First time writing in this fandom. I watched the show when it first came out – loved every minute – and have missed it ever since. I've been rewatching it all recently and found that I just had to write something, even though this fandom has probably died out by now. Either way, here it is.

As I said, first time with these characters so my characterisation will be a little off for a while until I can settle in. Please bear with me.

This will be multichapter.

John was dead.

There was more to the story, obviously, but that was a fair summary. At that moment in time, it was the only fact that could penetrate the cloud of white noise in Rodney's head. He continued to stare at the spot where the colonel had been standing, perhaps in the hopes that he would miraculously reappear along with the chunk of floor that had given way when he'd stepped on it but even in a place as weird and wonderful as the Pegasus galaxy, miracles didn't happen.

The grit under Rodney's knees was really starting to bother him, the irritation finally working its way past all the other emotions blocking it. He shifted carefully, suddenly aware of how fragile the rock below him must be if it could break under the weight of someone as slim as Sheppard. But, he counselled, even though he was slender, John was covered in muscle, right? He probably weighed the same as Rodney did. Right.

The logic didn't stop him from panicking with every inch he shifted, trying to put distance between him and the spot where his friend had died. Because there was no way that even someone like Sheppard survived a fall like that – as much as he might seem inhuman, the man was still blood and bone like everyone else and that meant vast drops into absolute darkness were not conducive to continued good health.

The rock beneath him groaned slightly and Rodney found himself releasing a noise that was caught somewhere between fear and grief. John was dead. And for all his genius, there was absolutely nothing Rodney could do about that.

His radio crackled, startling him badly. He'd forgotten about the world beyond this tiny, godforsaken cave. Now that he remembered, new hope rose within his chest, burned out almost instantly by guilt.

"Hello? Teyla, Ronon? Is anybody there?"

There was more static that sounded like it could be voices and he poked at the machine in his ear with desperation.

"Teyla? Ronon? This is Dr Rodney McKay, does anybody read me?"

Another heartbreaking crackle and then Teyla's voice was there, calm and collected as always. "Rodney? We hear you."

"Oh thank god. The rocks were blocking the signal – we couldn't contact you and then-" he stopped, unable to say it.

There was an expectant pause before Teyla spoke again. "Rodeny? Is John with you?"

He tried to speak, tried to explain, but all that came out of his mouth was a soft sob of utter defeat, the reality of the situation crashing down on him in such a rush it caused physical pain to spark through his joints. His head throbbed in time with his heart beat and his broken wrist blazed beneath too-thin skin. The cave he was trapped in had sealed itself with the rock slide that had almost killed him and Sheppard – had killed Sheppard in the end, by forcing them out onto the thin shale to avoid the falling debris.

John wasn't the only person who was going to die on this planet.

"Rodney?" Teyla sounded like she was starting to panic – almost unheard of. It only made him more afraid.

"He fell," he was able to stammer eventually, his voice shaking as much as his hands were. He'd stopped trying to move away from the hole in the floor when the rocks had started to groan more loudly.

"Who fell? Colonel Sheppard?"

Rodney nodded before he remembered that there was no way for her to see him. "The floor gave way," he explained haltingly, "and he just… fell. We were trapped by the cave in. He was trying to find a way out."

"Trying to save you," Ronon put in suddenly with a harshness that bit at Rodney like no knife could. "And he died for it."

There was a certainty in his voice that Rodney couldn't bring himself to feel – acknowledging John's death for real would be the final nail in his all-too-real coffin and right now he needed to worry about himself.

"Yes," he whispered, pained.

For a brief moment, Rodney's world lapsed into silence, frozen in an awful façade. Then, with no warning, Teyla scoffed. She sounded different, colder than he'd ever heard her and in that one little noise, Rodney understood that there would be no daring rescue from the rest of his team. He was going to die there.

"What a waste," she told him without care. "Maybe if you'd died instead of him, we'd bother clearing the cave mouth but for you…"

"You're just not worth it McKay," Ronon agreed.

"Not worth anything."

Rodney could feel every pulse of blood through his veins like it was acid. His whole body was trembling violently and he was fairly sure he was either going to vomit or pass out.

"But-" he tried valiantly, only to be cut off by Ronon's uncaring laughter.

"I've been waiting for an opportunity to get away from your endless wailing," he bemoaned, "and this is the perfect excuse. We'll just tell Weir that it's too bad that you were both killed in a landslide."

"You can't do this," he cried out in desperation, ignoring the slight shift in the rock beneath him. At least falling would be a quicker death than starving to death in a rock prison.

"I believe that we just did," Teyla informed him smartly, a smile in her voice.

Rodney's scream was swallowed up by the sound of cracking rock and the sharp sinking feeling as the floor gave way below him.