Copyright disclaimer: Twilight and all recognizable characters are sole property of Stephenie Meyer.

Listening suggestion: Rascal Flatts "Come Wake Me Up"

Chapter 4: Strange Predicaments

"Bella, I asked you a question. Did you do your homework for our session?"

"Sorry, I didn't have time. Too much real homework, senior year's really busy."

Dr. Hartz actually rolled her eyes seeing straight through Bella's bullshit. She kept forgetting Charlie was updating her before their sessions. He probably told her all about missing school days and failing grades. She wrote a few notes in her little book. "Did you take something before you got here? You don't look so great."

"Gee thanks, Charlie pays you the big bucks and you insult me. Hmmm... take something? I'm not sure what you mean by that?"

"Bella, if you aren't going to be honest with me. How am I ever going to help you? I wasn't insulting you, but your eyes are glassy and bloodshot. Also, you look extremely tired. It wastes both our time if you aren't going to be coherent for our sessions. Your father has kept me apprised of the situation at home. He told me about the young man you've been spending time with, the drugs, the drinking, the smoking. Please stop me if I'm leaving out any other self-destructive behaviors. You're being safe, I hope."

That got a reaction out of her like nothing else. "I'm not screwing around."

"Okay, I'm glad to hear that since you're not in the best frame of mind. Tell me a little more about that. Charlie says you've become close with this boy he doesn't care for. I've heard his side of the story, but I haven't heard from you. Is this a potential relationship?"

Bella clammed up again. It was true she spent a few weeks under Doug's wing. That was definitely over and it was never a relationship. Charlie flipped like she knew he would the first time he realized who she was with recently. He also forced her to take a piss test and ransacked her room. He got rid of the last few pills and pot she had. She wasn't about to go back to Doug for anything else. She had acquired a fake ID from him and lucked out it was by missed Charlie's inspection. She might possibly grab some booze over the weekend to help with sleeping again. Whatever Doug provided her with in the beginning worked miracles. She slept like the dead, but then she stayed hungover most mornings. Her cop dad quickly caught on. Bella was a lightweight.

She tried a few different remedies Doug offered up. He helped her forget her pain, but it was always temporary. Bella was dependent on him, not like addict dependent. It hadn't been that long and she wasn't delving into hard drugs like the therapist or Charlie was imagining. She just wanted an escape and that's why she needed Doug or so she thought. Why did Doug have to turn out to be a real shithead and ruin everything? He mistook her new alliance with him and tried to make a move on her the last time they were together. He probably assumed she was high enough not to care or resist, but his hand in the wrong place and his mouth descending on her made her completely lose her mind.

She fought him like he was a would be rapist or maybe one of those supernatural beings that someone as unlucky as she knew existed. Bella swung punches, kicked, hurled obscenities. No one was allowed to make advances like that on her and she meant absolutely no one.

He backed away, wide-eyed, mind blown, "What the hell is wrong with you? Shit, I heard rumors that you were crazy, guess it was all true." His older brother was there to give him the 'I told you so' speech. They didn't need a cop's daughter hanging around. She was probably a narc. Bella didn't need to be thrown out, she left happily on her own. He lived miles away from her house. He yelled out into the night, "You're the most fucked up person I ever met, Bella and that's saying a lot. My whole family is fucked."

Bella kept walking until headlights blinded her. A voice cut through the night, "Get in, you crazy bitch."

She looked at the driver after recognizing the voice. "No thanks, I'll walk."

Leah cut her off, and yelled at her again. "I'd happily run you over, but my parents would never forgive me. Get in the damn car." Bella got in. Something about Leah Clearwater scared her even though she tried to appear way tougher than the previous version of herself. She sat with her head down and her hands in her lap.

"This..." Leah waved her hand to that side in a figure eight pattern. "This is what had Black so twisted in knots... a stupid, selfish twit. Damn shame and you're still letting him down."

"Screw you. You weren't even around." Bella guessed the others had filled her in. "Don't you all think Jake's dead, so how is it possible, I'm letting him down?"

Leah spouted off various responses to Bella. She said her people believed it was sacred to honor the memory of those that had crossed over. She told her she'd done nothing but trample on Jacob's memory.

Bella got pretty defensive since she was the only one that still held out hope for his survival and return. It was true, she'd been a little less organized since hanging around Doug but all of that was about to change. She didn't say much more to Leah, not even thank you for getting her home before Charlie sent out a search party. She would've been walking half the night if Leah hadn't stopped for her.

Bella sat in silence long enough, thinking about that one question she was prepared to answer honestly to Dr. Hartz. The shrink was a real pain and didn't mind sitting the entire hour in silence if that's how Bella chose to act. "No, I'm not hanging out with Doug anymore. He was never a potential relationship."

"Okay, I appreciate your honesty. Now we're getting somewhere. Tell me more about that. Is it because it's too soon after Jacob or because he's bad news like your father believes?"

"It's not that it's too soon, it's just there can't be anyone else but Jake. He's still out there. I never told him before how I felt, but when I find him, he's going to know. We aren't going to have anything or anyone standing in our way, not a real person or even a memory... living or dead."

Her therapist wrote even faster after hearing Bella's most open confessions since starting therapy. She put her pen down and took a deep breath. "Bella, you can't hang onto this fantasy forever. It's natural to wish and hope you could have done something differently but staying stuck, never moving on, never accepting the truth isn't healthy. This is what your father worries about, it's why he brought you here. Sure, he's concerned about the acting out and lack of respect, but that's not what scares him the most. This time, please, read through the questions I provided and try to attempt some of the coping methods I've suggested. That's your homework for next time."

Bella sat up with a scream. She was shivering, all her covers were on the floor, her forehead was cold and clammy from sweat. Her arm ached. Even though all the rest of her was cold, that scar burned like fire. It was like she just received the bite from James. Why was she constantly going back there? The memory wasn't even about Edward any longer. It was sheer torture, misery and terror. She knew James was gone, but he haunted her dreams. If she wasn't meeting Jake in her sleep, then she was facing death. She wished she had the little blue pills again, but a few things stuck with her from her chat with Leah and Dr. Hartz. Those things weren't going to help her in the long run and she didn't want Jacob to come home to some strung out junkie.

She got dropped off at school Friday morning, since she'd lost her truck again. Her father had little to say other than see you when the bell rings. Bella planned to actually stay at school that day, because she didn't have anything better to do, However, a run in with Lauren put her in a mood so she ended up ditching by fourth hour. She hitched a ride out to the res. She knew the old guy that searched for cans alongside the roads, he was harmless. He'd actually given her rides before. She went to her hollowed out tree. She checked the contents. The shirt never moved and the toy motorcycle didn't either. No idea, what she was always hoping to find there. She wished more than anything maybe one day, there'd be a sign or a message left by him. So far, it never happened.

Bella did a new round of exploration, but nothing turned up. She was left feeling discouraged and empty yet again. She itched for a distraction. Hanging out with Doug helped in only one way. She found out there were ways to cope during her worst moments. She dropped her backpack at the edge of the lake and had a seat next to the water. She dug to the bottom to locate her last pack of cigarettes. She promised herself she was never buying another. Smoking had never been such a great experience. She most definitely didn't look cool doing it, but she shelled out what little bit of money she had left from working, so no sense letting them go to waste. She was lost in thought watching the ripples of the water, not sure how many more days like this she could take.

The ground rustled behind her. Bella's thoughts always went to him whenever she encountered a noise in the woods. Jake.

"Well, well, well. Looky what we have here... a trespasser."

Shit. One of the last people she wanted to run into.

Bella took the final drag off her second cigarette and stamped it out with her shoe in the dirt. Paul Lahote didn't take her silence as a hint to leave her alone. He just kept on talking, his voice grated on her last nerve, so she decided to chain smoke another which was definitely sure to make her feel sick later. If he didn't leave soon, she might end up finishing off the last five at once. Memories of vomiting the first night she smoked with Doug already churned her stomach and made a sour taste coat her tongue.

He surprised her by asking to bum one for himself. He covered his lips with one long finger. "Shhh, don't tell Rach." She handed him one and attempted to light hers but he had her flustered. She was such a novice, she still struggled with the Bic. He snatched her lighter and did the honors. "Or Sam now that I think of it, because he tells Emily everything and the news will still get back to Rachel."

Bella blew smoke in his face to finally shut him up. "No worries, because neither of those two come within a thousand feet of me. You're a grown man, why do you need to be a closeted smoker?"

"I'm not. It's just something Rachel knows I used to do it when I was out at the bars. She knows what those nights consisted of and doesn't want any reminders of the old me. I just felt nostalgic for a second seeing you here. Trust me, this is my last one... for all of time." She shrugged because clearly she couldn't care or less what Paul did. Rachel was a bitch to her, so his secret was clearly safe. "So what they say is true? Quiet, repressed Swan is a rebel now: smoking, drinking, pill popping. I even heard you're screwing that pothead French."

"Fuck you. That's a lie. I hate that asshole."

Paul bounced his hand up and down. "Calm down, jeez... it's just a rumor. What happened? I thought he was your only friend in the world. Sucks to be you, I guess." You can't even keep the criminal element in your circle."

"I don't want to talk about it. In fact, I don't want to speak to you about anything. Leave me the hell alone. Didn't Sam ban all of you from consorting with me? Seth saw me the other day and ran like hell in the other direction."

"Seth's still a pup and a pussy to boot. I can do whatever I want."

"Says the man that hides in the woods with the enemy to sneak a cigarette."

He finished his and tapped it out on a nearby rock. She was letting hers burn into a long cylinder of ash in between her finger. She actually never wanted another in the first place, but she was trying to act like a badass. It wasn't like Paul would ever think so or be intimidated by her in the least. He caught her off guard by snatching it away to finish it off himself. She was somewhat relieved, but tried to appear irritated.

"Asshole," she mumbled.

He eventually stood up and dusted off his jeans. "Well, it's been real as always, but I've got errands to run. Don't let Sam catch you out here."

Bella hated asking favors, "Um, wait Paul. Where exactly are you headed?"

"PA. I promised to do the shopping for Billy and Rach. She's cleaning the house today."

"Since you've already broken the rules, could I have a lift?"

"Is this blackmail?"

"Maybe, you owe me something for my silence."

"Fine, where you headed?"

"I don't know, any spot around Front St."

Bella followed Paul to where he parked his truck. Neither were conversationalist most of the way. It was shocking that he even spent any amount of time with her without calling her a bunch of rude names.

Finally, she broke the silence. "What's the deal with you and Rachel Black anyway? I thought Jake said you weren't one to settle down." He actually said much worse things about Paul but she kept that to herself.

"Well, I wasn't given much choice." She didn't understand that statement. Someone like him couldn't be ordered around unless it was a direct order from Sam. He smacked his own head, like he was knocking some sense in there, "Woah, that didn't come out right. Don't go repeating that or Rach will get the wrong idea. That's not what I meant exactly. She's great, actually. It's not like I'm not delirious happy with her, it's just a little warning or head's up would've been nice. Never even got one last hurrah. Damn shame, I bet I'm missed by many."

"I, literally have no idea what you're rambling on about."

"Damn, I thought Black spilled all our secrets to you."

"English, Paul. What are you talking about? Someone's making you be with Rachel. I call bullshit."

Paul asked her if she knew any of the details surrounding Leah, Sam, and Emily? She didn't know much. Charlie said once he thought Sam was Leah's boyfriend at one time, but she thought he was wrong because wasn't Emily related to Leah? She thought she was too nice to do something as twisted as steal a friend's boyfriend. Paul said they were first cousins... even worse. He continued to shock her by confirming Charlie was exactly right. He told her the entire story and he ended it with the word, "imprint."

She still wasn't sure what it all meant, but it was slowly sinking in. No wonder a womanizer like Paul suddenly was running around doing mundane errands like grocery shopping for a woman he just met. He imprinted, the wolf's way of finding a mate... the one true, perfect mate suited for them.

"Jake, did he?" She found herself hoping and dreading the answer.

"Nope, I told you it's rare."

Lucky for Bella, they were in Port Angeles by then. "Oh. Well, over there's fine." She pointed to a good spot to be let out. Truth was, Bella was feeling claustrophobic in Paul's truck. He slowly pulled to a stop near the curb where she asked to be dropped off, he looked back and forth between the water and her.

"Thanks Paul."

She started to exit the vehicle, but he had something on his mind, "You aren't going to plummet yourself off the pier or anything crazy, are you?"

Bella rolled her eyes back in her head, she didn't confirm or deny it, "Who would seriously miss me if I did? Bye," she slammed the door and started walking. His question actually got her to thinking. She walked up and down the street that bordered the water for a couple of hours. An internal debate went on in her mind. Maybe no one would actually care. Sure, her parents would grieve, but she was nothing but a pain in the ass to Charlie now and Bella barely spoke to Renee. Music from a nearby bar convinced her there were other ways to spend her evening than floating face down in the harbor. The water no longer called to her. In fact, it was the worst idea in history. Wanting to jump and drift away led to catastrophe the day she lost Jacob. Who's to say a passerby wouldn't spot her and try to be a hero? She had enough on her conscience as it was.

Bella dug deep into her bag and retrieved her fake ID. She swung the blacked out door open to the pub. She hadn't planned on being here when she asked Paul for a lift but maybe being numb for a few hours would help her forget her predicament for a little while longer. She had no idea, two sets of eyes watched her from opposite sides of the street. Neither party completely sure about what she was up to or what they intended to do about it.

~Thanks for reading.

I appreciate your patience as I work through this storyline. Huge surprises await next update. Guesses on who is watching Bella are encouraged.