Sam wishes he didn't hate the person his brother has become. He really does.

But that doesn't change the fact.

Once, Dean was more than happy to accompany him to exhibitions that interested Sam, and now and then, it was he who insisted on staying longer. He read to Sam and helped him with his homework and, when they were alone, told him that he'd like to study instead of just working in their father's garage as soon as he finished high school.

He watched films and series with Sam that he didn't really like – no, pretended not to like – just to be close to his brother, he encouraged him, he was always there for him.

He's still there for Sam. But everything else has changed.

During the last few years, he has slowly seen his brother change more and more until he became a stranger; cocky, not interested in academics, picking up girls whenever possible, working at the garage on weekends, laughing about college applications with their father.

It pains Sam. Somewhere in there, there is the big brother that he remembers.

He knows it because sometimes the mask slips. He will watch tv and Dean will come in and just stay, and eventually he'll begin to talk about school and that he actually really likes that they are learning about Vonnegut now. Sam will go through college pamphlets – he may only be fourteen, but he knows that he wants to study law, and he'll be ready when the time comes – and he will notice Dean's eyes rest on a leaflet about mechanical engineering before he shakes his head, laughs, ruffles Sam's hair and tells him that he's the smart one in the family. Dean will discuss things with their father, just ordinary things, and suddenly he'll say something really intelligent and pretend that he didn't the moment after.

Sam hates it. Hates it that Dean hides who he is, is ready to sacrifice what he wants so that their father is happy.

When it becomes too much, he runs away to Uncle Bobby. Uncle Bobby might be a mechanic himself and one of Dad's best friends, but he understands.

On the day Sam and Dean have a fight because Sam suggested that Dean should apply for college, because even though he pretends not to, his grades aren't actually that bad, and Dean declined like it was enough, Sam's crying by the time he knocks on the door and Bobby hugs him and promises everything will be alright.

He comes to visit the next day, locks himself in with John, in fact, and when Sam asks Dean what they are talking about, he shrugs his shoulders.

That evening John asks Dean if he has applied to college yet.

At first Sam believes in a miracle.

He quickly learns it's nothing like that, that Bobby's entreats have not convinced their father that Dean might want to study. Instead, he seems to think of it as a year of paid holiday, because he makes it clear through jokes and carelessly thrown words that he doesn't expect Dean to go very far. Dean is right there with him, talking mostly about girls and college parties, and Sam wants to scream.

Dean could do very well. Dean is smart. Dean is a wonderful person, the best man he knows, and Dean is going to throw it all away so their father is proud.
Why can he not be proud of what they are capable of, instead of what he expects from them?

It must be Uncle Bobby's influence – he shows up a lot in those weeks, ignores Dad's offer of a beer and walks straight up to Dean's room – that makes his brother pick a different college than KU.

He goes to CU instead, and he spends a lot of time with Sam before he goes.

He suspects that's Uncle Bobby too, but suddenly Dean's there again, knocks on his door and just walks into his room and tells him they're going to see a movie or just for a drive, and he tells him he'll miss him and promises to skype every week.

Sam believes him, because in these moments, he's his older brother again, the one he knows, the one he loves.

When they are over, he feels like crying all over again, because Dean just jokes around like it means nothing, like he'll go on a trip, like he doesn't even have a chance of enjoying learning and meeting others and building a life for himself.

Sometimes, Sam hates their father for making him believe it.

On the day Dean leaves, he hugs Sam tightly and once more promises to stay in touch. He tells his father that he'll see him soon, but before Sam can say something he might regret, Bobby hugs Dean and shoots him a warning glance.

He watches Dean drive away with the sad feeling that nothing will change.

As it turns out, he and Dad don't have anything to say to each other with his big brother not at home. He isn't surprised. His Dad is. Sam knows that his Dad, apart from believing him to be the smart one and one day going to college, hasn't really taken much time to understand him. Dean did. At least until he began to fulfil his father's expectations.

Dean's presence insured that there was always someone to talk to. Now, Sam and Dad barely speak to one another because they have nothing to say.

Dean keeps his promise of and skypes Sam regularly, but as he feared, it's all about girls and the friends he makes – and he isn't sure he can even call them "friends", there names seem to change often – and little about college and him enjoying it. He still seems to think that he'll go home soon, probably after his first year, that he's only gone on a holiday of sorts, and Sam wonders when the big brother who used to sneak glances at college leaflets and hide in the basement to read Vonnegut so their father wouldn't make fun of him disappeared.

He tells himself that at least he won't have to miss Dean for long. And he misses him dreadfully. His brother can be loud and over-protective, but Sam misses talking to him every day, just knowing he is near.

That makes him feel selfish, though.

He just doesn't know what to feel anymore.

Dean comes home for Thanksgiving, still his same, obedient self, telling his father about a few girls he "met", gets a slap on the back for it, and Sam all but gives up hope. Christmas is much the same.

And then things change.

At first he doesn't even realize it. Only that Dean calls more and more frequently, and he really has no problem with that.

It's when Dean starts talking about school that he notices. Dean always asks Sam how he's doing academically – and since he has gone to college, the topic was dropped immediately after his answer. But suddenly, Dean is excitedly explaining a new theory about hybrid cars to him, or why he likes one professor but not the other, and that he hopes he'll finish an essay in the next few days…
Dean hasn't talked to him like this since he was in middle school. Sam hides his surprise and answers him honestly, not bothering to hide his smile. It's nice to see Dean so interested.

When Dad asks about him later that night, Sam repeats what Dean told him.
It's obvious he's confused. They don't talk about it.

Dean starts texting him randomly during the day too, and Sam learns the names of his friends and their quirks. Because suddenly, Dean has friends, people who care for him and he cares about.

It's nice to think of Dean in a group of people he feels comfortable with. From what Sam can gather, there's Benny, a big guy with a beard Dean usually goes to the movies with; Garth, who is apparently weird enough to carry around a sock puppet; Charlie, who actually convinces Dean to go larping with her.
Sam stares at the pictures for a few minutes before they start to make sense. Dean dressed up and played the – handmaiden, apparently (he assumes it's a joke) for a fictional queen.

And then there's Cas.

Dean met him after Christmas. They collided in the library – Sam hides his shock at Dean mentioning offhandedly that he's practically there every day – and since Cas, quote Dean, "looked like a kicked puppy" at his spilled coffee, Dean bought him a new one.

They have been friends ever since, best friends even. Dean educates Cas on pop culture, Cas helps Dean with his essays – "I swear to God he makes up grammar rules just to spite me, Sammy". They study together and laugh together and eat together.

When Dean mentions that they plan on living together next year, Sam is shocked.

Dean plans on staying another year. Dean most likely plans to finish his degree.

Dean hasn't even mentioned Dad once during their talk, except to inquire if he's alright.

Dean is doing something for himself, instead of looking after Sam or listening to Dad.

Sam is out of the house in the next second and arrives at Uncle Bobby's a few minutes later.

Sam doesn't know if he speaks much to Dad. The silence in the house, when he is not listening to music, watching tv or talking to his brother on the phone is deafening.

He's happy enough, though; he has his friends, and he has Dean, in fact he is starting to suspect that he has his big brother, his real big brother back, for the first time in years.

By the time Spring Break comes around Sam is more than excited to see Dean.

He drives, naturally, because he will never enter a plane voluntarily, but he arrives early regardless.

Sam barrels through the front door and almost stumbles on his way to the Impala. Dean gets out and opens his arms; a second later his younger brother crashes into him.

"Easy there, Sasquatch" he tells him and ruffles his hair after he lets go.

"Getting bigger by the hour, Sammy".

Before Dean went to college, Sam corrected him when he used the nickname.

Now he grins.

Then he takes Dean in.

His brother isn't wearing their dad's old leather jacket, but another one that fits him and looks much more comfortable. And is that… A Batman t-shirt?
Dean has always had a weakness for the dark Crusader, but he's certainly never worn t-shirts that would proclaim him a "nerd", an adjective he only bestows on Sam and his friends.

"Once you're done with staring, you could help me with my luggage…"

"Not your butler" Sam quickly shoots back. "When did you decide to join the "nerd-squad"?" he continues, raising an eyebrow.

Dean looks down and blushes, and Sam stares, amazed. Dean blushing because he commented on his clothing?

"Cas gave it to me" he murmurs eventually before he looks defiantly back up and adds, "Bitch".

"Jerk" Sam automatically answers and they smile at one another.

Then Dad calls out from the house and they make their way inside.

Dean hugs Dad and Sam once more stops on his tracks.

Dean has always been more open about his emotions than their father, but he usually tones it down around Dad; they haven't really hugged in years.

Dad hugs back though, and Sam lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

They have burgers for lunch and Dean keeps talking. Normally, he's stuffing down his food, and he's still doing that, really, but he's speaking all the time. Apparently there's this theory about an engine that could revolutionize the industry, and Dean has his own take on it. Sam listens and tries to understand what he's talking about. Once his brother notices he has some problems (he swears Dean is speaking a different language at this point) he attempts to explain it differently.

It still goes somewhat over his head, but he can follow his brother. Dad just looks at them, stupefied. Dean realizes at the end of the meal that he practically held a lecture and withdraws, mumbling about "getting some rest".
Uncle Bobby drops by in the afternoon. When he asks Dean to look at a car he's been having trouble with, he happily accepts and they take off, Dean promising to be home in time for dinner.

Sam needs exactly four seconds to decide he doesn't want to let his brother out of his sight just yet, and when he sprints down the driveway and dives into the Impala because of course Dean won't walk as long as he can drive, all he asks is, "You alright there, kiddo?"

Dean and Uncle Bobby have always fixed cars together. Normally Sam would gladly stay behind, but he figures he's entitled to feel clingy.

Dean immediately opens the hood of the car. After checking everything, he asks Bobby if he can "try something" and he's happy to oblige him. When he asks if they want sandwiches, Dean accepts immediately, naturally, and Sam moves to help Uncle Bobby.

They don't really talk about how happy Dean looks, but their surrogate Uncle hums while he's making the sandwiches, and that's proof enough that he's in an extraordinary good mood.

When he shoves Sam back into the yard – "you're not doing anything anyway, idjit, and your brother is there" – he doesn't find Dean elbow-deep in motor oil.

Well, he is, actually, but he's texting regardless.

He doesn't even hear Sam come up to him.

"Who are you texting?"

Dean blushes again and puts his phone away.

"Cas wanted me to know he made it home okay. That is all".

And just like that Sam knows.

He's been an idiot not seeing it before, really. He saw Dean look at guys when they were younger, in the way he usually reserved for girls. He knows Dean likes both girls and guys, even if they have never talked about it.

Dean likes Cas. Dean has a crush on Cas. Which could complicate matters.

Their Dad isn't openly homophobic – at least he tries not to be – but there have been enough derogatory comments over the years to ensure his sons know he doesn't expect either of them to turn out this way. And Dean has always wanted to make their father proud.

But, looking at him now in his Batman shirt, Sam starts to wonder if that's even an issue anymore.

Bobby comes out and looks under the hood.

"What are ya doing there?"

Dean launches into an explanation that ends with Bobby starting the car and it working (miraculously, as far as Sam can gather).

Bobby slaps Dean's back.

"See, told ya you were gonna learn something useful, idjit".

Dean glows from the praise, and Sam grins.

On their way home, Sam wonders how he can open the subject of Cas without Dean realizing immediately that he knows what's up. Then again, his brother should be aware that he's not subtle. He's got three more text messages since the last one. And that was not even two hours ago.

Dad picks up on it too during the afternoon. He knows Cas is a guy though, so he doesn't jump to the right conclusion and instead assumes he has problems with a girl or something like that.

It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

Sam wants to talk to Dean alone, even though he doesn't know what to say, but there's not much change of that happening – at least for longer than a few minutes at a time. And he understands. Dean has only just got back; of course their friends and Dad want to see as much of him as possible.

And yet, that very evening, Dean turns to him and asks, "Wanna check out that new place at Princeton Boulevard?"

A restaurant did indeed open there a few weeks ago, but Sam has yet to check it out because it's a vegetarian restaurant and none of his friend are fond of "rabbit food" as Dean would have called it a short time ago. Now, he's offering they go there, and Sam needs a few moments to remember that he's supposed to answer. He nods.

Dad declines going with them, apparently as confused as Sam is, and soon they are on their way, Dad being left with Bobby, who followed them soon after Dean fixed his car under the pretence of having a few drinks with John and not having missed Dean as much as he did.

Dean's humming to another one of his rock songs, and Sam eyes him almost all the way to the restaurant before he asks, "Dean – not that I'm not grateful, but why do you want to take me to a vegetarian restaurant?"

His brother shoots him a glance before focusing on the road.

"Stuff ain't half bad" he admits. "Benny's a great cook. Makes salad taste good, really. And I figured you'd like it. You know…"

He trails off and Sam understands. Dean, just like him, wanted to be alone with his brother for a while without the chance of someone coming in.

He smiles and diffuses the tension by asking, "Benny's the big, burly one I believe?"

Dean chuckles. "Dude wouldn't hurt a fly; he's a teddy bear, really. But don't say that to his face".

Sam, remembering the picture that looked like he was trying to strangle Dean, but turned out to be just a friendly hug on second glance, decides he won't if he ever gets to meet Benny.

Dean's phone chimes again and Sam refrains from making any comment. If he wants to find out if he's right, he can't have his brother get defensive, and he will if he just flatly asks what there is between him and Cas.

Until they are ordering dinner, Sam has doubts that Dean will indeed find something to his liking, but he picks a dish without batting an eyelid.

"So" Sam asks to distract himself from the unbelievable spectacle of Dean ordering anything here, "What's with the handmaiden?"

Dean groans. "You saw the pictures, didn't you?"

"Just because you barely use your Facebook account doesn't mean the others don't upload anything".

"It was a joke of Charlie's."

"She's the queen, right?" As far as Sam understands, they are fighting some other kingdoms.

Dean nods. "Yeah. Only recently we battled the Shadow Orks and won" he informs him, completely serious, but there's a sparkle in his eyes. "Cas is really good at strategy".

"Cas is playing too?" Sam hasn't seen Cas in the pictures. Come to think of it, he hasn't seen any pictures of him.

"Yes, he's a white wizard" Dean answers, not looking at Sam. There's a faraway look in his eyes and he decides not to ask what his brother is thinking about right now.

"I thought Charlie took pictures of everyone".

"She does" Dean agrees "but Cas hates having his taken. He's managed to give her the slip til now".

He takes out his phone and searches for something. He passes it to Sam.

"That's Cas".

The man is scowling at the camera, so Dean's right about his issues with his picture being taken; he has dark hair and the bluest eyes Sam has ever seen.

He returns the phone. "Does he always look like this?"

Dean looks at the pictures and smiles. "No". His answer is soft, affectionate, and Sam wants to ask, but feels it wouldn't be right. When Dean has something to tell him, he will. And he doesn't know if his brother has ever been honest with himself about his attraction to men. He will give him time.

The rest of the dinner passes with conversations about everything, really. It's apparent that Dean missed him just as much as he missed Dean, and when they are sitting in the Impala, heading home, both have big smiles on their faces.

Dad is waiting for them.

"And, find any good rabbit food?" he asks in that rough affectionate way of his that tells them that he doesn't understand their choice at all.

"Yes" Dean answers. "Mine was quite spicy. I'll have to tell Benny about it".

Sam wishes he could take a picture of their father's face.

He comes to wish that quite a lot in the next few days. Dad studies Dean like he's a new species, and he can't blame him. As it turns out, the Batman shirt and the leather jacket are not the only new items in Dean's wardrobe, and he doesn't think much about wearing shirts declaring to be part of "Moondor's Army" or that he's a fan of certain geeky tv shows. He also cooks for them, mostly burgers and other meat, but usually includes salad or some other healthy side dish. He talks about college and degrees and jobs and developments in the industry and politics and literature – apparently Cas studies literature and theology – and he does wonders on Uncle Bobby's cars.
He also texts constantly, and Sam is certain that he's heard him skype late in the evening at least twice. Not all his messages go to Cas, though. Apparently he and Charlie are planning their next big battle, and Benny and Garth are in regular contact with him as well.

Dean is nothing like the boy who left for college. He's still himself, loud, obnoxious and obsessed with cars, yes, but he's much more like the brother Sam grew up with, like the person he truly is. Their father doesn't understand. Neither does he ask. He sits down to dinner with his son and stares at him, dumbfounded. But he doesn't question him about the changes and he has accepted that Dean will continue studying.

The Break passes much too quickly. Sam finds himself much sadder than when Dean went to college in the fall. His brother hugs him.

"I'll be back before you know it, Sammy. Summer's coming".

He hugs back.

"Greet your friends from me, and tell them I expect more pictures" he teases and Dean ruffles his hair.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Charlie's gonna snap one as soon as I climb out of Baby" he says resignedly and then he's gone. Not really though, because he keeps texting and calling Sam, and dials Dad's and Bobby's numbers at least once a week.

Sam doesn't know if he realizes, but Cas becomes his favourite subject – if he wasn't already. He's more and more curious to meet him. Maybe Dad would allow him to visit Dean?

He doesn't have to ask though because Dean calls shortly before the semester ends, and his talk with Dad ends with the information that Cas will accompany him home. Sam, whose curiosity has got stronger and stronger over the last few months, can't wait for the day they arrive.

When they finally do, Sam is standing in front of the house before they have parked. Dean shoots out like the last time and they hug before Sam concentrates on Cas, who exits the car much more slowly.

He looks just like he did on the picture, except he isn't scowling, and he is wearing a trench coat, for some reason.

"This is Cas" Dean introduces them, an arm slung over Sam's shoulder, and

Cas shakes his hand.

"I have heard a lot about you" he says politely.

"Same here" Sam answers, and their Dad arrives.

He accepts the hug Dean immediately envelopes him in and greets Cas. He looks slightly baffled, and Sam can understand him. Cas is not exactly someone he would have pictured as a friend of his brother's. Not because of his looks – but the way he acts. He stands up straight, he is polite, he has yet to say more than a few words. In short, he is not the type he can imagine Dean spending a lot of time with.

But he is. In fact, Sam comes very soon to the conclusion that he is more than that.

He thought it was bad when Dean talked about Cas. But him looking at him is the equivalent of falling on his knees and proposing right here in front of their father. And Cas is just as bad. They spent half of their time staring at one another.

Of course Dad notices nothing. He just thinks Dean and his buddy are close. Sam would laugh if it was remotely funny, but it isn't. Because Dean is head over heels for this guy and he has done nothing about it.

It can't be that he thinks that his feelings are not reciprocated. It can't be. Cas looks at him like he hung the moon. He follows Dean around and listens when he tries to explain cars, with an expression that clearly states that he doesn't understand at all, and he attempts to restrict Dean's intake of cholesterol and sugar because "it's unhealthy" and Dean lets him – so Benny's cooking isn't the only reason he suddenly has salad with his meat – and it goes on and on and Sam doesn't understand why they aren't a couple yet.

Bobby can't either. They visit him the next day and while Dean is pointing out certain details of a car the older man has been working out to his friend, he draws Sam aside.

"Dean knows he can tell me, right?" he asks, "I'm not – " and Sam is impressed by both his ability to stop before he pronounces their father's name and the hurt in his voice.

"They are not together" he says simply, and Bobby just stares.

"What's keeping these two idjits from it, then?"

Sam shrugs. At this point he isn't even sure that Dean knows what he's feeling.
Bobby sighs, exasperated, and goes to see what Dean is trying to make Cas understand.

It goes on for weeks.

Sam grows to like Cas. A lot, in fact. He's always nice and polite, talks with him about his plans for the future, tells him details of their lives in college Dean doesn't bother with – like his brother helping out another student who locked himself out of his room, or studying for days before a test, or actually being near the top in most of his classes.

Sam has never been more proud of his brother.

Dad gets along well with Cas too, although he's not his kind of guy. His kind of guy is what he thought Dean was – ladies man, loud, commanding attention, cocky, muscular. Cas is quiet and friendly, and it happens more than once that one of them turns around to find he entered the room without them noticing.

Dean doesn't even flinch anymore, while Dad does every time.

But he doesn't seem to mind Cas, which Sam figures is a good sign. Even if he has no idea what's going on. It's unbelievable but true – he still thinks they are only friends, with Cas constantly in Dean's personal space, staring at him, them spending hours just talking.

They also skype quite often with their friends from uni. One afternoon, there's a little crisis going on because "Garth mislaid Mr. Fizzles" and Dean is practically on the phone with him the whole time, while Cas is keeping the others updated through e-mails and quick chats.

At dinner, Dean tells the whole story and concludes with the happy ending that

Mr. Fizzles somehow became tangled up in the dirty laundry but was found in time to prevent a gruesome death in the washing machine.

"And this Mr. Fizzles is – " Dad begins.

"A sock puppet" Dean answers once again. Dad is obviously troubled about what kind of people Dean goes to college with, but before he can reply, Cas adds, "He's working on a degree in child psychology. Mr. Fizzles helps him connect with them".

"And that works?" Dad is less than impressed. Sam, who has heard all about Garth and knows he comes from a bad background with various stays at foster homes that inspired him to do what he does, feels uncomfortable, and he can feel the slight tension radiating from Dean. Cas sits between them, his eyes fixed on his friend.

Dean nods. "Saw him do it myself when we found a scared kid at the mall. He'd lost his Mum. Garth calmed him down in no time".

Sam smiles, knowing the rest of the story where it had been Dean to notice the crying boy at first and he'd already managed to get his name and a description of his Mum out of him before Garth showed up.

Dad still looks sceptical, so Dean says with an air of finality, just as he opens his mouth "He grows on you".

Silence settles over the table. Dean has never spoken to Dad like that, has never allowed a hint of criticism seep into his voice, but his tone clearly implied that he didn't like what he thought about his friend.

Sam never thought he'd see the day. Dad is confused and stumbles over his next few sentences, but Dean continues eating as if nothing happened, and Cas moves a little closer to him, a smile on his face.

How can Dad not see it? But he's staring at his plate now, so that might have something to do with it.

The next day, Cas asks Dean if he could show him some of the places he and Sam went to when they were growing up, and he blushes like a school girl. Sam declines going with them. Maybe something will finally happen when they're alone in the park they used to go to as kids, or when they eat in the ice cream parlour. It's unlikely, but a guy can dream.

Uncle Bobby drops by. It's not surprising; he's visited them almost every day since Dean and Cas arrived.

Sam doesn't mean to eavesdrop when he and Dad talk in the living room. He really doesn't. But he's in the kitchen to get water, and suddenly he hears his Dad.

"…is different".

"Of course. He's growing up" Bobby states.

"I just barely recognize him anymore, that's all. What's with the dress up?"

Dean finally came around to tell Dad all the stories Sam has already heard in the last few weeks, and he spent a good five minutes staring at the picture of Charlie and her "handmaiden". He's yet to make sense of it all.

"It's called LARPING" Bobby replies and Sam can't help but smile at him pronouncing the word like it's another language. "He's having fun. Would you rather he get drunk and do something stupid?"

Dad's only answer is a grumble.

"It's just – I know my boy. And sock puppets and running around the woods dressed like a knight?"

Bobby is silent. He probably doesn't want to point out that Dad might be the one who knows Dean the least best of all three of them.

"That's why you go to college. Discover new things".

"He wants to go next year too."

"Yes, to finish the degree he started".

"I thought… it isn't important" their Dad mumbles and Sam returns to his room.

At least he didn't sound angry.

And he didn't mention Cas. So he hasn't noticed. Because Sam is sure he would have to say something about that.

They return shortly before, and it's clear that nothing has happened. They are glowing, but there's no sign that their relationship has progressed, and Sam sighs.

He'll have to talk to Dean. He isn't looking forward to it.

It has to wait, however, because the penny finally drops with Dad. Cas is staring even more at Dean than usual, just when Sam thought that wasn't possible, so maybe that has something to do with it.

After dinner, Dad wants to be speak to Dean – "Alone" he adds, throwing Sam and Cas a glance tha t doesn't bode well.

Sam walks up the stairs after Cas with a feeling of foreboding. Cas is thankfully oblivious and asks him if he wants company; Sam declines and he happily disappears into the guest room to read a book Dean gave him for his birthday.
Sam can't concentrate on anything. He tries reading and chatting with Kev, his best friend, but he keeps listening. He can't hear any shouting, but then Dad doesn't really shout; his biggest weapon is telling them they disappointed him, and he knows it. What if he uses it now? What if he makes Dean send Cas away, what if Dean becomes the person Dad wants him to be once more?
Sam's heart is beating fast; he's so caught up in his worry that Dean will not allow himself to be happy, and he has been, happier than Sam ahs ever seen him, that the sound of the living room door opening takes him by surprise despite his listening to every creak of the house.

Dean walks up the stairs and his heart sinks. Dean only walks so slowly when something's bothering him.

He stands up, but something stops him. He realizes he's been waiting for it when he hears Cas softly calling his brother's name. Apparently he can open a door just as quietly as he walks.

"Not now, Cas" Dean says, and he sounds tired, but it's said nicely and not dismissively. Sam feels relieved. At least he doesn't tell Cas to leave.

He's aware that his brother wants to be alone. That doesn't stop him, and he opens his door to find Cas staring at Dean's room with a forlorn expression on his face.

"It's alright" he mouths, "I'll handle it". Cas smiles, albeit weakly, and returns to his room.

Sam knocks.

"I told you, Cas – "

Sam enters.

Dean's lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Sam can't read him. For the first time in a long time, Sam can't read his brother, and it scares him.

"What did Dad say?" he asks gently, sitting down beside Dean.

He fears he won't answer, but he simply says, "He wanted to know all kinds of stuff about Cas. How much time we spend together, if he has a girlfriend…" Dean trails off.

This is a conversation Sam really doesn't want to have, that they shouldn't have to have, but someone has to tell Dean that it's okay, because obviously their father said other stuff too, and Sam is not going to allow his brother to throw away the best thing that will ever happen to him. He's never seen his as happy as he is when Cas is around.

He's not going to sit here and discuss Dad. He's going to tell Dean what's important.

"You know I don't care" Sam says softly, "I really don't. If he makes you happy, then it doesn't matter what Dad thinks".

Dean stares at him, his eyes wide. "I – we aren't – " he clears his throat. "That obvious, hm?"

"Bobby noticed". Dean groans. "I'm sure everyone who saw you noticed."

"It's not – I don't even know if he – " Dean's lost his capability of speaking in coherent sentences, but that's not why Sam throwing him a disbelieving look.

"You don't know if he – Dean, he looks at you like you look at him. I told you, everyone can see there's something between you."

When Dean continues to stare at him, Sam stands up and says, "You should talk to him. Right now".

Dean tries to shake his head, but he continues, "I mean it, Dean. I want you to be happy. Screw Dad".

He leaves the room before Dean can answer.

He can't force his brother to do what he should do, but he can pace up and down until he hears his door open once more and a tentative knock on Cas'.

He'd like to think that everything is going to go well, but he can't say how much hold Dad has left over Dean. Maybe Cas will be gone by dinner.

For the next two hours, he hears nothing. He almost walks right up to the guest room and demands answers, but he doesn't want to disturb them.

It's good that he doesn't, because when Dad calls up gruffly that it's time for dinner, he leaves his room to see his dishevelled-looking brother drag out a giggling and very happy Cas by his hand. He doesn't have to ask what they were doing, and he really doesn't want details, but he still beams.

Dean blushes and mumbles "Bitch" before making his way downstairs, still holding Cas' hand.

"Jerk!" Sam calls back enthusiastically.

Uncle Bobby's waiting downstairs while Dad's manning the grill. Dad probably called him for backup, but he isn't going to get it from his old friend, who spies Dean and Cas first and all but shouts, "Finally!"

Dean's face is beet red and Cas tugs himself into his side, grinning shyly.
Dad looks up and an undecipherable look passes his face. But any tension is quickly dispelled by Bobby, who offers Dean and Cas a beer and starts talking about college.

They don't let go of each other's hands, Sam notes with satisfaction, and he can see that Bobby is just as pleased as he.

Dad is quiet through dinner, focusing on his plate and his beer. It's troubling them all, but mostly Dean – he keeps shooting him glances as if he's waiting for him to explode. Still, he makes no attempt to hide that his relationship with Cas has changed. And that it makes him happy. When he looks at his boyfriend – alright, it's going to take a while to get used to this, but Sam's not complaining – he's all smiles and there's a gleam in his eyes that his brother has never seen before.

Cas smiles the whole time and isn't aware of the tension. At least that's what Sam thinks until he sees him glancing at Dad now and then. Cas knows then, but he doesn't care. He must really be in love with his brother, and the thought makes Sam grin even wider.

Even with his Dad looking angry, it's one of the best dinners Sam's had in his life.

After Bobby leaves – shooting John a warning glance – he expects him to explode, but he does nothing. He says nothing.

That night, Sam hears and excited squeal from Dean's bedroom, and even though he probably shouldn't disturb them (he has no intention of being scared for life) he goes to investigate and this is how he meets Charlie, jumping up and down on Skype and chanting something about Benny owing her fifty bucks, which gets confirmed when Sam meets (in this order) Benny, who immediately starts complaining that they could have waited one more month, "You really did enough dancing around, brother, four more weeks wouldn't have hurt", Garth and Mr. Fizzles, who apparently knew they were going to get together very soon, but Dean is right, the scrawny guy quickly grows on him, sock puppet or not.

Dad remians silent. He doesn't talk to Dean, and he ignores Cas. Since he and Sam barely speak, this means that days pass without him really opening his mouth if Bobby doesn't come over.

They spend a lot of time outside. Sam never feels like a third wheel; Dean and Cas make sure of that. It's like Sam has a new brother, one who's surprisingly badass as it turns out one day when a jerk decides to comment on Dean and him holding hands and Cas has him on the floor in a blink. Cas is kind and friendly and interesting, and he's making his brother happy.

Quite frankly, Sam doesn't need more.

Dad's silence continues until Dean's and Cas' last day, when he draws Dean into the living room around midday and Sam, wisely, chooses to ask Cas if he wants to go get ice cream with him.

So he's fifteen, so what? If Dean can be himself, Sam can too, and Sam really wants ice cream.

Sadly, Dad and Dean are still screaming at one another when they return. Cas frowns and Sam has the feeling that, should Dad insult Dean, he wouldn't hesitate to do what he did to the homophobic jerk.

"I didn't raise you like – "

"It's not about being raised, I'm bi, it's who I am, and I love Cas!"

Cas' eyes widen and Sam understands that they haven't yet admitted their live to each other, and before he knows what's happening, Cas dashes right into the fight and shouts "I love you too" causing Dean's and Dad's argument to end with his brother snogging his boyfriend right in front of their father.

Sam decides to find it funny because he'd get angry otherwise.

Dad doesn't accept it, not really, but he returns to being silent, and Sam soon finds out that Dean and Cas have come up with a plan when Bobby visits and tells them they're always welcome at his house and that, if Dad should deny him the permission, he'd be more than happy to get Sam on a plane when he wants to see them.

There might be tears, but Dean hasn't changed so much that he's ready to admit it.

So it happens that Sam flies over to see them quite a few times over the next few years, and that Dean and Cas stay at Bobby's when they visit. One unforgettable summer, Dean gets introduced to Cas' family and when Mrs. Novak notices he's a little down because he misses Sam, she steals his phone and issues an invitation so that three days later, Sam is surrounded by Novaks.
He can understand that Cas now and then prefers the quiet a visit to Lawrence brings.

Dad still doesn't like it, but Sam can't bring himself to care.

Especially when they are twenty-nine and Sam is twenty-five and Dean breaks into his apartment at Stanford in the middle of the night because he's too excited to remember he has a key and couldn't ask Sam over the phone to be his Best Man.

Sam loves the person his brother has become. He really does.