Harry awoke some time later to find Snape gone. He wondered why he had
woken up, and then heard a banging on the door. Realising it would not look
good for him to be seen coming out of Snape's chambers, he stayed where he
was, but hastily moved when he heard McGonagall's voice.
"Severus Snape if you've hurt Potter believe me you will pay for it!"
Her voice became steadily more shrill. Harry couldn't remember her ever being so flustered.
"Remus Lupin is in Dumbledore's office and he's going nigh on insane! I demand that you release Mr Potter this instant, or I'll blast down your damn. . .Oh. Hello Harry. How are you?"
Her voice softened at the end, and she grasped his arm and dragged him out of the portrait hole, all the while muttering under her breath about ridiculous ideas of half-witted headmasters. Harry tried not to shake. He suddenly felt ill at the prospect of seeing Lupin.
McGonagall lead him up several flights of stairs at top speed; Harry wondered bitterly whether any of them had noticed that he had lost weight. He felt like crap. He didn't have time to think now; how had they arrived so quickly? He didn't even hear the password as the gargoyle sprang open with a snarl, just felt numbness, and an overwhelming desire to run away forever.
Run away. . .
Lupin looked haggard and worn when Harry entered, and immediately he felt awful. Then the werewolf's eyes hardened and he stood up suddenly, pushing Harry against the wall. Unbidden, images of Vernon sprung to his mind, like last night. . .no, he would not crumble. He would not panic.
He forced himself to take deep breaths, and look Lupin in the eye. Perhaps not such a good idea. He really was furious.
"Albus, perhaps I could have a few moments alone with Harry? There is a free classroom down the corridor."
Dumbledore nodded cheerfully and held the door open. Lupin grabbed Harry hard by the arm and dragged him down the stair, into the classroom, and pushed the now thoroughly cowed boy into a chair.
"Do you have any idea. . .how angry. . .how disappointed we are? You decided to give up the life given to you by your parents? You thought that you. . ."
He was cut off as Harry sent him flying back into the wall. Tears welled up in the boy's eyes as he wished he didn't have this power; wished he could be normal. He let his hand remain, and let the tears fall. Suddenly it all sunk in, how much he had lost and how much he had given away. How he should have died when Voldemort did; how he should have allowed fate to run it's course.
"There's nothing left for me here, now." he whispered, and moved forwards to Lupin. "Tell Sirius I love him. Thank you, for everything. Tell Severus, and Dean and Seamus, and McGonagall, and Dumbledore, how sorry I am. This is life, Remus. This is the end."
He touched Lupin's face almost reverently, drinking in the confusion and worry in the werewolf's eyes.
"So many times. . .Voldemort. . .heart attacks. . .I should have just given in when I had the chance. Goodbye, Professor."
Harry cast one final glance at Lupin before apparating out of the room.
Almost instantaneously Snape burst in, black hair flying around his face. He took in the scene, released Lupin, and then grabbed him by the throat.
"Where. Is. Harry?" he enunciated dangerously.
"Apparated. I. . .he. . .Severus!"
Then Dumbledore burst in, and looked around.
"Harry apparated, didn't he? The wards are down again. Not that it really matters."
Lupin nodded, looking terrified, and Dumbledore's eyes lost their twinkle.
"Organise a search around the school and grounds. It is imperative that we find him."
Snape nodded curtly and left, leaving Lupin and Dumbledore alone in the room.
"I think he's going to kill himself" whispered Lupin, and Dumbledore looked at him sternly.
"Now is not the time for self recriminations. We must find Harry first."
Lupin nodded wearily, and the two men both left the room.
*************************************
Harry was somewhere in the Forbidden Forest. He didn't know where; he had just tried to escape as quickly as possible from the stifling accusations of Lupin. It was all true; all so true. But now he came to think of it, he didn't really want to die. He just felt confused. He was crying, he supposed, because he could feel something cold running down his cheek. But he couldn't feel anything. For some reason he wanted Snape; wanted the contact, wanted the hidden warmth that lay within the folds of the black robes. But he was all alone. Hadn't he wanted this once?
Rustling footsteps came close but he didn't move until he felt a hand on his shoulder, and heard the deep voice of Firenze.
"What are you doing, harry Potter? Are you sad?"
Harry tried to smile, tried to hold up the pretence, but it was all too much. The energy drained out of his body, and he slumped backwards, allowing his eyes to roll up into his head, hearing the gasp from the centaur.
"Severus. . .I want Severus. . ."
His body fell to uncontrollable sobs, and he tried to huddle in on himself, avoiding the uncertain hands of Firenze. Between breaths he managed to gasp out "Snape. . .professor Snape. . .please, Severus. . ."
He didn't feel the strong arms lift him and head off at a run towards the school; didn't feel the wind whipping his hair. He suddenly felt like a 5 year old who had scraped their knee and was bawling for his mother, but the thought didn't stop him crying. Didn't he deserve to regress if he wanted to? Still Firenze ran, and still Harry sobbed.
********************************************
Snape had cancelled his lessons for the day, at the same time hating himself for actually caring. But the humiliation of caring was fading under his increasing worry for Harry. Why in nine hells had Minerva taken him away? Were they all so stupid?
The search for Harry in school grounds was unfruitful, and as far as anyone knew Harry could be in China. There was little they could do. The only person powerful enough to do a tracking spell was Harry. Which was not too helpful.
Snape was jerked from his thoughts by a strange sound outside his door and shouting.
"He doesn't want to go in there!" shrilled McGonagall. A bass voice which he didn't recognise calmly replied that he had been screaming to see Severus for the last 20 minutes. Snape's heart seemed to stop for a moment before he composed his face and wrenched the door open, raising an eyebrow. However any witty remark he might have been planning dried on his lips when he saw Harry. The boy was curled piteously into a ball, in the arms of a centaur no less, with Dumbledore and McGonagall trying to pry Harry away. There was silence for a moment as they all noticed Snape, and then Harry pulled away from Firenze and latched onto Snape's robes, just like a child.
He is a child said Snape's conscience, and it forced his arms around Harry. Still underweight, it was easy to carry him.
"Harry has come here. He needs rest and time alone. I would thank you not to disturb him." Said Snape icily, looking pointedly at McGonagall, and then he swept into his chambers, slamming the door behind him after a grateful look at the centaur. Cradling Harry to him, he sat down on the sofa with Harry on his lap, still sobbing.
"Harry, it's alright." Merlin, how many time have you said that today, Severus?
"How did the hope, the light of the wizarding world, all come to this?" asked Harry, finding a lull between his hysterical sobs. Unable to find words, Snape remained silent, and Harry began to cry again.
"Do you want to talk?"
Shake of the head - negative.
"Do you want a drink?" no sense in offering him food
Again, negative.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Be" whispered Harry, and if Snape didn't have such good hearing he would have been sure he'd imagined it. Unconsciously he began stroking Harry's head, almost smiling as the boy visibly relaxed under his hands.
"Do you trust me, Harry?"
"Mm hmm" replied his young charge sleepily.
Snape's heart felt like it was swelling. It was an odd feeling.
"Trust you with my life" murmered Harry. "That's why I came back."
They sat in silence for a few moments before Snape ceased his stroking. Harry began to stir unhappily, and he resumed it, hating the boy's relatives for doing this to him; forcing this loneliness onto him that made him need contact so much.
"Do you want me to kill the Dursleys?"
He knew from the way the boy tensed that he had gone too far, delved into matters that should have been forgotten. But then he began rubbing Harry's shoulder-blades, and he relaxed, and finally spoke.
"No. I don't think so. But. . .don't make me go back, please."
Snape snorted.
"Go back there? No chance, Harry. There is no way I will allow you to return to those. . .those. . ."
Harry chuckled slightly, having run out of tears.
"Can I have some Dreamless Sleep potion?"
"I'll have to get up."
"Accio Dreamless Sleep potion."
Snape smiled at the boy's ability and uncorked the bottle, letting Harry drink from it.
"I'm glad I came back" whispered Harry, and he fell asleep. Snape pushed an errant lock of hair out of the way and smiled at the sleeping boy.
"Me too, Harry."
********************************************
The next few months were almost as hard for Snape as they were for Harry. At first he found it hard to allow the boy to trust him, on the basis of all the terrible crimes he had committed as a Death Eater. But by and by they both adapted and adjusted to one another. When Harry had decided to move back to his dormitory, he had visited Snape every night. But the yearning sadness which he had once felt muted, and eventually faded, without Harry even having known it had gone.
Happiness had arrived.
**********************************************
THE END. TO BE CONTINUED IN A SEQUEL, COMING SOON.
^^ YES, I DO know that you cannot apparate on Hogwarts grounds. In JK's universe Harry and Snape will probably never stand each other, and Harry won't be suicidal. The apparition thing is just to give an idea of his power.
"Severus Snape if you've hurt Potter believe me you will pay for it!"
Her voice became steadily more shrill. Harry couldn't remember her ever being so flustered.
"Remus Lupin is in Dumbledore's office and he's going nigh on insane! I demand that you release Mr Potter this instant, or I'll blast down your damn. . .Oh. Hello Harry. How are you?"
Her voice softened at the end, and she grasped his arm and dragged him out of the portrait hole, all the while muttering under her breath about ridiculous ideas of half-witted headmasters. Harry tried not to shake. He suddenly felt ill at the prospect of seeing Lupin.
McGonagall lead him up several flights of stairs at top speed; Harry wondered bitterly whether any of them had noticed that he had lost weight. He felt like crap. He didn't have time to think now; how had they arrived so quickly? He didn't even hear the password as the gargoyle sprang open with a snarl, just felt numbness, and an overwhelming desire to run away forever.
Run away. . .
Lupin looked haggard and worn when Harry entered, and immediately he felt awful. Then the werewolf's eyes hardened and he stood up suddenly, pushing Harry against the wall. Unbidden, images of Vernon sprung to his mind, like last night. . .no, he would not crumble. He would not panic.
He forced himself to take deep breaths, and look Lupin in the eye. Perhaps not such a good idea. He really was furious.
"Albus, perhaps I could have a few moments alone with Harry? There is a free classroom down the corridor."
Dumbledore nodded cheerfully and held the door open. Lupin grabbed Harry hard by the arm and dragged him down the stair, into the classroom, and pushed the now thoroughly cowed boy into a chair.
"Do you have any idea. . .how angry. . .how disappointed we are? You decided to give up the life given to you by your parents? You thought that you. . ."
He was cut off as Harry sent him flying back into the wall. Tears welled up in the boy's eyes as he wished he didn't have this power; wished he could be normal. He let his hand remain, and let the tears fall. Suddenly it all sunk in, how much he had lost and how much he had given away. How he should have died when Voldemort did; how he should have allowed fate to run it's course.
"There's nothing left for me here, now." he whispered, and moved forwards to Lupin. "Tell Sirius I love him. Thank you, for everything. Tell Severus, and Dean and Seamus, and McGonagall, and Dumbledore, how sorry I am. This is life, Remus. This is the end."
He touched Lupin's face almost reverently, drinking in the confusion and worry in the werewolf's eyes.
"So many times. . .Voldemort. . .heart attacks. . .I should have just given in when I had the chance. Goodbye, Professor."
Harry cast one final glance at Lupin before apparating out of the room.
Almost instantaneously Snape burst in, black hair flying around his face. He took in the scene, released Lupin, and then grabbed him by the throat.
"Where. Is. Harry?" he enunciated dangerously.
"Apparated. I. . .he. . .Severus!"
Then Dumbledore burst in, and looked around.
"Harry apparated, didn't he? The wards are down again. Not that it really matters."
Lupin nodded, looking terrified, and Dumbledore's eyes lost their twinkle.
"Organise a search around the school and grounds. It is imperative that we find him."
Snape nodded curtly and left, leaving Lupin and Dumbledore alone in the room.
"I think he's going to kill himself" whispered Lupin, and Dumbledore looked at him sternly.
"Now is not the time for self recriminations. We must find Harry first."
Lupin nodded wearily, and the two men both left the room.
*************************************
Harry was somewhere in the Forbidden Forest. He didn't know where; he had just tried to escape as quickly as possible from the stifling accusations of Lupin. It was all true; all so true. But now he came to think of it, he didn't really want to die. He just felt confused. He was crying, he supposed, because he could feel something cold running down his cheek. But he couldn't feel anything. For some reason he wanted Snape; wanted the contact, wanted the hidden warmth that lay within the folds of the black robes. But he was all alone. Hadn't he wanted this once?
Rustling footsteps came close but he didn't move until he felt a hand on his shoulder, and heard the deep voice of Firenze.
"What are you doing, harry Potter? Are you sad?"
Harry tried to smile, tried to hold up the pretence, but it was all too much. The energy drained out of his body, and he slumped backwards, allowing his eyes to roll up into his head, hearing the gasp from the centaur.
"Severus. . .I want Severus. . ."
His body fell to uncontrollable sobs, and he tried to huddle in on himself, avoiding the uncertain hands of Firenze. Between breaths he managed to gasp out "Snape. . .professor Snape. . .please, Severus. . ."
He didn't feel the strong arms lift him and head off at a run towards the school; didn't feel the wind whipping his hair. He suddenly felt like a 5 year old who had scraped their knee and was bawling for his mother, but the thought didn't stop him crying. Didn't he deserve to regress if he wanted to? Still Firenze ran, and still Harry sobbed.
********************************************
Snape had cancelled his lessons for the day, at the same time hating himself for actually caring. But the humiliation of caring was fading under his increasing worry for Harry. Why in nine hells had Minerva taken him away? Were they all so stupid?
The search for Harry in school grounds was unfruitful, and as far as anyone knew Harry could be in China. There was little they could do. The only person powerful enough to do a tracking spell was Harry. Which was not too helpful.
Snape was jerked from his thoughts by a strange sound outside his door and shouting.
"He doesn't want to go in there!" shrilled McGonagall. A bass voice which he didn't recognise calmly replied that he had been screaming to see Severus for the last 20 minutes. Snape's heart seemed to stop for a moment before he composed his face and wrenched the door open, raising an eyebrow. However any witty remark he might have been planning dried on his lips when he saw Harry. The boy was curled piteously into a ball, in the arms of a centaur no less, with Dumbledore and McGonagall trying to pry Harry away. There was silence for a moment as they all noticed Snape, and then Harry pulled away from Firenze and latched onto Snape's robes, just like a child.
He is a child said Snape's conscience, and it forced his arms around Harry. Still underweight, it was easy to carry him.
"Harry has come here. He needs rest and time alone. I would thank you not to disturb him." Said Snape icily, looking pointedly at McGonagall, and then he swept into his chambers, slamming the door behind him after a grateful look at the centaur. Cradling Harry to him, he sat down on the sofa with Harry on his lap, still sobbing.
"Harry, it's alright." Merlin, how many time have you said that today, Severus?
"How did the hope, the light of the wizarding world, all come to this?" asked Harry, finding a lull between his hysterical sobs. Unable to find words, Snape remained silent, and Harry began to cry again.
"Do you want to talk?"
Shake of the head - negative.
"Do you want a drink?" no sense in offering him food
Again, negative.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Be" whispered Harry, and if Snape didn't have such good hearing he would have been sure he'd imagined it. Unconsciously he began stroking Harry's head, almost smiling as the boy visibly relaxed under his hands.
"Do you trust me, Harry?"
"Mm hmm" replied his young charge sleepily.
Snape's heart felt like it was swelling. It was an odd feeling.
"Trust you with my life" murmered Harry. "That's why I came back."
They sat in silence for a few moments before Snape ceased his stroking. Harry began to stir unhappily, and he resumed it, hating the boy's relatives for doing this to him; forcing this loneliness onto him that made him need contact so much.
"Do you want me to kill the Dursleys?"
He knew from the way the boy tensed that he had gone too far, delved into matters that should have been forgotten. But then he began rubbing Harry's shoulder-blades, and he relaxed, and finally spoke.
"No. I don't think so. But. . .don't make me go back, please."
Snape snorted.
"Go back there? No chance, Harry. There is no way I will allow you to return to those. . .those. . ."
Harry chuckled slightly, having run out of tears.
"Can I have some Dreamless Sleep potion?"
"I'll have to get up."
"Accio Dreamless Sleep potion."
Snape smiled at the boy's ability and uncorked the bottle, letting Harry drink from it.
"I'm glad I came back" whispered Harry, and he fell asleep. Snape pushed an errant lock of hair out of the way and smiled at the sleeping boy.
"Me too, Harry."
********************************************
The next few months were almost as hard for Snape as they were for Harry. At first he found it hard to allow the boy to trust him, on the basis of all the terrible crimes he had committed as a Death Eater. But by and by they both adapted and adjusted to one another. When Harry had decided to move back to his dormitory, he had visited Snape every night. But the yearning sadness which he had once felt muted, and eventually faded, without Harry even having known it had gone.
Happiness had arrived.
**********************************************
THE END. TO BE CONTINUED IN A SEQUEL, COMING SOON.
^^ YES, I DO know that you cannot apparate on Hogwarts grounds. In JK's universe Harry and Snape will probably never stand each other, and Harry won't be suicidal. The apparition thing is just to give an idea of his power.