate.

"I love you, Kevin Ryan. And if this is our last minute on earth, I want you to know that and I'm sorry I waited so long. And if it's not, I hope I didn't just make an idiot of myself and maybe you'll give me a chance," Esposito didn't wait for a response before jamming his thumb to the enter button just as the timer hit :03.

[~][~][~]

Esposito didn't want to open his eyes. Hell, he didn't know if he could. Was he dead? Alive? In between?

Castle's voice was the first he heard. "Oh, my God."

Esposito wasn't sure if this was a good or bad response coming from the writer. But he did sense a very good something in his hand. The one still handcuffed could feel a tight pressure squeezing his. That could only be Ryan...but that meant…

Esposito snapped his eyes open to see Ryan's face only an inch away; perfectly fine with his eyes still forced shut. Esposito lifted a shaky hand, the one free from handcuff and killer grip to wipe away a small tear rolling down Ryan's cheek.

Ryan's eyes fluttered open and they immediately locked with Esposito's. "Javi, we're...it worked…"

Esposito licked his lips and repeated Ryan's words, "Yeah, it worked." He casted his eyes downwards, unable to face the fact that he had kissed Ryan and there was a possibility he ruined their entire friendship.

"You are an idiot," Esposito heard Ryan say and couldn't help the shatter in his heart. "You're an idiot for taking so long to tell me."

Esposito's eyes widened and suddenly Ryan's lips were crashing to his and Ryan wrapped one arm around his neck, even trying to wrap both would definitely hurt with the still cuffed wrists. Esposito groaned and wrapped his arms around Ryan's waist. "Kev, I can't, I mean, I thought I'd lost you, and I'd never-"

Ryan half laughed-half cried and nodded. "I know and as much as I'd like to celebrate you finally saying something...I really would like this vest to come off of me."

Behind Ryan's obvious relief that the bomb was defused, Esposito could still see the anxiety, fear and worry still swimming around in his eyes. "Of course, Kev," Esposito turned to Beckett, who seemed to be looking away to give her partners some amount of privacy during this 'moment'. "Beckett, can I borrow your key?"

"Of course," Beckett quickly handed her keys to Esposito and he took them and unlocked the cuffs around him and Ryan's wrists.

Ryan smiled shakily and gestured to his chest; his hands were shaking and Esposito sensed he was nearing closer and closer to a panic attack of sorts. Esposito's fingers tore at the vest, but reminded himself to be careful when he noticed Ryan's breathing hitch after a rough tug. After quick, but cautious movements, Esposito finally had the vest off of his partner. He didn't waste a moment before throwing the vest to the other side of the warehouse.

Ryan let himself fall into Esposito's arms and finally released the gasp of breath he didn't know he was holding. "Thank you, Javi," he mumbled into Esposito's shoulder.

Esposito rubbed Ryan's back soothingly. "No problem, Kev. That thing looked like it-" Esposito thought he was thanking him for finally getting those explosives off his chest until Ryan shook his head firmly.

"No, that's not why," Ryan sighed and took his partner's hand in his again, but this time it was a much more gentle grip. "Thank you for staying with me when you didn't have to."

Esposito smiled softly and kissed Ryan's cheek. "You know a wise man once said, 'And in the end, the best you can hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone to stand with you,'" Esposito squeezed Ryan's hand and said, "I found my stand, Kev and it's us. And I wouldn't want anyone else to stand with me but you."

If you're reading my Castle Summer Ficathon, every sign pointed straight to you, then I'm sorry to say I will be going on another short hiatus. I don't have much written in advance and I'd like to write some more before I begin posting again.

thank you for all of you reading and those who leave reviews! I love you guys.