* This Story was originally published in 2015. As of 6/2017 it is in the process of being revised/re-worked. All revised chapters will be dated in the title with 2017 and will also include a footnote dating the revision. If you're a new reader, I HIGHLY recommend you sit tight and wait on edited chapters as some things are now changed.

Welcome to part three of Meredith and Derek's story! This continues the stories "And Then There Were Two" and "Baby Makes three". If you have not read those two stories, I highly suggest you back out of this and start there. You will quickly find yourself confused without knowing where these two started. Really, this story won't make any sense at all. :)

If you've read the first two stories, you know me well enough to know that this fanfiction will not be all fluffy bunnies and roses. It will have beautiful moments, love, laughter, and joy. It will also have hard moments. It will test these characters just as it always does. There will be pain and sadness and obstacles. That's where I take my stories. I always bring them back to the other side. And I don't kill Derek Shepherd, so that's already a win over Shonda, right?

There is no character death in this story. There WILL be struggle. There will be hard moments. If you want an all fluff story, this is not for you.

** Trigger warning: the early chapters of this story do have some discussion of the consideration of abortion. If you are not comfortable with those discussions, please skip ahead. **

Disclaimer: I am not Shonda Rhimes. I don't own Grey's Anatomy or the characters. If I did, Derek Shepherd would be alive. Obviously.

GA - GA - GA -

The Fight For Four

Chapter One

Life can be funny sometimes. It surprises you. Even when you have it all figured out, it throws curves. They catch you off-guard. They challenge you. They devastate you. They bring you joy greater than you could ever imagine. When you have your life planned out, and your boxes are check-marked, when you wake up every morning knowing what the day holds, that's when it happens. That's when life drops you on your butt and reminds you...you're not in charge, you never where. And really, the question is where you go from there. You let it defeat you, control you, or you take a deep breath and go with it. Because in those moments, character is built, your future is decided. You live, or you quit.

"Meredith."

She heard him say her name for the third time, or at least she thought it was the third time. Weston wiggled under her hand, and she managed a small smile as she snapped the last snap on his onesie, carefully lifting him into her arms after tossing his diaper into the trash. "You're getting too big." She never grew tired of his sweet smell, and she drew in a half-content breath as his head rested on her shoulder. There was such a difference between her tiny newborn and her now five month-old son. He wasn't that same fragile being that had come into the world under the most terrifying of circumstances. He was his own little person, complete with the most adorable personality she'd ever seen. Meredith Grey Shepherd was head over heels in love with him. She treasured every smile, every giggle, every sneeze, every sleepless night. Motherhood had finally brought her to a place of peace. She'd struggled those first few months, a lot. She'd barely made it through the fog of depression that plagued her after the trauma of his birth. Derek had pushed her though, to get help, and for that she was grateful. With therapy and medication, she'd come out on the other side. And she was happier than she ever had been. But now...

"Meredith." Derek's concern increased. He handed Weston's blanket and bottle over. "Please, tell me what's going on."

"Huh?" She looked over, shifting the baby in her arms so she could feed him. "Nothing, Derek. It's nothing."

"It's not nothing." He insisted, watching her carefully. "Meredith, please, don't shut me out." He almost begged. He'd noticed the rapid shift in her immediately after her shower that morning. The calm, peaceful, smiling woman he'd come to know over the last three months was gone. Just like that, a light had gone out. And he was scared. Derek was terrified, almost, and there was no chance he was going to just watch her disappear again.

"Derek," Meredith wanted him to back off. She needed him to back off. The sound of his pager going off saved her.

"We're going to talk about this tonight." he glanced down at the pager, sighing.

"Have a good day." She had no intention of talking about it, not yet. She needed time, to process everything, before she said anything to him.

"I love you." Reluctantly, he planted a kiss on Weston's head, kissed his wife, then headed out the door. It would bug him for the rest of the day, he knew, to not know what was going on with her.

** GA ** GA ** GA **

"Addison," It was a few hours before she received a call back from her friend, and by then she was rushing to get out the door in time for her shift. The nanny was late, Weston had been crying for an hour, and the two hours of sleep she'd gotten the night before were starting to get to her. She sighed as she tried to find a black tank top buried in the insanity that was her bottom dresser drawer. Derek made a comment about it every time he saw it, and every time he saw it she reminded him she liked it that way. Only she didn't, really. Not when she couldn't find what she needed when she needed it.

"Sorry for the delay. I've had the most insane day." Addison could hear the stress in Meredith's voice, and it surprised her.

"It's okay. Crazy day here too." She admitted, relieved when she finally found her shirt. She glanced over to Weston who was angrily protesting being put down. "I'll be right there buddy." After scrub pants were pulled on and she found her shoes, she sat down on the bed and glanced at the clock. If Susie didn't get there soon, she was going to be late for her shift. "I think I'm pregnant," She blurted out suddenly.

Addison hadn't been sure what she expected to hear when Meredith had left a message saying she needed to talk, but it wasn't that. She and Derek had both made it clear, many times over, that they didn't plan to have anymore babies. Meredith had been too traumatized by Weston's birth and the loss of Grayson to want to do it again. Addison had just had a conversation a few weeks ago with her about the option of getting her tubes tied. Still, she tried to hide her obvious shock. She didn't want to be unsupportive, and she knew her friend had called her for a reason. "I take it this was a surprise."

"I can't tell Derek, Addison." Her breath hitched, and she angrily wiped tears from her eyes. "I just, I can't. He'll be happy. I know he would have settled for stopping with Weston, but he'll be happy. And I just, I..."

"Meredith," Addison felt for her. She knew it was difficult. "Did you take a test?"

"It was positive. Really freaking positive. All four of them. I'm two weeks late. I just, I ignored it. I thought..."

"So you're pregnant." Addison confirmed. There was definitely no denying a two week late period and four positive pregnancy tests.

"I'm definitely pregnant." She confirmed, resisting the urge to throw her remaining shoe against the wall.

Addison paused, choosing her next words carefully. "Meredith, did you call me because you are thinking about termination?"

"I can't have an abortion." Meredith cut her off. "I just, I don't...no. That's not, that's not why I called. I just, I..." She sighed, picking Weston up after putting her shoe on "What am I supposed to do?" The thought of terminating her pregnancy had never crossed her mind, even though she was terrified. The life inside of her was from she and Derek, and she couldn't imagine ever taking steps to end it. She just had no idea how she was going to be able to set aside her past trauma.

"I think you need to take some time." Addison suggested. "I know you say you don't..."

"I really don't. Addison. I didn't call because of that." Meredith insisted. "I just can't tell Derek. Not yet. Not until I can calm down about it, I guess."

"Meredith," Addison had made an entirely different decision, years ago. She didn't see things the way Meredith did. She'd support her in whatever she decided to do, but she also didn't want her to feel trapped. "I think you need to take some time to think about this. You need to make sure continuing this pregnancy is what you want."

"Do you think there's a chance it will happen again? The complications? The placenta previa? Another emergency c-section?"

There was another pause. "Your history is an important piece to look at. It doesn't necessarily mean that those things would come up this time. There's a chance this could be entirely different than the last two times. But it's always a concern, and it's something I would keep in the back of my mind."

"I have to go." She abruptly cut the conversation short when the doorbell rang.

"Let me know if you decide..."

"I have to go, Addison." She sighed and hung up. Already she deeply regretted calling her. They just didn't see it the same way. She didn't want to feel pressured to do something she didn't want to do, even if she was sure Addison was coming from a place of wanting to help.

** GA ** GA ** GA **

Meredith spent the day mostly in a daze, her mind wandering over and over again to the four tests she'd taken that morning, the four tests that would change her life. Being a mom to Weston was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to her, but the emotional trauma of his birth had been enormous. It had taken so much work for her to come out on the other side of that. She couldn't imagine how she would be able to get through that again.

"I'm pregnant. Derek doesn't know. Addison wants me to have an abortion."

Cassie White looked up from her desk, motioning for her patient to sit down on the couch. She got up, quietly closing the door to her office. "And what do you think?"

"I'm scared." Admitting the truth to her therapist was hard, and she was glad she'd decided to just walk in and blurt it all out at once. Otherwise she knew she'd probably still be sitting there, partially losing her mind, the words stuck in her throat.

"I think that's perfectly understandable given all that you've been through." She paused, watching her. "So you haven't told Derek. But you called Addison."

Meredith nodded. "God, that makes me sound awful. He asked. He knew something was wrong. But I, I couldn't. I didn't want to see how happy he would be. I just..."

"Do you want to have an abortion, Meredith?"

"No." The answer came quickly, easily. "This baby, it's ours. Derek's. Mine. But I'm so scared."

"But you're here, talking about this. That's a good first step."

"What if I die?" Meredith finally looked up at her.

"What if you don't?"

"Addison said my history is important. And that it could happen again. And I just, I keep seeing the blood on the floor, and..."

"Meredith." She tried to slow her down, to get her calm enough to step back a bit. "You came to me, and I think that shows tremendous growth on your part. You're asking for help, and I think it's because there's a part of you that wants to be happy about this."

She offered a small nod. "Derek's always wanted a little girl." She whispered. "Maybe it would be a girl."

"Do you think talking to him would help you?"

"I don't want to tell him."

"You don't have to." Dr. White insisted. "You don't have to tell him until you're ready."

"But isn't that selfish? I mean, he's my husband. And he..."

"Meredith, I think Derek would understand. I think he would recognize that this is very difficult for you."

"It makes me a bad mother, I think, to wish I wasn't pregnant."

"I think it speaks a lot about how much you love your family. I think it says a lot about how scary it would be for you to leave Weston, and Derek."

"What am I supposed to do?" Tears fell freely down her cheeks.

"I can't tell you that." Cassie looked at her sympathetically. "I think if you take a little time, those answers will come."

"Yeah..." She got up. "Sorry for just, walking in. I guess I'll be back. For my appointment on Thursday." Quietly, and with shaking hands, she got up and walked out of her office.

I didn't plan to open the story like this. I have doubts about how it will be received. I am hopeful that those of you who have been loyal readers will expect nothing less than opening this story with something big. As always, I will stay true to a happy ending. It's the middle stuff I don't make promises about.

Please review!

*Revised 6/2017