"That's it? That's how much you pay for rent?"

For a moment Chandler thought the world had gone tilt. Here he was, in Monica's – in their – kitchen on Sunday afternoon, trying to steel himself for the dreaded talk about how they would divide all the household costs between them and her reaction when he would reveal his financial situation to her, and now feeling as if the rug had been drawn from under his feet and he was suspended in space. Floating rather, feeling light as a feather suddenly with deeply felt relief.

"Yes. Why? Is it too much?"

"Too much? It's about a quarter of the rent for my place!"

"Really?"

"How can it be so little?"

Monica looked confused. "What are you talking about? The apartment's rent controlled."

"Ah, that's it. I completely forgot about that. But still, I never thought it would make that much of a difference!"

"But I don't understand. Isn't your place rent controlled too?"

"No. It probably was for the guy who used to live there before me, but since he wasn't my grandfather they raised the rent as soon as they found he'd breathed his last."

"Oh" Monica raised her hands to her mouth. "I didn't know that. My grandma told me the whole building was rent controlled."

"Yeah, but only for everyone who lived here already when dinosaurs roamed the earth. I only moved in here, what, 9 years ago?"

"So that's why you always needed money!"

Chandler winced. "Yeah, and why I put up with Eddie through all those years after Joey moved out."

Monica looked relieved. "So are you gonna be okay with this? Because I can manage on my own, if you –"

"Of course I'm okay! More than okay. In fact, now I've got enough over to take you out to dinner tonight."

Monica's eyes widened. "What? No, you really don't have to do-"

"I so do. It's our one week's anniversary, remember?"

"Oh my god! You're right, it's Sunday! I totally forgot!" Now she gazed at him adoringly. "How sweet of you to remember!"

Chandler suddenly found himself growing hot under his collar and had to clear his throat. "Yeah, well – so what else is there? Electricity? Phone?'

"Here. But it's really not that much –"

"That's your phone bill? That does seem rather a lot though –"

"Most of it's from Phoebe actually. And from you."

"From me? Since when –"

"Since your phone was cut off, remember?"

"Oh. Um. Right. Guess I'd better take that too. Is that okay? We share the rent, I pay the phone and you the electric?"

Monica wavered for a moment and then grinned. "Okay!"

"Ho-okay …" Chandler heaved a deep sigh of relief. "Wow, I never thought it would be that easy!"

"I know! I thought it would take all afternoon, and here we are already, all finished!" Monica positively beamed. "Ooh, I know, how about we start on orientation now?"

Chandler winced. "Um – yeah, by all means – only I'd much rather we decided now where we should go tonight. Is there a place you really like?"

"Hmmm. I'm not sure … there are so many …" Monica frowned, then suddenly her face lit up. "Oh I know! We could stay here and I could make the same things I did last Sunday!"

"You mean, oysters and couscous?" Chandler grimaced. "Actually, if it's all the same to you, I'll pass." When her face fell, he winced again. "I'm just not all that fond of oysters …"

"But you liked them last week!"

"Not really. I thought it would cheer you up if I ate them. But think about it, all that stuff would just remind us of Dr. Roger. And we don't want that."

She clapped a hand on her mouth. "Oh my god! You're right! I've completely forgotten about him! Well, what if I cook something different? Something you like?"

"Mac & Cheese? You did that yesterday. Come on, what's going on? Don't you want to go out with me?"

She wouldn't meet his eyes. "Oh, I do! It's just, I'm – I'm not sure what to wear."

He was baffled. "But you have lunch with your mother every week and you always look nice, why can't you wear that? Or that outfit you had on last week -" When she still refused to look at him, he bent forward and put his hand on hers. "It's not you, isn't it? It's that I have nothing to wear, right?"

Now she was crimson all over. "I made room for your clothes in my wardrobe and it turned out not even half of it was needed. What happened to all those suits you used to have?"

Chandler sighed. "I gave them away. I know, it was stupid, but I thought they would only remind me of that stupid job I used to have. That stupid well-paying job."

Her gaze softened. "You were right to quit that job. But you should have kept at least one suit. You know, for things like funerals and stuff."

"Or romantic dinners with my hot girlfriend? You're totally right. So what if I told you that it's no problem?"

"What? You have a suit? Where?"

Chandler smirked. "Not yet. It's being delivered." Now her eyes almost popped out as she stared at him. "In fact, it should arrive any minute now –"

"But how?"

"You'll see."

"Chandler!" Almost whining now. But just when he was getting worried that she would wrangle it out of him, Phoebe came in, with hardly a knock, looking rather preoccupied.

"Hey, it's Phoebe! Hi, how's life with Ross? You want to kill him yet?"

"Um, yeah, not bad. Um, actually, I need to talk with Monica, could we – " and she indicated the bathroom. Monica's eyes widened, but she got up to let herself almost be pushed to the bathroom by Phoebe, who firmly closed the door behind them. Chandler shrugged and went back to studying the documents in Monica's big folder labelled 'Apartment Stuff'. After hardly a minute of intense but indistinct murmuring however the two women came out again and headed straight for the bedroom, closing the door once more behind them. Chandler raised his eyebrows at that, but stayed put, figuring that he'd get to know soon enough. Monica had never been able to keep a secret for long, especially not if it was someone else's.

He was just scrutinizing Monica's last utilities statement to see if they had missed out on some costs, when Ross came in, also without knocking and with a rather harried look on his face.

"Hi Chandler. Oh, is Monica here?"

"Hi. She's in the bedroom. How's it going? You getting along with Phoebe okay?"

"With Phoebe? Oh, with Phoebe. Sure. Why do you ask? I'm not her chaperon -"

"Okay, okay, calm down man. I was just asking because you moved in with her only yesterday –"

"Yeah, right. Um, Chandler, could you – um, I need – but don't tell Monica, okay?"

When Chandler stared at him completely bewildered, Ross sighed and dropped on the chair next to him.

"Tell her what? That the dinosaurs are coming back?"

"No!" Ross squirmed. "I – I just need some condoms. Have you got any? And no questions!"

Chandler who had already opened his mouth, just blinked at him confusedly. "Alright … yeah, but they're in the bedroom. Do you need them right now or –"

"Yes please – yes. I do need them."

Still puzzled Chandler got up and headed for the bedroom where he knocked and put his head in before entering.

"Honey? I just need to fetch something, be out in a sec." Monica and Phoebe were sitting on the bed seemingly caught up in some deeply emotional conversation. While Phoebe ignored him, Monica shrugged helplessly and smiled at him. Chandler grinned back and opened the top drawer of Monica's nightstand (their nightstand his mind corrected almost automatically) where they kept the condoms. Except they weren't there now. The box was gone.

"Mon? Did you take the condoms – oh." He stared as both women winced and Phoebe clutched the box with the condoms to her chest.

"Yes, I need condoms, and I can't go out right now, so – why do you need condoms? Do you want to do it right now? With Monica?"

"What? No! Um, it's just - Monica, can I talk to you for a second?"

He took her by the hand and drew her to what he thought was reasonably out of earshot.

"What is it, what's going on?"

"Ross wants condoms too!"

"What?!"

"Shhh! He's outside, waiting for me! What should I do?"

"Ross wants condoms? For what?" When she realized that she'd been loud enough for Phoebe, it was too late.

"Well, he can't have them, they're mine now!" Still clutching the box Phoebe rushed to the door, only to come to a dead stop when she saw Ross pacing in the kitchen. Chandler and Monica followed her out and watched silently as their respective ex-roommates stared at each other dumbstruck.

Phoebe recovered first. "Oh, there you are! Right, I – have to go. Alright, see you later!" And with that she almost ran to the door. Ross swallowed heavily, his eyes darting around, then he put on a fake grin and caught up with Phoebe at the door, catching the handle from her as she darted across the hallway.

"Yeah, me too … I – um, see you!"

"Ross, wait! Ross, what's going on? What are you doing?" But it was no use, her brother managed to shut the door just as Monica got to it. When she wanted to run after him, Chandler held her back.

"No, Monica, wait. Let them go."

"But it's Ross! And Phoebe!"

"So?"

"But – but …"

"They'll tell us when they're ready. Maybe it's not what you think-"

"What else could it be?"

"Um – maybe they wanted to have a water balloon fight?"

Monica ignored him. "Oh my god, Ross and Phoebe! That's – that's huge!"

"I hope not, those condoms are only regular sized ... wait, what are you doing?"

Monica shook him off impatiently and threw the door open, only to run into Phoebe who had turned back again.

"Oh! Yeah, I almost forgot. I'm playing tonight at the coffeehouse, so if you want to see that you need to be there. Um, I have to go now. See you!" And with that she rushed back into #19, shutting the door almost in their faces and leaving Chandler and Monica in the hallway looking at each other rather nonplussed. They almost didn't notice Joey walking towards them until he had joined them and frowned at #19's door.

"Hey, what's going on? Monica?"

"Ross and Phoebe are doing it!" Monica blurted out, making Chandler wince.

"I still say, it could be just a water balloon fight! Hey, Joe. Um, did you-?"

Joey looked from him to Monica and back again, totally confused now. "Ross and Phoebe? Nah."

"I'm telling you! They both wanted condoms from us!"

"As I said, maybe it was for a water balloon fight …"

Joey winced. "Um, no, condoms are no good for that. Unless they're extra-large?" Now Chandler winced slightly. "But I thought Ross was into Rachel? Well, anyway, I got your suit – here. Actually I brought two, I wasn't sure about your size."

"Aw, thanks man." Chandler relieved Joey of the suits he had hung over his arm by the coat-hangers. To Monica who stared at them wide-eyed: "See? I told you I would get them delivered!"

"You – you borrowed a suit from Joey? But –"

"No, they're not mine. They're from the DOOL props. Wardrobe. Whatever. You're welcome. Say, Monica, you got any juice? And the sandwiches?" As he headed towards Monica's – their – kitchen rather purposefully, Chandler and Monica looked at each other and he shrugged apologetically.

"I'm sorry, but you can't expect him to do it totally for free –"

Monica however was still preoccupied with their two new neighbors. "I still think we should talk to them!"

"Seriously? You really want to go there now? Well, I really really don't."

"But –"

"Just think about it, what if they're doing it on the kitchen counter right now?"

"On the counter?" That actually made Joey change his course and Chandler had to physically stop him from going across the hall too. "Well, I hope they have more luck with that than I did." He grinned with the reminiscence and Chandler shuddered. "You remember when you walked in on me and Juliet –"

"Julia. Yes, I do. Now do you still want to go there?"

Monica wavered and then gave up. "Fine. But we really need to talk to them!"

"Yes, but later. Now we should think of our anniversary. So, which suit should I wear?"

"Why don't you try on both? And take your time!" Joey added, heading to the fridge once more to help himself to everything he needed to assemble his sandwiches. When he dove headfirst into it until only his backside was visible, Chandler thought it more prudent to retire to the bedroom with the suits.

He was just hunting through his newly appointed section of Monica's (their) wardrobe for a shirt when he thought he heard someone come in. Ross and Phoebe finished so soon? But when he emerged from the bedroom after a brief but intense struggle with suit #1, he found that Rachel had joined the others on the couch waiting for him. As he strode towards Joey and came to a stop right before him, glaring at him, everyone seemed struck dumb. Monica's eyes had widened until the white around the blue was visible and Rachel pressed a hand on her mouth to stifle her giggling.

"Um, dude, your shirt's stuck in the –"

"It's not the only thing that's stuck! This isn't my size! What were you thinking?"

"How should I know your size?!"

"I made you write it down!" When he grabbed Joey's arm to push up the sleeve and reveal the writing on his arm, Joey grinned sheepishly.

"Stupid long sleeves … yeah, sorry 'bout that."

"You can save your apologies to the wardrobe manager when she asks about the split zipper." Joey winced again.

"Well, the jacket's not too bad …" Rachel offered. When Chandler just flapped his arms with the too long sleeves at her, she shrugged. "So you roll them up!"

"Oh, sure, and maybe you have a time machine too, so we can go back to 1984 when Miami Vice was still cool?"

"So you go for the retro look! Now, if you lose that cap too –"

"My lucky cap?! No way!"

Rachel shrugged dismissively and now Monica got up.

"Um, honey, please get out of that suit, I really can't look at it … Why don't you try the other one? I'll help you!"

As it turned out the jacket of the other one fit, but the pants were much too long.

"Maybe I could wear just the jacket and jeans?"

"But not with this shirt, it doesn't match."

"Well, another shirt then."

"But I put your shirts in the laundry."

"All of them?"

"They were dirty!"

Chandler sighed. "A t-shirt then. Um. Don't tell me. In the laundry too? You mean I don't have anything left to wear?"

Joey put his head through the door. "What are you guys woofing about?"

"Monica's taken away all my clothes!" Chandler informed him. "Apparently she wants me to walk around town naked."

"Nice!"

"Chandler!"

"Yeah, alright. So, I need a shirt. A good shirt that matches this jacket … hey, what about yours?"

"Dude, you can't take my shirt! That's mine!" Joey hurriedly retreated into the living room and Chandler sighed and started to take off the second suit.

"I guess we'll have to celebrate our one week's anniversary at the laundromat then." Monica's face brightened at that.

"Oohh, what a great idea! We could wash all your stuff! That'll be so much fun!"

Chandler took off the suit pants and the jacket and, still in his underwear, took her into his arms. As she returned his kiss and things just started to get heated, they both heard a knock on the apartment door.

"I'll get it!" Rachel called from the living room and Monica relaxed again, hugging him tighter. The part of him that wasn't primarily taken up with the sweet pressure of her breasts against his chest and the feel of her mouth on his just had time enough to raise the question of who would ring Monica's doorbell instead of just walking in when he heard Rachel talking to their visitor.

"Hi!"

"Oh. Um, is Monica Geller here …?"

Chandler and Monica both froze at the sound of that polite, yet so pompous and even in greeting utterly boring voice.

Roger. Dr. Boring. Dullness incorporated had finally caught up with them. He saw how Monica's eyes widened and the color left her face and for just a moment the old doubt and jealousy crept back into his heart. What if she changed her mind – but no, even before he could finish that thought he felt her straightening and breathing in deeply, and saw a determined look come into her eyes.

"Yes, she's here. Monica! It's – um, I didn't –"

"Dr. Roger, pleased to meet you, Miss -?"

"Oh! Oh, a doctor …?!" Chandler peered through the slightly open bedroom door and grinned when he perceived Rachel immediately change gears and give the doctor another appraising once-over as she smiled brilliantly at him and offered her hand.

"I'm Rachel Farb-, er, Rachel Green. Monica's friend."

Roger smiled vaguely at her and then suddenly did a double take.

"Green? As in Dr. Green?"

"Yes, that's my father. Do you know him?"

Now Roger looked puzzled. "I've been working with him for fourteen years now. Has he never mentioned me?"

As he gleefully watched Rachel's smile freeze on her face Chandler tried to hold Monica back. He would have loved to see Rachel wrangle her way out of this on her own, but Monica shook him off and marched into the living-room. He wanted to follow her but realized just in time that he was still in his underwear and went back in to retrieve his pants. When he finally came out into the living-room, Monica was standing over Roger who had sat down on the couch and now blinked up at her confusedly.

"But you said you broke your leg!"

Monica rolled her eyes. "No, I said I needed to break up with you! I wanted to tell you in person, but I couldn't get you on the phone!"

"Maybe you should have beeped him –", Joey put in dryly. Chandler watched as his ex-roommate suddenly grinned with delight and started rummaging in his pockets.

"We are really broken up?" Now Roger looked totally bewildered and Monica sighed.

"I'm afraid so. It's over. I'm with Chandler now." She put her arm around Chandler's waist when he came to stand beside her.

"With Chandler?! Oh. Okay. But – I don't understand. Why - how did it happen?"

"Why? You're asking me why?" Just as Monica paused dramatically Roger's beeper went, making him start up. "Yes! Exactly! That's why!"

"But – that can't be, I'm off duty now –", Roger stared at the beeper's display. "No, this can't be right. Who's Dr. Drake?"

Chandler gave Joey a thumbs-up behind Monica's back.

"You're always getting beeped!"

"But of course – I have to, it could be urgent –"

"Even when you're off duty?!"

"Oh my god!" Rachel exclaimed. "I remember you now! You're Dr. Beep!" When everyone turned to stare at her, she got flustered. "I mean – that's what my father always … well –"

Joey nearly fell out of his chair laughing as Roger stared at Rachel. "What?!"

Monica sighed and sat down next to him, taking his hand that was still clutching the beeper. "There. See? You're always on call. While Dr. Green is out golfing –"

"Sailing" Rachel corrected.

"Sailing, and the other doctors are making a night of it, you always respond when they call you, and you do all the work for them."

"But somebody has to do it!"

"Of course. But you're not the only one there. Why don't you let the others do it once in a while?"

"But … what should I do?"

Monica gently took the beeper from him and put it on the table, the look in her eyes almost maternal now.

"Turn it off."

Roger stared at her open-mouthed. "Turn it off?"

"Yes."

"Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off …" Joey chanted and Chandler and Rachel joined in. Dr. Roger looked close to panicking.

"I don't know how" he confessed. "Let's see – oh, there it is. You mean, I really need to –"

Monica just nodded decisively.

"What if I just turn it to vibrate –"

Monica silently shook her head and Roger's shoulders slumped. When he still hesitated over the off button, Joey started up his chant again.

"There!" Dr. Roger held up the turned off beeper triumphantly. "It's off!" Joey started to cheer, but Monica waved him off.

"Your back-up beeper too" she said sternly and Roger's expression suddenly turned furtive.

"My back-up -?"

"Yes. I know you got one. Take it out."

Roger slowly put a hand in his pocket and then hesitated again. Chandler saw pearls of sweat gathering on his forehead.

"You know, I think I left it at home … hey, what are you doing? No!" Monica triumphantly held up the back-up beeper she had snatched from his shirt pocket.

"Oh, please Monica, no, not my back-up – NO!" Jumping up he tore it out of her hand, then grabbed his main beeper from the table and started to walk backwards to the door, sweating freely now, his eyes darting around nervously.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go now – I think they tried to reach me just now – I … Well, see you!"

"Roger, wait!" Monica ran after him. "If you leave now, you can't ever come back. I can't see you again ever!"

Roger actually hesitated for a moment and Chandler held his breath, suddenly anxious. But then the doctor straightened his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Monica. They need me at the hospital. I'm on duty. I'm always on duty."

Monica nodded gravely and held the door open for him, deftly evading him when he tried to kiss her. "Yes you are. Goodbye Roger."

For a split second the doctor hesitated again, lingering on the doorstep until Monica actually gave him a slight push and shut the door almost in his face. Then she turned around and leaned back against the doorframe, looking vastly relieved. When Chandler rushed to her, she threw her arms around him.

"I did it! Chandler, I did it! I finally got rid of Dr. Roger!"

"Yeah, you did! That was amazing!" Joey came too and patted Monica on the back. Chandler clapped him on the shoulder in genuine gratitude.

"Thanks man. That was a great idea you had." Joey smirked.

"Too bad he couldn't let go of his beeper." That was Rachel. "I mean, apart from that he was really nice! And a doctor! Monica, you never told me your boyfriend's Dr. Beep!"

"Ex-boyfriend" she corrected. "You're quite welcome to him." Rachel winced.

"So! What do you say we celebrate this?" Joey rubbed his hands together. "Let's get pizza! Oh, Monica, could you make some of those cupcakes?"

Chandler rolled his eyes. "Joey, you're the famous TV star. You've probably got more money than all of us put together. If anyone should get us cupcakes, it should be you!"

"But Monica's cupcakes are the best!"

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Mister." But she still looked pleased.

"Oh, I know!" Rachel clapped her hands together. "Why don't we go to Joey's place to celebrate?"

When everyone failed to approve of her idea, she looked puzzled. "What? Joey?" But he evaded her eyes, looking sheepish, and Chandler sighed.

"We can't go to Joey's place on weekends. That's when his sisters are there. They take over the flat every weekend."

"Sisters? But that's not so bad –"

"He's got seven sisters, Rachel." Monica cut in. "Plus I don't know how many nephews and nieces –"

"And grand-nieces and nephews …"

"Seven…?" Rachel repeated weakly, staring at Joey. "Oh my god, I've got two sisters, and that's already way too much, but seven?"

"So, yeah, my flat's out. Why can't we stay here? We're always here, what's wrong with here?" Joey determinedly turned his back on them and marched back to the fridge, putting his head in. "I don't know about you, but I'm starving!"

Chandler sighed again and flapped his arms helplessly.

"Guys … Guys! It's our one week anniversary today, and we actually had plans to – oh no, what now?" There was a knock on the door. Before he could even think of getting it however it was flung open and Phoebe stalked in. At least he thought at first that it was Phoebe, but almost immediately realized that it couldn't be her. Even at her most obnoxious Phoebe had never looked that bitchy, not even when she was that spitting mad like her double seemed to be right now.

"Um … Ursula?!"

"Where's Phoebe?" she demanded curtly.

"Good to see you too. Won't you come in?" Out of the corner of his eyes Chandler saw Rachel staring and whispering a question to Monica while Joey tried to sink out of sight as unobtrusively as possible behind the fridge door. Ignoring them Ursula headed straight for her sister's old room. When she found it empty, she turned around again.

"Where are you hiding her?"

"Excuse me?" For a moment Chandler thought she would jump at him and when Monica came up beside him he was tempted to hide behind her for a short moment.

"Phoebe's moved out." Monica stated matter-of-factly which seemed to throw Ursula off her stride.

"She moved? She can't move! I need to talk to her! Get her back here now!"

"Why? You haven't talked to her in years. What's so urgent right now?" Monica asked innocently. Ursula opened her mouth to retort and then suddenly caught herself.

"Yeah. Okay. Never mind. She's in the other aprtment, isn't she?" And turning on her heel she ran to the door and across the hallway before they could stop her. Finding #19's door locked she started to hammer on it.

"Phoebe! I know you're in there! Open up!"

Chandler barely managed to hold Monica back before she could run after Phoebe's twin.

"No, leave her. It's not our problem!"

"But it's Phoebe! And Ross!"

Joey put his foot in the door when Chandler tried to close it. "No, no, this is going to be good! I want to watch!" Chandler rolled his eyes and stood aside as they all watched Ursula continue to kick and hammer on #19's door. Until it was suddenly flung open by Ross wearing only his jeans and his 'Frankie says Relax' t-shirt that had gotten considerably too small for him. His angry glare turned into almost comical surprise when he caught sight of Ursula.

"What's going on?"

"I could ask the same thing." Ursula retorted haughtily. "Where's Phoebe?!"

"Who are you?!" he asked, now completely bewildered. "What are you – ouch! Hey! You can't go in there! Stop – no … Oh my god …"

Ursula had gone around him, stepping hard on his toe too and was now marching into the living-room. Ross cursed and tried to stop her, hopping on one foot, but thought better of it when Phoebe opened the upper half of her door, caught sight of her sister and slammed it shut again immediately. Then Joey darted in to drag Ross out into the hallway.

"Come on, better leave them alone –"

"But shouldn't we help her?"

"Nah, they have to fight it out by themselves." Joey gave Ross a final push and shut the door on the two sisters who were now yelling at each other through the door of Chandler's old room. As soon as he had gotten Ross safely across the hall and into #20, he turned on him with an expectant grin.

"So? You and Phoebe? What's that like?"

"JOEY!" Ross' self-satisfied smirk faded again as Monica glared at him.

"I can't believe it! My brother and my best friend! What were you thinking?"

Ross stared at her open-mouthed. "What? What are you talking about? Nothing's happened!"

"Oh yeah? Then how come you took our condoms? And you're half naked?"

"I didn't take your condoms!" he spat.

Joey clapped him on the back. "But you hooked up, right?"

Ross glared. "Look, it's not like that, okay? Actually we have a lot in common. We've both had a lot of stress lately –"

"And no sex for months …" Joey leered, winking knowingly.

"Right, and - - what?! No!" Ross shook him off irritably. "Oh, um, hi Rachel, didn't see you there. What are you doing here?"

Rachel's smile looked a little strained. "Nice t-shirt! Um, I thought you wanted to take me to dinner …?"

Ross' face fell. "Oh. Um. Yeah, that's right – but I can't go like this, can I? Unless Chandler could lend me –"

"Sorry, man, Monica put all my shirts in the laundry. My t-shirts too."

"Well, then I guess we'll have to stay here –"

"Finally!" Joey clapped him on the back. "Let's get pizza! Monica, do you still have that Die Hard tape?"

Monica resignedly pointed to the TV console and Joey started digging through the drawer with the videos with Rachel looking over his shoulder.

"Guys? Guys!" When nobody heeded him, Chandler stepped in front of the TV and flapped his arms around to get their attention.

"We can't stay here, okay? Monica and I want to celebrate our one week's anniversary and –"

"One week? Has it been that long already?"

"But why can't you do it here?" Joey asked indignantly and Chandler groaned. "Here is goooood! I wanna stay here!"

"And I'm not going anywhere like this!"

"Oooh, 'Weekend at Bernie's'! Could we watch that too?" Rachel clutched the video case to her chest, her eyes shining. "That's like my favorite movie!"

Chandler suddenly realized that nothing that he did would make any difference – shouting, throwing things at them, leave the room – so he might as well save his breath and his dignity too. Turning his back on his friends he joined Monica in the kitchen where she was already happily preparing huge platters of snacks and nibbles.

"I'm so sorry, Monica. I tried, but – ", he gestured towards the couch where Joey and Rachel were still arguing over which movie to watch first. "It's like talking to a horde of monkeys!"

"I know." Monica smiled tenderly at him. "It's okay."

"It's not okay! It's our one week's anniversary!"

"I know! I'm sorry too." She leaned closer, nestling against him and patted his cheek. "But we can't leave anyway. Phoebe's playing tonight, remember? I don't know about you, but I want to be there."

Chandler sighed. "Yeah, you're right, I kinda want to see that too. I wonder if she'll do a song about water balloons?"

Monica laughed. "Well, anyway, I thought that we could have our own private celebration here afterwards. What do you think?"

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued …!"

When he kissed her on her neck, nibbling on her shoulder blade, she shuddered deliciously. "And I was thinking, since it's a special day – that I could take the test?"

"The test - ? Oh, that test. Um. Isn't it still too early?"

"Maybe. But I would like to try." She smiled at him hopefully and Chandler felt as if his guts were slowly melting in his abdomen.

"Okay … if we can get rid of all those people afterwards… and if Phoebe doesn't get killed by her sister … yes, then by all means, let's do it!" Monica skipped with joy and he wrapped his arms around her and held her close, closing his eyes when they kissed.

"Hey, you two, stop smooching. The movie's starting! Chandler, can you get me some beer?"

Reluctantly Chandler let Monica go, silently counting to five in his head while she patted his back sympathetically. Later, he promised himself. Afterwards. And it was going to be so good. He would see to that.

.

.

Much later Chandler found himself on Monica's/their balcony, leaning against the railing and desperately longing for a cigarette while he was waiting for Monica to come out of the bathroom. He had given up smoking years before when it simply became too expensive, especially since Eddie had kept stealing his cigarettes no matter how carefully he tried to hide them. He didn't miss it much, mostly the habit had been only that – a habit that had been quite easy to shed too, except on some occasions like after finishing a piece of writing that he was particularly proud of, or when he couldn't go to sleep. Or like right now.

What if the pregnancy test was positive? He dutifully tried to think about it, all the consequences and how it would affect his life – both their lives – but his thoughts kept glancing off the subject, straying from it, and then circling back. It was simply too huge. Getting together with Monica had been a big enough life change to last him for all his foreseeable future already and most of the times he still couldn't believe his good luck. And now a baby on top of all that? Of course they would manage somehow, especially Monica, he had no doubt of that at all. And their friends would help too, if only in their own way and as much as they could bring themselves too. Chandler grinned wryly thinking back to the evening in the coffeehouse. Except for Monica and him they all had looked forward so much to celebrating everything there was to celebrate: the final hours of the weekend, Phoebe's return to the coffeehouse stage, Ross' moving, all their respective life changes – it was strange, but true how nearly all their lives had made a complete turnaround in the last week, not just his and Monica's. Well, except Joey's maybe. But as the evening drew on everyone's mood had seemed to take a turn for the worse. Ross had been worried about his divorce, and how it would affect his life and work, and probably about whatever foolishness he and Phoebe had been up to and how it would affect their friendship. When Phoebe chose to ignore him completely and instead kept ranting at her work and ex bosses in her songs, both seemed to get more maudlin and bitter by the hour. Joey hadn't stopped bitching about having to work early next morning and Rachel had put the icing on the cake by complaining about how bored she was with having nothing to do to everyone who cared to listen. Incidentally one of those who did had been Gunther, and Chandler laughed out loud at the memory of Rachel's face when the manager had spontaneously offered her a job as waitress.

In the end the only ones still in a good mood had been Monica and himself. There, sitting next to her on the couch and watching his friends glumly contemplating their prospects, he had felt truly blessed. Everything had turned out for the best for him and Monica. And whatever would happen, they would always have that –

"Chandler?"

For a moment he froze, his hands clenching on the banister, then he pulled himself together and hurriedly scrambled back into the living-room. Monica was standing in the door of the bathroom, looking at him with a strange expression on her face he couldn't read. Exasperation? Disappointment? Resignation? Shame? A bit of all and that more. When he held out his arms to her, she tried to smile, but her lips were trembling too much.

"Is it positive?" he asked hoarsely. "Are you –"

Monica stared at him silently for a moment and then slowly shook her head.

"No" she said finally. "No, I'm not."

"Are you sure? Maybe it's still too early –" but she shushed him before she could finish.

"I'm not pregnant, Chandler." She looked down on her hand that still clutched the pregnancy test and attempted a weak smile. "Actually I – I didn't really take it, that is I didn't need to." She looked up again and took a deep breath. "Actually I bled on it."

It took him a moment for her words to make sense. "You what –? Ooh, you mean, you're on your –"

"Yes!" Now her lower lip trembled. "I made a mistake! I'm so stupid!"

"No, you're not. What mistake?"

"About my period in my calendar!" Now she was almost wailing. "I got the date wrong! It was a week earlier! All the time I was worried I could be pregnant when I couldn't have been!"

"Sh. It's okay." He put his arms around her and drew her close, stroking her hair.

"It's not okay!" She pressed her face against his shoulder, her voice muffled by his shirt. "It's our anniversary!"

"So? It's still our anniversary."

"But – but I'm – we can't –"

"What?" For a moment he was genuinely puzzled. "Oh, you mean – but that's alright. It doesn't matter. Honestly!"

"Really? But … but it's gross …!"

"Gross? No."

"But I thought guys hated that –"

"Sh. Well, I don't. Yes I'm sure." He kissed her on the temple and then on the lips. "Tell you what, you get back in there and get rid of that thing, and brush your teeth and then we'll go to bed. That okay?"

She looked at the test still clutched in her hand and winced, then kissed him on the cheek.

"You're so sweet! How can you be so sweet?"

"I think one of my grandmothers was Danish …"

.

After he had gotten into bed with her, reassuring her repeatedly that she didn't need a towel under her and two sets of panties were more than sufficient, she finally relaxed enough to cuddle against him and let him gently palpate her abdomen.

"There. How does that feel?"

"Mmmh. So great! Where did you learn that?"

He grimaced. "Joanne taught me. She became a monster when she was on her period. I really think I'm only alive because I was good at massaging her."

"Oh my. I never thought a guy could do that."

"Given the choice of massaging or getting eaten alive, I think all guys would spontaneously discover their hidden massaging talents … Hey, what's up? Are you crying?"

"No. That is … I'm just …"

"Are you sad that you're not pregnant?"

She shrugged helplessly. "I know, it's stupid, right? I didn't even want to be pregnant. It's too early!" And then she sighed. "But still … I've been wondering all the time, what it would be like. To have a baby. Oh, it's so stupid! How can I miss what I never had?"

He tightened his embrace and kissed her when she pressed her face on his chest.

"I know."

"You do? Do you miss it too?"

"Well … not like that, but it was kind of – I don't know, exciting? To think that you might be pregnant." He resumed his massaging, unobtrusively sliding the tips of his fingers under the edge of her panties as he gently stroked the area under her navel with his thumb. "And I was thinking …"

"What?"

"How about we forget about the condoms from now on?"

Monica stared at him. "Really? You mean, we just – take our chances? Chandler ..."

"Why not? We keep forgetting about them most of the time anyway. And it's not as if Ross and Phoebe can't get their own."

"Oh my god! That's so … but isn't it too early? I mean – we've just been together for a week …"

"And we've known each other for, what, thirteen years? That's got to count for something."

"But are you sure about this?"

"If you want this, then yes, I'm sure." He bent forward a little to kiss her lingeringly on the mouth. "I never thought I would ever be a dad. But I'm okay with it if you are."

She grabbed his head in both hands, her eyes shining. "Yes! Oh that's so exciting! I wish we could start right away!"

"Right now? Okay!"

"Ugh, what are you doing? Chandler! Stop it … oh. Oooh … No, don't -"

"Why not?"

She squirmed under his hand that he had pushed under her panties and tried weakly to push it away. "It's … because it's messy!"

"No, it's not." He cupped her breast with his other hand, gently kneading the nipple and sucking gently on the other. Monica breathed in sharply and inadvertently clamped her thighs on his wrist.

"But … but we can't …"

"Shshsh. It's alright. We can. Actually it's good – it stops the bleeding. And we can put that towel under if it makes you feel better." He raised himself up a little until he was lying halfway over her, never losing a beat at what he was doing to her breasts and her clit. Monica had clenched her hands on his shoulders, still tense and breathing raggedly, but gradually responding to his ministrations. When he kissed her and slowly tugged her panties down at the same time, her deathlike grip slowly relaxed until her arms wrapped around him as if by themselves, drawing him close. Her body seemed to open up for him, becoming soft and pliant, inviting him in as it always did, from their very first time. In the past week he had gotten to know it a lot better, and yet, as he nudged and dipped into her, slowly pushing in, it felt as deeply exhilarating and thrilling as at that first time. Just like then it seemed to him as if he was melting into her, their bodies drawing together and fusing, moving together in sync and becoming one. He felt her hands on his back and shoulders, her arms cradling him, her breasts pressing against him as they adjusted to a slow, undulating rhythm. They kept at it as long as possible, drawing it out until he felt like he was losing himself completely in her, giving himself to her. Her orgasm seemed to suck him even deeper into her, until his own seemed become a part of it, inseparable from hers. Only when she held his head over hers to kiss him he gradually became aware of himself again. For a while she wouldn't let him go and he remained on top of her, holding and kissing her until she gradually released her hold on him, then he lay down beside her and got her to turn around so they could spoon. When he put his arm around her and resumed his massage, she sighed with pleasure.

"Oh, that was so amazing …"

"Yeah, it was."

"I thought it could never work … and now I don't even have cramps … oh, that feels so good … um … ah, oh god –"

"It's okay, I got it -" Chandler felt around for her panties until he found them at the foot of the bed. "Here you go. Do you want a towel too?"

"No. Mmmh …" She lay back again and they fitted themselves into each other once more. Just as he felt himself drifting towards sleep, she stirred again, raising herself up enough to reach for the covers and drawing them up over both of them.

"Chandler?"

"Mmmh?"

"I'm so glad we did this."

"Mmmh. You are welcome …!"

"I mean, not this time – or yes, this time too, but all the times. I'm so happy that we did it a week ago."

"I know. I was thinking about it earlier, how all our lives were changed during last week. And how ours was the best of all."

"Yay! We're the best!" Monica pushed her fist in the air, then suddenly she laughed.

"What?"

"I was just thinking – none of this would have happened, if Roger hadn't gotten beeped!"

"Yeah. Good ole Dr. Beep. May his beeper – and his back-up – never malfunction!"

.

.

A/N So this is finally it! I know, theoretically I could have continued with this story indefinitely, but somehow there didn't seem to be much more left to tell in this little canon spin-off, so I thought that the end of their first week would really be the best point to bring this story to a close. I'm not much good at AUs anyway, even if it's based on canon like this, and when the time-lags between updates kept getting longer and longer, I decided that it was high time to round it off. But as long as it lasted I really enjoyed writing it, and I'm still amazed at how much response to it there has been. Big thanks to everyone who reviewed and/or talked to me about it, put it on alert and/or favorited it or even just left their mark in its traffic stats. It's been really great!