Numb. The pain had turned to a dull numbness years ago. His body had all but wasted away, physically trapped due to both immobility and needing to maintain a vital link between himself and the Gedō Mazō. The black rods protruding from all areas of his back held him firmly in place, even if he had the strength of muscle to move, it would have been difficult. When in solitude, the loneliness of his situation would all too often play with his mind. He had few options of escape, one being to use the Rinnegan to see what the Six Paths, mainly that of what the Deva Path could. It had always felt hallow to do so. At times, he felt as if he were trying to keep alive what had already died, when he caught the hidden yet ever present sadness lurking in the depths of amber irises, it was all too apparent. Though he could barely move his own body, the exhilaration of a heart pounding and a breathless gasp could always be felt after a good battle. It was a short lived, short period pleasure.

Of course, there was the other option of escape; sleep. Yet, he tried to evade sleep whenever possible. Leaving into the world of dreams was rarely a pleasant experience. He was always tired, but tried never to let it show. He knew his female partner could tell, however, simply by concerned looks he'd catch in the corner of his eye when she was with him. No longer did he dream, his subconscious presenting only nightmares; a few hours of blackness was the best he could hope for. Sometimes, his body could no longer stand the exhaustion, and he fell into the land of sleep without consent. That smile. The blood. The screams of his friend. They caused his eyes to burst open, his brow to be covered with a feverish sweat, and his heart to thump loudly in his ears. They were only ever flashes, growing ever faster. If unconsciousness lasted just long enough, faint, inaudible whispers echoed through the images in a familiar voice, but in words he could never quite hear.

This was his existence to live, for perhaps if he continued to suffer, someone else could be speared.