10 – Ego Death

Dean was kind of sorry he didn't remember being dead. All he could remember was shooting himself in the head, which he recalled more as noise than pain, and then suddenly he was waking up on the beach, with Cass leaning over him and Sam standing back watching, his worried face on.

According to Sam, he kept the ghosts at bay, and it was nice to know he contributed beyond being dead. According to Cass, that was how it usually was, memories being incompatible between states and whatever the hell. Probably him shooting himself in the head had not helped either.

Cass also told him he wasn't sure he could bring him back, and Dean shouldn't have taken the risk. But Dean figured even if Cass failed, Zachariah would probably kick him back to life, if only to torment him some more. What is a cat without a mouse to play with? So it really wasn't that big a risk. Even when he did it, Dean didn't believe he'd be dead very long, not with the Apocalypse coming up.

The ghost problem in town had lessened considerably. Without Narly keeping every dead person around, many disappeared. But a few were still sticking around, so they had decisions to make.

Peggy, for example. She was still at the library when they returned, and it was her choice as to whether or not they burned her bones. She was buried in the same cemetery as Daisy, so they wouldn't have to go out of their way. Truth be told, he was going to miss the old gal no matter what she chose. She was a hell of a lot of fun.

But Sam wasn't quite as ready to forgive him, which was fair enough. He did kill himself after all. That night, when they hit the cemetery, Sam was still on him about it. "You couldn't have even discussed the possibility for like three minutes?" Sam asked. He was digging up the grave of one Robert Ogden, a particular nasty ghost who was still haunting the church, while Dean was busting into Daisy's crypt. It looked as if the flames hadn't spread beyond the dead tree, but that was fine. It added even more spooky ambiance to the graveyard.

Castiel was back at the library, as it was generally decided someone should be with Peggy at the end. Considering all the help she'd given them, it was only right.

"You wouldn't have let me," Dean admitted, popping open the door of the crypt. The air was so stale, he had a feeling it hadn't been opened since the last body was interred here. Which was, according to the dates, 1962.

"Fuck yeah I wouldn't have let you," Sam agreed, as his shovel hit wood. "Dean, that was crazy. I don't care how much you think Zachariah wouldn't have let you stayed dead. That was …" he sighed heavily, and Dean was glad he couldn't see his face, because he could imagine the frowny face he was giving him. "Is there something you need to talk about?"

"I'm not suicidal, Sam." He found Daisy's remains, which were pretty much just bones now. Her name had been Daisy Castor. She died in 1951 at the age of 23. He poured salt on her remains, and whispered, "Goodbye, Daisy." A splash of lighter fluid, and then he tossed a lit match in, watching her bones catch and burn. He'd been hoping to see her once more, but maybe it was better he didn't.

When Dean exited the crypt, he found Sam had already torched Ogden, as there was a nice little fire going at the bottom of his grave. They had ghost banishment down to a science now. Sam was standing beside the grave, and gave him a deeply skeptical look, the flames reflecting in his eyes. "Says the guy who didn't hesitate to shoot himself in the head this morning."

He sighed impatiently, and started searching the tombstones for the next grave. "I knew I'd be back. Why did some poor son of a bitch have to die and stay dead when I knew if I died, I'd be back? It made sense, Sam."

Sam scoffed, but Dean wasn't going to take the bait. He knew he wasn't going to stay dead when he did it, and that was the truth.

Was there some small part of him that wouldn't have been disappointed if that wasn't true? If he stayed dead and never had to find out if Sammy said yes to Lucifer, or if he'd have to fight his own brother to death? Sure. But he'd be fucked if he ever admitted that. Dean wasn't even completely ready to admit that to himself. He was afraid, just based on a look he gave him, that Cass knew, but he figured if he didn't ask, he could pretend that wasn't true. Sometimes denial was your friend.

Okay, yeah, not healthy. But Dean figured the time for worrying about what was healthy had long passed him by.

Finally his flashlight found the gravestone of one Elizabeth Barwick, also known as Peggy. There was a hunter's symbol in the lower corner of the marker, almost hidden by overgrown grass. Sam came up beside him, and they studied it for a moment. It didn't tell them a lot. She died in '83, at the age of sixty eight, and she seemed to be alone. There was no sign of any other family anywhere around her. Dean didn't expect to be buried, not like this, but he imagined his gravestone would be the same way. Maybe Sam would be close by; maybe not. It would be an empty stone that told you nothing about the person who died trying their very best to save the world from monsters few knew existed. Nobody became a hunter for recognition; that wasn't the point. The point was the end came for everybody eventually, and for hunters especially, it seemed like the loneliest thing in the world. It occurred to him, in retrospect, dying with Sam and Cass there hadn't been too bad. At least he wasn't alone.

Sam sighed. "Should we get started?"

"Yeah." Dean got out his shovel, and both he and Sam started digging up her grave. They took their time, though.

When they were about half way down, Dean said, "Oh, heard from the bartender."

"Sailor ghosts?"

"Still there. He wants us to get rid of them."

He looked up and grinned. "We're actually gonna burn down a bar?"

"I figured we can do it just before we get out of town. That way we'll be long gone if anyone wants to investigate."

"Sounds like a plan," Sam agreed.

They dug in silence for a couple more minutes, and Dean was glad for it. He really wasn't thrilled with the way his mind was working right now. He was telling himself they could avert the Apocalypse, that he and Sam wouldn't fight each other, and Lucifer wasn't going to take over Sam, but he wasn't sure he believed it. But shouldn't he? They got rid of a fucking Old One, and that was near impossible. If they'd done one impossible thing, they could do another. Dean knew if he reminded himself of this enough, he would begin to believe it.

Finally their shovels hit wood, and they opened her casket to find her remains. They were mostly bones too, although it looked like there was a scrap of a dark blue dress. He and Sam stood at the side of her grave for a moment, still in no hurry to do this. But she'd decided she'd hung around long enough, and with Narly gone, there was no longer any reason for her to stay. She wanted to see what was on the other side, and she'd earned that.

Dean took a swig from his flask, and poured a little out for Peggy. Sam got out the salt and scattered it over her bones, while Dean swapped his flask for the lighter fluid, and splashed it around her coffin.

Sam pulled out a disposable lighter and flicked it on, but he just held it for a moment, not ready to let it go. They both hated to do this, but it was what she wanted, and it was what she deserved too. She'd seen her final job to the end. No hunter could ask for more. "Rest well, Peggy," Sam said, finally dropping the lighter. The flames caught easily, and they just stood there a moment longer as her bones burned. Dean imagined Sam was thinking the same thing he was, that someday, if they weren't burned immediately after death, this could be them.

They had just turned to leave the graveyard when Cass was suddenly there with them. He looked somber, and didn't say anything, but they all knew: Peggy was gone. He'd been a good angel and was with her until the end. "I don't suppose you know if she gets a spot in Heaven or not," Dean asked, mostly just curious.

"She asked me the same thing," Cass admitted. "She helped us get rid of Nyarlathotep. Of course she has a place in Heaven."

"I shudder to think of what her Heaven would look like," Sam said, trying to lighten the mood.

"I'm thinking a shit ton of male strippers," Dean said.

"In a library?" Cass wondered.

That was such a funny mental image Dean couldn't help but chuckle. "Probably, yeah, knowing her."

They started walking back to the Impala, Cass tagging along. He was probably going to go off on his God search again, although Dean wished him luck. He still wanted to punch him someday.

As they loaded the shovels and salt back into the trunk, Dean told Cass, "We have one more stop to make before we leave. Wanna come?"

"Why would I?"

"Ever burn down a bar?"

Now that got Cass's attention. "Why are you burning down a bar?"

"Gotta come along to find out," Sam said, opening the passenger side door. By the time Sam got in, Cass was in the back seat, waiting.

Yeah, just like he thought. Even Cass couldn't resist arson time at a bar. "Is this somehow ghost related, or are you embarking on a life of crime?" Cass asked, as Dean got in the driver's seat.

"Embarking? Where have you been?" Dean teased, starting the car.

There was no time to lose. They had an Apocalypse to stop.

The End