As he was having a wonderful hot shower, Loki still had trouble believing that this was all happening, this was all true. Food (and very decent food at that), showers and hygiene, medical care, clothes... and a day to rest! It was almost miraculous. Too good to be true. Better to stay with the guard up, be aware of his surroundings, to be able to figure out any possible tricks.

He tried not to think about Odin, not to think about Asgard which had once been his home (and remained the only place where he felt at home, even if only in the past) laughing at his feeble attempts to escape. Tried no to think about how a suspect movement here would land at his torturer's hands again. Tried no to think about how absolutely at the mercy of these mortals he was. They could and probably would control him – utterly. Just like -

"Why did Banner have to mention the void and the Chitauri? Now he felt them in his head again, prying, whispering things he never wanted to hear. No. He couldn't think about that, couldn't give them space in his head, or he'd fall apart even more than he had before Odin. And now he needed to be whole, not just whole, tough, a column. Smarter than everyone else in the room, in charge of the situation, in control.

And yet, he couldn't help but feel the edges of his mind blurring, reality falling apart. For a long time now, he'd been unsure of what was real, what was fantasy and what nightmare. He'd been scared for so long, and now that things were supposedly getting better he was assaulted with the persistent thought that all of this wasn't real. It made too much sense. This was all an elaborate scenario they had constructed in his head to lower his guard, make him more vulnerable.

An scenario where his brother stood up for him, where he had food and hygiene and conversation and heroes of Midgard tolerated him. They wanted him low, unaware, calm, defenseless. They wanted him to think he was safe, so he wouldn't fight back so much. So they could finally get him again, and toy with him, and break him, only to put him back together again. Yes, they were listening, watching, ready to strike at any moment. Lurking in the shadows with their weapons, ready for him, savoring his ignorance. They would take him by surprise and use his shock against him.

When Loki got out of the shower and quickly dressed in the black clothes left for him all he could see was them, he could feel their presence, surrounding him, manipulating him. They're coming after you. And then there was a hand in his shoulder and Loki flinched so hard that he nearly jumped. But he turned around and it was only Rogers, holding his hands up.

"Hey, it's just me. Just wanted to let you know that Thor is coming back. Him, Fury and the others are coming here to talk the details through."

Loki nodded, still breathing heavily. He had to be better than this. Now Rogers had seen him falter, had seen weak. And he needed to be useful, an asset, not just an scared criminal. Nobody pardoned people just for being scared. You're letting them get into your head, unsettle you. Stop it. Stop them. Rogers was more perceptive than he'd thought, and picked up on his dilemma.

"It's ok to be jumpy, Loki, you've been through a lot. We won't will think less of you for being scared after what you've endured."

Loki side eyed the soldier suspiciously. Too good to be true, Loki thought to himself, too nice.

Thor told them the details of Loki's stay, but he could hardly pay attention to it. He needed a bigger distraction, a bigger threat. His mind was falling apart and he couldn't get out of it, and all them were watching him, all those midgardians, judging him, deciding that he was lying and they'd be better off without him and giving him back (they'recomingforyouthey'recomingforyou), and he felt himself getting away from reality getting away from himself, he tried to be back, tried to be back.. Don't be a victim, they won't like that... Be whole, be useful, be smart, have the upper hand...

"And just as Romanoff and Fury were telling him that they may have to start using him that day and not the next, he collapsed.

Finally, no more thoughts.

There had been a lot of arguing regarding the subject of Loki, even among the very few people that knew where he was. Was he too dangerous to be free? Should he be in a cell? Were they risking angering other world by giving him refuge? There were few people defending the former villain, but they were people that they want to cross, didn't want to anger. Banner and Rogers, mostly, and of course the mighty Thor.

And it was Banner and Rogers who were the only ones actually paying attention to subjects of all those discussion, Loki himself. Even Thor was more preoccupied with defending his position than the recovery of his brother. A brother who, as it happened, was not really recovering. Steve had seen how Loki had reacted and how unfocused his eyes had been during the whole meeting. He was trying and apparently succeeding to keep it together, but whatever had happened during the time he'd spent running and before it had been too much, apparently. As they were discussing the deal with Asgard Loki's pale eyes rolled back in his head and he started slipping from the sit where he was.

Steve managed to take him before he fell, and Stark sighed.

"What's the drama queen's problem now?"

"He's been under a lot of pressure for a long time, Tony. Sometimes you get to a breaking point and because you're head can't take it. You know this as perfectly as I do, so enough of that."

"Thor towered over Fury and the others.

"This conversation will be continued at a later time.

"His voice and expression left no room for arguments, so they left.

"Thor put Mjolnir down next to Steve's couch, where Loki was resting. Bruce checked him up, but couldn't find anything wrong except for an elevated heart rate.

"He's scared." Steve said. "I think he's afraid we're not for real, that we're just waiting to give him back to torture. I also think there's something else, something he's not telling us."

"There is." Banner said. "When I talked to him, he was very candid. He's smart and knows that if he wants us to be on his side he has to be forthcoming. But he closed up completely about the void, lied very obviously and told that there was someone else, but he couldn't talk about it yet. There's something about that rattles him."

Thor merely looked, sad, defeated.

"Anything you want to add?

Thor looked at his friends, and then at his brother.

"No. I used to be so close to Loki... now I feel you have found out more about him in a day than I could for years. I didn't even realize how badly he was hurting, if it wasn't for the Captain he would have fallen, in front of everyone."

"Sometimes it's easier to talk about difficult things with strangers than with family, because the opinion of strangers doesn't matter to you." Steve said, trying to be helpful. Thor had his faults, but he was rather fond of him.

There was a silence.

"So, what do we do now?"

"We let him rest, and try to work on him when he wakes. Try to reassure him."

Thor left. He didn't know if he was angrier with Loki, with his father, with friends or with himself. Angry with Loki for putting himself in danger all the time, for making all these that had made him a fugitive. If he only decided to help him like he had in Svartalfheim... but no. Always messing around. And he was angry with his father for treating his brother like he was the worst criminal in the nine realms, for playing with Loki's fears and making him this broken creature; with his friends for being able to see what he could not and with himself for having been so neglectful for so long.

Loki spent two weeks fighting the demons in his head, trying to deal with what he'd done while he escaped and what had been done to him. Trying not let it eat him, consume him and what was left of his psyche. He was half-conscious some moments, not really aware of his surroundings. Other times he was asleep, sometimes delirious, always restless. He had nightmares and night terrors that never ended, seemed to be in constant torment.

Bruce tended to him, so that the stitches wouldn't reopen, scars would knit properly and woulds wouldn't get infected. He read up on PTSD and trauma related psychological trouble, to be able to help Loki when he eventually woke up, and ended up understanding himself and his partners better. It was peaceful, in that bedside. Just him, Loki and his nightmares.

Outside, it was war. There were many people who complained that Loki should be in Asgard paying for his crimes and that he was here because he was supposed to useful, but he was being anything but. They said that Loki was faking his supposed ailments to win time and think up a plan to conquer them again. That he didn't deserve the medical attention he was getting. Steve and Thor tried to calm people, but it was difficult, even for charismatic and well-loved men like them.

And then, ten days later, Loki stopped thrashing, and seemed to be really resting. Two days later he woke up, for real this time and saw kind eyes watching over him.

"... Brother?"

"How are you?" Banner asked, glasses in his hand.

"I... am ready"

A/N: Feedback is love! Wanda and Scott will appear next time because of Civil war feels. Sorry for the wait!

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