Hey guys, sorry for the delay. I know it took me a while but this one really bugged me good. On the other hand, we have gone over 400 and seeing as I got a bottle of champagne for my bday, guess who's gonna crack the bottle open? Yup. Tomorrow, I'll toast you all! The block is over and done with and I am currently working on a new chapter, as well as new chapters for my other stories (and a few I am yet to publish, wink wink)
So, let me know what you think. You know it means a lot to me.

Also… This chapter goes up and down, really fast. It's kind of like Part 1, with the next one being Part 2. A lot happens and there are time jumps that might be a bit confusing but it will all be cleared up in Part 2 aka Chapter 50.

Man, chapter 50. Soon enough, this story will come to an end my friends :(
BUT, there's still a bit to write and I will do it.

So, expect a new chapter soon (not a whole month, cross my heart) and let me know what you think! Your reviews always mean a lot to me!
Enjoy Part 1! :)

Smart people ask for council. Smart people listen to the council once they realize that the council might be better than their actual opinion. Smart people do not have a problem with accepting that they were horribly, terribly wrong and apologizing for their actions. I was sure I was one of those people. I am not.

I knew that Jon had a point. I knew that Jon was saying those words because he's been in my place and he didn't exactly enjoy the way it had turned out. And he's hardly the only one.

What would Catelyn do if she had a chance to talk to her late husband for one last time? Would she reprimand him for the mistakes he had made or would she hold him, kiss him and remind him of the love she feels for him? What would Gendry do if he had a chance to speak to Robert? Would he ask him why he never cared for him or would he try to get to know him? What would Robb do if he had a chance to speak to his father? What would Jon do? What would Jon do if he had one more minute with his beloved. Would he waist the time or would he right his wrongs and tell her the truth?

I knew Jon was right. I knew that I should do all that is in my power to push the anger away and focus on the love I feel for my husband. I knew it and still, I didn't do it.

And I love him. I am a complete fool for him. I would do anything to be by his side, to listen to him speak and have him hold me in his arms for hours on end. I would give it all up. I still feel strange feelings in my stomach whenever he would pull me in for a kiss. The last time I woke up next to him, I was still waking up like a grinning fool. The distance between us has been annoying me from day one and I would do all that is in my power to lessen it, to be next to him again.

And I couldn't write him. I couldn't write him to tell him that everything is alright, I couldn't write him to tell him that are son is healthy, let alone that I am still completely mad about him!

I had a chance to say my goodbye without saying goodbye, just for good measure.

And now what? Now he's in a battle and I am here, leagues away from him, crying in my pillow because I was stupid, selfish and egotistical enough to hold his mistake against him. Yes, it is a mistake and yes, I still hold that against him but he might not return from the battle he might be fighting at this very moment. If he doesn't return from it, he will die not knowing that I am absolutely and completely his.

I am a complete idiot. The only good thing about this is that I know now that if I have a chance to keep him, I will not be making the same mistake, not ever, no matter what he does.

"Sophia, you really need to calm down," Arya tells me. Out of all the people, all the people, it is Arya vStark who has the bravery to speak up. Truth be told, Arya Stark might be the only one that did not have a chance to learn that I am not the person that reacts well to being told to calm down. Then again, if anyone else had dared to say it, I might have reacted differently. I am on uncharted territory just as much as Arya is and therefore, I can't afford to react the same way I would if Gendry was brave enough to tell me that I need to calm down. "There's nothing you can do about it now."

"Don't you think I know that?" I mumble. If I had the energy to stand, I would probably be pacing but I did not even have the strength in me to do that. "Jon, why are you here? Why are you not with him?"

From the moment I have seen Jon at our gates, I know it was wrong. Yes, he is a Stark and yes, he will always belong in Winterfell but he is Robb's brother. He should be by his side, fighting with him and winning a war with him. Possibly even saving his life. Not as his own expense, of course.

"Sophia, you know why I am here," Jon tells me. "In fact, the reason why I am here has made you pretty angry." He reminds me. Of course he is going to mention my slightly irrational behavior in front of half of his family. The only one that did not seem a tiny bit surprised at Jon's words is Shireen.

Whatever it is that I do, she has seen it before. There is absolutely nothing I can say or do, no words or actions, that might surprise that girl. Once again, I am proven that she grew up before her time and that despite doing all I could to stop it, I was not as successful as I had hoped to be.

"We really need to discover some more effective means of communication," I mumble, focusing all of my attention to stop my leg from jumping up and down. The only thing that is stopping me from completely losing my mind is the baby in my arms. My son and his confused, blue eyes were the only thing is making me hold it all together. "Ravens are too slow. It can take days, if not weeks for them to fly from one end of Westeros to another. We do not have weeks."

For all we know, the war is already over! The war is already over and whether or not it has been won or lost, we will not know! We will not know for days after it is actually over.

There are two things we can do. We either celebrate or we try to organize an escape. And if we have to organize an escape, we are losing valuable time, just because the stupid birds are not flying fast enough!

"Sophia, we are all on edge," Sansa tries to reason with me. Her efforts are good but not good enough. "You can't do anything. Neither one of us can do anything. All we can do is sit and wait. Pray and hope for the best. And try to be calm while we wait."

I know she is right. I need to be calm. For them, for my family, for the people who look at me and for the son I am holding in my arms. If he ends up being the only thing I have left of Robb, he is going to need me to be strong. Even now, as a baby. I know I have to do it and I am truly trying to but I can't. I just can't! They all want too much from me, I want too much from me. I have warned Robb a long time ago, that he had married the wrong girl and right now, I am proving that my words are true.

Ned starts crying, as if he can feel how close I am to breaking down. I am starting to affect him.

"I need to go," I tell them, realizing that Ned will probably not calm down if I just rock him for a little while. "I need to feed him. If anything happens, if we receive any news, you know where to find me." I tell them as I walk towards the door; Jon rushes to open it for me. "Thank you." I utter before walking out and making my way to my bedchambers, looking for a little peace and privacy.

By the time I close the doors behind us, Ned had already stopped crying. Still having to feed him, I make myself comfortable and I try, I truly try, to forget about all the worries if only for a little while.

My son can sense the tension. A baby can sense the bloody tension that surrounds it!

"I am so sorry," I whisper, looking down at my little boy. "You deserve more than this. As your mother, I should give you more than this. You need to be my priority, not your Poppa. And you are. You truly are. You are my number one. I would freeze fire and dry oceans for you. But I also love your Poppa quite a bit too," I sigh. Speaking to a babe that does not understand what I am saying has become what writing in notebooks used to be before. I do not put my feelings into written words; I speak them, to the only person in the world that would not reveal them to anyone. "I could handle it all if I knew he would have a chance to hold you. You are his as much as you are mine. You are his spitting image, love."

He is going to need his father. And Robb is going to need his son. I won't be helping either one of them if I keep losing touch with reality every few moments. Worry and stress are not an excuse. I need to push it down, I need to push it all down, with all the strength I have in me. I have done it before and I know I can find the strength to do it again. I must. When so many people depend on me, including my only child, I must do it. I need to be strong, no matter how hard it gets.

With or without Robb, I need to be strong. I need to be strong or at the very least, pretend to be strong while stifling my worries until the time comes for me to face them.

Strong, yet so tired. At this moment, what I truly need is sleep. And as I notice Ned slowly falling into dreamland in my arms, I see my chance.

"Sophia! Sophia!"

I snap awake, met with Shireen's face. For a moment, for one horrible moment, I think of the worst. Robb is dead. Father is dead. The war is lost. Or perhaps, something had happened here, where we were supposed to be safe. Did the wildlings attack? Did something happen to one of them? Did Sansa fall? Did Lady Catelyn faint? Did Gendry and Arya get into a fight?

"What is going on?" I ask. Robb. It can't be Robb. No, absolutely not, it can't be.

"He's here," she chuckles. Alright, she is not crying; that should be a good sign. News can also be good. "Rickon Stark."

It takes me a moment to remember exactly who Rickon Stark is; there's too many of them and he is the only Stark I never had a chance to meet. As soon as I realize that she is talking about Robb's youngest brother. The one that is supposed to be on Skagos. And the one that Robb was trying to find; he sent men to find his youngest brother and return him home to Winterfell. It appears that it had worked.

"Is he alright?" I ask my sister as I try to wipe the sleep away from my eyes; it doesn't matter how much sleep I get these days, it's never enough. Ever since I have given birth to Ned, I have been struggling to wake up properly. Before, I would be wide awake minutes after opening my eyes. Now, it takes me longer and I'm afraid that it's only going to get worse.

"Yes," Shireen tells me. Well, that is a proper relief. "He's asleep now."

"Asleep?" I ask in surprise. "How long has he been here when he's already sleeping? Why did you wait so long to wake me up? How long have I been asleep to begin with?" I ask, looking over at the cradle, where Ned was sound asleep, despite wrinkling his little face.

"You've been asleep for a while," Shireen tells me, looking slightly guilty. "I wanted to wake you up earlier but when Arya and I opened the door, you were in deep sleep. Arya said that you need your rest and that we should wait a little while."

It does make sense. Rickon does not know me, so he's not dying to see me again and I really did need a little bit of peace, along with sleep. What I am surprised with is that Arya was the one who insisted on it. While we get along… alright, I suppose, we still have not reached the stage where such acts of kindness are not unexpected. It is very much unexpected, seeing as how much that girl did not like me at first. It had started changing ever since I gave birth and so far, it has been changing for the better.

I have never been in a battle; therefor I cannot imagine what that must feel like. It is undoubtedly difficult, frightening and with great risk. What I can claim for a fact is that having a family is difficult, frightening and a great risk. It was a difficulty I have never imagined. Yes, of course, I knew I was going to have a family of my own, but I did not expect that my husband's siblings would have been returning home, one by one, after being lost for a very long time. I also was not expecting it to happen without him here. It would have been easier if I had Robb by my side. I suppose I should be lucky Cat is here.

"How did he seem?" I ask Shireen, knowing I will probably not have a chance to see the boy today; if he needs his rest, the last thing I want to do is to make him socialize with me, a woman that is supposed to be his family but that he never laid eyes on before. It did not go well with Arya and I doubt it would go well with him. Besides, Skagos is not near. He had probably been riding for days, after being on the water for days. He needs his rest and he does not need social pressure. That being said, I need to know if he's doing well at least. "Is he well? Was he glad to see his siblings and Lady Catelyn?"

"Yes, he seems to be perfectly fine," Shireen reassures me, nodding her head. "He was very happy to see them all. They hugged and they talked."

Good. If he was quiet and unnerved by being back home, that would be a problem. At least he was happy to see them. We need to be gentle with him; perhaps it would be a good idea to not blindside him with the fact that he's an uncle now. Not to mention that his older brother is at war. A war that he might be losing, for all we know.

It can't be good. If we can barely handle it, how would it be like for a child?

A child that was separated from his family and that had to run to save his life. For all we know, he's a child that is more mature than all of us combined.

"This is never going to stop, is it?" I ask, not expecting a proper answer from Shireen. "Even when the war comes to an end, there will always be something. It does not stop. The moment I think it is slowing down, it just picks up speed. And I cannot follow it anymore."

"I think it will," she gives me a small smile. "And if it doesn't, you will handle it."

"Ah, but I am not sure that I will," I admit, looking over at Ned, who is still sleeping peacefully in his cradle. As much as I want for everything to be calm, for his sake, I do not see that as a possibility. I just do not see all of this ending in complete peace and serenity. At least nor for my family. "I don't know anymore, Shireen. I don't know how much longer I can keep it up."

Admitting it is not easy, not even if I am admitting it to myself. But if there is a person in this world that I could admit it to, without ever wondering if they would find a way to use it against me, it is Shireen. This girl will have my side until the very end. I can trust her.

But it is not about trust, not anymore. It is about help and how much I am going to need it.

I run through the crowd of soldiers, looking for him. I try to ignore the celebratory cries, knowing it is too soon from them; we might have breached the city but we are yet to get into the Red Keep.

Soldiers fought and common people stood on the side; they might not know about this war as much as I'd like them too, but they know enough to step aside. They have seen the army and they know they are not going to stop it. Unlike Cersei Lannister, they have accepted defeat and they would rather live than die. After all, it isn't their war to begin with?

Their army fought, I'll give them that. They were not willing to accept defeat, not until it became obvious that defeat was imminent and that they were surrounded from all sides. Those that have surrendered are being locked up by the men who are not cheering yet; those who fought to the end are dead, bleeding on the city streets.

I try to recognize him among the men but I can't. All of us are covered in blood and dirt. I grab one soldier and he almost attacks me; it takes him a moment to realize who I am.

"Stannis? Where is Stannis?" I ask, knowing that I need to find him at once.

"Near the gates."

"The city or the castle?"

"Red Keep, Your Grace."

I run through the crowd again, pushing all those who get in the way. I am lucky the Kings before me liked to show off their power; I have never step foot in this city before and I do not need to look around to find the Red Keep. I rush to it, hoping the soldier was right and that Stannis is indeed there.

"Your Grace!" I turn around, seeing Davos rushing my way. I knew it; wherever Stannis goes, Davos follows. "Your Grace, we have done it!" he laughs as he stops before me, trying to catch his breath. "King Stannis wants to attack the castle before sunset. Do you think that can be done?"

"If can, I am sure of it," I look around. Men are tired, but this is one final push that we most make in order to finally do what we have planned. For years, we have been fighting this war, our men along with us. As tired as they are, this is the one last thing we must do, before we can go home, to our families. Families… "Davos, I need to speak with you."

"I didn't expect it to be as easy, not after the Battle of Blackwater," he laughs, shaking his head, amazed at our own capability. "I thought we will struggle again, but this went through like a knife through melted butter. This will go down in history as one of the easiest battles ever won!

"Ser Davos…"

"You need to regroup with King Stannis, Your Grace," he tells me, completely ignoring my interruption. "We can all charge on the gates or we could separate again and press them on all sides…"

"Ser Davos!"

"It can be done in a few hours, I am sure of it!"

"Ser Davos!" I should, losing my patience. Finally, he hears me; he stares at me with wide eyes. A King I might be but not all Kings yell at their people like that. Normally, I don't either. "It's Matthos."

I have been looking for Davos even before the battle was over. I have been trying to get his attention and the man refused to listen, feeling elated by our success. He is finally listening now and judging by the look on his face, he knows what I am about to say.

"What about him?" he asks.

"I did not see it on time," I tell him, choosing my words carefully. He takes a harsh breath; he knows it. "By the time I got to him, he had already fallen."

Ser Davos leans on a wall, with a hand on his head. I have seen fathers react to such news but I never had to be the one to tell it to them. Despite not knowing my son at all, it feels all too real. A father losing a son is not the way it should be. As much as I miss Father, I know he would have wanted it to be this way, as a Father should never have to live with the death of his son. And Matthos was Ser Davos's firstborn, at that.

"I know it is not much, but if it is any consolation to you, I killed the man," I add. "And your boy died at once; he was not struggling at all."

That is a lie. When I got to them, when I killed the soldier that had wounded Matthos, he was on the ground, clutching his stomach. The sword went clean through, I don't know how he even lived that long. But he was on the ground and in terrible pain, dying. He looked up at me and told me two words I will never forget, not for as long as I live.

Do it.

Matthos died by my sword, even if it was out of mercy.

Ser Davos doesn't need to know that. Knowing that would give him even more pain. It might be a lie but I know he is at peace if he thinks that his son died instantly. I am the only one who knows the truth, since the dead don't talk. Ser Davos shouldn't know about it.

"Thank you," he mumbles. Even after hearing what he had just head, he does not forget my manners. I don't know if I want to hug him or hit him because of it. "He died bravely."

"That he did, Ser Davos." I put my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it tightly. If there are any words that can help him in a moment like this, I don't know them. I can only give him my silent support.

"You need to talk to King Stannis, Your Grace," he tells me, sounding dazed, as if he had just woken up. He looks that way too. He must be in shock, not completely aware of the loss he will have to face, the son he will have to grieve. "We need to finish this war. Once and for all."

I nod, not saying anything to him. I leave him be, letting him face his grief without me being there to witness it and I make my way through the crowd again, looking for King Stannis.

Davos is right, we need to finish this war, once and for all. We have all lost so much, too much. Many men have lost their lives and we need to make sure that they did not lose it for nothing. We will take the castle, take the throne and take the Kingdom, in the name of Matthos and all those who have lost their lives by fighting for it. In their name, we will once again bring peace to Westeros and death to those that have been playing with it for many years.

We didn't come all the way here for nothing.

I march down the hallway, making my way to Catelyn's room. I don't make it far; I hear shouts. Muffled shouts but still, raised voices. It takes me a moment to realize where they are coming from; I rush to Sansa's room, opening it without even knocking. I was expecting an attacker or her, on the floor in pain. I was not expecting to find her yelling at Arya, Arya yelling back at her and with Shireen sitting on the side, watching in wonder and shock.

"You can't act this way Arya!" Sansa yells.

"What in the Seven Hells are you two doing?" I raise my voice; they've finally noticed my presents. "I thought someone was being attacked! What is the matter of this?"

"Arya is being immature and childish." Sansa tells me.

"No, you are being immature and childish!" the younger Stark snaps. "Go on! Tell her! Tell her what this is about!"

"Arya, do not dare!" Sansa growls at her sister; I have never seen Sansa speak to anyone in such a way.

"Will someone, in the name of Gods, tell me what is going on?!" I yell, finally losing my patience.

"Sansa is in love with Gendry!" Arya bursts out.

"ARYA!" Sansa shouts in complete disbelief. "How dare you?!"

"STOP IT!" I yell from the top of my lungs; it is my yell that makes them stop for a moment. Finally, there is some silence, silence I need in order to think about what I've just heard. Normally, I would think that Arya is teasing her sister but Sansa's reaction is telling me that Arya might just be telling the truth.

Out of all the people, all the men, she chose Gendry? Quite possibly the worst option? But Sansa doesn't know that, does she? She doesn't know why Gendry would be the worst possible option for her.

"Arya's in love with him too, that's why she is so angry!" Sansa suddenly snaps again, causing Arya to lose the little self-control she actually had. I lunge in between them, grabbing Arya by the waist and pulling her away from her older sister. She was more than ready to attack and had I not been as fast as I was, she would have done it. I have managed to grab her right on time.

"Stop it, both of you!" I order as I finally let go of Arya; she's taking deep breaths but it looks as if she is calm enough; I look at Sansa, who is still very much surprised with the reaction of her sister. I think she might have realized that she had pushed Arya a bit too far for her liking. We stand in silence for a moment, before I turn to my sister. "Do you happen to be in love with Gendry as well?"

"No!" she protests. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised by anything.

"Good," I sigh, before shifting my eyes between the two Stark girls. "I do not care what is going on, I do not care what comes between you. You will not shout at each other and you will certainly not start a fist fight with,' I say, giving Arya a look. "It would be best if you avoid provoking the other one as well," I add, this time looking Sansa's way. Arya might have been the one who jumped but Sansa was the one that lit the fuse. In my eyes, both of them are equally guilty. "Now, we need to settle this mess. Arya, you come with me. Sansa, I will speak to you later. Am I making myself clear?" I ask.

I do not use my strict voice often but then again, I don't really have the opportunity to use it. Arya and Sansa have combined their efforts to provide me with one. I no longer have the space to worry about whether or not this is my duty, whether or not I should interfere. We live together and we are a family. Granted, we did not grow up in the same castle but we have known each other long enough for me to have this freedom. I am a Queen, I am their brother's wife and the mother of their nephew and the future heir to the Seven Kingdoms. I have the right to speak like this.

"Am I making myself clear?" I ask again, in an even harsher tone.

"Yes." Sansa, Arya and even Shireen mumble at the very same time.

"Good," I nod my head. "Arya, follow me," I order, half expecting her to decline. She doesn't; as I walk out of the room, she follows me.

Did we not have enough problems even without this one?