AN: I recommend you listen to The Circle by Blackmore's Night before reading this, it would add a lot to the experience.

Warning: This is a dark, not happily ever after type story. It also shows a much darker Merlin.

Italicized parts not mine, owned by Blackmore's Night.

The Circle

I've been here for a million years

through the joy, through the tears

but when I'm gone this will go on

and the circle starts again.

I've watched the mountains rise from dust

Saw the gold return to rust,

I had cried when the oceans died,

and the circle starts again.

I was here when the world began to turn

Kissed the sun as it started to burn,

The whispering at the reckoning

said: "The Circle starts again".

The moon was rising from above

I caught her eye and thought it was love,

but she turned her back,

the sky went black,

and the circle starts again.

"Goodbye Arthur."

You'd think after saying those two words a million times before, he would have become accustomed to saying them once again, but some things never changed. Some things instead preferred to dance about time after time. Of course the blonde head simply turned and smiled, chuckling before retreating into a cab, completely unaware of the danger awaiting him. He had no idea that Merlin knew, he just knew. He could warn the blonde man, say that maybe he shouldn't take the cab, maybe he should walk, let a friend drive him home, stay just an hour longer, but what good would it do? After a million attempts, one begins to simply give up.

It began to rain, wasn't that just stereotypical, but Merlin didn't bother to take shelter. Instead he simply turned and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his pea suit. London was a dreary place when it rained. Merlin had decided that some years ago when he'd had to clean his suit shoes from muddy streets. Now of course they had pavement but frankly he preferred the horses to the new smelly cars. Somewhere there was a window open and American beach band he hadn't bothered to learn the name of was carrying on into the night. New music was certainly more exciting than that which was played before the war, but Merlin shut out the catchy tunes; he'd rather be listening to something more fitting, like Amazing Grace.

His flat eventually came into view and he let himself in, sneaking up the stairs. He lit a candle inside because he couldn't be bothered with the light switches, and ran his hands over an ancient book sitting on his desk. A single glance at it closed his throat up with a painful lump that couldn't be swallowed away, and a life from a million years ago flickered into view, along with the old man who'd given him the book. Oh, it was a long time ago! Why was that time more clear than the useless battles against the colonies or the Great War? Why was that time what brought both smiles and tears to his face, while seeing his destiny perish over and over again simply turn his face into a stony statue?

Merlin stalked over, turning the pages as memories filtered back to him. Kingdoms so great had crumbled and others which had thought they ruled the world became little and insignificant in the great scheme of things. None of them mattered, really the only one that mattered was long gone, and that's the only one that could bring real emotion into his dead eyes.

He had been warned, warned what it would be like if he forced life into something that was meant to have been dead years ago. He hadn't cared when he'd made the choice. He'd be happy, he'd thought. He'd have a friend, a friend he missed more than life itself. He had pondered the decision for only a short while at the time, and the whispered warning before he made the choice had done little to sway his mind. He knew it would be an endless process, but it was meant to be so worth it. Oh how wrong he had been.

He turned to yet another page, stiffening when he saw a single word he'd written back before he knew what actions really meant. Hemlock. A simple note. A simple scrawl. Innocent but for it's meaning. Hemlock: Beautiful until put to use, useful until it destroys, destructive, until the circle calls back it's victim. She was a victim, despite what everyone violently wished to believe.

He remembered the first time he laid eyes on the victim. He had believed something childish. He had believed that he could change something that had been written far before his birth. He had been blinded by the power so many new movies claimed was the most important in the world. He had been blinded by something close to love. Or perhaps it hadn't been love but instead had been a childish need to protect everyone and everything around him. How he had grown since that time.

He hadn't been able to protect anyone in the end. He had betrayed the victim, and in turn she had taken what was most dear to him. Fair is fair in love and war, they say. Fair is fair, and so his own curse once again begins the circle that held captive life after life.

He had learned since his earlier mistakes. Yes once he had been young, dancing and turning through life as if everything would have a happy ending. Each new day brought joy and optimism was what allowed him to cherish even the worst times, but years and years alone with few to call friend can take more of a toll than he ever wished on another living being. But what was there to do? He could not see further than a few years, and even that was clouded in mystery. He had learned long ago it was better to not know what would happen next for knowing would only lead to more pain.

Merlin sat down suddenly, a great pain gripping his heart. His head swam and a hand gingerly felt for the cold tea sitting on the side of the table. He had prepared it this morning, knowing what was to come. He took a sip now, and the sedative did it's work. His mind became fuzzy and he smiled, despite the pounding in his heart telling him what was occurring somewhere down on that oily pavement. Cab drivers always did end up distracted in the rain.

And so when he woke the next morning to a pounding on his door, he was groggy and tripped twice before he pulled it open. Oh, of course, this is how it always went.

"He's dead!" The man on the other side sobbed, and Merlin ushered him inside quickly. Hot tea was made and shared between the two old friends. For many minutes the two did not speak, the later too busy trying to hold the tea cup in shaking hands and keep the hot liquid from spilling all over him, even if the wake up might have been good for curly haired man. Finally his drew up his courage and spoke in a low voice, tight with emotion. "Don't you know how to stop it yet? You said you did, many years ago. You said you were searching for a way? You said you could tell when it was going to happen? Could you tell this time? If you could, why didn't you do anything about it? Why didn't you stop it? You said you could stop it!"

"I'll keep trying," Merlin nodded. His face was dark and the promise was clearly false, but the other man was far beyond understanding that. Instead he simply nodded, a hand on Merlin's shoulder and the other wiping stray tears from his own face.

"Yes, yes you keep trying," the other man nodded earnestly. "Please keep trying."

"I will. Now you should be on your way. Go out and do something today. Try to forget. It won't happen again for several years I don't think, this time."

"Alright," the other man swallowed, blinking hard. "I'll try. Maybe I'll head into the countryside, visit a few old memories."

"You know that only makes it worse."

"No, it only clears my mind, helps me remember, helps know that someday, somehow, you'll find an answer. I know you will."

"Yes, I'll find an answer," Merlin promised, slipping the other man a biscuit. "You do whatever you wish today."

"Thank you," the other man nodded, turning toward the door. "You just keep looking."

"I will," Merlin promised. "I will never give up."

Truthfully, he had given up many years ago. He could not tell his only remaining hand hold into his first life that, though, for they held something in common. Both men grasped onto loyalty like a drowning sailor grasps a floating board in a terrible storm. Loyalty is what kept them afloat, and Merlin could not tell the other man that he had long since given up being loyal to his destiny.

Indeed many years passed after that day. The world had something called a computer now with big glass screen that reflected things like a mirror. For this reason, Merlin couldn't get one. Mirrors were something he despised only second to his destiny. His old friend had one, always wanting to stay on top of things, but he never used it. He just had it, sitting there along with his calling cards, musket, and a long since shining sword. Merlin didn't mind the sword, it hadn't been polished in so long that you'd never be able to use it as a mirror.

He was traveling with his friend one day to see something called a movie which had truthfully been around for many years, but seemed brand new to both men. They were chatting when Merlin bumped into someone and almost fell over. He still hadn't lost his clumsiness.

From beside him, his friend spluttered, but Merlin couldn't be bothered any longer. Still, he forced a cheery smile onto his face and nodded at the other man.

"I'm sorry mate," the other man dusted off his own coat. "But you should look where you're going."

"So should you, my friend," Merlin replied.

"Right… Do I know you?"

"Probably not," Merlin shrugged. "My name is Merlin."

"Merlin, that's an odd one. Well, Merlin, you heading to the theater as well?"

"Yes, my friend and I plan to see the movie that just came out today."

"Really? Me too, except it seems my date has stood me up," the other man frowned and glanced around unhappily.

"You could join us?" Merlin's old friend spoke up enthusiastically, and the blonde man shrugged.

"Don't know 'bout that, but I do want to see the movie."

"I wouldn't mind," Merlin said, knowing it did no good to say otherwise.

"Really? Well thanks mates, maybe my day won't be so bad after all. My name's Arthur."

"Hello Arthur."

And the circle starts again.

I dance through castles made of stone

Walked the desert sands alone

In the midnight hour, you feel the power

and the circle starts again.

Now question falls to you my friend:

no beginning has no end,

will we ever learn?

with the world still turn?

will the circle start again?

AN: All Italicized parts are from the song The Circle by Blackmore's night. Please R&R.