This is just a random little fic I discussed some time ago with GemNika. And written just before running off to work. So it's completely not proofread at all.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.

"Erik, can you watch Erika for a bit? She wants to watch her shows with one of us, but I can't keep an eye on her and make us dinner at the same time."

Her maroon-haired husband glanced up from the report he was reading at the dining room table. "Sure. Hey, Rattlesnake. What did you want to watch?"

The three year old held up a pack of shows. "This!"

Cobra paled as he glanced over them. "Alright," he agreed weakly. "Think you can get it going, Rattlesnake?"

"Yes!" She darted off.

Lucy peered at her husband. "Erik? Is something wrong?"

He groaned. "I just don't… like those shows."

His wife giggled. "They're not meant for you, sweetie. They're for her."

"I know that!" Cobra growled. "But that doesn't mean I can't recognize when something is shit!"

"Language, Erik." Wiping her hands on her apron, Lucy sat beside her husband at the table, Erika within full view of both adults. "They all teach valuable lessons, though."

"But the plot holes… Logic is nonexistent with these!" he griped.

Raising one blonde eyebrow, Lucy couldn't help but be amused. "I'm the writer here. Shouldn't I be the one complaining?"

"Right. Why aren't you?"

"Because I recognize that I don't have to find them entertaining."

"I can literally feel my brain melting!" Cobra hissed.

Lucy shook her head at her obstinate husband. She loved him to death, really she did. But he could be even more ridiculous than her teammates when he felt like it. "Okay, what's your problem with them?"

"I despise Bob The Builder."

Pausing, Lucy tilted her head a little. "What's your issue with that one?"

"Underrepresentation for the female demographic."

Lucy stared at him for a long moment. "You're kidding me. It's meant for little boys, though, Erik."

"So?" he growled. "Little girls watch it too. Ours does. She deserves to see her own gender shown in a positive light in the construction industry. There are plenty of strong, smart, capable women in the profession. Erika should be able to see representation of that."

Giving up the battle as lost, Lucy moved on. "Any others?"

"Dora," Cobra hissed, absolute loathing dripping from the name.

His wife let out a short, loud laugh, and then a second one – much longer – when he turned to her with an expression of absolute betrayal. "What could you possibly have against Dora?" Lucy tried to hold back her mirth.

"Let me put it to you this way." He paused for a moment, then continued, "She's four, right?"

"Yeah?" Lucy replied.

"And she's multi-lingual."

"Seems like a good thing for children to be exposed to, Erik."

"She's four, and multi-lingual, but she can't even find something right next to her?!"

Lucy face-palmed at Cobra's declaration. "Seriously, Erik? You do that with your glasses all the time." She paused for a second and then added, "They're on your head, by the way."

Cobra placed a hand on his hair, patting it until he located them. "Thanks," he grumbled. "Suddenly, this got real."

"So are you admitting that the show is okay, then?"

"No! I have other issues!" Cobra declared. "Don't even get me started on Swiper!" This was another name he clearly had great distaste for. "Swiper, no swiping!" he mocked in a high-pitched trill. "What. The fuck. Is that shit?"

"Erik! Language! And calm down!"

"No, I will not calm down! Do the show's creators actually want children to believe that they can actually stop someone with that?! It's ridiculous!"

"I think you're taking this a little too, far, honestly," Lucy commented dryly.

"And she's four!" Cobra continued to rant. "Where the fuck are her parents?!"

Okay, that one might actually be a legitimate concern.

"See?!" Cobra growled, feeling victorious. "Even you think there's something wrong with that!"

Lucy decided to switch tactics. "Surely there's one or two shows you're okay with?"

He considered the question. "I approve of Wishbone," Cobra informed her. "That one teaches a lot about classical literature." He winces. "Though even I think some parts a bit morbid."

"Any others?"

"…I hate to say it, but… My Little Pony."

Stifling her laughter, Lucy asked, "Which generation?"

"The latest one: Friendship is Magic. Generation 2 was complete shit," Cobra explained without missing a beat. "For anthropomorphic horses, My Little Pony is okay. Wide cast of characters. Even with the Mane 6 all being female, there are a number of male ponies, too. Lessons taught in healthy ways, healthy relationships being shown. The only real complaint is… that pink one. And only because she reminds me too much of someone…"

"Meredy?" Lucy guessed.

"Yeah. The similarities are downright creepy. Twilight reminds me of you, though."

"Aw, thank you, Erik!" She placed a peck on her grumpy husband's cheek. Lucy stood up from the table, shaking her head all the while as she reentered the kitchen. "I think your daughter is done setting up the show she wants. Better suck it up and go watch with her."

Grumbling, Cobra did so.

From the kitchen, Lucy heard a sudden yell of, "BOB THE FUCKING BUILDER!"

"Erik!" she shouted. "Watch your language! What if Erika starts repeating – "

"Bob The FUCKING Builder!" happily screeched their toddler.

"God fucking dammit."

"Your fault, your mess to deal with," Lucy informed Cobra.

"I know, okay?!" The blond heard him sigh heavily. "Okay, Erika. Now, you can't repeat everything you hear Daddy say, alright?"

"Bob The FUCKING Builder!"

"…This is going to take a while."

As you might be able to tell, I've been... watching a lot of children's shows with my niece lately…

It was fun to try to think about what Cobra might think of them, though.