Author's Note: I know, another new story. I suck, but I've really wanted to write this one! This isn't going to be word for word, so don't expect it to be. Let me know what you guys think! Let me know if I should continue. XD Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Warnings: Death, language, maybe and OOCness.

Word Count: 5,208

She did it. She destroyed the Reapers. The nightmare was finally over. She walked toward the Crucible - because there was no way she could run, she was in way too much pain. It was a miracle she could even move when all she wanted to do was lay down and sleep forever - firing upon it. In her mind, all she could think about was destroying the Reapers. For her friends, for her family, she had to. No matter what it cost - because she has already lost so much to get here. If she had to lose more, then fine. She had but one more thing that she could lose, really lose. That was her life.

She never once regretted dying - either times. How many people can say that? - because the act of dying was always worth it in her eyes. What she did regret was when she died, she left those she loved behind to suffer. In some ways she's so happy to have ben able to have those wonderful memories with her friends. Going out and eating, playing games, going on missions. Those moments made life worth it. Most of the time. She loved them so much sometimes it physically hurt her. She had lost loved ones before and cherished all the time she could with them as she can, while she can.

On the other hand, she wished, for her friends' sake, that she had never built those powerful connections. She knew what her first dance with death did to them. It ruined them - especially Garrus, and in a way that she didn't expect.

There was his whole debacle becoming Archangel, which wasn't so bad, but after she died, it was almost like he realized that the entire universe is one big shithole - in Jack's words - and while that could be mostly true, Shepard believed that it couldn't be all that bad. There was still a lot of good people out there and the Garrus she knew was just so good and pure, like a small child, that when he became the hard-ass Archangel, Shepard didn't know what to think. She respected his change, knowing that people couldn't be the same forever, but it was still strange at first.

But it wasn't until they started going on missions and began seeing each other with more carnal ideas in mind that Shepard saw what her death really did to Garrus. He became super protective of her. He stuck close to her during missions, unless specifically told otherwise, and stopped to talk to her whenever they crossed paths in the hall. Any time someone new came onto the ship to meet with Shepard, he was never far away and was always looking for parts for his weapons, or looking for cleaning supplies for his weapons or making sure no one tried anything funny on the ship. In all cases, he was armed.

When walking around the Citadel, she feels his eyes on her at all times. He's gotten really good at hiding from her to keep it from being painfully obvious that he follows her, but she always knew and was flattered by his protectiveness, even though she rarely needed it. It never hurt having someone she trusted keeping an eye on her when she lets herself relax. She's never too safe, even on the Citadel.

But now she's struck with guilt, in her final moments, for the way she's leaving Garrus. When she spent six months under house arrest on Earth, they couldn't have contact but they knew it was only a matter of time before they saw each other again. The Reapers were coming, both of them knew that, so they knew it was inevitable that they would see each other again, but that's not the case anymore.

As she shot at the Cruisible, she knew this would be it. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she knew this would be the end. She managed to be brought back to life once, there is no way she was going to be able to do it twice. Avoiding death, or having a near death experience is one thing, but she died once and even if she somehow survived the explosion, there was no way help would get to her in time and while she'll miss everyone to death, she lives on borrowed time. The Collectors attack on the Normandy should have been her end but human intervention brought her back.

But this was it. This was the end.

After she was engulfed in flames and everything went black, Shepard awoke, after what felt like minutes, but was probably hours, since the fires had died out already, to unbelievable pain. She took a deep, pained breath, moving her fingers slowly, but even that was a task. Shepard has felt pain, a lot more than what should be fair. Both physically and mentally, and even emotionally at times, the pain has been near crippling, but this time is completely different. It's all three pains, wrapped into one experience.

The feelings are so raw. Shepard, though weak and tired, lets out a soft whimper. A physical manifestation of her pain. She tries to move her torso, even if it's just a bit, a slight shift, but she can't move. Her entire body screams in pain and she blacks out for a split second, before her vision, while blurry, returns to her. She tries to look around, but she can barely move, even thinking about moving hurts everything.

She's not sure how long she ended up just siting there before the darkness began to consume her again. She could feel her heart slowing down, her breaths were pained rasps since the very beginning, but now they were lighter, breathy. Her lungs just couldn't expand enough to sustain her any longer. Her entire body was cold and pulsating in pain, but like her vision, that too began to ebb away. Shepard had so much she wanted to say, to all of the people she loved. To her friends, who effortlessly made her love them like family, and Anderson, who had become like a father to her after Mindoir, and Garrus...

Yes, Garrus. The funny, caring, and sarcastic turian that somehow managed to worm his way deeper into her heart than any had gotten before. Sure Shepard had plenty flings throughout her life. But all were quick, one night stands, Kaidan Alenko was probably the only other that came somewhat close to love, but like all those before him, it never worked out and they moved on. But Garrus, when he boldozed his way into Shepard's life, she couldn't let him go. When she was surrounded by Cerberus employees - the only one she actually trusted being Joker and Chakwas - it was a relief to find him on Omega.

Shepard trusted Garrus. Trusted him to watch her back, keep an eye on the rest of the crew for, and with, her and to be a confidant amongst strangers. It was a relief to have Garrus there and she hoped that he understood how much it meant to her that he was there. They were friends first, but that turned into love. As mushy as it sounded, even to Shepard, but there was something about Garrus that just made their relationship easily shift into love.

Shepard did love Garrus. She loves him a lot. And she wishes, more than anything, that he could be here right now. That she could see him one last time. If she could see no one else in the universe, she wishes that she could see him.

As strange as it sounded, Shepard didn't think a lot about how she was going to die. To be honest, she's already died once, and didn't want to think about it again, not when she has something a lot more dire to think about. Like everyone in the universe dying. Shepard wanted to be selfish and think about herself and her own fears about it all, but she couldn't. She has to think about everyone else, they are what will keep her going when all she wants to do is roll over and die. Again. She knows what it's like to die and come back into a new day and age, where things have changed, sometimes dramatically, but a lot of people aren't as adaptable as she is, and that's okay.

Shepard is adaptable in these situations so no one else has to. Without blowing wind up her own skit, and quoting Mordin, it had to be her, someone else might not be as dedicated to it as she is. Or may have gotten it wrong. Not to say no one else could do the job, but as long as she's doing it, she knows it's being done with the best of intentions she can have.

"Garrus..." Shepard croaks, closing her eyes and letting the darkness take her with the image of her beloved turian in her mind.

"Commander?" A very familiar voice calls out to her. It takes her a moment to place the voice. The person calls out to her again, but Shepard has to literally pull herself through molasses to get into full consciousness.

When she finally opens her eyes, she has to immediately shut them from the blinding white light. She takes a couple of moments, trying to catch her breath and take a mental note of her condition. Everything hurts, but not as much as before. Did someone save her? Was she in the hospital? That would explain how she was waking up, again, from death, again.

"What... happened?" she croaks, bringing an arm up to her face to block out the light, suppressing the urge to groan in pain.

"You've been out for a couple of hours. How are you feeling, Commander?"

Shepard opens her eyes again, squinting at the woman in front of her, trying to make sense of what she saw. "Chakwas...?" She rubs her head and pushes herself up, noting that the pain in her body is subsiding. Her head is pounding but she as to force the irritation away and focus on the scene before her. Something about Chakwas was a little strange to Shepard's eyes, but for the life of her, she couldn't figure out just what exactly it is.

"Yes, Shepard, now, follow the light, please," Chakwas says, stepping right up next to Shepard's bed and turning on a little light, slowly moving back and forth in front of the long black haired woman's eyes. Light green eyes follow the movement easily. After a few moments of silence, Chakwas turns off the light and puts it on the table and turns back to Shepard, summoning her orange Omni-tool from her right arm and waves it in front of Shepard before a screen pops up and she looks down at it.

In this silence, Shepard rubs the back of her neck, bringing her legs over the side of the medical berth, letting them dangle before reaching back to pull her hair up into it's tight bun to keep it out of her eyes. She, herself feels off-kilter still, but she did just die again and was saved... by the Normandy? Shepard knew that their labs were state-of-the-art, but Shepard had seen them having to go to the hospital for seemingly less severe injuries. Still, she won't look a gift horse in the mouth. She was saved - again - and the Reapers have been destroyed and now she can actually start living her life.

With Garrus.

With her friends.

Now she can finally start living.

"Hey, Doc," Shepard says, dropping her hands down at her lap, "where is Garrus? I sort of figured he'd be here..." She looks around the medbay curiously, to make sure she wasn't accidently mistaking him for a large, turian-shaped coat rack in the corner. But no, he wasn't in the medbay, but there is something strange going on. The medbay looks... well, it looks... almost like...

"Garrus...?" Chakwas echoes, green eyes raising to Shepard. "Who's that?"

Shepard's world stops moving. Her stomach drops to her feet and this horrible fear wraps around her entire body, making it hard to breath. Her hands curl up into fists. "What did you say, Doc?" Was her voice as unsteady as she feared it was?

Chakwas's keen green eyes narrow a bit in curiosity and a bit of worry. "Is something wrong, Commander? Who is that Garrus fellow you spoke of? Friend of yours? Or did you meet him on Eden Prime?"

Shepard feels the blood drain from her face. "Eden Prime..." She presses her lips together tightly, barely managing to grind out, "the beacon...?"

Chakwas nods grimly. "Unfortunately, Commander, the beacon was destroyed along with pretty much all of the colony of Eden Prime. Even-"

"The Spectre Nihlus was killed," Shepard cuts her off, frowning even more. Many rocks settle in her stomach, making her posture slump a bit without meaning to, a look of worry crossing her face. What could be happening? Was this some kind of joke? Was all the Normandy crew going to jump out from around the room and yell, "surprise!" and while she'll be annoyed at first, she can get over it. But the look on Chakwas's face makes that thought seem like a pipe dream. Something was definitely not right.

Shepard brings her hands up to her face and rubs it roughly, letting out a long, pained groan. What was going on? Surely this all has to be some sort of joke? If it is, it's an elaborate one. She now knows what makes the medbay look strange - it's the fact that it's an exact replica of the Normandy SR1's medbay. Which is completely impossible because it was destroyed in the Collector attack on the Normandy over three years ago. Wow, has it really been that long? Or was it almost four?

"Yes, Commander," Chakwas says, looking back down at her Omni-tool for a moment, before jolting suddenly in remembrance and looking up toward the cameras on the ceiling. "Jeff, let the Captain know that the Commander is awake."

Shepard's entire body freezes. In her mind's eye, she can see the father figure in her life half hunched over, face all bruised and bloodied. They had just had a conversation about kids - how Anderson believed that she might be a good mother, which she wasn't so sure she believed - but then he was gone. It was so sudden. He was having a conversation with her, and sure he was worse for wear but he was alive just seconds before, and then he wasn't. The man that she looked up to, the man she saw as a father figure, was gone. The Illusive Man. The Illusive Man and Cerberus. They killed him.

"Roger that, doc," Joker's voice came through the intercom system. "Say, Commander Shepard, how's the old noggin? I heard you ate dirt. Like, a lot of it." A pause for a chuckle, and then he clears his throat, "Um, you're alright, right? I mean, you are awake now."

Shepard rubs her face in both exhaustion and in the vein hope that it will somehow wake her from this strange hell. "I'm fine, Joker," Shepard says with a long winded sigh. She says that, but she actually feels like she's been hit by a stampede of Yahg. Like a thousand of them, one right after another. Bang, bang, bang. She doesn't remember the vision from the beacon hurting this bad the first time.

The first time...

Shepard has been here before. The attack on Eden Prime. Saren's attack on Eden Prime. Soverign and Saren's attack on Eden Prime. They went there looking for the Prothean beacon unearthed there. They were looking for he Conduit. To bring about the Reapers.

Was this all some kind of joke? She had already been here before. She had already done this before. She's lost friends to this before. Must she do this again? If so, what happened? How did she get here? She knew for certain that she met her end at the Crucible. She was certain this was the last time. And yet, again she awoke, but this time... in the past?

How is that possible? Did the Crucible somehow do this? No, that's impossible, she destroyed the Crucible to destroy the Reapers. That should have been it, that should have been the end. Yet here she is. Was it some kind of Reaper secret weapon? But when could it have been deployed?

Shepard's mind is starting to hurt more and more as she thinks about it.

"Quit kidding around, Joker," Kaidan's familiar, smooth voice pulls Shepard from her thoughts. "Shepard saved my life." He looks down at the black haired woman, who was still sitting on the medical berth. "Thank you, Shepard."

Shepard rubs her forehead, trying to ease the pain building up behind the thickest part of her skull. "Don't worry about it, Kaidan, I know you'd do the same for me." He smiles a bit at that.

The door opens a moment later and Anderson comes walking in, honing in on Shepard with dark, familiar brown eyes and walks right over to her.

"Holy hell, Shepard, what happened down there? I was briefed by Alenko and Gunnery-Chief Ashley Williams, but now I want to hear it from you," he stops right in front of her. Kaidan steps aside to give them some space. Anderson crosses his arms over his chest, giving her a once over. Normally people would think that he was giving them a critical look, probably thinking her injuries weren't as bad as they made them out to be, but she knew that look. He was trying to see if she was alright. He wanted her back in tip top shapes as both his strongest ally and closest friend. Perhaps aside from Kahlee Sanders.

"The beacon is gone, Shepard, what happened?" Anderson asks, relaxing his stance.

Shepard didn't know what to say. She wasn't sure at all what happened. Her mind was all mixed up. In her mind's eye, all she could see was Garrus telling her his one order: to make it back alive. And she knew she failed him. She knew, somewhere deep in the pit of her chest that she wouldn't have been able to make that, especially in the shape that she was in, but now she's here. In the past, not having met Garrus yet and having a chance to fulfill that order. That promise. Could all of that somehow been stored within the beacon?

No, that's impossible. The beacon is messages from the Protheans about the upcoming Reaper invasion. Javik. She has to get to Javik, who was still on Eden Prime, but it would be a long time before anyone even considered going back there to settle, let alone study. That and right now Shepard had to worry about Sovereign and Saran. It won't matter if Saran and Sovereign somehow win. No, she can't let that happen. If she did somehow see the future, something bigger is coming and it looks like she's the only one in the universe that's willing to sacrifice anything and everything to make sure it - it being the Reapers - don't win.

Maybe Shepard did something wrong. Somehow. When she went to destroy the Reapers, she did something that sent her here. But... how? Why at this point?

"Shepard?" Anderson asks, stepping a bit closer to put a hand on Shepard's shoulder, looking down into her green eyes. "Are you alright?"

Shepard nods. "Yeah... I just... I just have a lot of thoughts that don't make sense to me right now. As for what happened down on Eden Prime, Saren... he killed the Specter Nihlus and rode off on... on..." Her eyebrows narrow a bit, conjuring the far away memory of Sovereign, taking off from Eden Prime's surface into outer space, off to their next destination.

"Saren..." Anderson's eyebrows pull together angrily. "He's always had a thing against humanity."

"I know," Shepard says, rubbing the back of her neck and Anderson pulls away from her to pace back and forth. "Anderson, look... can we... can we talk alone for a moment...?"

He pauses in his angry muttering to look over his shoulder at Shepard, looking lost in thought for a moment before nodding, walking back over to her, making a waving gesture for Chakwas and Kaidan to give them some privacy. They both nod and leave with swift farewells. The door hisses shut behind them and the room is silent immediately following.

Both military officers take a moment to listen to the sounds of the medbay. The ventilation system humming, a ping from Chakwas's computer, the machines making low hissing noises or soft beeping before Shepard looks up at Anderson, climbing to her feet to be near eye-level with him and says, albeit hesitantly, "Anderson, I saw something. Something I'm not sure I can explain."

Anderson crosses his arms over his chest and nods for her to continue. "Well try, Shepard, I can't help you much if I don't know what's going on."

"You know about the geth, right?" Shepard asks.

He nods. "Yeah, never heard of the geth ever going beyond the Veil." He shakes his head. "What is going on?"

"It's Saren and the Reaper, Sovereign," Shepard says. Anderson stares at Shepard for a long moment, blinking slowly.

"What is that, Shepard? What is a Reaper?"

Shepard's heart sinks a bit. In the back of her mind, she was kind of hoping that saying something - something that had been the topic of conversation for years - like that would somehow spark a sudden remembrance of their shared... future? But no. He doesn't know. Shepard really was all alone in this. And she couldn't even crawl up into her cabin and into the arms of her turian and try and sleep the horrible memories away. Because she doesn't actually have a cabin yet, not here on the Normandy, and she certainly doesn't have Garrus to help her. Their in-depth relationship didn't really start until after Shepard was brought back to life by Cerberus. But that's all under the assumption that everything she saw would end up being the same as what will happen.

"I don't know," Shepard lies, shaking her head. "All I know for certain is that Saren is no longer a Council Specter and no longer has the best interest of the Council in mind."

Anderson nods slowly, looking as though he wants to ask her for more in depth about the Reapers, but decides that it's best to let it rest for now and moves on. "You're right. It's best they pull their support immediately. We are already en route to the Citadel and should be arriving at any time. Until then, rest up. If I know Udina as well as I think I do, he's not going to have anything nice to say about Eden Prime."

Oh, Shepard forgot about Udina.

"Right," she mutters, sitting back onto the medical berth as Anderson walks from the room.

Shepard stands there, numb, unmoving, listening to the Council, essentially, tell Udina and Earth to shove it because they had no proof that their greatest Specter had actually betrayed them. She didn't expect anything different. No. Actually, her mind was stuck on Garrus, young, sweet, gung-ho Garrus, without his scar that "drove Shepard crazy" that covered half his face.

After speaking with Executor Pallin, he turned to her and looked down into her eyes and for a moment, she couldn't breath, looking up into those familiar blue orbs, when he speaks, normally. Word for word what he said the first time they met - this is the first time they met! - in her memory. She felt her throat close up and all she could do was stare at him, probably giving him the impression that she was insane, so Kaidan had to thank him and, while putting hands on her shoulder, to lead her away.

She had mixed emotions. On one hand, she was grateful for Kaidan for being perceptive enough to realize that she wasn't all there, not really, and was smoothly trying to maneuver through the situation without insulting anyone. Especially the young C-sec cop who seemed interested in helping them. She was grateful that Garrus wasn't quite keen enough to human social cues, to be able to understand how much of an ass Shepard had made of herself by just staring at him dumbly. He probably thought she was just insane. She was also grateful that even Ashley was trying to smooth over the situation with Garrus, even with her xenophobia.

She can hear it, vividly in her ears after a moment of her just staring at him. "Um," Garrus says, looking down at Shepard with glacial blue eyes, "are you alright, Commander Shepard?"

She didn't respond, too busy taking in all the familiar, yet slightly different features than she remembered. He was no doubt younger, the look in his eyes is still wide and naïve to the ways of the universe. His navy blue colony markings are freshly applied and clean looking. He still cares about how he's viewed by people. He's still trying to be a "good turian", despite his, and his father's it seems, insistences that he's not.

"So, Officer Vakarian," Kaidan said smoothly, looking between a confused Garrus and an expressionless Shepard. Garrus pulled his eyes away from Shepard to Kaidan, looking him up and down curiously.

"Yes?"

"You're looking into Saren too? Why?" He asked, trying to steer this conversation back on track.

Snapping back into focus, Garrus nodded. "Yeah, I've got a bad feeling about him. If he truly is behind the attack on Eden Prime than he's a disgrace to the turian race and that cannot be forgiven. Unfortunately, I was unable to dig up any concrete evidence with all the red tape surrounding everything a Specter touches." He sighed, shaking his head and looking down at Shepard. "Don't worry, Commander Shepard, I have a few more leads I'm going to check out. If Saren really has gone bad, I want to catch him."

His fire, his intensity, it was all familiar to her. Familiar enough for her to nod slowly, yet still her mouth wouldn't work, she was still having trouble seeing the two separate Garrus'. The one she knew and fell in love with and the one that knows nothing about her, standing before her right at this moment.

"Thanks," Ashley said, putting her hand on Shepard's shoulder. "We'd best get going though. The Commander has a lot on her mind."

Garrus looked a little surprised, his mandibles fluttering embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I, uh," he looked around nervously, reaching up with his left hand to rub the back of his head, obviously bashful. "Sorry, okay. Um, I'll go." He looked around awkwardly before tipping his head a bit in farewell before leaving.

Shepard blinks slowly pulling herself from her daydreaming, raising her eyes to the image of Saren who glaring down at her. "How am I to defend myself against dreams?" He was saying.

"Don't worry about that," Shepard says surprising herself and everyone else listening in. This is the first time she's spoken since they got here. Saraen's eyes narrow even more. "Because you can't fight it, there's nothing logical about it. I could even point out that you weren't suppose to be on Eden Prime, but that's Specter business. I could say you weren't suppose to shoot Nihlus Kryik in the back of his head because you and he were friends," Saren's mandibles flare in rage, looking about to say something but Shepard smoothly continues, "but then you would just sputter nonsense no one wants to hear. Since I know the Council is going to dismiss this claim, I'm going to say something to you before they do, so you know."

Saren is practically trembling in rage. If they could, Shepard would have suspected his eyes would flash red, that he would leap across the distance separating them and strangle her to death. But then something strange happened. Not with Saren, but with the turian Councilor, Sparatus. It was a slight movement, so slight that Shepard almost missed it, but she didn't and her eyes locked on Sparatus as his mandibles press together and he looks at Saran sharply.

Shepard doesn't know what Sparatus knows - if he knows anything - but he was the one that sought Shepard out to assist on taking back Earth, sure it involved saving the Primarch, but still, he went to her. He's not afraid to go out on a limb. He must sense something is wrong, or perhaps Shepard is just looking into something that doesn't exist.

She turns her attention back to Saren. "You won't get what you want," she says evenly, glaring up at the huge holoform of the turian. "You and Sovereign won't win. I know your secret, Saren. I know all your moves before you do," she narrows her eyes when a flicker of confusion crosses his face, "and every step you take, I'll be right there, in your path." She turns on her heel and starts to walk away, only to stop and look at him over her shoulder. She doesn't care who's listening, in her eyes, it's just the two of them. "I'll be back with the irrefutable proof of your involvement." She gives him a deadpanned stare, making sure he knows how serious she is. "The Reapers will never win." And then she leaves.

"Commander Shepard!" Ashley and Kaidan run after her, sending looks Anderson's way but he waves for them to follow after Shepard, they obey and run to catch up with her fast, purposeful steps.

"Commander Shepard," Kaidan says, stepping up to her right side, Ashley stepping up to her left, "where are we going?"

She keeps her eyes straight ahead, mind now keen and focused on the task at hand. "We're going to go meet up with some friends." Tali, Wrex and Garrus, Shepard thinks with determination, we're coming for you. Hopefully, this time around, if everything she saw was truly what is to come, then she's going to try and do things differently.

And hopefully for the better. For everyone's sake.