Shadows Within Kisses

"First Touch"

The spring winds seemed far colder today, she noticed. The invisible caresses bringing a chill to her spine as she sat by the porch, alone. Sayuri lost count of the hours she had been wasting away staring at the old bonsai tree in the middle of the garden. It was rather strange for her to do so, but the young saniwa didn't particularly notice as her mind remained elsewhere. A soft sigh eventually escaped her lips as she closed her eyes, the flashback of yesterday's heated encounter replaying in her mind.

"I don't see what makes you so special that everyone compares you to Maiko-sama."

His voice echoed in her ears, the coldness of his tone embedding itself to her memory. Sayuri could clearly remember how Kashuu looked at her, the way his crimson orbs pierced across the table to meet hers, like a samurai stabbing his blade unto his enemy. She thought long and hard on the reasons behind the boy's demeanour towards her, but things never seemed to stitch together. Perhaps there wasn't anything wrong with Kashuu, maybe it was her that had the problem. Maybe if I was just a little similar to mother, then maybe-

"Deep in thought?" chimed a gentle voice.

Sayuri immediately opened her eyes, feeling a hand slip on her shoulder. She looked back, pale eyes meeting the sea. "Mikazuki-san, I'm sorry, how long have you been there?"

"Long enough." He replied with a smile, settling himself beside his saniwa. There was a kind of grace in his movements that made Sayuri want to stare at him, finding his gestures elegant and refined. It was evident that Mikazuki was thoroughly taken care of, his body language oozing aristocracy. Sayuri couldn't help but feel like a commoner in his presence, which was ironic as the samurai placed himself below her, stating that he was the servant instead. He sat closely, the fabric of their kimono sliding against one another as he made himself comfortable.

"You need not to think about what happened last night."

There was silence from his saniwa as he brought up yesterday's agenda, the tension noticeable but faint. Initially, Mikazuki had planned to explain Kashuu's actions, but upon seeing the troubled expression etched unto Sayuri's face, it became clear that perhaps it was best that he didn't linger on the topic for too long. As he was about to part his lips, the saniwa spoke first.

"What was my mother like?" Sayuri asked, turning her head to look at him. Mikazuki looked at her in surprise, taken aback by her sudden question. Clearly this was not the direction he wanted the conversation to take, but upon seeing the look in her eye, his curiosity got the better of him. Why ask so suddenly?

"Maiko was a gentle person." He began, turning his attention to the bonsai tree in the garden. "We admired her greatly for her skills as a saniwa, but I believe what made her stand out was her warmth, she was our home."

A wave of nostalgia washed over Mikazuki as images of his past memories with their previous saniwa filled his mind. He could clearly remember her like the back of his hand; the expressions she made, the clothes she wore and the places she would consider as her own. These were details that were not often remembered, but he chose to remember them regardless. A smile had crept on his lips as one particular memory came into mind.

He had once stood with Maiko at this very place, bodies pressed against one another as they embraced each other tightly. She was weeping against his chest, letting out frustrated sighs as her sobs muffled her words. A sword had been destroyed that day, the fragments unsalvageable even with the assistance of a blacksmith. Mikazuki remembered how soft her hair was against his finger tips as he soothed her, murmuring quiet assurances as he kept her close. It was a day that he chose to be brave he believed, a day where in the midst of her sorrows he had leaned down, kissed her briefly and finally said "I lo-"

"Mikazuki-san?"

The samurai flinched in surprise, snapping out from his quiet reverie as he quickly diverted his attention to the girl beside him. Sayuri was looking at him with wonder in her eyes, seemingly curious just like a cat. Mikazuki was quick to note how closely she resembled her mother; she was like a splitting image only that her eyes were far more different than the ones her predecessor owned. They looked softer, kinder even, almost as if she was pleading to him. Mikazuki could not hold back the smile that grew on his face as he looked into her eyes, briefly clearing his throat as he shifted to face her.

"Forgive me. I was distracted for a while." He said, earning a chuckle from Sayuri in response.

"Perhaps you remembered something good?"

"You could say that."

Sayuri could see the fondness in Mikazuki's face, the way his tone and body language seemed to change just by the mentioning of her mother's name. She was aware that her mother had left a legacy behind, the kind that made her unsure if she was capable of keeping it. But to see the reaction of others just by hearing her name, it made Sayuri realize that her mother had left a much more stronger impact than what she imagined. The young maiden clasped her hands together on her lap, breaking away from the samurai's gaze as she looked down into her intertwined fingers.

"Mother... was an amazing person, wasn't she?" she murmured, her voice becoming gentle caresses to his ears. "You talk so fondly of her. It makes me quite jealous."

The last sentence took Mikazuki's attention, his gaze settled on the tightly knit fingers that were on his saniwa's lap. Is this why you asked? He thought, realizing that her inquiry had something to do with what Kashuu had said during supper. It was clear to him that the statement had made Sayuri insecure, her worries being masked with the smiles she wore within the halls. The samurai made a mental note to have a word with Kashuu later on and give the uchigatana a piece of his mind before they set off for today's mission. Waving the thoughts away, Mikazuki reached out and took hold of Sayuri's hand, firmly holding it in his.

"You need not to be jealous, Sayuri." He said softly, pulling her hand up to brush his lips against her knuckles. She let out a soft gasp as they looked at each other, a deep blush staining Sayuri's cheeks as she stammered to form an answer. Mikazuki smiled against her skin, lifting his head to plant a kiss on the back of her hand. "Please do not compare yourself to Maiko. You are your own person, and we like you the way you are."

"Mikazuki-san-"

The intimacy was brought to a halt when Sayuri felt the presence of another person within the room. She flinched and hastily pulled her hand away from her vessel, almost as if his touch burned her. There was a look of surprise from Mikazuki, but he was quick to catch on when he heard footsteps drawing near the door.

"Mikazuki-san!" a voice called, immediately taking the two's attention as they turned their head towards the main entrance. "The others are looking for you. They say it's time to go!"

A little boy with silver hair was approaching them with a tiger cub in his arms. One could see his struggle as he balanced the creature with one arm, while the other was fixed on his hat. The feline continued to squirm like a fish, mewling as it struggled to remove itself from the boy's grasps. The little one eventually wrapped both arms around the cub, securing the animal in place as he took a peek from beneath his hat. "Ah, Master! You're here as well? I-I'm sorry for interrupting."

"It's fine Gokotai. I was just about to leave." Mikazuki replied quickly, sparing one last look at Sayuri as he offered her a smile.

"Perhaps we will save the rest for later."

There was a brief pause between them as they looked at each other. She couldn't tell what was wrong, but there was a look in his eye that Sayuri couldn't quite understand. Mikazuki had always been the peculiar one amongst the swords; not particularly in a negative sense. But he was mysterious even when he expressed so much honesty towards her. She had often wondered how her mother handled such a person; Mikazuki seemed to be both easy and difficult to deal with. There was a great desire to ask him, several more questions she wanted answers to, but she had to keep them until the moon rises later in the evening.

Sayuri managed to return a small smile as she gave him a nod. "I pray for your safe return, Mikazuki-san."

The samurai rose from the floor and bowed before his mistress, excusing himself as he motioned for the door. He had taken Gokotai along with him, leaving Sayuri to herself as she stayed behind. Upon hearing the soft click of the door, Sayuri found herself staring at the bonsai tree again. What an exhausting week. She thought, bringing her eyes to a close as she listened to the wind's gentle whispers against her skin. The duties of a saniwa remained to be demanding, and although she was given time for herself, Sayuri only found her time alone all the more distressing. But she found peace by looking at the satisfied faces of her swords, reminding herself that this wasn't the time to succumb to her darkness. There was a promise she had to keep and perhaps this wasn't going to be the worst of her days; but Sayuri couldn't help but wonder, how long could she remain strong? Until when could she keep this facade going before she destroys herself?

"Sayuri-dono."

The soft murmur broke Sayuri from her reverie and she quickly opened her eyes. Turning around, she was greeted by a kneeling Kousetsu with a hand against his chest, his prayer beads intertwined against his fingers. His eyes were closed briefly, but soon a pair of piercing blue eyes looked back at the saniwa, aware that his presence had been acknowledged. "Kousetsu-san, what brings you here?" she asked, shifting her position to face the samurai that had risen from his position. He approached her quietly, pausing in front of her as he kept his usual stoic expression.

"May I speak with you?" There was a questioning look from Sayuri as she nodded in response, extending a hand to the space in front of her as she invited him to sit. It was unusual for Kousetsu to approach her unannounced, most of the time he chose to keep his solitude and was often found praying in his quarters. It must be important. Sayuri thought, her eyes fixed on the figure that seated himself in front of her. Kousetsu simply looked at her. Both of them staring into each other's endless orbs as the silence between them continued to lengthen. The saniwa blinked at him in confusion, titling her head to the side as she chose to speak up.

"What did you wish to talk about, Kousetsu-san?"

He looked away from her briefly, raising a hand to his lips as he cleared his throat. "I wished to know Sayuri-dono's condition." He said, their eyes meeting again. They way he answered so seriously made Sayuri chuckle. She had expected to hear about something grievous but she didn't expect to have the conversation about her. Such an odd person you are, Kousetsu-san.

"I am well." She replied with a smile, "I'm sorry if my behaviour yesterday worried you. I was just... surprised."

Something flickered in Kousetsu's eye that immediately told Sayuri that the samurai was not convinced with her response; not that it was particularly convincing to begin with. She motioned to speak again, to reassure him, but was cut off when Kousetsu raised his beads in front of her; eyes closed as he hummed an unfamiliar tune. He moved his hand from side to side, stopping at the middle where the beads dangled close to Sayuri's face. They were of a deep shade of crimson, Sayuri noticed; the prayer beads that Kousetsu loved so much. Their color almost resembled that of blood, but the beads were clear and shiny, twinkling against the light. Being distracted by the beads, the saniwa failed to notice the cold pair of eyes that were gazing at her. Taken aback by the sudden realization, Sayuri diverted her attention to her lap; the embarrassment evident in her now flustered cheeks. I must have been disrespectful.

Kousetsu had pulled his beads away after he had conducted his prayer. He silently observed the girl before him, taking note of her troubled expression as she played with the fingers against her lap. The samurai briefly closed his eyes and took a deep a breath.

"You are troubled." He said, earning a flinch from the saniwa. She froze on the spot; the tension being visible on her hands and face. It was not Kousetsu's intention to bring back the unpleasant encounter, but he felt as though there was a need to ask for answers to the questions that have been lurking in everyone's mind. It was never in his nature to pry, but perhaps he too, was troubled.

"Don't be silly, Kousetsu-san." Sayuri replied. "I am perfectly alright."

She offered him a tender smile as she responded; quietly hoping it would put his mind to ease. There was something building inside of her that was close to erupting, and Sayuri was determined to keep it at bay until she was alone. It was already clear to her what was coming and the last thing she wanted was to prove how truly weak she was in comparison to the household's previous saniwa. This was a challenge for her, was it not? Then she should be able to easily-

"The past is already gone, the future is not yet here. There's only one moment for you to live."

Sayuri looked at Kousetsu in surprise, taken aback by his words. He was looking at her sternly but his cold blue eyes remained kind for her. Almost as if to offer what little comfort his presence could do. Although he often spoke less, the monk was very observant of his surroundings; and it seemed that the shadow of the past had continued to lurk over what was supposed to be a newly written future. Kousetsu was no fool, he would be lying to himself if he said he did not miss Maiko; but you could not bring the dead back to life. By heart, he knew that the presence of death gave an opportunity for hope to be reborn; though he only wished that the others would let go of the burdens of the past even when it was difficult. He had lost someone dear, but he had gained someone just as precious.

"Remembering a wrong is like carrying a burden on the mind. There isn't enough darkness in all the world to snuff out the light of one little candle." He paused for a moment to wait for a reaction from his saniwa, but she had chosen to remain silent. He noticed that her eyes were beginning to look far more shinier against light, a bit out of the ordinary. It was then, his eyes widened at the sight of clear pearls that were dripping slowly against her pale skin.

"I'm sorry, I-" Sayuri placed her hands against her mouth to muffle in her sudden sob, closing her eyes tightly as her tears continued to stream down her face. Kousetsu's words did not hurt her, but oddly she felt comfort in them instead. It became clear that Sayuri had been longing for such comfort, one that she didn't expect to need in the midst of her supposed to be iron heart. All this time she only heard about people's expectations and had only been comforted by the nightmares that continue to torment her in her sleep; if this was not punishment enough, she had to face the hatred from her own swords. She was not asking for much, all she wanted was to be reassured that everything will be alright. Her thoughts went to Kashuu, the sword that only seemed to want to push her lower until she could understand his misery. If her feelings could reach to him, maybe he would come to accept her. But you could not force a man to forget about the love of his life in a day; and for her mother's case, 15 years was not enough.

Kousetsu had his eyes fixed on her trembling form, his fingers tightening around his prayer beads to suppress his urge to reach out to her. He had forgotten that Sayuri was still inexperienced and that she had much more to learn before she could truly call herself the saniwa of the household. He respected her deeply for her strength, and admired her for her will; but regardless of her facade, she was only just a girl.

"One moment can change a day, one day can change a life and one life can change the world. Remember this always, Sayuri-dono." Kousetsu said softly, hesitantly raising his hand to reach out to Sayuri. She was so close to him yet he felt like there was a rift between them; one that he couldn't possibly pass. It was never much of his place to show too much affection, but to see his saniwa in such a fragile state; it gave him all the more reason to be compassionate. His voice felt like a caress against her ears, the soft register of his tone immediately soothing her. She had calmed down a bit and managed to offer him a nod in response; bringing her sleeve up to wipe her tears away. Kousetsu-san probably thinks I'm pathetic. Sayuri thought, eyes remaining closed as she tried to stop her sniffling. What she didn't realize was that the sword's hand was mere inches away from her face; dangerously close to her skin.

He should be stopping himself; this was not how he was supposed to act. But there was something deep within him that urged him to go on, telling him that this was the right thing to do. As he looked at her, he noticed a vulnerability he had never noticed before. It made him want to protect her, to shield her away from everything that would cause her harm. Perhaps, he wouldn't be condemned for what he was about to do. For the briefest moment, Kousetsu caressed Sayuri's cheek; making the young girl look up to him in surprise. It was the closest to any intimate contact he had ever done to anyone. Being the conservative fellow that he is, physical touches were never the priority in his book. Yet, he found himself becoming fond of the gesture far too quickly to his liking. Before they knew it, they were staring at each other; eyes filled with messages that neither could decipher. There was however, an all too familiar warmth between them. Sayuri couldn't resist the urge to wonder, and out of curiosity, she motioned to ask. "Kousetsu-"

"Sayuri-sama!" Gokotai called, quickly approaching the door as he slid it open. Kousetsu immediately drew his hand away from Sayuri's face and placed it beside him, avoiding eye contact with his saniwa. He had lowered his head, fixing his attention to the wooden floorboard as he allowed her to acknowledge the tantou's call.

"What is it Gokotai?"

"It's almost dinner time, Sayuri-sama!"

"Oh, I didn't realize it was this late."

Lavender met ice for the briefest moment before the young woman got up to her feet. The samurai had remained seated on the floor, offering her a light bow as she motioned to leave. She hesitated for a moment, gazing down at Kousetsu before she turned away. "Let's talk again soon." Sayuri said softly, joining the little boy waiting by the door. The sword had opened his eyes by this time, but he forced himself not to look back. In the eyes of this house, he was a man of discipline; still and unmoving. To turn around meant that there was something tipping the scale; disrupting the balance he had carefully made. This is nothing. He thought to himself, gathering his beads as he rose.

Sayuri joined Gokotai at the hall, being pleasantly suprised by Souza who had graced her with his presence; his tender smile lighting up his face.

"If it's no trouble, I'd like to help Yuri-chan make dinner." He said.

"I would deeply appreciate that. Thank you, Souza-san."

The saniwa had gone ahead with little tiger cub, leaving Kousetsu alone with the bonsai tree. He stood by the doorframe, gazing at the leaves that gently swayed against the spring breeze. His thoughts were wandering, his personal judgement being clouded by fate's playful antics. He looked at the hand that he used to touch Sayuri's face with; images of her weeping form still in his mind. It was unlike him to act without permission and he was in a state of disbelief with what he did. "I must focus." Kousetsu mumbled beneath his breath, curling his hand into a fist before lowering it. "This confusion will pass soon."

As the monk stared off to the bonsai tree, he was unaware that there was someone was looking at him by the small opening at the door. The usual smile had faded from his face and his eyes were gazing at his brother with such sharpness that it almost seemed that he was pointing a blade to his back. Souza eyed his elder brother sternly, his expression anything but pleased. There was coldness in his eyes that were unfamiliar to most; it was a side of him that no one had ever seen before or even knew existed. With utmost care, he closed the door silently; diverting his gaze to the empty hallway as he made his way to the kitchen.

"I do not plan on sharing."