A/N: Lo and behold a new idea! If you've read my story "Clever Girl" then you already know I've been on an Indominus tear before this, but then I got to thinking; we all know how a godly Naruto can deal with deadly dinosaurs, that's almost too easy. But a regular, average Naruto just starting out of the gate? Now, I don't think that's been done before, neh? So an idea came to me, an idea of the Naruto we know from "Not Going Home" traveling to an alternate universe to visit his past self.

I say ALTERNATE UNIVERSE because as we all know, there are many, many different realms, several in which a single choice, as you'll see in this chapter, can dramatically alter the outcome of any given story. Naruto has literally said before "I don't fuck with time. Last time I did, it gave me AIDS." Implying he's been down this path before. In a sense, one could even call this a pre-sequel to the events of not going home. Try wrapping your minds around that XD Now...

...here ya be!

I PROUDLY PRESENT a branch off of the much-lauded "Clever Girl" story, otherwise known as...

...CLEVER NINJA! On another note, a similar scene will of course happen in Clever Girl itself, but not to THIS version of Naruto. To keep things spoiler free, well...it'll make ya smile. Remember, this story is silly, derpy and strange, and not meant to be taken very seriously. It is meant purely as a feel good, fic for all you guys and gals out there. So...

LET THE CHAOS BEGIN!

"You think you're strong? No; you're weak. You have no strength, no power. What can you protect as you are now? NOTHING. With MY help, however...

~?

Not So Clever

It all started with a dare.

They'd called him a coward; a loser; the dead last in the academy.

Loser, worthless, trash-no, less than trash-pelted him with rotten fruit, kicked him when he was down. And those were on the good days. All his life everyone, even most of his class had treated as though he were worth little more than the garbage they threw away at the end of the day. In their eyes he wasn't special, wasn't unique, wasn't at all significant nor of any special import. He was a waste of space plain and simple-and in their eyes there was nothing he could do to change.

Today, he'd sworn to prove them wrong. By doing something no Academy student had done-or lived!-to tell of before.

By entering the Forest of Death.

Looking back, it seemed like a grand plan; albeit one not very well thought out in hindsight. Still, Sakura and all the other kids said he couldn't and that was just enough to make him want to try. If only to prove himself in her eyes. Poor, deluded little boy. Craving attention where there was none to be had. Perhaps, had he listened to that tiny voice in his head, things might have ended differently.

Instead, like a fool, he'd given into their goading and sealed his fate.

So, today, he set out to prove everyone wrong.

Little did he know the reason for the lack of guards; they were apparent as the deathly silence within the brooding forest.

What sane shinobi would dare watch over a training ground like that? The predators themselves would have made short work of any intruder; any fool who dared to venture within never emerged alive, if at all. Naruto, of course, knew none of this, and with all the naivete of a small child, assumed he could prove just how "awesome" he was, by returning from this hellish forest unscathed. Legend told of a terrible horned creature deep within its depths, but then again, he didn't know that, either.

After all, he was only seven years old.

What could possibly go wrong?

Everything. But...

...it also went horribly right.

"No no no nononononono NO! Absolutely not!"

Battered sandals slammed relentlessly against the murky forest floor, little legs pumping wildly, he frantically ran as though the hounds of hell themselves were at his heel. In a sense they were and he may as well have been crawling for all the good his shambling did him. He'd been running for hours now! He had nothing left to give! But the Forest of Death was not so easily abandoned once you entered its depths. Utterly lost, the poor boy had no way of knowing from whence he'd come.

'I wanna go HOME!' he would've cried this, had he any tears left. As it were, all he managed was a terrified hiccup as he stumbled on, desperately seeking some form of shelter. Alas, His foot chose that exact moment to catch on a root, tripping him up. Something gave in his leg, sending him sprawling. Well, there went his leg.

nd spraining a

Soaking wet in his own sweat and chilled to the bone by the frigid night air, he could only stumble onward. Ever onward, in hope that whatever was hunting him had finally given up. He hadn't gotten a good look at that thing, but those eerie orange eyes were forever seared into his mind. Why had he come here?! It had seemed like such a good idea at the time...!

"Ah, there he is!"

Crying out, the poor seven-year old covered his face as best he could, bracing himself for the end-!

"DYNAMIC! ENTRY!"

A fiery blur descended from the heavens, crashing into the ground in front of him.

"Gah! No! Don't eat my giblets!"

...um, no? I'm not a cannibal, kid."

Naruto dared to open an eye.

Up close this pursuer looked like a random cosplayer-even Konoha had such things-with his horns, white hair and flowing robes. Not the sort that got out much, Naruto thought in a rare moment of clarity. And yet in the same vein, he kinda looked familiar...nah. Must be his eyes playing tricks on him. He'd never look like that!

"Osu~!" the man beamed once he realized he'd been seen and struck an exotic pose, feet braced and a hand thrust forward, fingers splayed. "Nice to finally meet ya, boy~! So glad ya stopped running." Naruto never would've known by looking at it, but this same pose mirrored that of a certain perverted sage who would one teach him everything he knew. But for now? He just gawped, balking at the sinister stranger standing before him. He had the distinct feeling that the slightest move on his part would end in his demise. Finally, a tiny squeak forced itself between chattering teeth:

"W-W-W-Who're you?"

"Why, I'm so very glad you asked," came the booming, thunderous reply! "I am the great and powerful god of all things ramen and otherwise, lover to women far and wide, protector of-

THUNK.

A fist descended mercilessly from out of the black, snapping a horn and denting the whitehead's skull with a harsh crack.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, saying things like that to him?! He's young and impressionable!" Another dark shape resolved itself into the shape of a young woman clad in what looked disturbingly like a bloody dress. Bright amber eyes shining mercilessly out at him from her pale face, long silver locks framing her scowling, stern visage. Wait. Wait just a minute! He knew those eyes! The same eyes as the creature that had hounded him through half the forest! What sorcery was this?!

"I do apologize for his behavior," a soft voice, like smoke rolling through liquid honey, snaked through his ears. "He's not usually like this...this...

Naruto yelped and curled behind a tree, cringing as they continued to discuss him.

That this silver-haired woman was now giving him such a smile nearly made the poor boy soil himself outright!

"Oh, who am I kidding?!" The woman squealed suddenly and abruptly, throwing her arms around him with a delighted cry and all but shoving his face into her bosom. "Its chibi Naruto! He's adorable!" Trapped by those impenetrable limbs, his face wedged within that impregnable fortress, he could only flail madly. He didn't care that he was probably living the dream of pervert's everywhere, nay, he didn't even notice it as she crushed the life out of him.

No air! Couldn't breathe!

"Leggo of me, crazy lady!"

"No no no no!" Indy grinned, though the vice on his ribs did lessen marginally. Before he could wriggle free the woman was on him again, mussing his hair, nuzzling her cheek against his. The entire time he was utterly powerless to stop her as she fawned over him, purring like a contented cat, of some sort, deep, subvocal noises rumbling from her throat and into his ears.."I've been waiting a long time for this! I never imagined you'd be so...so...cute!"

Cute?!

How in the hell did she know him?!

A muffled laugh came from the forest floor.

"That's my girl...

"...oi, pervy jiji!" Naruto interjected with a wail, squinting at the fallen god. "Tell her to let me go!"

Somehow, the stranger managed to face-vault despite already being on the ground, with such force that the forest actually shook.

"OLD MAN?!"

"Oi, oi, oi...

The horned man picked himself back up and shook his head slightly, frowning.

"Man, I forgot how bratty you were at this age." he muttered, dusting himself off with an annoyed grunt. "No appreciation for theatrics at all. Just for that, I'm not telling you my name. Indy, let go." To Naruto's disbelief the strange woman did as she was told, releasing him to flop to the forest floor with a muffled squawk of surprise.

"EH?!"

"Let me guess, you came here to prove you were ballsy, right?" the stranger inquired cassually. "You wanted to prove that you were braver and better than anyone else." Naruto made a small squelching sound. He'd hit the hail right on the head without batting an eyelash. How had he done that?!

"How did you even-

"That does sound like something he would do." Indy seconded. "Were you always this naieve?"

"I believe I was."

"Not wait just a second-

"Hush, weakling."

Everything collapsed down around Naruto as those godly eyes met his. He could feel it crushing him. Everything was moving so fast. So many noises! Sights! Sounds! He was drowning in water he couldn't see. Every fear he'd ever had came back to him at once. Monsters surrounded him. His stomach inverted, his eyes shriveled out of existence and his heart caved in. It took everything he had just to recover his senses, simply to speak to the giant towering over him.

"What...did you say?"

The stranger glared down at him for several seconds agonizing without letting up, veins throbbing visibly in his forehead. Those eerie white eyes were cast in shadow, and gleaming with baleful red light. His lips were curled back almost of their own accord, barring the blond's teeth in a decidedly vicious snarl.

"Aw, did I hurt your feelings?"

"I'm not weak!"

"You think you're strong? No; you are weak. Just like I was back then. You have no strength, no power to call your own. What can you protect as you are now? NOTHING. With my help, however...

Indy went very still, but Naruto barely noticed.

"Help?" the boy croaked?

"Look, do you want to be strong, or not, shitty kid?!"

"Not from some shithead like you!"

A stone exploded violently in the stranger's left hand, showering him and Naruto with shards or broken plastic. Lifting his head slowly, he craned his neck loosely and somewhat erratically to look at the boy; a twitching, spasmodic movement to his motions. Abruptly, he smiled.

"Right answer."

Then Naruto saw the egg.

It was quite simply there on a sudden, one moment the whitehead's hand had been empty, the next, it clutched a large white oval nearly as large as the boy's hand.

"Do you see this?" he held it before his face, intently, blank eyes betraying nothing. "Do you? This egg contains a piece of someone, someone very-very!-special to me. Call it a clone, copy, whatever you want. This is no ordinary egg. She's unique. One of a kind. Once she hatches there be no take backs; I won't come swooping in to save your ass if she rejects you. But I can promise you this much kid, she's a clever girl and she'll never desert you as long as you treat her right. Now, do you want this power?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Lets just say I've read your palm, kid." the horned man drawled, standing, rising to his full, towering height. "I know exactly what's going to happen to you in this timeline. You don't become Hokage, you never amount to anything. Why? I'll tell you; because you die in this forest, and nobody gives a damn. That was the fate set for you in this universe. But that kind of the ending is sooo boring, wouldn't you agree? You're something of a test run for me. If this works out, hell, if you become what I expect, you might even see me again down the road."

"And I as well." The woman who Naruto now knew as Indy, added, interposing herself between the blond and his prize. "And you had best take care of it."

The stranger sighed.

"Indy-

"NO!" she snapped, flashing pearly white teeth in a snarl. "If he is to raise one of my babies then he will do so rightly or not at all!"

"Eh?"

"Simple." Indy hummed, and Naruto nearly bolted at the steely, murderous look in the woman's amber eyes. "If you hurt my child in any way, shape, or form, I will know. I will look for you. I will find you. And then I will kill you. Naruto or not." Thus speaking, she squatted down to her haunches, nudging the egg softly with her finger. Whatever stasis had been cast upon the egg was swiftly undone; it rocked like a cradle at her touch.

"Wake up." she cooed softly.

"Wake up."

Those were the first words Blue heard.

At the very moment shebecame aware, the instant when her tiny claws broke through the eggshell. In those frantic first seconds of existence when there was no thought, only instinct, all she knew was that she had to get out of this egg right away, right now, now, NOW! Her small hands scrabbled rapidly at the hardened shell encasing her body within, tearing it away with feeble strength until finally, finally...

Squeak.

A tiny, orange eye peeked up out of the egg, staring up into the big, wide world. She blinked once, gazing into the great, encompassing whiteness. Bright! So bright! Her nictitating membrane fluttered shut, then open again, adjusting to the harsh light. The glass ceiling rose, and her small body shivered at the abrupt lack of warmth.

Where...what...who?

The baby dinosaur began to squirm as a large hand came down near her head, vocalizing loudly in distress. But instead of harming her, they began to gently poke at her egg, freeing her from her prison. Wriggling loose from the broken shell, she stumbled out, squawking. A lone eye tracked the hand, still hovering near, and hunger demanded a response. Stumbling on weak legs yet incapable of walking, she only succeeded in flopping to the ground in a squalling heap amidst the wet leaves of the forest.

Still, that put her mouth right within biting distance...!

Growling, she nipped him.

Hard.

"Hey!" a soft yelp greeted her as a piece of flesh came away in her mouth, and the strange, five-fingered hand withdrew with a sudden abruptness. Meat! She gobbled it happily-almost unaware of the attention she had drawn to herself. "That hurt! Why the hell did she bit me?!" Something stroked her scales hestinatnly, and she tried to bite that, too. This time, she wasn't quite as successful. More words now, a gentle, almost fatherly chuckle reverberating all around her.

She squinted in confusion, staring up at the strange sound...

...and something stared back.

A pair of bright blue eyes met hers, whiskered cheeks pinched in a slight, awed smile.

Little Naruto gulped quietly.

"What is this...?"

"That my boy, is a raptor." the stranger answered, staying well out of view, pulling the woman with him. "Her name's Blue II. Or you could just call her Blue, like we used to."

Indy hissed. "We do not speak of the beta!"

Naruto barely heard the words.

"What I am supposed to do with this thing?"

The stranger laughed suddenly, a harsh bark of laughter.

"That's the fun part! We get to watch and see whether or not you screw up! Like reality t.v.! I'll even carve you a path back to civilzation, free of charge!"

Somewhere out of sight, fingers snapped.

The stranger snapped his fingers together, creating a harsh pop. That was all he did. There was no blinding flash of light, no terrible lurching sound. Just a simple click. And just like that, Naruto found himself back in his apartment, kneeling at the foot of his bed. His run-down, dillapidated apartment, foisted on him by the old man hokage after he'd been kicked out of the orphanage last year. In an instant, he'd been snatched out of the Forest of Death and plunged back into the safety of his home.

"I...you...how did you do that?!"

"It comes with the territory." the stranger replied. "Perks of being a god, and whatnot. Good luck, kid. Try not to get eaten."

"Remember, hurt her and I'll eat you." Indy threatened.

"WHAT?!"

When he turned to look, the stranger and the woman were gone. In his place, of all things lay...a steak? Why the hell would that be there?! Bullshit. He called bullshit on all of this, and it would have been so easy to just dismiss it as the product of some wretched fever dream, were it not for one thing. The eggshells at his feet. And the tiny, squalling creature in his arms. Huh. She didn't look so scary.

Blue.

She looked up at him and squeaked. In that instant, a tentative presence brushed across his mind.

'Daddy.'

Gah!

The thought stabbed into his mind like a warm butter knife, a tiny whisper of excitement twisting in the corridors of his brain. This was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrongwrongwrongwrong in a million ways, but he just couldn't bring himself to harm the tiny creature that had just emerged. He didn't even know what do to with her, and in the next instant, he was utterly lost; all thoughts of abandoning her utterly erased in an instant.

"Blue...huh...?"

Idly, he glanced at his bleeding finger.

It was just a little blood.

Just a bit...

...but he had no idea how it would change her.

A/N: And there we go! I'm fairly certain no one has tried this angle, but after reading the actual Jurassic World novel, not the junior one, its a piece of crap-I felt kinda bad for ol' Blue. So I decided to give this a go! Hope ya like it!

So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review Would Ya Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview and tell me what ye think! Thar be two and they're utterly hilarious! This story's going to fly off the rails and laugh in canon's face!

(Preview!)

Naruto froze.

"Where's Tora?"

Blue swallowed, a furry tail vanishing from her mouth.

"BLUE!"

The girl whined softly.

"At least let me cook the damn thing, first!"

Blue cocked her head to the side, considering, the motion sending the long curtain of her deep azure tresses bouncing ever so slightly. Sasuke found himself wholly fascinated by the color. Mesmerizing. Her dark, dusky bronze body looked like it belonged in Kumo, not Konoha; that sun-kissed sweetheart seemed so wasted on Naruto.

Naruto, the dead last, the only one who hadn't graduated. Naruto, who, rumor had it, now lived in the Forest of Death, training every day.

Freak.

Not like this girl.

Her bright orange eyes ensnared him, this silent girl who never left Naruto's side. What was so special about him? Why did this sleek, powerful girl cling to the dobe, and not him?

Sasuke scowled.

"What the hell do you want?"

Her smile grew.

"Food."

Oh, it speaks! Wait, what-

Then she bit down on his neck.

Hard.

Yup, totally went there. Betcha ya'll thought it was Indy-NOPE! Its Blue! In human form! And I've unabashedly killed Sasuke. EVERYONE'S FAIR GAME HERE!

R&R~! =D