Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Panty+Shots

"Kokoa seemed pretty damn happy when I destroyed the rosary, huh?" Naruto needled the tsuntsun once locked inside the deredere walking beside him, his arms wrapped behind his head. The blond troll was further baited on when she crossed her arms over her chest defensively, looking away from him, "Aw, c'mon gal. You can't tell me you didn't feel something when she hugged me so appreciatively."

Moka tossed a glare his way, trying to incinerate Naruto's troll face. Quickly realizing such an endeavour would only fuel it, she sighed and turned a contemplative gaze to the lifeless sky above and to whatever unknown land resided beyond.

"Perhaps," She offered, her pride not permitting her to admit Naruto was right.

She knew he was, though.

Even trapped within the walls of the rosary, she was still conscious, and thus was well aware to the troubles the illusionary human-like Moka got herself up to, one of those often being the mouse on the end of Kokoa's fierce tiger pursuits.

"Which is code for, 'I'm too prideful to fess up, so a half-assed, ambiguous answer will have to suffice 'til then'," Naruto quipped with air quotes and a sneer, drawing an annoyed glance from Moka, "I know how your types work."

"Gee. You sure know how to take a hint," Moka said sarcastically.

"Lighten up," Snaking his arm around Moka's shoulder, Naruto perched his chin on her shoulder-blade, ignoring her miffed look at his invasion of her personal space, "You're free to run around, stretch those fine-ass legs of yours, and give saps, what I like to call, your 'know your place' kicks, flashing me in the process."

Moka spared a brief, passing view to her short skirt, noticing whatever length it once had to call itself a skirt was lost in the inflation of her rear, "Yes, it seems the creator of this series was a pervert."

"You're telling me," Naruto grinned roguishly, "There's panty shots up the wazoo in this series. Man! I could barely walk two miles down the road without seeing a broad's skirt flap up, flashing me 'accidentally'," He snickered, "I'll tell ya one thing lady. My old sensei would just love this joint."

"Humph. So he's not the only pervert around here."

"And he won't be the last."

"I'll have to remember to clear out and refill my wardrobe with something more appropriate," Moka noted, "My other half's clothes are just too girly for my tastes."

"Oh, I see. We got a tomboy in the house," Naruto teased.

"Do you ever give it a rest!?" Moka asked in a demanding tone, "And take your hands off of me!" Naruto danced out of her personal space just before she could tussle him off, situating his arms behind his head again.

"You know it," He chuckled, "But seriously, we can hit the town sometime after school?"

"We?" Moka rose an eyebrow.

"Yeah!~" Naruto chirped, "Who else knows the human world better than a human."

"Somehow, I find it hard to believe you're human after the level of power you've displayed to put my father of all beings in his place," Moka said sardonically, smirking at Naruto's toothy grin, "That's no small feat."

"I'm honoured," Naruto said satirically, cleaning his nostrils with his index finger in a show of humility, "But believe it or not I'm a full-bled human from the other side of the galaxy, baby."

"Humph. The other side of the galaxy I can believe," Moka quipped, her smug grin morphing into a playful sneer.

"Gal's got jokes, huh?" Naruto needled, drawing a look of faux innocence from the silver-haired vampire.

"No. Whatever gave you that idea, honey?" Moka teased in a delightfully fake sweet voice.

Naruto chortled in good spirits, encouraged to see he had engaged the supposedly too hostile vampire girl in friendly banter. He honestly didn't see why she needed her personality surpassed just to fit in and make friends. She was funny as fuck. Sure, not everyone would take to her kind of humour, harsh and sardonic, but some could've fallen for it.

He was living-breathing proof of the minority that wasn't offended by it and got it. He had such a great time bantering with her he didn't even realize they had reached the school grounds until the sound of a confident gruff voice reached their ears. They may have had teleported for all the scenery they had noticed.

"Hey, Moka!"

With just a passing glance at the speaker Naruto could tell he was a delinquent much like himself. Whether he was real or a mere try-hard… well, only time would tell.

The official green-coloured blazer jacket of the academy was tossed over the delinquent's white dress shirt, which was left untucked. The first three buttons of his shirt were left unbuttoned and his red tie was loosened and his brown hair was gelled back to give him his delinquent image.

"Huh?" He blinked upon getting closer to the two to identity Moka's features, not piecing them together with her, but of the notorious kind of monster others made explicit sure to avoid at all costs, "Are you…" He hesitated, slowly losing his bravado, 'Shit! What the fuck's going on?! Moka misses one day of school and all of a sudden this crazy lookalike chick takes her place!' Her aura alone was suffocating him.

"Nice to see you too, Saizou," Moka said, making the delinquent wince at her cool, cold attitude that hugely contrasted the happy, warm personality the Moka that he knew had, "I assume you were expecting a freebie from my other half, no?"

"No-No-No-No!" Other half? What was she talking about? Was she implying her and the easy Moka were one in the same person? If so, he could really go for a blueprint to tag this supremely powerful and evidently perceptive Moka out for the weak and naïve one.

"Don't you just love me?" Saizou's attention was drawn to the mocking question of Naruto. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of envy in him seeing the confident delinquent wrap an arm around the powerful woman's shoulder without her biting his arm off, actually remaining docile in his embrace, "If it weren't for me you would have to endure this wannabe putting the moves on ya."

A trace of anger bubbled in the pit of his stomach at being called out as a try-hard, "Hey!" He glared, but was only rewarded with Naruto's signature troll face in return.

"Oh yes, love you so much I just want you to tie the knot around my finger," Moka replied stoically, highly sarcastic in her given assurance.

"Aw."

"Regardless, it would have been unbearably insulting for my vampire of my high class to have to bear being sexually harassed by this insect before us," Moka eloquently admitted, evoking a wince of terror from the confirmation of her breed of monster and the implications of her class from Saizou, "So, I suppose in that sense I do owe you a debt of gratitude."

A gleam shined in Naruto's eye. He moved behind her, slithering his hands down her sides to cup her hips, grinning sassily at her indistinct flinch before conjoining his hands at the centre of her stomach, "Think I'll use that I.O.U now if you don't mind baby," He teased, setting his chin on her shoulder.

Moka glared at him over her shoulder in mild annoyance, but otherwise accepted being in his even more intimate embrace. Only a being of some godly transcendence that could effortlessly see off her father as if he were a child's play thing could freely touch her to show the contenders whose was king.

"What the-?" He tried, but Saizou was unable to repress the cringe that coursed through him seeing the delinquent wrapping a powerful vampire up in a embrace. It was one thing to give another a friendly one-armed hug, it was another entirely to cuddle her to you, bringing her into your personal space, "Who the hell are you?"

In response to his question, Naruto nuzzled Moka's cheek with his own whiskered one with a content purr, closing his eyes for a moment to relax against her, "Who else genius? Her partner?"

"Bullshit!"

"What? You still have the balls to talk back to me like that after seeing me fondle the chick you're scared of?" Naruto sneered, "Gee. I dunno whether it's you being empty-headed or being suicidal that's steeling your cojones, but it sure is funny as fuck!"

"Heh, so you're gonna hide behind your girl, huh?" Saizou attempted in the vain, desperate hope of calling a very much out-there bluff out to bait the blond from behind the powerful vampire, "Heh, you know, that's kinda smart, taking refuge behind an S-class vampire for as pussy as it is."

The classic declaration that often initiated a showdown of "It is on" could not have been more appropriate if it could try as Naruto removed Moka from his embrace, smirking as he swaggered up to Saizou with his hands in his pockets.

Naruto was many things: an asshole, a smart ass, a sloth, a pervert, and a glutton, but a coward? Fuck no.

Even when the likes of Zabiza and Orochimaru could have been considered "godly" to him back in the day, he still would have marched up to them and spat in their faces, bragging that he was going to kick their asses.

"Huh?" Saizou blinked feeling the jab of Naruto's index finger, rolling his eyes to it before setting them on the shinobi's grin that had turned noticeably malevolent.

Wordlessly, he flicked with all the equivalence of a wrecking ball, repelling Saizou back with enough force to send him spiralling through a vortex of condense wind that shaved a few hairs of the by-passers.

"B'itch." Naruto finalized, popping the B in his call.

"I suppose that's your 'know your place' flicks, huh?" Moka needled coolly, but Naruto only blew the imaginary dust off of his index finger as though it were his trademark pistol.

"Naw. That's my, 'Ain't no one got time for dat shit, bitch' flick," Naruto corrected, pocketing his hands before slouching his way up the convenient cleared path way the launching Saizou had created with Moka by his side, ignoring the gawks and not-so subtle whispers of the other monster students flanked on their sides regarding his outrageous strength.

They reached the decidedly floored try-hard in time to find him prying himself from the cratered hole in the side of the school building's wall, dropping to his knees with heavy wheezes.

"So, dipshit." Naruto began casually, sneering as he leaned on Moka's shoulder, "Still think I'm playing or what?"

Surprisingly, the try-hard let out a small laugh, "My bad. Thought you were a human or one of those nerd monsters that's easy prey for monsters like me."

"I am human." That persistence of him being categorized among the powerless beings that only had them tamed by having powerful nukes at their disposal initiated a chorus of laughter from all around him, "What?" He glanced around him funnily, "I am human, damn it!" They laughed right on cue as though he were starring in his very own sitcom and had just uttered a funny line.

"Yeah right. And I'm a big bad demon." Some random no-name in the crowd mocked with noticeable jest.

"Aw man. That new guy sure is funny, huh?"

"Tell me about it. Wouldn't wanna mess with him though."

"No shit Sherlock. You saw how easily he took care of Saizou."

"He's strong and funny."

"What a hunk."

They freely conversed about Naruto as they began clearing out casually, leaving the trolling blond standing in dumbfounded confusion trying to comprehend what in the actual fuck just occurred.

"The fuck just happened?" He asked his companion by his side.

"I told you so," Moka insisted, arms still crossed over her chest, choosing to elaborate at Naruto's unintelligent utterance of eh, "That you being human is just not plausible with the power you possess."

"But I am human."

"So try convincing them." Moka simply recommended as she sauntered forward, leaving Naruto throwing his arms up in frustration before situating his hands on his hips.

"Aw man."

XxX

C

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TWO

Best. Joke. Ever.

XxX

The first order of business in store for Naruto besides registering himself into the system at the administration office was to have himself an audience with the head master of the academy. Naruto figured if anyone was to initiate an entry in an academy to someone then it had to be the main figure in charge of running the place.

He had Moka lead him to the headmaster's main domain and wasted no time booting open his door with added audacity and impudence. As if the guy that could have potentially destroyed his brother's life deserved any semblance of respect.

"S'up dickhead?" He demanded more than asked of the white-robed figure sitting behind a desk. The first thing he recognized about the man that he related to that weird bus driver was the glowing eyes.

"Excuse me?"

"Need me to refresh your memory?" Naruto asked mockingly, "You have no clue of a random-ass guy dropping a convenient flyer to the dumbest kid in my school?" For convenience sake, he specified off-handedly, "That would be my bro, just so y'know."

With the gears turning in his head, the headmaster gained a look of recognition, "You would be Tsukune Aono's older brother, would you not?"

"Yeah." Well that settled it. This asshole did plan to have his wuss of a brother attend his academy full of monsters for an experience that would have most likely left him traumatized as a consequence.

To his credit the Headmaster didn't try to deny it, "I had hoped Mr Aono could attend."

"Why?" Naruto asked, propping his hands on his hips, "What's wrong with me?"

"You're too eccentric. Unorthodox," He explained bluntly, stroking Naruto's ego a touch. He had always tried to be as unconventional as possible, in his attitude and his fighting style. It was how he was able to survive for so long before he became so disgustingly overpowered, "I needed to induct someone who was normal."

"Yeah, because everybody knows all 'normal' teens are stupid pussies," Naruto smiled, hugely sarcastic in his statement of mock-agreement as he waved his open palms.

The headmaster shook his head at the rude-boy's sarcasm, "I had not factored in cowardice or courage as part of what I consider normality."

"Well you musta factored in something, old man," Naruto snapped, mockingly quoting him, "What was it? Grades? You saw he had low grades, and thought 'Hey, he has low grades. Must be fit in with the crowd. Ideal guinea pig'!"

"I needed to see how a regular human would react to the existence of monsters!" The headmaster snapped defensively. There was only so much ridicule and mockery he could take before he lost his composure and this brat had thrown enough at him to consume his former composure in a forest worth of it.

"Seriously?" Naruto deadpanned, but he only nodded his head, "That's stupid as fuck!"

The headmaster sighed, soothing the increasing margarine he had coming on dealing with the boy. Keeping his composure with Naruto was proving to be an impossible exercise. It was like he was born with the sole reason to wind anyone and everyone up as much as humanly possible.

"Then explain, if you could, how my methods are irrational in your own "unique" words, Mr Uzumaki," He requested, stubbornly holding on to his calm eloquence while smartly, and – to him – giving a subtle jab at the boy.

In return Naruto presented him with the most gobsmacked gawk another soul could give another. The kind of shocked expression that said he was a total idiot was not getting the totally obvious thing he was getting that, "You can't be serious now!" He stressed, "No normal human would ever take in stride the existence of supernatural creatures that probably want to devour 'em. Most would freak the fuck out."

"But you didn't I take it?"

"I'm different," Naruto said bluntly, holding out his arms, "Hell, you all but said it yourself. I'mma crazy overpowered motherfucker." A portion of his immense chakra was released in demonstration of his brassy claim, causing the entire room to break in spider webs cracks, Tobirama-style.

The headmaster could feel it. Feel the intensity of the boy's tremendous power flooding his now ruined office, like an invisible oceanic lake. His air-circulation was blocked up as though he had grabbed him and forcibly submerged him into the pressure of such suffocating oceans. If it were possible the shining dots representing his eyes expended to that of pools.

Before him stood a monster in humanoid form of not only incomprehensible power but also formidable skill. He should've been detected and integrated into Yokai Acadamy already by now, and if not for the fact he had masked his presence to blend in with the crowd he might have been drafted into the academy long before now.

"You see old man," Naruto continued, internally pleased to see his display of power hadn't flown over the headmaster's head. The realization was all over his trembling body, "Humans will always fear the unnatural. It's a natural human response to fear a guy doing shit no other human by all rights should do. You just can't expect any average twerp in the woods to take to monsters."

"It's my belief that humans and monsters may one day live in complete coexistence," The Headmaster stated with an inhale, feeling like his heart rate was beginning to return to normal following the teen's reveal from being more than just some brassy upstart hotshot.

"A belief that'll never be," Naruto assured in reply, being hit with a feeling of déjà vu, 'This guy's reminding me wayyyy too much of Super Gramps Sage, just farrr less powerful.' He mused, "Not unless humans somehow gain superhuman abilities of their own, making that the norm. There can never be coexistence between the two species because that innate fear of monsters will always be there."

"I suppose that would suggest why this project of inducting a human once in the academy every few decades have failed for as long as it has been in motion up until your arrival," He reasoned, feeling coerced in elaborating at Naruto's sharp raised eyebrow in curiosity, "As a being who's existed for centuries, I have had the privilege of carefully integrating humans into the fold of Yokai Academy once after every semester. Sadly, to my dismay, none took to the existence of monsters and each were tr-." He couldn't utter another word of his decidedly convoluted and merciless explanation being flung to the wall of his office by a single punch and pinned there by the exact hand that did the deed in the first place.

'I didn't even see him move.'

"Man, what is wrong with you big-name monster dudes?" Naruto demanded in irritation, shaking his head whilst casually holding the imprisoned headmaster up against the cratered wall, "First Mocha's retarded father, now you. Your motivations are both nonsensical and convoluted as fuck!"

A single gasp escaped the void of his mouth at Naruto's reference to his fellow powerful comrade, "Wait! Are you referring to Issa Shuzen?"

"Yeah, that dumb motherfucker," Naruto clarified in complete disdain and coldness. Contempt he channelled by dropping the headmaster unforgivingly on his rear, peering down at him with a ruthless, chilling gaze, "Took my gal Mocha to his yard and shove that Rosary down his fuckin' throat too!" Which reminds him, "Oh, that reminds me, you won't be seeing that fake pinkie Moka anymore. The only one you'll be seeing from this day onward is the legit one, you feel?"

The Headmaster was floored, both literally and figuratively. He was truly in the presence of a boy.- No, a man wholly capable of crushing two of the dark lords without even exerting himself. A true God-among-Gods, forcing him to answer to his sins of trying to force empathy between different species through sacrificial means.

"May I have your name my lord?" The Headmaster requested with sudden obedience, pushing himself forward on one knee in a bow.

Naruto paid his sudden subservient stance a quick glance before concluding he was just smart to realize the sheer godlike difference in their power levels, "It's Naruto, Naruto Uzumaki."

"Very well," He pressed his forehead against the cracked flooring of his office, "Please forgive my transgressions, Naruto-sama."

"S'not me you need to apologize to," The blond said, removing his book of bitches from his sack bag, "It's the kids whose lives you ruined by having 'em integrated into this wacky place and their families that you need to apologize to, to begin atoning for your sins."

"I will, milord."

"Good. Now get your name in that book biotch cuz from this day onward, you're now the eleventh addition to the great Naruto Uzumaki book of bitches. Feel honoured, to be bitchified by your lord and saviour Naruto Uzumaki."

XxX

Business concluded with yet another centuries old naïve monster, Naruto sauntered out of the office with his hands in his pockets to be met with the cross visage of his companion, arms wrapped underneath her gorgeous bosom.

"What?" Naruto asked with a shrug.

"Since when was I your "gal" Naruto?" She asked, looking displeased.

"Gal, please," Naruto waved, "You and I both know you became mine by the time I had you pinned to that trunk."

Moka pouted, twirling away from him in disdain, "A superior display of strength does not give you hold over me."

"Sure does, babe," Naruto insisted, rolling up to her. He snaked his arms around her waist, setting his palms at the flat of her stomach, smirking toothily at her scrunched-up expression of barely contained pleasure, "Ever heard of the alpha male? That's me."

'Damn him and his powers of repression,' The silver-haired vampire mused, though made no actions of relieving herself from the comforting warm embrace she was in, 'I feel like my other half,' It wasn't just his overpowering strength that kept her docile even in her self-willed form – though it certainly helped. There was just something about him, something he continuously emitted.

Like a protective blanket of warmth it shrouded her form, reassured her of her safety around this man and drew her in.

"Eh, what's up Mocha? Looks like you're enjoying yourself there," Naruto teased, drawing Moka's attention to the subtle moans she was letting out. Even her defensive folded arms posture was easing up as her arms slowly began to fall to her sides.

"Oh shut up you!"

"Hey, don't get angry at me for pointing out the obvious, my little tsundere."

"You forget I wasn't the only one in that little club, dear."

Naruto chuckled heartily at the reminder before smiling warmly at her silver crown, "Yeah, I remember," He assured, drawing a snicker from the girl, "C'mon, let's hit the café. I'm starved," Without permission or outward protest from her, Naruto casually swept the swooned vampire girl off of her feet and into his arms before setting off at an easy pace, "I'm glad you're starting to warm up to me baby."

'You fool,' She mused harshly, though still curled herself against him, 'That was inevitable. Out of all the people I've encountered as my other half you were the only one to look past her to find the real me.' Naruto saved her, no matter how she tried to slice it. If it wasn't for him, if he hadn't of come along and found her as he did, she would still be imprisoned in the walls of the rosary, forced to watch as an illusion of her lost innocence lived a life she could only dream of.

He didn't have to do that. He could've led the fake Moka by the hand and used her for sexual release as most teenage boys most likely would've done, but he didn't do that. The anger he radiated for the injustice she faced was evident and authentic and it touched her in more ways than she would be willing to admit.

"Naruto."

"Yeah baby girl?"

"Thank you. For everything."

Naruto smiled warmly at her.

"Don't mention it."